“And now you don’t have a security blanket anymore, and it’s freaking you out.” I finished her thought, letting out a little sigh of relief. It assuaged my guilt a little at least, to know that she had never been in love with Nate, let alone have any real feelings for him. A part of me felt a pang of regret for both of them. All the time they wasted being half together with each other just for convenience instead of being with someone who truly appreciated them.
“Exactly,” Thalia said on a cry as she took a long sip of her bloody Mary. “I actually miss him, Poppy. As hard as that is to believe.”
“Well, he was part of your life for an entire year,” I said uncomfortably, “There’s bound to be an adjustment period.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. It still, it just surprised me, that’s all. How much I still think about him. I was relieved when he broke things off, I am relieved, but there’s a part of me that just…misses him.”
I shifted in the booth seat, even more uncomfortable. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her about Nate and I, to come clean, spill the beans, put it all out on the proverbial table.
But I just couldn’t. Sitting there, looking at how miserable my friend looked, I just couldn’t add any more stress on top at that, and if I was being honest with myself, I like have Nate as my sexy little secret. It thrilled me, knowing what we had. It scared me a little too, the depths of my feelings for him. It had all seemed to happen so fast, even after I’d dreamed of just this for over a year.
Well, not exactly this. I never dreamed about sneaking around behind my best friends back with her ex that she was still pining over.
“You’ll get over him in no time, I promise you that.” I took another sip of coffee. Thalia never stayed single for long, she always had a string of guys and she liked it that way. Nothing serious, no long term commitments. “You just need to find a rebound guy.”
“A rebound!” Thalia exclaimed, looking at me like I’d just cured cancer or something momentous, “That’s it. That’s exactly what I need. Someone to have a little fun with.”
“You know Jefferson is in love with you right?” I winced even as the words came out of my mouth. No, what are you doing? That last thing we need is office drama. But I couldn’t seem to stop the flood, “He’s cute as hell, he’s smart, he knows more about fashion history than anyone I know. And he’s nuts about you.”
“Jay?” Thalia said, tilting her head this way and that as if inspecting some previously undiscovered life form. “Really, Jay?”
“How could you not notice the way he looks at you?” Or drools after her, but I wasn’t going to add that.
“Hmm. I just never really thought about him in that way.”
I took a sip of my coffee as Thalia seemed to forget all about Nate in the space of a heartbeat. She finished her bloody Mary and leaned forward intently.
“Enough about dumb boys,” Thalia’s voice lowered excitedly, “What have we got for the Midsummer show? I still don’t know how you made it happen, Poppy, but this could be a huge success for our business.”
“Just lucky, I guess.” I muttered into my coffee mug. “I have really been struggling with designs. I just don’t know which way to go with it. I don’t want to be too literal with the theme, you know? But I did some research into past shows and it seems like florals across the board.”
Thalia wrinkled her nose prettily, “I don’t do florals, Poppy,” She paused, “What a minute, that’s it.”
“What’s it?”
“Poppy!”
“What?!”
“No, Poppy. Your name! That should be the theme. Poppy Black. The name of the brand, the name of the designer. It could be…iconic.”
Even as she spoke, I could see the designs start to form in my mind. These wouldn’t be the delicate, busy, little house on the prairie floral patterns. Big, bold, graphic poppies in matte black against gloss. Different textures and shades. Edgy and feminine at the same time, just like the clothing I designed.
“Oh my god, Thalia. It’s perfect.”
“I know!”
“I can’t wait to get started. This is so exciting. I can’t believe my designs are going to be in the Midsummer show!”
“I can’t either.” The dry voice spoke from behind me and I turned around with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach to see none other than Grant Davis.
“Hello, Grant.” I forced the words out, when I really wanted to give him hell for what he’d snidely said about me in that damned interview. I took a deep breath and plastered what I hoped was a friendly smile on my face.
“Poppy, dear, it’s true then? You are going to be in the Midsummer show?” Grant said, and there was a tittering from the small crowd of sycophants lined up behind him.
“Yep, it is.” My smile turned into more of a barring of teeth but I didn’t care, “It’s a huge opportunity.”
“It really is.” He put one hand on his chin, brushing the stupid pencil thin goatee that sat like an ink stain on his sharp jaw. “It makes one wonder how exactly you got that opportunity. I mean, you’re you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Thalia demanded, rising to her feet and crossing her arms across her chest.
“No, Thalia, it’s fine. A little jealousy is bound to happen.”
“Jealous?” Grant laughed, “You think I’m jealous of you? No, honey,” He added with a patronizing smile, “I’m just worried about you. Wouldn’t want you to have to take another trip to the hospital just to save you from the tragedy of your failed designs. It would be terribly embarrassing for whoever you had to sleep with to get in.”
“Excuse me?!?” I jumped to my feet besides Thalia, ready to fight with more than just words but my friend stepped in, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door.
“Just ignore him, Poppy. He’s not worth it.”
“You’re right. He’s not.” I said, absolutely fuming as I let Thalia drag me out of the café and onto the street. “The nerve of that asshole!”
“Come on, Poppy. My car is around the corner. Let me drive you home.”
I didn’t say anything as I followed her to where she was parked. I couldn’t get a single word out passed the angry lump in my throat.
12
Poppy
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Thalia asked for the hundredth time as she pulled over towards the curb in front of the studio.
“I’m fine, Thalia. Thanks for driving me back.”
“Of course, babe. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just come back to the apartment and binge watch some trashy reality shows with me? That might make you feel better and forget all about what that jack ass said.”
“I’m fine, Thalia,” I said again, parroting myself as I grabbed my bag and reached for the door handle. “Work will distract me more than anything else, and besides, now I really do have to come up with something incredible for the Midsummer show.”
“You know you will. You’re an incredible designer, Poppy. How could it be anything else?”
“Thanks, Thalia. I’ll see you later, okay?”
I stepped out of the expensive car and waved at Thalia as she drove off back towards home. I kept it together as I pulled out my keys, unlocked the door, and walked inside the studio. The door slammed behind me and I leaned against, letting out the shuddering breath I’d been holding since that pompous pig Grant Davis had first walked in the door of the café.
My lungs ached as I panted hard and fast, trying to stop the shaking in my arms and legs. I stumbled over to the work table, pulling out my sketchbook and supplies. I drew in a deep inhale, trying desperately to calm myself.
My heart raced, galloping in my chest as I opened the sketch book and stared down at the blank white page. Totally empty. And suddenly, all the inspiration and excitement that I’d felt at the café talking to Thalia bleed out of me, leaving only a deep, pervasive, inescapable dread.
I grabbed my pencil and held it to the paper, but my hand had was trembling s
o bad I couldn’t even draw a straight line. Over and over again, I tried to do what I always did when the world got too much to handle, I threw myself into my work. Only this time, I couldn’t.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop hearing Grant Davis’ words in my head, repeating over and over again. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see his smirk, I could see the derision in his snarky gaze.
“Get it together, Poppy. You have work to do. This is way more important than that asshole.”
I muttered the words, trying to get myself to believe them but it didn’t seem to make a bit of difference. He was still there, haunting me, daring me to fail. And there was a part of me that thought he was right. That’s was made it even worse. Because when he’d said those cutting words, asking me who I had to sleep with to get into the show, all I’d thought of was Nate. If not for Nate, I never would have met his grandmother, and never even been given a chance.
“Oh my god!” I whispered in shock, “He was right.”
I threw my pencil down, ripped out the paper with nothing but scratch marks on it and threw it as hard as I could against the wall. The tiny noise it made wasn’t satisfying it all, so I picked up the entire sketch book and sent it flying to bounce off the wall with a thud that echoed as it hid the floor.
It didn’t matter. It didn’t make me feel better. In fact, with every shallow, too quick breath I felt worse and worse. My vision narrowed and I was shocked to find that I was crying. Why the hell was I crying? I hated crying. What was wrong with me.
But I could feel it rising inside me. That same terrible feeling that had started at the park when I was with Nate, but this time it was so, so much worse. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and my head was ringing with bells that I couldn’t stop.
I tried to calm myself down but nothing seemed to help, it just kept getting worse and worse. My hands were shaking so bad I dropped my phone three times before I could finally get it unlocked and punched in the key to dial the number.
After three rings, he answered.
“Poppy? Hey, what’s up?”
“Nate! Nate, I can’t breathe. I can’t…I think I’m having a panic attack.”
“Okay, baby. Listen to me, just listen to my voice. I need you to sit down. Are you sitting down?”
I slid down on shaky legs until I was sitting on the floor.
“Yes, I’m sitting down.”
“Okay, good. Now, I want you to lean forward and put your head between your legs, can you do that?”
“Sure, why not.” I muttered through gasped breath. At this point, I was willing to do anything.
“Alright, now I need you to follow my breath. When I inhale, you inhale. When I exhale, you exhale. Okay, Poppy? Just breathe with me. That’s all you have to do, just breathe.”
I listened to him inhaled slowly and then exhaling just as slowly and I tried to follow but my own breath was coming so fast that it was hard at first. After a few minutes, I finally was able to get at least close to that slow and steady rhythm. My racing heart began to beat at more normal of a pace and I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out, even though I was left light headed and slightly nauseous.
“There you go, Poppy. Just like that. Nice and easy.”
“I feel better. Thank you, Nate.” I dropped my head on top of my knees and closed my eyes, just focusing on my breath, pushing it in and out again. Trying not to think about how close I’d just come to breaking down, again.
“I’m coming over. Are you at home?”
“I’m at the studio. And you don’t have to do that, Nate. I told you, I’m feeling better.”
“I need to see that for myself, Poppy. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“You really don’t have to–.” I stopped midsentence. My protest didn’t matter, he’d already hung up the phone.
* * *
Nate
The sound of Poppy’s voice, as frightened and fragile as I’d ever heard her, haunted me as I drove towards the fashion district and her studio.
Frightened, fragile, and Poppy didn’t even belong in the same thought together and I hated that she had to go through that. At the same time, I felt a secret, deep thrill that she had called me to help her through it.
She hadn’t called Thalia, her best friend. She hadn’t called anyone else. She’d called me. Maybe I was reading more into that than I should, but it filled me with warmth and tenderness tightened my chest until I had to force myself into the same breathing exercises, I had just walked Poppy through.
I parked haphazardly in front of the studio and jumped out of my car before I’d barely stopped it. I had to see her, I had to make sure that she was okay with my own eyes, to touch her with my own hands. It had been a long time before I had been that scared for someone else, but Poppy had gotten under my skin so fast. She had curled up in the hallow of my chest where my heart should be. It was only her now.
The realization should have terrified me, but I was so focused on making sure that she was okay that I barely noticed.
I pounded my fist on the door and a second later it opened. A flash of relief shot through me when I saw her standing there.
Her coffee colored hair was pulled back in a messy bun that was coming half undone, leaving long tendrils to curl down the back of her neck. She was wearing jeans with rips in the knees and heeled boots that still didn’t make her tall enough to reach my shoulders.
Some type of soft looking fabric was twisted around her torso, leaving a tantalizing strip of skin bare just about the waistband of her dreams and hugged her curves to perfection. My mouth started to water, and my cock grew instantly hard just at the sight of her, but then my gaze drew back up to meet hers and the desire, though never truly gone, was banked momentarily.
Her blue eyes were clouded and there was still a hint of panic in the tightness around her mouth. Without a word, I drew her into my arms and she collapsed against. We stood just like that, our arms wrapped around each other in silence for a long moment.
“Come here, baby. Let’s get you comfortable and maybe some cold water.” I said as I drew her over to the work table. I pulled out one of the stools for her, made sure she would stay put, before walking over to the old mini fridge that was buzzing loudly and grabbed a bottle of water for her.
“Here Poppy, drink this. You’ll feel better.”
It worried me when she took it, not even muttering a complaint at my bossy ways as she followed my instructions and drank. That panic attack must have been even worse than I thought, to have her so shaken up.
“You really didn’t need to come here, Nate.”
“I really did.” I tried to keep the anger out of my voice, but I hated seeing her like this damn it. It drove me crazy, watching her work herself straight back into the hospital. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
I nodded, not prying even thought I wanted to. I looked her over once more, noticing the bags under her eyes and the smudges of sleeplessness.
“I have a new plan,” I said suddenly. Obviously, my first plan to take her to see my grandmother had backfired spectacularly. But a thought had struck me, and now it was there, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. “Do you have enough clothes here for a couple days?”
“Yes,” She answered slowly, “Why?”
“I want you to pack a bag. Enough for three days.”
“Okay. But again, why?”
“Why? Because I’m going to take us somewhere peaceful and quiet. Exactly what we both need at the moment.”
“Nate, I can’t just drop everything.”
“Just three days, Poppy. You were in the hospital for three days and the world didn’t spontaneously combust without you. Just text Thalia and your assistant guy–.”
“Jefferson.”
“Yeah, Jefferson. Text them and tell them you’re going on a…a creative retreat for a few days to get your juices flowing, and also have copious amounts of fantastic sex.”
“I am not going to say that.” Poppy said on a choked laugh and I was relieved to see some of the tension leave her shoulders.
“Well, you can tell them anything you want, you’re the boss.” I pulled her into my arms again because I couldn’t go another minute without feeling her sweet body pressed against mine. “Just promise me you’ll come with me? Just for a few days? You can take some time, clear your head, and come back ready to work.” I had to force those last few words out, but I knew that she needed to hear them.
She looked up at me for a long moment and I waited, holding my breath, for her answer.
“So, where exactly are you taking me?”
“It’s a surprise.” I said with a relieved laugh, “But I promise, you are going to love it. It’s impossible not to fall in love with the place.”
13
Poppy
I stretched like a cat in the hammock that was stretched out between to posts driven deep into the earth. The sun overhead was golden and flecked with bits of shimmering glittering warmth that felt absolutely delicious on my freshly lotioned skin.
The sound of the waves lapping at the sandy beach just a few yards away filled the air with a pleasant rhythm and laziness swept through me.
That surprise place that Nate had ended up taking me was a tiny, exclusive beach town down the coast. We’d driven for two hours before pulling into the gated driveway of a gorgeous and well appointed beach house that was already stocked by the time we got there.
“I called ahead,” Nate had said with a nonchalant shrug when I had asked him about it and all I could do was shake my head. The fridge had been stocked with chilled champagne and fresh oysters that I didn’t even want to contemplate the price of. When I had asked about that Nate had just shrugged it off again, telling me to just relax and enjoy myself.
Not exactly the hardest thing in the world to do when I was in literal paradise. Nate was right. It was impossible to not fall in love this place.
Best Friend's Boyfriend (Be My Boyfriend Book 2) Page 9