by Penelope Sky
She turned her head to look at me. “How do you not care?”
“Because they can’t kill me.”
“Because Fender is your brother?”
“No. Because every time they’ve tried, they failed.”
“Every time they’ve tried—”
“Don’t worry about me.” I didn’t want to continue this. “I’m more worried about you.”
She looked out the window again.
“I’m going to give you one of my blades. If Alix or anyone else tries anything, kill them.”
She turned back to me. “But then they’ll know you gave it to me—”
“They should have assumed I would give you something in the first place. That’s their fault.” Alix was furious the day I left, and I wasn’t sure when his next rotation was, so he’d probably be there when I got back. He might not try to kill me because that was clearly pointless to attempt, but he might hurt me more by going after her. I was afraid the rest of them would corner me and Alix would go after her alone…and finish what he started.
I’d rather die than let that happen.
“If I kill one of the guards, they’ll kill me.”
“No, they won’t.” Fender would be pissed off at me, but he was already pissed off at me, so I didn’t care anymore. “Do what you’ve always done—everything you can to survive.”
She slept through the rest of the drive and then woke up to ride horseback with me. We rode through the night with her arms around my waist, holding the bright flashlight so the horse could see where he was going.
We made it to the cabin at sunrise, and after locking up the horse in the stables, I escorted Raven to her post to continue her job like she’d never been gone. The guards were there, their faces hidden, but their gazes unmistakable.
I didn’t give her any special treatment in public, so I turned away and walked off.
I went into the main cabin, collected all the data I’d missed, and got back to work.
None of the guards spoke to me.
It was like I never left.
When I went to my cabin, it was exactly as I left it. But I added another bolt to the inside to make sure no one could get through if she was in there alone and I was elsewhere. My time was split between catching up on everything I’d missed and fortifying the place to keep her safe. My obligation to her was even more intense than it had been before, and I quickly felt gripped by an identity crisis.
Because I really didn’t know who I was anymore.
At the end of the workday, I escorted her back to the cabin and gave her dinner.
She must have been hungry because she sat on the floor in her work clothes and immediately started to eat.
“I’m going to be out for a while.”
She turned to me and finished chewing her food. “Where are you going?”
“I’ve got a lot to catch up on.”
“Okay. I’m really tired, so I think I’m just going to go to sleep.” She turned back to her food. She hadn’t been the same since I’d told her what happened to me. It’d been a day and a half, but since she hadn’t had a full night of rest, it felt like the same day.
I came closer to her and withdrew the sheathed blade from my pocket. I’d taken it from the weapons room, but they wouldn’t know it was missing. Even if they did, I’d deny it, and there would be no punishment. If they tattled to Fender, it would just annoy him because he had more important things to do with his time.
She stared at it for a moment before she took it.
“Keep it on you at all times when I’m not around. You remember how to hold it? Like I taught you?”
She nodded and slipped it into her pocket.
“When we have time, I’ll teach you how to fight.”
“I’d never win against someone like you or Alix. You’re too big.”
My eyes narrowed on her face. “Don’t say that shit again.”
She stilled at my words.
“The bigger fighter doesn’t necessarily win. They’ll underestimate you, and if you hit them where it counts, it’ll give you enough time to run. I’ve never seen you give up, so don’t start now. It’s not the woman I know. It’s not the woman I…” I cleared my throat. “Just don’t act like that.”
“I’m sorry. I just… It’s been a hard day.” She bowed her head and looked down at her food as she moved it around with her fork.
I knew she was sad to be back here and she was disturbed by what I’d told her that morning, so I gave her a free pass. Wordlessly, I left the cabin and locked the door behind me before I went back to work.
The product wasn’t shipped out when I wasn’t there because I was the only person Fender trusted not to steal. We timed my departures with large deliveries, so nothing had to leave the camp until I returned. That meant I searched every cabin belonging to the guards, along with the common areas. I took the dogs while the guards were in the clearing, letting the dogs sniff out every place since they were better searchers than I was.
I never found anything.
The guys were either loyal or smart.
After I did my checks, I went into the communal cabin.
The guys were gathered around the table playing poker.
They didn’t acknowledge me.
I didn’t acknowledge them.
I went into the weapons room and did my checks even though a blade was missing—that I’d taken.
I headed to the front door when I was done.
“Got your own little whore now?” Alix looked at his cards as he addressed me.
I didn’t just walk off like I normally would. This time, I faced him, ready to gauge his mental state.
He placed his cards on the table and won the hand. “You know, I had my eye on her first, if your memory serves you right. She should be mine, not yours.”
“I didn’t choose her—she chose me.”
He lifted his gaze and looked at me. “Because you bend over backward for her like a pussy.”
“Because I do things for her, just like the rest of you do things for the prisoners you sleep with.”
He pulled the chips he won toward himself. “Escape is not something we give to any prisoner.”
“She’s here, isn’t she?” It would make my life much easier if Fender would let me remove her from the camp but keep her as a prisoner. Every time I brought her back here, it would ignite their fury again. But I understood why Fender couldn’t cave…because he’d risk losing control of the entire camp.
“In your cabin, with a fucking guard dog.”
I was her guard dog, and I’d protect her with my life. “Let this go, Alix. The only reason you want her is because you can’t have her.”
“Exactly.” He grabbed the deck of cards and started to deal. “And there’s nothing I can’t have.”
When I returned to the cabin later that night, she was asleep.
She was against the wall like nothing had changed, her body straight and taking up the least amount of room as possible. From underneath her pillow, the hilt of the blade poked out because she slept in just her underwear since it was much warmer there than in Paris.
I stared at her for a second before I looked at the laptop.
It was untouched.
It was hard for me to trust her because I wasn’t a trusting person, but I knew she wouldn’t betray me again. I needed to learn to trust the one person who really had my back…and that was Raven.
She was the only friend I had in the camp right now.
And since things were bad with my brother, she felt like the only friend I had in the world.
I showered then returned to the bedroom.
She was awake, lying on her back with heavy eyes, like she’d been stirred from sleep by my entrance.
There was no way to truly be quiet in such small accommodations, so it was inevitable. I pulled on a fresh pair of boxers then sat at my desk, looking through my email to make sure Fender hadn’t sent anything over.
I felt her stare on
my back. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay. How’d it go?”
I shut the laptop and didn’t confide any details. “Fine.” I left the chair and came to bed. It was a twin-size because the cabins were too small for full beds. Fender was the only one who had a bigger bed because he had the biggest cabin, even though he was almost never there.
I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling. I was tired because I hadn’t slept in thirty-six hours. Coming back to the camp was always difficult because we had to arrive in the evenings so no one would follow us.
She came close to me, her arm hooking over my stomach, her face on my shoulder.
I didn’t cuddle, but I didn’t ask her to move. I assumed she wanted to cuddle after sex because that was just how women were, but she cuddled now even though we were both too tired…and depressed.
She pressed a kiss to my shoulder then closed her eyes.
My hand moved over hers on my stomach…and I fell asleep.
Eighteen
Bullet to the Skull
A week had passed.
Three more to go.
I’d never counted down my time to freedom in the past, but now that I had something to look forward to, I wanted time to rush by in a matter of seconds as opposed to weeks. I didn’t want to have to look over my shoulder all the time.
“Why don’t you kill him?” Raven leaned against the wall on the bed with her head turned to the TV. She was snacking on nuts, not because she was hungry, but bored.
I sat at the desk with my back to her, working on my laptop. We still didn’t talk much, even though we were confined together in the small space, because there was nothing to say. We were both waiting for time to pass so we could go back to Paris…and have a somewhat normal life. “It’d piss off Fender.”
“You could just replace him with someone else.”
“Not really. It’s hard to get guards we trust. We can’t hire just anybody.”
She turned quiet, her teeth cracking the nuts in her mouth.
Alix and the guys hadn’t tried anything, but I didn’t drop my guard. I knew it was only a matter of time.
“What if you killed him outside the camp?”
My eyes froze on the words I was reading.
“When he rotates out, you could kill him, and no one would suspect you.”
I leaned back against the chair because it wasn’t the worst idea.
“Where does he live?”
“Nice.”
She continued to eat the nuts. “What do you think?”
It would fix my problems, except it would create new ones. “Fender would want to investigate who killed him, and if it had anything to do with the presence of this camp. It would worry him, and I’d have to lie to him and mislead him…”
“So?”
“I won’t lie to him.” I wouldn’t put him on a false trail and waste his time. I wouldn’t make him feel insecure about this camp when there was no need to.
It was quiet, but the energy in the room had changed.
She spoke again. “Why are you so loyal to him?”
“Because he’s my brother.”
“If my sister were a murderer, I wouldn’t be loyal to her.”
“I doubt that.”
“If she was hurting innocent people, damn right. Does he have something on you?”
This conversation was going in a direction I didn’t want to take. “What are you watching?”
She paused. “Did you seriously just try to change the subject?”
“Yes.” I raised my voice slightly. “Because I don’t want to talk about this.” I shut my laptop.
“Now—or ever?”
I stared at the wall, my thoughts turning dark. “Ever…preferably.”
We became domestic partners who developed a routine.
She showered after work, and I showered in the evenings.
Sometimes we ate dinner together, but most of the time, we didn’t.
In the evenings, she watched TV, and I worked on my laptop.
She didn’t ask me questions I didn’t want to answer.
She hadn’t initiated sex, and neither had I.
My attraction to her was undeniable, but being in this place curbed my arousal. I suspected her abrupt change in desire was a result of my mutilation. It made her sick to her stomach, and she couldn’t look at it again, not because of the scars or the appearance, but because it was directly her fault.
I didn’t take it personally.
I got out of the shower that night then walked naked into the bedroom to grab a pair of boxers from the drawer. Another week had passed, but we still had two more weeks to go. I didn’t hide my nakedness from her. She could look away if that was what she wanted. I turned to the bed when I was clothed.
She sat up against the wall, wearing one of my t-shirts that fit her loosely. The deep look in her eyes suggested she had something to stay.
I stood next to the bed, waiting for her to speak her mind.
“It’s not that I don’t want you. It’s not that I think less of you. I just…feel so terrible every time I think about it.” Tears welled up in her eyes instantly, and she sniffled then wiped them away before they could fall. “It’s like this wall that I can’t climb because I know when I see it, I’ll…think about what happened.” She took a deep breath then stilled her emotional response, getting herself under control.
I continued to stand there, to watch her process all the ways she felt about it. “There’s no pressure—if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“There is pressure…because I miss you.” She spoke about me like it was an unstoppable need, like I was water to her throat, air to her lungs. “I’ve wanted you since I’ve had you. I’ve wanted you since my apartment. I’ve always wanted you…”
Women had seduced me, had turned me on with the things they were willing to do to earn my attention, but a woman had never talked about me like her desire was such an intricate part of who she was. It was a need that satisfied other parts of her body, parts I didn’t even touch. “Then have me.” She chased away all the stress on my shoulders, made me feel like we were in my apartment in Paris, like we weren’t even part of this world anymore. My cock was hard in my boxers for the first time in weeks, and I’d never wanted to bed her more.
She breathed a little harder as she looked at me then gave a slight nod.
I dropped my boxers and let my hard cock come out.
This time, she looked at it, but she didn’t look at it with tears. She looked at it like I was just as whole as I’d been before.
“I would do it all over again.”
Her eyes lifted up and looked at me, emotion returning to her gaze.
I moved on to the bed then grabbed her ankles to drag her down until she was horizontal. The bed was too small for us to be in another position except parallel to the side of the bed, so I repositioned her underneath me then pulled her panties down her long legs. She now used my razor to shave, so she was always groomed and ready for me, even though I’d desire her the same even if she wasn’t.
She pulled her shirt over her head then widened her legs for me before she guided me on top of her. Her hand moved to my length, and she touched me that way for the first time, guiding my head inside her as she breathed at my entrance, her eyes on me. Then she grabbed my hips and pulled me inside her as much as she could take, her legs wrapping around my waist, a deep moan coming from her throat. “Yes…”
I walked in the door then removed the long-sleeved shirt and the cloak, eager to get it off because it was hot outside, even in the dark. I tossed it on the floor then got into the shower so I could let the cold water cool me off.
Whenever I returned to the cabin after a long day, I didn’t want to talk.
Not even to Raven.
I showered and sat at the desk to drink my scotch and try to forget all the bullshit from the day.
Raven seemed to understand that without my having to explain it because
she rarely spoke to me until several hours had passed. She either read a book in silence or watched TV, usually in one of my t-shirts while she leaned against the wall.
I closed my laptop then drank the rest of the scotch in my glass.
She spoke when my need for solitude was over. “Who did that to you?”
I stilled at the question, not expecting it. After we’d talked about it last week, we’d had sex every night before we went to sleep, like a couple. It was the highlight of my day, to get lost in her and forget about our miserable lives, then go straight to sleep. I had unimaginable wealth because of this operation, but I realized that didn’t bring me happiness, now that I had her. I couldn’t spend it on her. I couldn’t give her a life she deserved. It was meaningless at this point.
I turned in the chair so I could look at her.
“It was him…wasn’t it?”
I nodded.
Instead of tearing up, she looked angry. “Who the fuck does that to their own brother?”
“He had to punish me.”
“Don’t defend him. What he did was unacceptable.”
“My crimes were severe. He didn’t have a choice. My punishment should have been death, so this was the only way to keep me alive. If he didn’t give the men the satisfaction they wanted, he would have lost control of the guards.”
She shook her head, looking at me incredulously. “How can you possibly say that?”
I looked away. “You wouldn’t understand…”
“Why are you so loyal to that monster?”
“It’s not any different from whipping you to keep you alive—”
“Fuck off, it’s totally different.” She got so angry that her face turned beet red and spit flew out of her mouth.
“Keep your voice down—”
“No.” Emotion cracked in her voice. “Why do you put up with him, Magnus? Why don’t you stop him from doing all these heinous things? Why don’t you just kill him?”
I turned back to her slowly because the suggestion was outrageous. “He’s my brother—”
“He hangs innocent women—”