by Harlow James
I click and scroll away as the minutes start to tick by and I grow nervous that our time is running out. Not having time to dedicate to a relationship is one reason why dating has been so difficult for me in the past. But now that I found a guy that’s worth it, I don’t want that to be an issue for us too. Given that he’s a doctor though—well, that just might be an obstacle we’ll have to face and adapt to, which I’m quickly accepting.
Thirty minutes flies by and I have no word from Brooks. I even sent him a text to let him know I was here, but I got no response. As I stare at the screen, I notice the notification change from delivered to read, which means he saw it. But no dots pop up on my thread to tell me that he’s going to text me back.
Not having any more time to waste, I grab the coffees and make my way back to the nurses’ station where I find Alice back in her chair.
“Alice, did you happen to see Dr. Bennet around?” She has a look on her face of guilt when I come traipsing back over to her still holding two coffee cups.
“Well, no. But Dr. Greene just told me that he had to leave unexpectedly. Apparently that was a while ago too. Sorry, I didn’t know or I would have told you.”
“Oh. It’s okay. I know you would have.” A wave of disappointment radiates from my chest, and then a twinge of panic when I wonder what took him away from the hospital before the end of his shift. I set the coffees down and clock in on the computer. I’m sure something must have popped up and he just got busy. At least that’s what I hope.
“Hey, are you on now?” Dr. Hill shuffles by me as I click away on the keys of the computer.
“Yeah. What’s up?”
“I’ve got a burn case that just came in and could use your assistance on.”
“Be right there.”
I quickly log out of the computer and stand, grab my stethoscope, and follow him down the hall to the action, all the while wondering why Brooks never showed up for our meeting, my worry shifting slightly to anger as time passes.
Broken bones, scrapes and bruises, high fevers, and coughs—the hours fly by as case after case comes through the doors. When I finally get a fifteen minute break, I decide to check my phone again. I reach into my pocket and instantly open up my text messages. There are a few from my sister, and one from Rachel, reminding me of Grayson’s birthday party this weekend.
But nothing from Brooks.
And like a typical woman, my mind veers to the worst place—a place of him being hurt, or a more likely reason in my mind—him blowing me off and changing his mind about us.
I think deep down I could see him getting frustrated that I haven’t slept with him yet, but then why continue to see me, talk to me, spend time with me? Did something serious actually happen, or is Brooks keeping a secret from me when I fought to convince myself that he would never do that?
“We can be honest with each other, Jess. You know you can talk to me.”
Without Piper here to calm my nerves, I take it upon myself to attempt that, although I’m failing miserably. Instead, I text him again, hoping that maybe he was just busy or something came up and now he has time to respond.
Me: Hey, hope you’re okay. I missed seeing you earlier.
The text is delivered, but I don’t have time to stare at it this time. I need to pee and shove some sort of food down my throat before I’m back on the clock.
And as I finish out the rest of my shift, my confidence in my budding relationship with Brooks dwindles just as fast as my energy.
Chapter 16
Brooks
“Is she okay?” I burst through the front door of my mom’s house, catching my Aunt Liz sitting on the couch with her hands folded in her lap. But when her head pops up, the lines of defeat around her eyes staring back at me worry me even more.
“Yeah, she’s alright. I’m sorry I called you at work, Brooks. I just wasn’t sure what to do.”
I set my keys on the kitchen counter and then take a seat next to her.
“You did the right thing. I was almost done anyway.” The exhaustion I felt earlier was replaced with energy as adrenaline raced through my veins while I drove to my mom’s house in a panic. “She was only out for a few seconds though, right?”
My aunt nods and then lets out a heavy breath. “Yeah. It was like five seconds, but it still freaked me out. I know the doctor told us to be prepared for fainting as a side effect of the chemo, but it still terrified me nonetheless. Again, I’m sorry for calling you, but I thought you’d want to know.”
I reach for her hand and put it in mine. “No. I’m glad you did. Like I said, I was almost done with my shift anyway. I’m just glad you were here when it happened.”
Aunt Liz nods. “Yeah, and she was about to sit down, so she sort of just fell onto the couch. She was trying to help me with chores and I told her not to, to just rest. But you know how stubborn your mother is.” I’m sure no one knows that better besides me than her own sister.
“Yeah, sounds like her. I know she must feel helpless right now, but she needs to accept our help and the fact that she shouldn’t be overexerting herself.”
“I’m trying, Brooks. I am,” she says with emotion in her throat, tears building in her eyes before they fall down her cheeks.
“I know you are, Aunt Liz. And thank you. I can’t be here like I want to be with my job. And now Jess—oh fuck! Jess!” The realization dawns on me that I forgot about our meeting as I reach for my phone and see a text from her waiting to be read. I click through and hear her words in her voice as my eyes float across her message, wondering where I was. “Fuck. I was supposed to meet up with her at the end of my shift.”
“Just tell her what happened. I’m sure she’ll understand,” my aunt says in the most carefree way.
I grimace and then shift my eyes away from her which apparently was a mistake. Suddenly she swats at my arm and then leans forward so she can see my face. “Brooks Bennet. Have you not told that woman what’s going on with your mother yet?”
I run my hand through my hair and then down the back of my neck, leaning back into the couch cushions. “No.”
“Seriously? Why?”
“Because how do you just bring up the fact that your mom is battling breast cancer in casual conversation?”
She lifts one brow at me, not buying my bullshit. “You’re telling me that you two haven’t discussed your families yet? Or the reason why you moved back home?”
“Well… not blatantly.”
“Brooks—you need to tell her. Keeping secrets is not the way you want to build a relationship.”
I take a deep breath and then close my eyes as I exhale harshly. “I know. I just—being with her helps me forget about what Mom’s going through, you know? She makes me smile, makes me feel alive. She renews the energy that depletes the second I remember that my mom might die in a matter of months. I guess—I guess I just wanted to hang on to that a little while longer because once I tell her, I know the pity that’s going to develop in her eyes will only make things worse. She’s going to want to help, and I can’t ask her to do that.”
“Did you plan on asking her to?”
“What? No. But she’s going to want to.”
“How do you know that?”
I grin, thinking about how Jess would react. “Because that’s who she is. She’s a nurse. It’s in her blood to help people. But I don’t want our relationship to be based on these uncontrollable circumstances and her sticking around for fear of hurting me even further. So, yeah. I haven’t told her. And I’m not going to until I absolutely need to.”
My aunt’s face softens at my reply. “Okay. I guess I can understand that. But if you’ve already considered this, does that mean you’ve considered her being around for a while?”
“Yeah,” I smile reflectively. “I’m gone for that woman, Aunt Liz.”
“Oh, boy. Both of my boys are falling in love.” She brings her clasped hands under her chin and bats her eyelashes.
“No. Not love. Yet. But
definitely feelings.” Yeah, pretty strong ones at that.
“You look tired. Maybe you should go lie down.” She stands from the couch and moves into the kitchen. I tilt my head down the hall where I know my mother is sleeping and the guest bedroom is just feet away. I’m flipping exhausted after my shift and now even more so once my blood pressure spiked and then dropped as soon as I knew my mom was alright.
“Yeah. I probably shouldn’t be driving with how my eyelids are bobbing right now.” I stand up from the couch and then give my aunt a hug, clinging to her like the lifeline she is for me. “Thank you for being here. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“I know, Brooks. I’m here until the end, okay? Which I hope results in her beating this thing. But, just know I’m not going anywhere either way.”
I kiss her cheek and then squeeze her tighter. “I know.”
My legs carry me down the hall where I decide to pop in on my mom while she’s sleeping. I need to just make sure for myself that she’s alive and breathing. As I slowly push open her door, I see her body curled up in the middle of her bed, her arms hugging a pillow under her head, a head that is now completely bald after my aunt shaved it last month. She was losing so much of her hair, she just assumed speed along the process.
As I stand by the side of her bed and stare down at her, a wave of reality hits me and the sting of tears develops in the back of my eyes.
My mother might die.
I don’t want to lose her.
I have to make each day with her count as much as I can.
I don’t want to end up alone.
I press a soft kiss to her temple and then leave her room, crossing the hall to the guest room where the bed looks very inviting and the gloomy cloud of exhaustion hovers over my mind.
I never replied to Jess, but right now, I just need sleep. I need to forget my reality for a while, restore some energy, and then hopefully when I wake, I can deal with life again.
Powering my phone off is the last thing I remember doing before stripping off my clothes and burying myself under the blankets, dreaming of a world where cancer doesn’t exist and life is simple.
Chapter 17
Brooks
“Wow, glad to see you’re alive.” I turn my head away from the doctor I was talking to and see Jess, standing there with her hands planted firmly on her hips.
“Hey, Jess.”
She lifts a brow at me and then cocks her hip out even more. “Hey, Jess? That’s all you have to say to me?”
“Listen—”
“No, you listen, Brooks Bennet.” She’s pissed at me. It’s clearly written all over her face, but this is not the time or place to have this discussion. However, I can’t say that I’m surprised by her reaction.
It’s been two days since I left her waiting for me in the on-call room. I’m not a total dick though. I did text her back when I woke up from my eight hours of sleep at my mom’s house. But by the time she received it, it was the next day since she was sleeping when I sent it. Our schedules are so backwards right now, which is only making communication between us that much more difficult. Add on the exhaustion from working long shifts and the stress of worrying about my mom, and the pressure is wearing on me.
I step forward and grip her forearm gently, leaning down so our faces are mere inches from each other. I can smell her gum—Wrigley’s Winterfresh—and her body spray, sending my nose into a tizzy as I inhale her scent before speaking.
“Listen, can we do this later? And somewhere private?”
She shakes her head at me. “You know what? Forget it.” Yanking her arm from my grasp, she turns on her heels and then walks away, leaving me pulling at my hair in frustration.
“That looks like things are going well.” My cousin’s voice startles me as I twist around and see him leaning up against the counter.
“Yeah. Fucking fantastic.”
“Why does she look like she wants to chop your balls off?”
I blow out a frustrated breath and then walk over to the station, taking up residence next to him. “I kind of blew her off the other day.”
“That doesn’t sound like you, man. What’s going on?”
“Well, my mom fainted. And your mom called me in a panic. I was supposed to meet Jess in the on-call room before her shift to spend some time with her, you know? But I ran out of here in such a frenzy that I forgot about her and left her hanging. Then I passed out. By the time I text her back, she was sleeping, and I’m guessing she woke up to my vague message and it pissed her off.”
Ethan chuckles. “What did you say to her?”
“Something along the lines of, ‘Sorry. Something came up. Talk to you soon.’”
“Fuck. Your lack of dating expertise is showing. Brooks… you can’t say something like that to a woman. Do you know where her mind is at right now?”
I shoot him an annoyed look and then urge him with my face to continue. “Apparently not, so enlighten me, will you?”
Ethan speaks in a surprisingly soothing voice. “She’s probably doubting your entire relationship right now.”
“That’s a bit extreme—”
“No, that’s what women do. She is probably blaming herself, wondering what she did that made you blow her off. And since things are new, she doesn’t know you well enough to argue otherwise. Why don’t you just tell her the truth? You know you’re not going to be able to keep that from her for forever?”
“I know.” I look down at my shoes, contemplating how much longer I can keep my mother’s condition from her. “I just don’t want that reaction from her yet.”
“What reaction?”
“Her pity. Her need to help, even though there’s nothing she can do.”
Ethan tips his head from side to side. “True. She might give you those. But she’ll also give you someone else to talk to about your feelings. Someone who will listen and comfort you on the days when you just want to scream or give up. One of the best things about dating Mariah is getting to talk to her about everything at the end of our day, especially when they’re shitty.”
I glance in his direction once more, this time with a teasing grin on my face. “When did you become so wise?”
“I’ve always been this smart, especially when it comes to women. You just haven’t been around to witness it.”
“Seems I’ve missed out on a lot this past few years.”
“Yup. And you’re going to miss out on one hell of a woman if you push her away. Just tell her, Brooks. You won’t regret it.” Ethan clasps his hand on my shoulder.
“Fuck. I know. I will. Thanks, man.”
“Anytime. I’ve got to go, but let me know how it goes. Still on for a run next week?”
“Definitely. Be safe out there.” I pull him in for a quick hug and then release him.
He winks over his shoulder at me as he waves me off. “Always.”
I stand there and try to catch my bearings, preparing myself for having a tough conversation with the woman I know needs to hear it, but then work interrupts my thoughts.
“Hi, there. I’m Dr. Bennet. What’s going on?”
The middle-aged man peers up at me from his seat on the bed, holding pressure on his wrist that’s covered in blood. “Sliced my wrist open, Doc.”
“I told him not to cut a zip tie with a knife, but what do I know?” A woman sitting in the chair adjacent to the bed rolls her eyes in the way only a wife can master. I’ve seen enough married couples in the ER to pick up on that dynamic. “Next thing I know, he’s running into the house with blood dripping down his arm and I’m leaping into the car with no bra on, hoping he doesn’t pass out on me.”
“I see. Well, let’s have a look here.” I reach for his wrist and gently lift his finger off of the point where he was applying pressure under some gauze.
“I already cleaned the outside of the wound,” Jess’s voice surprises me as she re-enters the bay we’re in. “Looks like a clean cut. No veins or arteries nicked. He got lucky.”
>
“Yes, it appears so.” Being back near her is making it hard to focus, especially as she whips around me and her hair brushes my arm. I’m not sure if this couple can sense the tension between us since we’re trained to be professional around each other, but I can feel her frustration as she moves around the area and places materials on the silver tray beside me. “Looks good then. Just irrigate the wound and dress it, and then Mr. Michaels and his wife can be on their way.”
“Sounds good, Dr. Bennet.”
“Thanks, Doc.” The man says as I stand and remove my gloves, looking back over my shoulder at Jess, her eyes trained on the man’s wrist and avoiding mine at all costs.
“No problem, sir. Just be careful. And cut away from yourself next time.”
“There won’t be a next time,” his wife chimes in, warranting a grin from me as I exit the bay and move on to the next patient.
I spend the next few hours watching Jess out of the corner of my eye. Usually when we’re on shift together, she’ll smirk in my direction or we’ll playfully brush our fingers against one another. But the cold front coming off of that woman today tells me I need to fix my mistake—and fast.
When the traffic subsides in the ER and I catch her alone for one minute, my hand finds hers and pulls her in the direction of the on-call room.
“What the hell, Brooks,” she grates as I close the door behind us and lock it.
“We need to talk.”
“Seems you’re too busy to talk to me and explain what’s going on anymore.” She’s indignant with me and it shows all over her face—but her eyes give her away. I hurt her. She’s scared. And the last thing I want is for her to look at me like that.
“Well, I’m making the time now. Can you hear me out, please?”
She crosses her arms over her chest, but her body relaxes slightly as she waits for me to continue. “Okay. What’s going on?”
I run a hand through my hair and then start pacing around the room. “I’m sorry I brushed you off two days ago.”
“Okay. But why?”
“I—I don’t want to explain that right now.”
She raises her brow like I’ve shocked her. “Then—then what are we doing in here?”