by Bea Paige
“No, protective of what we have here. He was just caught off-guard. When you get to know him, you’ll understand that he’s a good guy under it all.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll let you get changed then,” he says, backing out of the door and shutting it gently behind him.
It’s only then that the tears come, hot and heavy. I stuff my jumper in my mouth and sob, choking on them as they wrack my body. By the time I emerge from the cupboard ten minutes later in dry clothes, my red-rimmed eyes are wiped free from tears and the boys are talking quietly. If they’d heard me crying, they don’t mention it. Instead, Mr Face-In-Shadows makes room for me on the sofa between him and Zayn. I sit down, clutching my hands together in my lap. Feeling ten times warmer and fifty times more awkward.
“You good?” Zayn asks.
“I’m good.”
“You can stay here as long as you need. Jeb never comes down here, so you don’t need to worry about him. Besides, one of us will be here with you at all times, just in case.”
“You don’t have to do that…”
“We’re doing that.” I look up at Xeno who is now watching me intently from the armchair opposite. He meets my gaze with a glare. “We’re doing that,” he repeats.
York grins, his weird sparkly eyes, shining. “Bagsy first.”
“What are you, fucking five?” Xeno snaps.
York laughs, shaking his head with mirth.
“Don’t you have school to go to?” I ask.
“Don’t you?” Xeno retorts.
“Not this week…”
“Then neither do we.”
We fall silent for a while and I know that I’ve upset the balance between this group of friends, but I can’t even seem to find the energy to feel guilty about it. Right now, I need to sleep as a sudden bone-weary tiredness washes over me. My eyelids start to droop and before I realise what I’m doing, my head drops to the side, falling onto a bony shoulder. I jerk awake, my head snapping up.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“S’alright. Do what you need. I’m Dax by the way,” Mr Face-In-Shadow says, pulling back his hoodie and removing his cap. He has a shorn head, a wide jaw and strange coloured eyes that are a mixture between grey, green and blue.
“I’m Pen.”
“See a penny pick up, all day long you’ll have good luck,” he mutters back, before cupping my head gently and resting it back on his shoulder.
From that day on I became their Pen, and they became my Breakers.
6
Present Day
Hauling my bags up the fourth flight of stairs, I finally reach the level where all the studio flats are situated. They’re at the top of the main building through a secure door that can only be opened with a code. Luckily for me I’m pretty fit and I’ve barely broken a sweat, but a lift would’ve been nice. I can’t afford to pull a muscle just before I start at the Academy.
Grasping my bags, and with the key fob to my flat gripped between my teeth, I search for the door with the number four on it. It’s right at the end of the corridor, opposite flat number seven. Dropping my bags, I slip the key into the lock and open the door to my new home for the next year. Flipping on the light switch, and hauling my bags inside, I step inside the room. So far I haven’t seen any of the other students who’ll be my neighbours. I doubt any of them needed to get out of their family homes as quickly as I did. I don’t really mind being on my own though. It gives me time to settle in.
Besides, it was fun to collect the key from that bitch receptionist who very nearly ruined my chance at being a dancer with the stunt she pulled the other day. Her surprise at seeing me was priceless. Well, fuck her.
I’d given her a toothy grin, snatched the key fob from her hand and practically run up the stairs, peering through the door to each floor with interest. As much as I wanted to explore every level whilst the academy was quiet, I wanted to see my new studio flat more.
“I can’t believe this is mine,” I say out loud, laughing at the fact that I’m actually talking to myself now. This is insane. Getting into Stardom Academy is one thing, but being given a flat, all expenses paid, was something else altogether. I feel lucky. Privileged.
Directly to my left is another door that leads into a bathroom. A shower sits over one of those half-sized bathtubs. There’s a sink with a mirror above it and a toilet. It’s all white, basic, but it’s clean and mine. I don’t have to share with a shitty mother who pukes her guts up after drinking too much night after night, or a little sister who spends hours preening herself no matter how much I love her.
I grin, letting out a squeal of delight. It’s not often I’m this happy and for once I’m going to enjoy my good fortune. I refuse to let thoughts of my mum or the Breakers ruin it.
Twirling on the balls of my feet, I spin down the noticeably short hallway that has a built-in mirrored wardrobe on one side, and enter the main body of my flat. There’s a kitchenette built into an alcove with an oven and electric hob, a sink, an under the counter fridge and a few cabinets. More than adequate for my needs. When I open the drawers and cupboards, I find that they’re fully stocked with all the kitchen utensils and pans I could ever need. Relief floods through me, I literally have fifty pounds to my name and that’s got to cover my food costs for another three weeks until I get paid again. Working at Rocks is a double-edged sword. I love the music, the dancing, and the regular wage, but I don’t love the gangs or the drug dealing that happens in the dark corners of the club, or the reason why I’m stuck working there still, for that matter. Zayn’s uncle Jeb owns the club, but he’s rarely seen there, thank God. He returns periodically to check in on the businesses he owns. Regardless, it’s going to be even harder working there now that the Breakers are back.
Fuck, I really wish I could find another job.
Shaking out the nerves I feel at the possibility of seeing the Breakers tonight, I walk around my new flat. The ceilings are high, and there’s a large window that forms an arch at the top letting in the last rays of sunlight from a warm September afternoon. A set of pale blue blackout curtains hang from the ceiling, brushing across the wooden floor. They’re thick, and very obviously expensive. In the corner of the room sits a single armchair, and a colourful rug covers the middle of the floor. It’s only then I realise that there isn’t a bed.
“Fuck, what am I supposed to sleep on?”
“The bed folds out from the wall, you donut,” a familiar voice says behind me.
I whip around, a grin spreading across my face despite myself. “Clancy! You’re here!” I realise how excited I sound, and tone it down. I’m not one of those squealy girly girls.
“Girl, you’re looking at one of the most promising students,” she replies, finger quoting the air. “I’m in flat seven opposite you.”
I almost run towards Clancy and throw my arms around her, but I come to my senses and realise that that kind of behaviour isn’t becoming of a street kid. We fist and shoulder bump. Rarely do we hug. “When did you get the call?” I ask instead.
“This morning. Dad wanted to drop us off today so we could use the weekend to settle in.”
“We?”
Clancy pulls a face. “Yep, the ugly stepsister got a place too. Looks like I can’t get away from her.”
“Well that’s just a stinking pile of shit,” I say with a smirk. Sod’s law that bitch got in too.
“No kidding. Though I can’t wait to see her face when she finds out you’re here. She didn’t believe me when I said what a fricking awesome dancer you are.”
“Bitch.”
“Yep, first-class one at that. Anyway,” Clancy says, waving her hands in the air and wrinkling her nose. “We really don’t need to give her any more air-time. Do you know who else got a spot?”
“No clue,” I shrug, refusing to think the worst.
“Do you think Zayn got in…?”
“I don’t know. He was good enough,” I admit. I might feel sick at the possibility of
having him so close by, but at least I can admit that he was good enough to be here. There’s no denying his skill as a dancer.
“Well, so far it’s just us three. Girl, you and I are going to be besties,” she exclaims, breaking out into another wide grin. I can’t help but think she’s right, and a little bit of the anxiety I’ve been feeling all afternoon vanishes.
“So, wanna show me how I get the bed down?”
Clancy rolls her eyes and saunters over to a set of shelves on the wall. She reaches up onto her tiptoes and grabs a small leather strap that I hadn’t noticed until now and gives it a yank. As it lowers, the shelves slide out and somehow become the base. I make a mental note not to put anything on them.
“There, a perfectly comfortable bed,” she says, sitting on the mattress and bouncing up and down. “There is a duvet and some pillows in that cupboard.”
I move around the bed and open the cupboard built into the wall recess that she’s pointing at and find the items. There aren’t any pillowcases, sheets or covers. My heart sinks a little. Shit. I don’t have enough money to buy any either. I literally have my clothes and a couple of towels, and some toiletries Lena gave me, that’s it.
“What’s up?” Clancy asks, noticing the look on my face.
“It’s nothing.” I plaster on a smile and shake my head.
“Pen, spill it. If we’re going to be friends you need to trust me. I know we’ve only known each other five minutes, but I swear I’m not an arsehole like my sister. I actually have a heart.”
“I can see that,” I respond with a weak smile. “I don’t have any covers or anything for the mattress and duvet. Mum wouldn’t let me take anything other than my clothes. I even had to steal a couple of towels when she wasn’t looking.”
“I’m guessing that you don’t get on with your mum?”
“That’s the understatement of the year. She basically chucked me out for accepting my spot here.”
“Wow!” Clancy looks at me with pity, and I puff out a breath of air.
“It is what it is. I’m glad to get out of the flat if I’m honest. I’ll miss my little sister, Lena, but that’s it.”
“Okay, well, screw your mum. I’ve got a spare duvet cover set. You can have them.”
“No, I can’t.”
Clancy rolls her eyes. “Seriously, it’s no big deal. I only need one set. There’s a launderette at the end of the hall. It’s not as if you won’t keep them laundered.”
“You sure?”
“Of course I am. I’m gonna go unpack and get settled in. I’ll bring them to you a bit later. You still working at Rocks tonight?”
“Yep. My shift starts at eight o’clock. I get off at midnight, usually spend the last couple hours dancing until the club closes. Helps me to let off steam.”
“Excellent, I’ll swing by at six with takeaway pizza. You can tell me all about your little sister. Then we can get ready together and I’ll come to the club with you. Keep you company until you get off at twelve, then we can rip up the dance floor. How about that?”
“You don’t have to do that. The pizza and stuff…” What I want to say is that I can’t afford take-out pizza and was planning on eating some plain noodles for my dinner.
“I know, but I want to. We’re friends now, got it?”
“Sure.” I’m about to explain about my lack of funds when Clancy reaches the door and calls over her shoulder.
“Oh, and the takeout is on me as a thank you for not being a bitch like my sister. I’m glad to have a friend here.”
“Me too,” I reply, but she’s already gone.
The club is packed with Friday night revellers and I’ve been rushed off my feet all night, barely having a chance to chat with Clancy who, true to her word, has sat at the end of the bar the whole evening, chatting to me when she can and fending off admirers the rest of the time. We got ready together in my flat, scoffing down pepperoni pizza whilst Clancy tried on different outfits. She ended up settling on a pair of cut-off black denim shorts and a cute green t-shirt that has I love Fred Astaire written in bold lettering across it. Admittedly, that had reminded me of York, and I’d felt a pang inside my chest that I shoved deep inside, refusing to acknowledge it. After much debate, I ended up wearing my usual tight black t-shirt, baggy black cargo pants that are cropped just below the knee, and my trusty Nike trainers. I don’t need to impress anyone, and therefore, I don’t really give a shit what I put on. Besides, the last time I actually made an effort, I ended up sleeping with some wannabe gangster arsehole who’d immediately regretted getting mixed up with me, but that’s a whole other thought for another night.
Tonight, Clancy’s had her fair share of admirers. She’s a new face and really cute. It’s no surprise then that she’s attracted a stream of guys, and some girls. Right now she’s having a conversation with a guy I recognise from the hip-hop scene back in the day. He comes to Rocks fairly regularly, though I’ve not seen him for a while. Leo’s a few years older than me, in his mid-twenties and a pretty safe guy. As far as I’m aware he’s not into heavy drugs or a member of any of the gangs that hang out here on a regular basis. He just likes to dance and comes to the club when he can afford to.
“Hey, Pen,” Clancy calls, waving me over when she notices the group around the bar has eased off.
“Just a sec!” I reply, removing the empty glasses from the bar and stacking them in the wire tray ready to be picked up by the cleaning staff.
Boys by Lizzo starts playing, and the crowd on the dance floor roars. It’s one of my favourites. I start bopping to the music, eager for my shift to end so I can release some of this pent-up energy I feel. I’ve been on edge the whole night expecting to see Zayn or one of the other Breakers. So far they haven’t shown. I doubt they will now, there’s only a few hours until the club shuts, the relief I feel knowing that is immense. Holding both hands up to Clancy, I indicate I’ve still got ten minutes left of my shift, but when Jess, another barmaid, ducks down and grabs a bottle of beer from the fridge and passes it to me with a wink, I know she’s giving me the okay to get off early.
“Thanks, J,” I say, gulping down the whole bottle in one go before sliding out from behind the bar.
“Is it time to dance?” Clancy asks me, a huge grin spreading across her face.
“Sure as fuck is,” I respond.
“Leo this is Pen. Pen this is Leo,” Clancy introduces us, even though we know each other.
“Alright?” I ask him.
“Yep. I’m good. You?”
“Better now I’ve clocked off. I haven’t seen you around for a while.”
“Oh, you know each other already. I’m such a tool!” Clancy exclaims, her cheeks flushing.
“Pen is pretty well-known around these parts,” Leo explains, giving me a look.
“She is?”
“No more than anyone else who works here,” I interrupt before Leo can drop me in it. He’s a regular, or at least he was until a couple weeks ago. I’m fairly sure he was there the night my world imploded, but that’s a conversation I don’t want to have right now. Leo seems to catch my hint and drops the subject. Definitely a good guy then.
“What have you been doing lately?” I ask him, forcing the conversation into safer territory.
“Keeping my head down mainly. I haven’t got as much time for dancing with my nine-to-five job.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I say. He’s a good dancer, but that means shit when you’ve got responsibilities. I’m fairly sure his mum’s disabled and his dad ran off with a younger model.
He shrugs. “Ain’t got time to dwell. I’m happy enough. So, Clancy tells me you both got into Stardom Academy. That’s pretty fucking impressive,” he says.
“We did, and thanks...” My gaze flicks to the dance floor. I’m over the small talk.
“Come on, let’s dance,” Leo says, sensing my reluctance.
We don’t need to be told twice.
Just like every night at Rocks, the dance floor
is heaving, and the place is lit. I’ve been working here most weekends since I was seventeen and sneaking into the club for a few years before that as well. This place holds a lot of memories. Good and bad ones.
Boys is still pumping through the speakers and its funky atmosphere has everyone grinning and letting loose. The air is a heady mixture of booze, sweat and perfume. There’s an interesting kind of energy here tonight. It’s a fun vibe, but with an edge of something else, like everyone’s waiting for shit to go down. Or maybe that’s just me who’s feeling on edge. Whatever.
If the Breakers turn up, then they turn up. There’s nothing I can do about that. I’ll just have to deal with the fallout.
“This place is insane!” Clancy shouts over the pounding music and the appreciation of the crowd who are throwing their hands in the air and busting moves left, right and centre.
The best time is when the battles start, usually between one and two am, just before the club shuts down at three. I’ve entered many battles over the years with the Breakers, but only accepted one-on-one challenges in the last six months. More often than not someone offers me out whenever I’m on shift. It’s no skin off my nose, I like to dance, I love to battle, and I never lose.
Tonight though, I’m going to give it a miss. It’s been way too much of an emotional day, and I’m drained. I’ll dance for an hour, then head off home before the battles start because I will be challenged. There’s always someone who wants to take the crown. Tonight they can have it. I’m fully aware that if you forfeit a challenge you have to start at the bottom again. Prior to getting into Stardom Academy I would’ve done anything to hold onto first place, now I feel differently about it. It doesn’t seem so important somehow.
Clancy follows Leo into the centre of the dance floor, pulling me along behind her. By the way they’re eyeing each other up, it looks like they’ll be getting their freak on tonight. The crowd parts, and I get a few nods of acknowledgment from various regulars and fist bumps from others.
“Are you some kind of star here?” Clancy asks, as people move back to give us room to dance.