by Skye Warren
“It was a difficult time for everyone,” I say, trying to be kind. It’s for the best that we found out then that we wouldn’t work out. Better that than finding out after we said I do.
“I had time to think about it.” He stalks away, muttering a curse. “And then the auction.”
One night at Gabriel’s house Justin showed up—at my window, no less. Like some knight in shining armor. That’s the thing about a knight whose armor shines, though. It’s never been in battle. Never been tested. Tarnished black armor like Gabriel’s—that’s where strength lies.
Looking at Justin now, he does seem harder than before. Stronger.
He turns to face me, his expression resolute. “Avery, I know I failed you before. I love you, and I let you down. I’m going to make it up to you, if you’ll let me. And I’ll never leave you again.”
I take an instinctive small step back, dismayed by the strange allure of him. He represents my old life, the one I’ve left behind. A small voice whispers, you’ll get some of it back.
“I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head.
“Just talk to me,” he says, voice low. “Sit with me. Don’t kick me out. That’s all I’m asking. I know we have a long way to go until you trust me again.”
I look down, on the verge of unexpected tears. Even with Harper here I’ve been so desperately alone. Facing Gabriel, who plays chess like a grand master. And I’m fumbling every turn.
The promise of a friend is so tempting.
“Okay,” I say, voice breaking. “Let’s talk.”
“Thank you,” he says, earnest and impossibly handsome. He looks older with a five o’clock shadow across his jaw, his hair tousled instead of neatly cropped.
He pulls something from his pocket and holds it out.
I open it, blinking at what I see. The deed to a house. In Washington. “What? But how—”
“My father disowned me,” he says, speaking faster. “I told him I wasn’t going to give you up. Even though I didn’t know if you’d ever accept me again, I wanted him to know.”
“Oh my God, Justin.”
“From there I went to the senator who opposed my father. He lost because he didn’t play dirty. But I know all my father’s tricks.”
My eyes widen. “You’re going to help someone win against him?”
“No, Avery. I’m going to run against him. I’m going to win.”
My mouth opens. And closes.
I struggle to take in what he’s telling me. “But I don’t understand. The next election isn’t for two years. And how did you get money for a house if your father disowned you?”
“I made a deal with the party. Told them enough so they’d know I was serious. Kept enough back so they’d still need me. And I got an advance on my percentage of the ad buys.”
Shock stops my heart. “No,” I whisper.
“Yes,” he says forcefully. “I know you wanted your mother’s house. I couldn’t get that one, but we can build a life in this one. A new family.”
“A family,” I repeat faintly.
“I needed to show you that I’m serious about this, about us. I need you to know you can trust me now. I’ll never leave you again. We can leave this behind.”
I know I should be moved that Justin chose me after all, grateful that he made this gesture even if it wasn’t the one I wanted. But even while I hold the piece of paper, so thin for a document this important, all I can think about is Gabriel—the way he tucked me in. The way he made me kneel. Gestures that moved me deeper than I thought possible.
Chapter Twenty-One
In the next few hours the landscape of my room changes drastically. Christopher insists that Harper leave the motel. Any of the ritzy hotels will suffice. Harper wants me to come with her, but I decline for the same reason that I wouldn’t go with Justin. I want to survive on my own, however painful it is. And it’s pretty painful watching my friend pack her stuff.
“Come with me,” she says again, eyes imploring.
“I think you just want me as a shield,” I tease her. “I don’t think Christopher’s that bad.”
“Um, whose side are you on? He’s awful. And I wouldn’t turn down a shield. Or an entire fortress and drawbridge even. But I want you to come because you’re my friend.”
Impulsively I reach for her, enclosing her slender frame in my arms. “It’s good he came for you. You don’t belong here.”
“You don’t either,” she says, grasping my arms and giving me a little shake.
Maybe the old Avery St. James didn’t belong here. The new Avery doesn’t belong anywhere.
I force a smile. “Text me.”
“Like every other minute.”
And then she’s gone in a black sedan, leaving me with a solemn Justin. He offered to take me to a hotel, too. Apparently he’s here on secret business, meeting with some Tanglewood businesspeople for fundraising purposes. That means he has a suite at the Ritz.
He’s made a deal with the devil. We have that in common now.
“You don’t have to stay,” I tell him.
“I’d like to,” he says. “If you want me to leave, I’ll get another room, but I’d feel better watching over you.”
I glance at the double bed with its rumpled sheets. It was one thing to lie in bed with Harper, watching old movies until we pass out sprawled on top of the covers. Another thing to share a bed with the boy I would have married, the one who dumped me. The one who wants me back.
And the strangest part is that it feels like a betrayal to Gabriel Miller.
His hold on me is horrible and inescapable.
“We won’t do anything,” Justin says, following my look. “I’ll sleep on top of the covers. With my clothes on.”
I can’t find it in my heart to send him away, not when he’s trying so hard. And maybe there is a chance for us. I loved things about him once—his generosity, the way he made me laugh. Come to think of it, I loved the same things about him that my mother loved in my father.
So that’s how I end up under the sheets, my body frozen in place as the next-door neighbor does her business. Neither Justin nor I have moved for fifteen entire minutes—I’ve been counting. But there’s no way he’s asleep. No way I can sleep with the moaning happening behind us.
“Spread them,” a coarse voice says. “Yeah. Fuck. Wider.”
I’m sure my face would be beet red with embarrassment. At least the lights are off, leaving only the pale wash of moonlight through the curtains.
The banging grows louder and more forceful, vibrations running through the wall and into the loose bed frame we’re in. God. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “You can leave if you want.”
“No,” he says, his voice strangled. “It’s… Does this happen every night?”
“Pretty much.”
“Why is it…” He swallows audibly. “For so long?”
I want to sink into the ground. “There are…multiple men. I think it’s her job.”
“Oh.”
The silence grows until it’s a dark presence in the room, a counterpoint to the wild sex noises coming from across the wall. I feel like I can barely breathe, the awareness of what’s happening stealing the air. And the worst part is that I can feel Justin move, ever so slightly, as if he’s uncomfortable, as if he can’t help himself.
Finally he sits up and faces me, his expression hidden in shadows. “Avery, I can’t hold this in anymore. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I want you so much.”
I scoot back against the headboard. “What are you doing?”
“I know your first sexual experience was scary, but I swear I would be gentle with you. Let me take care of you. I’ll show you how it can be when you love someone.”
My mouth drops open. “What are you talking about?”
“Gabriel Miller,” he says, the name infused with hate. “He hurt you.”
“He didn’t.” At least not the way Justin’s implying, with sex.
“I can see
it, Avery. The way you shrink away when you think I might touch you. At least you used to let me kiss you without looking scared.”
“We were engaged then.”
“And we could be again. We should be. We belong together.”
“What does that even mean?”
“We come from the same world. Gabriel Miller shouldn’t even be allowed to touch you. And that he took your virginity. Fuck, Avery. Sometimes I want to—”
“Don’t. You don’t get to defend my honor. Not after you left me.”
He relents with a rough sound. “I deserve that.”
The words come tumbling out of me. “And Gabriel Miller has his faults, but he’s always been honest. In his own way he’s even tried to help me.”
Something holds me back from telling him about my mother’s diary. As if it’s too private to share with Justin. But not too private for Gabriel Miller.
“Help you? Jesus, Avery. You can’t be that naive.”
The words hit me like a slap. “I’m not.”
“You really don’t know, do you? I wondered if Harper told you.”
My blood runs cold. “Told me what?”
“The pictures, Avery. The naked pictures of you. Everyone in the city has seen them.”
I scramble out of bed, bumping into the nightstand in my desperation. Walking backward until I hit the wall. “You’re lying to me.”
“I saw them.” His laugh cuts through the distance, bitter and toxic. “More of you than I ever saw when we were engaged. How messed up is that?”
I close my eyes. “Stop.”
“No, you’re the one who needs to stop. Defending Gabriel Miller? He used you. He bought you, and then he sold you in the form of pictures to the entire city. Everyone’s looking at them.”
My hands go to my ears in a hopeless attempt to block him out. Tears leak from between my eyelids. This feeling of betrayal shouldn’t be here. Of course Gabriel would do this. We’re enemies. Not lovers. And definitely not friends.
Those pictures we took upstairs, before the auction. And Damon assured me that the pictures weren’t released then. Which means Gabriel Miller only shared them after he took my virginity, once I was ruined beyond usefulness. One final blow to my family.
Justin pulls my hands away, his expression less angry. Still fierce. “It’s okay, Avery. I understand why you did it. And I forgive you.”
“You…what?”
“I won’t hold it against you. We can still get married.”
The only thing worse than being hurt by your enemy? Being hurt by someone you once considered a friend. “Get out, Justin.”
He pulls back, confusion warring with denial. “What?”
“You forgive me? I didn’t ask for your forgiveness. And I definitely didn’t need your permission.” I may not launch a thousand ships, but I can damn well defend myself. “If you can’t be there when I need you, then you don’t get to be here when I don’t. Leave.”
Only when he shuts the door behind him do I shatter.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Daddy!”
He’s already awake when I enter the room, his face pale but eyes lively. “My good girl.”
I lean over the bed and wrap him in a hug, careful not to disturb the wires all around him. He smells like alcohol and soap, but he’s here—solid and alive. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“More than awake. I went for a walk today.”
“What? Seriously?”
He chuckles. “For all of five minutes in the hall. The nurse helped me.”
“That’s amazing. You’re going to be walking by yourself soon. I just know it.”
“Maybe so. I feel like Rip Van Winkle. I’ve been asleep for decades, it feels like. What’s happened with you? You look thin. Are you eating well?”
I haven’t eaten since Justin left my motel room two days ago. I kept up the facade in texts to Harper, not wanting her to worry about me. And a little hurt that she knew about the pictures and didn’t tell me.
“I’m fine, Daddy. And look what I found.” I hold up the diary triumphantly.
His face turns impossibly whiter, almost like concrete. “What’s that?”
“It was Mama’s. I found it in the attic. I’ve been reading it a little at a time, savoring it. And it’s so amazing to hear things in her own words. About her family. And about you, too.”
Something flickers across his expression. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Surprise makes me freeze. “What do you mean?”
“Some things are better left in the past, Avery. Your mother was a beautiful woman. The kind that every man wanted. I loved her with everything I had, but I wasn’t blind to her faults.”
This is the first he’s mentioned of her faults. My fingers clench the worn leather as if he’s ripping the diary away from me. I won’t let him.
“What will I find?” I ask softly.
His dark eyes harden to obsidian. “You would speak to me that way? Especially after the secrets you’ve been keeping?”
Breath rushes out of my lungs. “Secrets?”
“I demanded to know who was paying for the room. And they told me it was coming from your trust. Your trust, which I already know you drained to pay my restitution and medical bills. Which means you sold the house. How could you?”
He thinks I voluntarily sold the house to cover his stay here. That’s a much more innocent explanation than the real one. “But I have her diary, Daddy. Isn’t that better? Her own words.”
“Words can be misleading.”
Apprehension settles in my chest. How can a diary be misleading? She wrote it with no intention that it would be read. She’d have no reason to lie. The only person who had a motivation to lie about the past would be Daddy. His words could have misled me. He had certainly never mentioned a rival to my mother’s hand in marriage.
“Did my mother see anyone besides you? Before you were married?”
His eyes widen. “Don’t you dare speak about her that way.”
“It’s not an insult to her, Daddy.” But whatever is inside this diary may very well indict my father. Justin called me naive when it came to Gabriel Miller, but I’m beginning to wonder if the monsters in disguise weren’t around me all along.
He softens. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed. I’d rather you remember her as I do, as the beautiful woman I loved.”
“She’s more than just the way she looked.” And I am, too.
“I know that, but she was troubled.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’re right that she saw someone else. I didn’t find out until later. Until the night before we were married. I couldn’t sleep I was so excited to be with her. So I went to her room and saw her sneaking out the window.”
“Oh no,” I whisper.
“She was going to meet another man.”
“I’m so sorry, Daddy.”
“Don’t be,” he says, more fierce than I’ve seen him in years. “She married me, understand? She chose me.”
“Yes.” Tears sting my eyes. “She did.”
“And I didn’t hold it against her, but I’m not proud of it either. She said goodbye to him, said goodbye to that kind of thinking. And she was faithful to me.”
“I believe you.”
And I do believe him, because I can already tell from the entries what she plans to do. She’s in the process of saying goodbye. That night I read the next few entries, slowly, painfully reliving the way she planned the wedding, both a new beginning and a sad farewell.
He waited for me at the theater, closed for the season and empty except for the two of us. He asked me to leave with him, to make a new life. I would never see my family again. Never see Nina again. And my family would be disgraced. I told him no.
I’ll find my own happiness, here in Tanglewood.
Chapter Twenty-Three
In the morning I take a cab instead of the bus. The routes don’t go into the upscale part
of Tanglewood, where the gates are high and the pools are glittering. I slip the taxi driver a little extra to cruise the wide streets until I spot the house from memory. Daddy and I attended Nina Thomas’s fiftieth birthday party a while ago, but I still remember the gorgeous Corinthian columns across the front.
It isn’t Nina who answers the door, or even a servant, but Charlotte. Her pretty eyes widen. “Avery. Are you okay?”
That tells me what I look like right now, dark shadows under my eyes and soul grieving my father’s secret shame. “I’m not sure. I’m sorry to just show up like this, but I was wondering if it would be possible to see your mother.”
The worry doesn’t fade from her eyes. There’s curiosity too. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you. Come in, come in.”
She pulls me into a glittering foyer that opens to a large spiral staircase. To the side I can see a long dining room table with a laptop and papers covering the gleaming wood.
Charlotte gives a little laugh. “I’m always working. I have a condo near the office, but I like to come here on the weekends to spread out.”
I manage a smile, but she doesn’t seem to expect pleasantries. “Wait here a sec,” she says, apologetic. “Let me just make sure she’s up for visitors.”
While she’s gone, my gaze strays again to the pile of papers. Probably whoever bought my house is somewhere in that stack. Only a few yards away from me. It’s a betrayal of trust to even consider looking, especially when Charlotte has been so helpful and gracious to me. I’m desperate enough to think about it, though.
A dark voice reminds me, Other people don’t play by the rules, do they?
The dark voice sounds uncomfortably like Gabriel Miller’s. The man who shared pictures of me, even after the auction was over. To humiliate me? Mission accomplished.
Charlotte skips down the steps. “She definitely wants to see you, but…” Her eyes mist over. “She has hard days sometimes. Today is one of those days.”