by S. Tron
"You need to get your head straight; it's not a hobby anymore; it's your job; it is who you are from now on; you are a pro. Pro stretch after exercise" I say it in a harsh tone, I will not waste my time on an amateur.
"Just because it's your way, doesn't make me wrong" Jude whispered, her head low, shoulder slump. She stops. Looking at her feet in defeat, "lets stretch than".
I look at her very carefully, something in the way she said these words, the way Jude gave up and stopped. When we started this day, Jude was smiling, happy and mischievous, now she looks like a lost puppy. I raise her chin with my fingers, her skin is so soft, "look at me" I say softly, opening her eyes, I see tears again. Those eyes, so green and profound. "if it means that much to you, we will do both, a few minutes of walking and then stretching."
I remove my finger from her chin; I want to stroke her cheek, my hand is up beside her face.
"Thank you," Jude says, moving away from me, lifting her chin, looking confident again and giving me a dazzling smile "so let's stretch, and you can layout our schedule for the week".
I reflect, should I say something, Jude was upset, then like a switch went on, she's back in happy mode. I'm sure that any other man wouldn't notice, the smile did not reach her eyes; I know for a fact that smile was a distraction. Why? To make me feel better? To avoid conflict?
The only thing I was sure about, it's not the first time Jude uses a breathtaking smile to distract someone from her sadness.
Then it hits me; she just lost her husband; it's only reasonable to be emotionally unstable. I say nothing; we go to stretch.
9. Jude
I feel bad for Andrew. All the anger and frustration that build up while running, I took out on him. I was so frustrated when I finished this run I'm surprised I didn't shout. Something in him calms me, he lets me run, he didn't speak, he didn't pry, that's a nice change from the constant ‘how are you feeling today'.
We walk to a bench in the park, I mimic Andrew's moves, stretching.
"So tell me, Andrew, what are we going to do next?"
He stands up, looking at me with a piercing gaze, I feel the hit creeping up my face, this damn blushing.
"You need to change your wardrobe"
I know my face is completely red. "What?!" I snap at him.
"First, good exercise clothes can improve your running. Second, you have a hole in your pants, not that I can complain, I do like black lace panties."
OH MY GOD, I want to die, though I am now pleased I did not fight my mum. It will be more embarrassing if I wear my usual running panties. I try to calm myself, but my face is burning.
"The blush suits you"
He had to make it worse; his superior attitude makes me mad. The blush disappears in a second, now I'm angry. All my emotions rise to the surface, I kept it in during our run, and now I can't. I snap at him in a harsh tone. "I know you are better than me, I know you think you are better than me, you trained all your life with the best, I have a life, I have work, and I will not apologise for the way I dress, I will not apologise for being who I want to be, if you have a problem keep it to yourself or don't train me, this is me, and I had enough, I will change for no one!"
He's speechless, mouth open, eyes confused.
"And I will not scratch! I walk it off!" I take a big breath, my heart is biting so fast, and hard I can hear it. If he had a suspicion before that I was crazy I just confirmed that.
He reaches a hand and grabs my arm, with one swift move we are chest to chest, he looks down on me with a soft gaze, I guess the pity look would come next, like all the people around me since Daniel died, but no, not him. He speaks in a soft tone though a little choked.
"I'm sorry I made you feel this way. I thought you would laugh; I hit a nerve. I don't think I'm better than you. I want you to succeed; I want to be by your side when you succeed".
I look at his lips; I want to suck his lower lip to my mouth, I immediately glance away, anywhere else, than I see he's looking at my lips with hunger. We break apart at the same time.
With a trembling voice, I apologise and ask again about our schedule for the day.
Andrew sends me to shower, not hot, not cold, warm water, with an apology for telling me what to do again. I scared him. We said we meet in an hour in the coffee shop. Before the shower, I go to my room, grab my smokes and back down. I forgot, even when it's summer, it's still cold in England, I finish quickly and go to the shower.
I turn on the water and pill my sweaty clothes off, looking at myself naked. I miss my perky tits. For years I never wore a bra, breastfeeding two children left its mark. Going in the shower I still play with my tits, my mind goes to Andrew, to the intense moment we had, I wanted to kiss him so bad. I want his lips all over my body; I realize my fingers found their way to my clit, and I'm playing with myself, thoughts of Andrew and his sweaty skin, his arms touching me, Those beautiful chocolate eyes. In the back of my mind, I feel a pang of guilt; I haven't been with anyone else since the accident, haven't been with anyone from the day I met Daniel, didn't want anyone. I slip a finger inside my core than another, I push them in and out a few times, wondering if having Andrew would feel this good, I massage my clit in circles a few more times, thinking of Andrews beautiful body, his full lips and chocolate eyes, I rub myself faster, inserting two fingers inside and out, thinking about how his stubble will scratch my thighs, I find my release fast and moan loudly.
When the high of my orgasm fades away all I feel is guilt, My heart is beating faster and faster, I find it hard to breathe, my ribcage feels like it's going to explode, I fall to my knees, water still running on my back, I cry, sob, and howl like an animal. Daniel died; I left my children at home. I'm in a foreign country. I know no one here.
I don't know how long I stayed that way when loud knocks sound on the door; I realize I'm not crying, I'm still on the floor of the shower, torn. I get to my feet, turn off the water and try to focus on my surroundings. The knock is on my bathroom door, someone shouting my name. I put the hotel rope around myself and open the door. Andrew is on the other side with another man. The man asks me, do I know Andrew and if he can leave me alone with him. I don't understand the question, looking at both of them and trying to focus on Andrew, he looks like hell, his hair is a mass, probably from running his fingers through it, he seems concerned and angry.
"You can leave us", my voice feels raspy and trembling.
"Miss, are you sure? Do you know this man?"
"Yas, he's my trainer" feeling shaken, I take a step toward the love chair beside the window, I stumble, Andrew catches me, holds me close for a moment and helps me to the bed. He addresses the guy; I guess hotel security
"I got this, you can go now" he sounded irritated.
10. Andrew
After we broke off our moment, we decide each of us will go shower, meet in an hour in the coffee shop.
Feeling uneasy, my breath uneven, trying to think about anything, I have running shorts and don't want to walk with a massive hard-on around London. I go to walk around the hotel Thinking of grandmas in the shower, thinking on changing old people diapers, it is stupid, but it helps.
When I go around the last corner, I see her, sitting on a bench smoking. First, I want to give her my peace of mind. Second, I want those lips sucking my cock the same way they suck nicotine. Again I need to handle my hard-on. Deciding to take care of it the old fashion way, I jog to my house.
I toss my clothes before I reach the shower, I turn on the water and walk in, I know what I'm planning to do, and my cock is aching for release. I grab it with one hand, stroking it slow and rough, I put a bit of my body wash on my hand, I'm stroking all the way from the base to the shaft, squeezing the tip, thinking of Those gorgeous long legs, that beautiful ass I would love to do dirty things to. I stroke harder, faster. Her eyes, green, beautiful eyes, lips that
I'll beg for them to be wrapped tight around my cock, I rub harder, thinking on her panties, I hold my cock with one hand, stroking hard up and down, faster, the other hand on my balls, I come so hard i need to lean on the wall for a moment, that woman will be the end of me.
I'm back at the hotel, waiting, Jude has a few more minutes before we need to meet. Time passes by, ten minutes late, thinking maybe Jude is waiting for me in the lobby, I don't recall if we agreed on the coffee shop or the hall. I go in. She's not there. I check the restaurant, not there either, going to the hotel reception, a guy in his twenties greets me, "Alex", I read his name tag, "would you happen to know if my guest miss Thron is still in her room?"
"What is the room number, sir?"
Shit, I have no clue. "I'm sorry I do not know, she just arrived at three o'clock tonight, and I forgot to ask her."
He looks me up and down with a suspicious look; he then nods to a guy standing a few feet away.
"Excuse me sir, but I will have to ask you to leave"
"Shit, I'm sorry, it's just that I train this woman, Jude was supposed to be down there for more than half an hour ago, and I'm worried, I'm Andrew Bedford, I train runners, I need to see if she's ok." I run my fingers through my hair over and over; something is not right; I can feel it.
That got their attention; I can see when it dawns on them, first my name than my reasons and my favourite "what can we do to help sir?"
Alex gives me the room number; I go with Tim, the security gay upstairs. We knock, no answer. I start to panic "open the door" I order Tim, he does. I walk in hearing the water running; I banged on the door. Nothing, I bang on the door, again and again, calling Jude's name, fear sprawling up my spine. Turning to ask Tim to open the door, we finally hear the water turn off. I call her again, and she opens the door. Jude looks exhausted; her eyes are puffy from crying. I let out a long breath.
Tim, the good man that he is, makes sure Jude's fine and leave us."Look at me love" I say softly "what happened?"
"I… I think, I think it was a panic attack." her voice is shaky, tears filling her eyes.
"Why? because of the run? Because of me? Did I push you too much?" My head is spinning with questions; I want to lay beside her, I want to make the pain go away. Jude says nothing, not looking at me, I see her struggling with the answer, struggling with herself.
I stroke her chick and she lets out a breath. She is opening her mouth to speak when her phone rings. In a second she's on her feet grubbing the phone and going to the bathroom, not closing the door, Jude splashes cold water on her face, smile to the mirror answer the call, closing the door she says "hey baby". That's all I need. The air sucked out of my lungs, Did I really though Jude has nobody? A woman so beautiful will stay single, no way. I pace the room feeling lost, trying to hear the conversation, I listen to bits of the call, Jude speaks with so much love in her voice, she laughs out loud, she sounds happy.
When the door opens, suddenly I realize I'm standing very close to the door, I look like I've eavesdropped, not a very refined look. Jude says softly to the phone "Sam baby I need to go, I love you." she listens and then says "I miss you too baby, very much" and the call is over, gaping at her phone, tears streaming down her face. I want to go and hold her close but stop myself. She has a boyfriend; you can't get near her like that, I tell myself.
"I'm sorry," she says, "it was m-"
"It's ok; you have your life I got main. Do you want to talk about it or to get our day going?" it came out rough and cold, just like I feel.
"I need to shower," she says in a small voice
"Okay I'll wait here, be quick"
Jude looks confused, I caught her off guard, the nice thing to do would have been to wait downstairs, but I don't want to, and I'm not feeling like being nice.
"Do I need to exercise clothes for this?"
"No" I look down to my jeans and t-shirt to make my point. She goes through her luggage and takes jeans, some shirts and my favourite - black. Lace. Panties.
Jude is quick in the shower; I stop myself from going through her things, I feel like a creep; maybe Tim was right for questioning me. Jude comes out with tight skinny jeans that hug her legs and ass beautifully. A long sleeve tight shirt and above it a white t-shirt with a big colourful rainbow, a skeleton is riding a broom giving the middle finger, saying fuck off. I chuckle. Jude knows why giving me her first real smile. If I thought before that her smile was dazzling, no, this smile took my breath away, her whole body smiled.
Jude has a towel on her head, taking a small bag out of her suitcase and go to the bathroom. She left the door open, so I allow myself to come closer. Jude opened the bag, glasses and eye contact; I watched her putting in the contacts. Then she applied just a little makeup, pulled her hair out of the towel and announced "I'm ready when you are."
I don't know what made me smile, Jude's carefree attitude or the fact that I felt her happiness at that moment. Jude is effortless in everything she does. I finally understand why Marcus thinks she can do it.
11. Jude
We meet at Marcus's office in Soho Square; it is a small place, no reception, an open space with few cubicles, one big office, Marcuses. Two smaller ones, Angela's and the other one says both Liam's name and Andrew's; it only has one desk, I look in question at Andrew, he explains he hardly ever come here, most of his work he does at home or the track. There are two nice looking leather armchairs for waiting, and I think Angela can see from her office who's coming in and out. There are no windows, so it feels a little stifling, or maybe it is my mood that makes me feel that way.
The conversation I had earlier with the children and my mum made me feel whole again, made me feel good about doing something for myself. Sam told me I need to win this, he doesn't understand it entirely, but it made me feel happy again.
The schedule is both fantastic and terrifying, in my deepest dreams, I never thought it could happen to me, exercise all day. I can't wait. Though it is scary, I don't know if my body can keep up with Andrews schedule. There are volume runs, 10,000m jog, interval runs and twice a week running time measurement. Andrew did a great job with the program, in measurement days I have nothing else, and he even wrote down what is best to eat the night before, he has so much experience, I see now I can learn a lot from him, hopefully he would not be a douche about it like this morning.
On Wednesday and Friday we already have events, Marcus said I'm just invited to see what kind of work they want me to do, promotion and found rising. It scares me just as much, I know no one here, and I hate being alone informal events, I always feel out of place.
Marcus said he needs to go so we can use his office, we stay quiet for a while the others go to their business, it's a comfortable silence, I just gape in space, after a moment Andrew says quietly "I think it will be best if you come and stay with me for the rest of the week".
That snaps me back to attention, and I look at him, he continues.
"I have two guest bedrooms with a joined bathroom, I have all the equipment we need for our training, I live close to the park we run this morning" he then takes a big breath and speak in a soft voice, "I don't want to leave you alone after this morning", I opened my mouth to answer him when Angela comes in "I saw you have nothing going on tonight, I know a great place to eat and drink in Camden market, it is Monday so it will probably be a slow night, we can meet and get to know each other" she says the last sentence shyly, glancing at Andrew, she probably embarrassed to say it in front of him, or she might have a thing for him, I feel a ping of jealousy in my chest but shut it down, I have no claim on him or his time, and that was really nice of her, I would love to befriend Angela. "Yes," I say with a big smile "I would love that". Andrew clears his throat, and Angela ignores it, he clears his through again.
"Andrew, would you like to come with us?" Angela says with an exaggerated sweet tone.
> "Yes I would, thank you, we will go as soon as we finish here".
"Fine" she huffs and leaves.
Andrew looks at me with an intense glare, his eyes brown and deep like dark chocolate. He waits for my answer from before.
With a shaking voice, I say okay. Knowing it will only make things worse; after all, Andrew was the reason the panic attack came in the first place. The problem is I can't tell him what happened. Ever.
My cheeks start to warm up, so before I go on full blush mood I change the subject "The schedule does seem great, but I would like, if it's possible, of course, to have once or twice a week, Pilates lessons"
"By yourself?" Andrew asks.
"You can join me" I joke.
"I never did Pilates; I would like that" oh, ok then, that'll be fun to see. "We can do it at my house; I can put them after measurements and before your events, ok by you?".
"Yes, are you not going to the events?" I ask, hoping that he'll be there with me.
"I hate these events; I hate wearing a suit; I hate being the nice guy, smiling and waving. You'll be great at that; you know how to hide all your emotions behind your beautiful smile."
My face falls, I want to speak but decided it would be best to leave it at that. Distance between us is better for me, both physically and mentally.
12. Andrew
I asked Jude to stay at my house for the rest of her time; all the equipment is here; it's easier. A
Marcus answer. okay, I am sure that is the reason…
It is, Jude has a boyfriend, so I need to back off, I fucked teammates before, nothing good can come out of it. I need to be professional.
We are going over the schedule and perfecting it so it will suit Jude, we make a timeline to the Olympics and the runs Jude needs to do, to get on the team, there are also a lot of competitions during the year, that establishes your status, Mark told her that her place in the team is already guaranteed, but I told Jude if she wants any respect from her team mate's, she will need to do some extra runs with good timing. We are about to call it a day and go with Angela when Jude asks "I saw that we don't have anything on Saturday, maybe I'll talk to Angela, get an earlier flight back home. That way I can get in time for Saturday dinner with my family."