by S. Tron
"He's really into Jude pants" Andrew grumbles. I ignore him.
"How many foundations do you have?"
"One, is ours, but we're involved in a few with the GB athletic team and help a few others" Angela answers, "and you, being you, will help a lot, already they asked about your involvement, I told them to come on Friday" she tells Marcus, he looks pleased.
"So basically I need to appear in all these events and do what? Me?" I ask them.
Angela grins at me "well, yeah I guess, you're a success story, people adore you, kids will look up to you, you can do a lot by just being you" I blush.
"You're also a success story, why don't you do that?" I ask her. "So is Andrew, why not him, or Liam?"
Marcus looks amused, so does Andrew. "We're all done it before, they moved on, need something new, a beautiful woman is always the best option," Marcus says, "and your background story helps".
"So you're just into me because of my pretty face?" I laugh it off but feel a pang of hurt inside. Of course, Andrew noticed, "love, we are here for the sport, you have amazing potential, all the other things don't matter, if you don't want to do them you don't have too, even if Mark takes your place, you can take it in the trails." Andrew chocolate eyes are warm and understanding; he gets me.
"So I was talking to this guy," I searched for him in the room but didn't see him. "He told me if I'm not a part of any team, my records will not appear anywhere, I wanted to be in Wikipedia."
"Yeah, you have to break it in an official competition or a trail, what do you mean by records? Did you do something I need to know about?" Marcus goes to work mode.
"It's nothing; a few more seconds shaved off" I brush it off.
"It was quite amazing," Andrew says, "we will come to you tomorrow to discuss it."
On our way back home, in the black cab, Andrew puts his hand on my leg. His hand warm, the gesture is beautiful, not sexual, but wrong. "Andrew, I had a great time tonight, we need to stay professional" I take his hand off my leg.
"Are you still angry love?"
"Are you?"
"Jude-"
"Never mind Andrew, what's the plan for tomorrow?"
We get to the house. My phone rings, I answer, "hi Tatty, what's wrong beautiful? Sam did that, that's not nice, where's gra-" the line deis, I try not to panic, I call back, dead. I call my mum, no one answers, I start trembling, "fuck", trying my dad, no answer, it is probably nothing I say out loud, trying to calm myself, it's bedtime, they got into a fight, and the phone fell, I tell myself over and over, while trying to call all three phones "shit shit shit, pick up pick up", I didn't notice Andrew is by my side, talking to me, my ears ringing, my heart is biting fast, I feel unsteady, like the earth is crumbling under my feet, just like last time when I knew something was wrong, I go up to my room, continually calling everyone, picking up my things, I throw all my stuff in the suitcase, Andrew stops me "you're scaring me, tell me what happened, tell me what to do to make it better, is it me?"
I yell at him "not everything about you" then my phone rings, it's Sam he speaks fast, about Matty dropping the phone, "Sam baby is everyone ok?" my whole body shaking, Andrew stiffens.
"Yeah, mummy, we're getting ready for bed".
I can hear Matty in the back laughing with my father, feeling my pressure dropping "I love you baby boy, love you so much" my feet can't carry me, and I fall. Andrew catches me, holds me close, taking the phone "hello Sam, yes, your mum is great, she just got a fright. I understand. Maybe we can call you tomorrow? Ok, Matty too. Bye". He puts the phone down. Lifts me in his arms and carries me, I'm crying again, sobbing in Andrews' neck, needing to release the fears, the fears of the past. He puts me on a vast bad, Andrew lays beside me, facing me, holding me close, my face buried in the crook of his neck, he shushes me, stroke my chicks, my hair, my arms. I stopped crying, he strokes me, saying beautiful words to me, he opens the zipper of the dress a little, "breath love" he told me, kissing my neck, one soft kiss where the shoulder meets the collar, I feel my breast swell, my nipples becoming hard pebbles, Andrew can feel it too, I hold my breath, he stops moving, I look at his lips, he looks at my eyes, then his mouth crushes on mine, I open my mouth for him, inviting, we taste each other, long, sensual kisses, he holds me by the hips, making sure I'm not going anywhere, and we kiss, soft then hard, I nibble on his lower lip, I bite him softly, he returns by biting roughly my lower lip and licking the spot, we stay like that for a long time. I want to feel him, all of him, I try to touch his chest, to kiss and bite his neck, but he holds me in place, "just kissing" he says, I lean back, not understanding.
"First, Sam and Matty are both fine, more than fine, it was all a misunderstanding, you can call your mum tomorrow. Second, I need to apologise before we do anything. Third, we are taking it slow; even if you feel you want to, even if you beg, we have to take it slow." I'm surprised, especially after his hate speech, I thought we are going to fuck. ''I don't want to be the rebound from your marriage or your husband's death, I need you in my life, that's what I tried to say, I heard you on the phone a few times, I thought Sam was a boyfriend or something, I didn't know you have children, that's why I was going mad, Jude, you stole my heart and I thought I couldn't have you then I was an ass, now, I'm not letting you go".
Is he real? Is he not letting me go? My heart swells, butterflies fill my stomach, words I never thought I would hear, or want to hear from another man.
I know I will regret it, I need to know now before I even think of anything else between us, I need to know. It's going to stress Andrew, "The children are a part of me, that's why I have a crazy schedule, I thought you knew that my children will always come first. I will not let another man make me feel bad for it, Andrew, they will always come before you" without a second thought he nods and says "of course they do, but you need to tell me everything."
"Can we just go to sleep for now?" I'm so exhausted.
"Will you stay the night in my bed?" I don't know if I can trust myself all night, I want him, badly, by the looks of it he feels the same.
"I'm not sure that's it wise," I tell him honestly, glancing to the big bulge in his pants.
"Oh love, don't worry, the past week with you taught me what patient is, I can hold a few more nights."
"I'll go and change" Andrew grabs my wrist, "take one of my t-shirts, I'm not letting you out of my sight, you will start to overthink everything and doubt me" he has a point, I'm already scared, thinking why it's a bad idea.
Andrew goes to his closet, takes off his suit, "love doesn't look at me like that, then I wouldn't be able to hold myself" I blush and look away, Andrew throws a shirt over, I'm not sure if I should get naked or try to hide myself, "love I've seen you naked yesterday but if you want me to turn, I will", now my face turns red. I was so mad. I forgot he saw me. I stand up, turn my back to Andrew. I'm a big girl. "Can you unzip me please?" he places one hand on my hip, the other slowly opening the zipper, the air is thick, Andrews finger brush my spin and chills running through my body, when he finishes and the dress I loss around my body, he wraps his arms around my naked waist, "so soft and silky" he says to himself, he puts his chin on my shoulder, "you better finish changing while I'm in the bathroom" his voice husky and strained.
When Andrew is back, I'm already snuggled inside his bed, wearing his t-shirt and my panties.
Andrew slips in, wrapping me in his arms, my heart pounding, it feels so good, but what about the children, what about work, could we manage everything?
"You're doing it, aren't you?" Andrew cuts my thought "we will speak about everything in the morning" I fall asleep in Andrews' arms.
24. Andrew
Jude is on the phone with her mother. I want to listen but know she needs a moment to process everything. I go downstairs to make coffee; I feel light-headed, I'm anxious and terrified. Ther is a chance that Jude will tell me to fuck off, though her kisses say otherwise, we have crazy chemistry, we have a great time working together, and we are good
at that, we enjoy each other company. She is a mother; now I understand her choices in life, she put everything aside in life because of them, for them, it makes me adore her even more.
I hear Jude steps on the wooden kitchen floor, I give her a big coffee mug, and she drinks it with her small moan, I don't think my dick can hold himself for much longer. Jude sits on a stool in the kitchen counter; she is wearing my t-shirt from last night, her legs bare and beautiful. She takes a breath and starts speaking. Jude tells me everything, how Jude put her life on hold for her husband, how she pushed him to be better, how he tried to change her all the time. She tells me about the children, Sams hard labour, her husband didn't want another child, but still Matty came. I can hear in her word and see on her face; those children are her life; everything else doesn't matter as much as them.
When finely, When Jude and her husband started to break throw the rough time he died, and she heard it on the phone, that's why she panicked last night. She speaks about resentment and anger that took control of her life how I'd help just by saying a few simple words to her, she tells me she's whole again, and it's because of me, and Angela, and London, the running, the piano in King's Cross station, all of that remained her who she is.
Then she says but, and my heart shatters, I sit down, waiting for the blow, my chest hurts, heart, beating fast.
She's scared; she's worried of growing apart, resenting each other, scared to lose, to move her life far from her family, afraid for the kids and what they'll think of it.
I stand up and pace the room, she looks at me with concern, saying "some of the things you said to me were so beautiful, I never thought a man would say such things to me, not even Daniel, I wanted to hear that, I wanted to hear that from you, but still my heart aches from fear, I'm so scared Andrew".
I think for a few minutes about Jude's life, all the things I knew about her, and the things she just told me.
"I'm scared too, I never felt this way before, when you hide, you don't feel. I think we're the same. You're such a good person, you help everyone, people open up to you, you give them your full attention, but you don't treat yourself the same way, nobody really knows you, they don't see you, your brothers see a part, your father and mother sees a different part, your husband didn't see anything, but it's because you don't let them in, I don't know about Sam and Matty, my guess they don't see all of you either" the words are harsh and I see tears start to roll down her face, I come closer to her, brushing the tears with my thumb. "I See You." I lean down and give her a soft kiss, "We know each other a few days, I didn't let you push me away, I didn't let your walls scare me, I took them apart, and you know I see you because you let me in that day in King's Cross" she nods silently. "with me you don't need to say your angry or mad, believe me I would know just by looking at you, like I know now you're dying to kiss me again" Jude chuckled. And I kiss her.
"Now go and shower, we need the help of the master Horatio Caine" she laughs and goes to her room. I need to move all her stuff to my place; if I wait, her fears will stop her from pursuing what we have. I ran to my room, taking out from my closet two more wrapped boxes, I meant it to be waiting for her this morning, but nothing goes as planned with Jude Thron.
Jude comes out of the shower, sees me sitting on her bed, the room is clean and organized, all her luggage gone "where is all my stuff, Andrew?" she snaps.
"You know you take long showers; I hope you're not in there thinking things over" she doesn't answer. "Jude, I'm not letting you go" I stand up "your stuff is in your room". I say and walk to my room, Jude follows, she comes in, sees all her things neatly organized in place, her clothes folded and hung in the closet, her toiletries in the bathroom. Tears start to well in Jude's eyes; I hug her from behind, my arms around her waist, my chin in her neck. "You can go over things, you can fear, you can get mad, shout at me, don't talk to me, but I am not letting you go" she nods, I kiss her neck, and she melts into my arms with a sigh.
I'm waiting for her downstairs with the box of cookies she made, she comes in her skinny jeans and a tight long sleeve blue shirt and above it a black t-shirt saying ‘sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come', that's the best one so far, though I'm not sure Marcus would like that.
We get in the office, it's still early, and only Marcus and Angela are in, Liam is probably in the track, I signal to Angela to come with us, we all sit down. I opened my laptop and played them the security footage of my gym. Fortunately, they can't see my sorry ass on the floor. I stop the video when Jude stops and zoom in. It's grainy, so I say 29:16:21. Marcus jaw falls to the ground. That's when I open the box of cookies. Angela chuckles take one, and her eyes light up with the first bite, those are amazing cookies. "wow Jude those are amazing, I can't believe Andrew brought them here if it were me I would have them all to myself" Jude blushes, and thank her.
Marcus takes one; his eyes light up, he finishes two before he speaks, "so what's the motive? Where is our problem?" Jude looks confused; she looks at me, then at Angela and Marcus, she looks back at me, I answer "it's anger, when she's angry she gets the best results".
Angela looked puzzled and said with a blaming tone "she was perfectly fine when we went home that night, what happened?"
Jude answer "it's fine, Angela, it was a few days ago, and it's behind us now," she looks at me, "why is this a problem? I'm doing good, aren't I?"
"Because," I say "I don't want to get you angry before every competition we have."
Marcus explained "as a professional; you have to separate your life from the track, you can't let a fight with your boyfriend determine your results. Your like Andrew, he used to take all his anger on the track, when he came to live with me Andrew lost a few times." he looks at me with a smile, clapping fondly on my shoulder, "we need to teach you how to separate, I think I know how, but I won't do it, Andrew will". I don't know what to say; I don't want to fuck it up, Marcus is the best.
"Marcus I want her to succeed, I wouldn't know what to do, you'll teach Jude, I'll train her".
"No. you can do it, the worse case you upset her, then she'll run angry and win." he says that with a laugh and takes another cookie, "these are delicious, can you girls go get us coffee? while I speak to Andrew. '' Angela gets up and gives me a hard glare, saying with it she's going to the bottom of Jude anger.
When the door closes, Marcus turned to me "you want to tell me what's on your mind, son?"
"I'm worried, I think you should teach her".
"I'm talking about your hand-holding, the fact that I see pictures of you all over the city, and you don't look angry or annoyed in those pictures, your eyes are on Jude in each of them, ‘The Sun' talked about it last two nights".
"Is it a problem because of work?" I ask quietly, hoping that telling Marcus what's going on won't make me leave Jude's training.
"Not at all, I'm asking as your family, I'm happy for you, I never seen you like that before, I knew you got something for her, the first time you saw her you got so angry, and I know you, I'm happy to see you this way, just don't move to Israel, I need you here, one day someone will need to run this business" he winked at me, he never said it before, "It will be my honour, Marcus, I'll tell you all about Jude and me soon, first tell me how to help her"
25. Jude
"You better start talking!" Angela orders me as soon as we're out. "I asked you last night, and you avoided talking about Andrew, something is going on, and you need to tell me."
I tell Angela almost everything; some parts are still too personal, some parts I think better be left between Andrew and me. She lets me talk when I finish I tell her, it's still nothing, it's still new, but she stops me. "Listen, Jude, we only just met, but his good to you, by the sound of it, you never let anyone take care of you, Andrew is taking care of you, dive in, enjoy it".
I sign "it's not only me I need to think about, but it will also be intense if I'm coming back-"
"When you're coming back! not if! tell me you're not still considering to give
it all up."
"Angela I can't just pack and move, I have a family, I have my children, I have a dog."
"It all sounds like excuses to me, I met your children, they will miss their family, but they are so easy going, they will have a new experience, and maybe it'll be good for them, away from all the people keeping reminding them of their fathers death, think about what they'll gain from it, and if I can be sincere, they have a lot of pressure on them, they know their your happiness, Sam will say or do anything to make you happy, maybe if he sees you're happy he can be a kid again".
I never thought about it before; I'm silent for so long moment, Angela is nervous "I'm sorry Jude I didn't mean to offend you or get in your business, that was out of line.''
"No, you're right, I just never saw it before you said it, it's hard and painful, but you're right, I feel so stupid not noticing it before".
We take the coffee to the office, both silent, Angala reaches her hand to the door and stops "for it worth, I want you to come back, you're my friend, and you're amazing, you can win each competition. And you already won in life, Andrew is an all or nothing kind of guy, he was nothing before you came, past few days he's all in, and all in to you, he will stop at nothing to make you, Sam and Matty happy" she takes out her phone and scroll to something, handing it to me. A text from Andrew, from this morning, I want to come with you today to the daycares your checking for Sam and Matty. A
I don't think my heart can resist even if I wanted to.
We're all back in Marcus office, and Andrew explains to me, how to clear my mind, see the end game, be focused during the run. He wants us to start today, but Angela says we have no time, there are the daycares she and I need to go to, a few houses I need to see after that I'm free. Long day ahead.