by Harlow Layne
“That’s what I’m talking about. You’re caring for others before yourself.”
“If someone were to get hurt or worse on my watch, it would only make my guilt escalate. There’s no helping that.”
It probably sounded like a copout to my dad, but it wasn’t. I already had so much death weighing on my shoulders, I couldn’t handle more without tipping over the edge and drowning.
“I can accept that. So, you’re coming home in two months?”
The hope in his voice would have brought me to my knees if I’d been standing.
“I am, and it can’t come soon enough. I’m sorry about the time. I hadn’t realized the time when I called.”
“Remy...I want you to know if you ever need to talk to me, you can always call me. I’ll accept the charges day or night.”
“Thanks, Dad. I don’t have an international plan, so I can’t make phone calls.”
“Where are you now then?”
“I got a hotel room for the night. I needed a break from the crew and to have my thoughts as my own for the day.”
“It’s good to see you’re putting yourself first, at least for today.”
“I’m going to try to do more of that when I can. That’s not as often as I need, but I’ll make do. Hearing your voice has done wonders. Knowing you…” I couldn’t finish.
“I would never think that of you. It kills me you thought that. I love you, Remy. More than anything. Even though you’re a man now, you’re still the most important person in the world to me.”
“I love you too, Dad. I should have…”
“But you reached out now, and that’s all that matters.”
How he knew what I was going to say, I had no idea. I wish I could blink my eyes and be standing in his yard in Florida.
He yawned loudly. Looking at the clock, I realized we’d been on the phone for almost two hours talking and catching up on everything. It was some of the hardest and best hours of my life.
“I should let you get some sleep.”
“I don’t mind. I’d lose as much sleep as needed to know you’re okay.”
“I am, or I will be, and I promise to keep in touch. After the next charter, I should have another day off. In the meantime, we can email if you want.”
“Of course, I do. I finally have my son back.”
Damn, he was killing me.
“Grab a paper and pen, and I’ll give you my email. I looked when I got here, and this damn hotel room doesn’t have a pad of paper, or I’d write yours down. Once you email me, I’ll have yours. We do have Wi-Fi on the boat, so there’s that.”
After a few more minutes of me telling my dad I’d call him on my next break, which would probably be in a week, we got off the phone. Getting up, I walked back out to the balcony and sat in one of the chairs as I watched the sunset.
My heart was lighter after I hung up. I knew it would still be hard to face Tyler’s parents and Damon’s wife and child, but it wouldn’t be as hard as it was to reach out to my dad. I also knew they might not be as forgiving as my dad, but I’d take that chance. I knew I needed to face my demons head-on from here on out. And maybe, just maybe, I’d open up a little bit to Scout while I was still here.
Taking my dad’s advice, I was going to start taking care of myself the way I needed to. Next, I’d live the life I deserved just like I’d told Stella to do.
12
Stella
6 months later
“Were you checking out my husband?” Lexie asked as I dried away the small amount of drool that had formed in the corner of my mouth.
I felt bad because Ryder was such a sweetheart, but I couldn’t help myself from ogling him. “It’s hard not to when first he pops out those dimples of his, and then he took off his shirt.” I held my hands up, hoping it didn’t offend her. “I’m only doing what any warm-blooded woman would do.”
“Trust me, I get it. Those dimples get me every time. But I think it’s time we get you a man of your own or at least someone to keep your bed warm.”
“And how is that supposed to happen when I’m gone all the damn time or writing?” I asked as I took the lounger next to hers.
Lexie shrugged. “At least get laid. How long has it been since that guy you told me about?”
“Remy? Almost a year now. Ten months is too long to go without sex, but I know he ruined me for all other guys.”
“Unless you find a man out there who’s better than him,” she smirked. “Keep thinking positive, and maybe one will drop out of the sky.”
“Or appear out of thin air. Please, tell me how I’m supposed to find a man who’s good in bed. Do I get references from his previous bed partners after he tells me what he excels at?”
Throwing her head back, Lexie cackled. “Oh my God, can you imagine?”
“Most definitely not. If that’s what it takes, I’m out of the game.” I laughed along with her.
Once our laughter died down, Lexie sat up on her lounger and swung her legs around until she was facing me. “How have you been, with the exception of not getting any dick?”
“You know it’s not fair that out of you, me, and Penelope, I’m the only one not getting any.” Lexie bit her bottom lip to keep from smiling. “Other than that, my life is great. I can’t believe people are reading my book and loving it. It’s been surreal. I’m ready for a break, but my publisher wants me to get started on another book that I have no concept on yet.”
“Sounds to me like you need to find a young stud to please you, unblock your pipes, and then your life will be perfect.”
“Is sex the answer to all my problems?”
“It certainly won’t hurt, but if you want, I can brainstorm with you.” She sat up straighter and got serious. “Are you wanting to continue to write with the same characters like a series or something new?”
“I don’t know,” I moaned out as I threw my arm over my eyes. “I mean, how much can happen in that little town?”
“It wouldn’t be a place I’d want to live if people kept dying, but it doesn’t have to be murders. Does it have to be a mystery? Maybe you can have someone kidnapped or sold into the sex trade industry.”
“Wow,” I blinked. “I’m not sure I’m ready for people to be sex slaves yet in my books or ever, but maybe a kidnapping. A kidnapping would be fun. Although I think that’s too much for one small town. Can you imagine? I would move. Hell, I did move, but not because of the serial killer who was causing havoc on my town.”
“You’re right. I think it should be a new place with new characters unless it’s in a big city. The best part is you can travel to those places for research.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere but my bed for the foreseeable future. I don’t know how you do it?”
“It’s not easy. Especially with Delila, but we’ve got a system that works well for us.” She turned and looked to the gym, where we could see Ryder working out. I kept my eyes away. “When I first met Ryder, he was traveling nonstop. He didn’t even have a place to live since he was never home. I warned him he was going to get burned out even when we weren’t together, and luckily, he listened. He scheduled some much-needed time off, and after that, he started to look at the jobs he was offered. Who the photographer was, how much money he’d be paid, and who the shoot was for. If it wasn’t worth the time away, he didn’t take the job.”
“I never thought about all that. He seems so put together.”
“Now he is, and he was doing it for a good reason back then. He wanted to make money to help with his mother’s hospital bills. I warned him that if he didn’t slow down and got sick, it could fuck with his career. You’re only as good as your reputation in the modeling industry.”
“I’m sure he’s grateful he had you in his corner to give him good advice.”
Lexie nodded. “I do give good advice, and my advice to you is to enjoy what’s happening to you. You only get your first time being a New York Times best-selling author.”
“You
’re right, and I am for the most part. It’s been an amazing experience, but with each passing day, my inbox fills up more and more with no time to look at them. It’s too much for me to handle.”
“Maybe you should look into getting an assistant. You don’t even need to have one come to your house. They can live hundreds if not thousands of miles away, but it might be worth it to have someone helping you, and then you wouldn’t be so overwhelmed.”
“Damn, you’re good. I should have talked to you about this a couple of months ago when I started drowning.” If I didn’t have to worry about all the emails coming in and a few other things, I wouldn’t feel like I was doing a never-ending task, and then I could plot out my next book.
“The hard part is finding the perfect one. Trust me, I’d been through quite a few before Raine came into my life. Now, I don’t know what I’d do without her. She wasn’t perfect at first, but we just clicked, and I knew eventually she’d get it. If she ever tries to quit, I’ll have to tie her up and never let her go.”
“Ugh, I didn’t think about the process of finding one. I’m not looking forward to that.”
“On with brighter news. Since you’re now a big shot author, I was thinking we should do a photoshoot. Get you some headshots and maybe take some other pictures if you want.”
My face flushed. I certainly didn’t feel like a big author. “I would be an idiot to turn you down.” I looked down at my lap and picked at the hem of my sweatshirt. “I have to be honest; when I first met you, I had no idea who you or Ryder were. I think after the second time I met you, I looked you up because of something that was said and realized that you’re kind of a big deal. Both of you are, and to know how down to earth and sweet you both are made me love you all the more.”
“Aw, you’re going to make me crazy.” Lexie smiled big, making her blue eyes sparkle in the sunlight. “I don’t expect people to know who I am. It’s not like a lot of people follow photographers. Now that I’m with Ryder and he posts pictures of us, more people recognize who I am, and it’s weird. Before, the only people who knew who I was were in the industry, and now they know me because of who I’m with. I’m sure you’ll get familiar with it soon enough. Because obviously when you were on your book tour, those people knew who you were, but don’t be surprised if you get stopped now and then at the grocery store.”
“Really? That’s got to be weird and something I’m not sure I’ll be ready for when the time comes.”
“Oh, it will be here before you know it.” Lexie shivered. “What do you say we go inside? This wind keeps picking up, and I’m getting cold.”
I wasn’t sure how she’d been able to stand it as long as she had on a light t-shirt and shorts. I had on leggings and a sweatshirt and was cold after only about thirty minutes.
I followed Lexie into her kitchen, one that would make a chef jealous.
“When it gets this windy, I get nervous. Do you want a cup?” she asked, holding up a coffee cup. It was too late for me to drink coffee and be able to sleep tonight, so I turned her down.
“Why do you get nervous?” I asked as I sat down on a stool at their kitchen island.
“Fires, plain and simple. It’s so easy when everything is so dry, and then it gets windy like this.”
“The one thing that worried me about moving here was all the fires. Have you ever been in one?”
“No, but we haven’t lived here very long. The only thing I can say is I hope you got fire insurance.”
“Can you even live here and not have fire and earthquake insurance?” It wouldn’t be smart not to have it.
“You can, but you’d have to be stupid or insanely rich,” she answered over the rim of her piping hot coffee.
“Where’s Delilah?” I was surprised I hadn’t seen her running around.
“Oh, she’s napping a little later than usual. Her energy was boundless today, and she kept going until she couldn’t go anymore. Ryder thinks we should get a dog to wear her out, but I’d hate to have to leave a dog at a kennel every time we go out of town. Our next option is swimming lessons, so she’ll wear herself out in the pool.”
“I’d say I’d watch the dog, but I can’t always promise to be home. Although a puppy sounds like what I need in my life. Maybe we should co-parent a dog.”
Lexie shook her head at me. “You don’t need any other distractions in your life. If we get a dog, and that’s a big if, I’ll let you see it as much as you want. You can even have sleepovers.”
It was sad when I was excited at the prospect of having the company of a dog. Pen had done a tour around the States a few months ago, and it was such a success they were now doing a world tour, so I wasn’t sure when I’d see her unless I flew to some random country they were playing in. Thinking about it, it did sound like a good idea because I’d yet to meet Walker.
The mystery of who he really was made me want to meet him all the more.
Lexie leaned over the counter with a mischievous smile. “What’s that look for?”
I felt the smile grow on my face as I spoke. “I’m thinking about surprising Pen while she’s touring with Crimson Heat since I’ve yet to meet her beau.”
“Oh, yes! That sounds like a wonderful idea and so much fun.”
“What sounds like fun?” Ryder asked as he sauntered into the kitchen, a sweaty mess. Sweat had never looked so good on a man before. He pulled out a water bottle from the refrigerator and chugged half of it. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as his throat worked. It wasn’t fair for a man’s throat to be sexy. I really did need to have sex.
“Surprising Pen while she’s on tour and finally meeting the guy she’s…” Lexie scrunched up her nose and looked at me. “What are they doing?”
“According to Pen, they’re just having fun, but I think it’s more than that. I think she really likes him, but she’s worried if anyone finds out, she’ll lose her job.”
Thinking of Pen and Walker made me think of Remy and our brief time together. I wished I could see him again and let him know I’d read his letter, and I didn’t blame him. Maybe Pen had a pit stop in Spain, and I could find out where Seas the Day was and surprise Remy as well.
Ryder came up behind Lexie and wrapped his arms around her waist. She melted back into him as they swayed where they stood. “I think you girls should surprise her. I don’t have anything planned, so I can stay here with Delilah.”
Lexie clapped, excitement lighting her eyes. “Let’s find out where we’re going.”
13
Remy
“Do you think you’re ready for this?” my dad asked from the doorway of my childhood room.
Stopping what I was doing, I turned to him. “I think so, and so does my firehouse captain, but as you know, fire is unpredictable.”
“I just got you back and don’t want anything to happen to you,” he said as he sat down on the edge of my bed. “I’m more scared of losing you to fire than I ever was of you going off to war. Or worse yet, what if something happens to one of the people you’re working with and you…”
I watched as my dad’s Adam’s apple bobbed before he looked at me with glassy eyes.
“I can promise you I won’t go MIA on you again. My time with my therapist has shown me there was nothing I could have done to save Damon. All of that therapy doesn’t mean I won’t miss him for the rest of my life. I can still be sad about it, but I know how to better handle what I’m feeling.”
“I just worry about you. Why couldn’t you be an accountant or something where you’re not putting yourself on the line every day?”
I moved to sit down beside him. I hated seeing the fear in my dad’s eyes, but it was in my blood to help people. I wouldn’t feel right if I was doing anything else. That’s how I knew I couldn’t be a bosun for another season. I needed to do what fed my soul, and that meant making another life change.
“Because you taught me that I should always help people in need, and my country needs me. Whether that be overseas fighting for ou
r freedom or saving people and their homes from fire.”
Placing his tanned hand on my knee, my dad gave me a shaky smile. “I guess I did something right raising you on my own.”
Wrapping my arm around his shoulders, I rested my head on his. “You did, and I wouldn’t change one thing about my childhood.”
“When are you leaving?”
“In a couple of hours. One of the guys is going to pick me up and take me to the airport in Fort Lauderdale along with another guy from a different station.”
“Why do these fires keep happening?”
“California has all the right components to make a fire start, and with the winds they’ve been having, they’re hard to contain.”
“And that woman you told me about, she lives out there where the fire’s headed?”
“I think so. I don’t know exactly where she lives, but it’s consuming a large portion of where I think she was supposed to live.”
He nodded as if it all made sense to him. I didn’t think I’d magically find Stella or come in and sweep her off her feet, away from the fire. That wasn’t why I was going to help. I wanted to help, and California just happened to be where there was a fire raging out of control.
Standing, my dad looked down at me. “All I ask is that you be safe and come back to me.”
“I promise I’ll always be as safe as I can and that I’ll come back to you. You can’t get rid of me that easily. Although I might get my own apartment when I get back.”
“You know you can stay here for as long as you want, but I understand you might want your privacy as well.” He waggled his brows at me.
Bringing home a girl was the last thing on my mind. But I wanted something more than four walls that surrounded me. I wanted my own space for once in my life and not just a small room and bathroom that I had to share with someone.