Porter placed the roses on the graves, which were in adjacent plots. Even the ground had sunk now, there was no mound to show where the earth had once been displaced by the coffins.
Porter closed his eyes and thought back to that day. He was pissed with James. Not only was he able to fly through his exams without an ounce of effort, he found teenage relationships easier than Porter and had his pick of the other female students. The truth was – and Porter knew it – he’d been insanely jealous of his brother. He loved him, of course, but he also hated him at the same time. It was a resentment that had been festering for some time. Even their mum gave James an easier time. Parents always say they love their kids equally. But Sarah didn’t – after their dad left them, she quite clearly favoured James. He was less like their dad, Porter looked like a replica of him when he was a younger man.
He pictured the car park. They’d been with friends, on the top floor, skateboarding down the ramps and terrifying any drivers who came hurtling round the corner only to be confronted by a daft teenager who seemed completely oblivious to any health and safety legislation.
Eventually they’d tired of being hassled by angry drivers. Their mates had moved on, but James encouraged Porter to hang back.
‘I got this joint at college,’ James had smiled at him, he could still hear his voice. ‘Let’s share it before we go home, I’ve never tried one before.’
They’d got silly very fast and started to dare each other. Porter hadn’t pre-planned it, he was as certain as he could be about that. It’s why the sessions with Dr Lawrence helped, she allowed him to walk it through it all again and try to remember it correctly. She was bound by confidentiality and he would never tell Emmy what was really going on in his mind. Besides, she’d been so remote from him recently.
Had he encouraged James? When he’d done that handstand on the highest wall of the car park, James had taken his own life into his hands. Had it been the pot speaking when he challenged James to repeat the move and show him what he was made of? Or had he known in his heart that James would come to a sticky end?
James had smiled at him and climbed up onto the wall. Porter had seen him stagger slightly, even in his drugged-up haze. Yet he hadn’t stopped James, he’d let him go ahead with it. Even though he knew he must fall.
He thought back to how he’d walked closer to the wall, buying himself more time, just in case James needed his help. James had gone to move into a handstand, lost his balance on the wall and gone to steady himself. Had Porter moved forward, he could have offered a hand, he could easily have pulled James off the wall and into safety.
But a devil in him had taken over as he watched James struggle. He’d chosen not to reach out his hand, it had been a decision made in the heat of the moment. He loved his brother yet still, something terrible in him had let him fall to his death. Porter had been struggling with this since the day he let James plunge to the ground. And standing there, closing his eyes, after working through those events one more time with Dr Lawrence, he was becoming surer and surer of how he’d felt that day.
It had been exhilarating to watch someone on the cusp of death. To look into his brother’s eyes and to know in that moment that he was God, only he could decide who lived and died. He wanted that feeling again – the terror, the absolute fear, the unique sense of power, the massive rush of adrenalin as you discovered that you’d got away with it, that the whole thing had been written off as a childish prank.
Porter didn’t get much sense of power or control in his life. These feelings had only come back because of the way Emmy was making him feel so small and unwanted. It was like James and Sarah all over again, laughing at him, despising him. But Porter was beginning to build up the courage to experience that intoxicating sense of power once again. It was so close now, he could almost touch it.
Chapter Nineteen
Benidorm: June
They spilt out onto the street. Benidorm never seemed to sleep, there were people all over the place, drunk and boisterous, a stream of sweaty bodies.
‘Which way did Harriet go?’ said Caitlen, craning her neck to get a better view in the crowd. ‘I’m worried about her with that chap, I don’t want her doing anything reckless. What an oaf Matt was, doing that!’
‘There’s Matt over there ... oh shit, here comes Becky now. Bloody hell, Cait, you certainly know how to screw up a good night!’
Caitlen looked at her sister, but had no time to reply. Becky was in tears, wild with fury at Matt. While on the stage with the microphone she’d felt in control, walking across the bar towards the exit she’d realised how he’d just humiliated her.
‘That bastard!’ she screamed at nobody in particular. ‘He told me it was over between him and Harriet. And I believed him! I can’t believe he did that ...’
‘Becky, try to calm down,’ Naomi urged. ‘You’re upset – of course you are – but let’s find somewhere to sit down and talk about this.’
Wes had now followed the small group out onto the street. He didn’t know these people very well, he was trying to assess which way the wind was blowing. Gina too – a second newcomer – backed off, mostly concerned about Caitlen.
‘Don’t bloody patronise me!’ Becky screamed at Naomi, who retreated like she’d just dodged a scratching cat.
‘They’ve headed up this road,’ Rhett said, ‘I can just see Harriet, and Matt’s following them. Look, over there!’
He pointed to them in the crowd ahead. ‘We should follow them, I’m worried about what Matt might do. Did you see the size of that guy Harriet’s with?’
‘Where the fuck is Terry?’ Caitlen asked, ‘He’s good at this sort of shit, it’s what he spent his life doing as a copper. Domestics and drunkards. He’s perfectly qualified for this!’
Gina put her arm around Caitlen.
‘It’s okay, Cait,’ she reassured her, ‘It’ll blow over. Let’s make sure that Harriet’s safe. Girl power, remember?’
She risked a smile and it calmed Caitlen immediately.
‘You’re right,’ she said, ‘Oh shit!’
Becky had taken Rhett’s coordinates and run up the street like a scud missile seeking its target.
‘Somebody stop her!’ Caitlen said, ‘She’s in no fit state to have it out with Matt right now. Rhett, head Matt off at the pass. This is going to get even worse if they have this fight when they’re all pissed.’
It was too late. Becky had spotted Matt and had run at him at great speed, jumping onto his back and punching him. Matt didn’t know what had hit him, he’d been intent on following Harriet in the crowd.
‘Get off me, you stupid cow!’ he screamed, thrashing around in the road and trying to throw her off. She was like a limpet and wouldn’t budge. Her left arm was around his neck, she was punching his side with her right arm and digging her feet into the sides of his legs.
‘Oh Jesus!’ Caitlen said, ‘They’re gathering a crowd.’
A circle had formed around Becky and Matt, mainly of young men holding bottles and cheering on Becky.
‘Give him a good thumping!’
‘That’s right luv, kick him in the nuts!’
‘Can I get a turn, treacle?’
All of this seemed to spur Becky on in her fury.
‘You lying, cheating bastard!’ she screamed, ‘You just couldn’t leave that whore alone!’
Matt was tiring and she was hurting him. More important, Harriet was getting away, he’d lose her if he didn’t shake off Becky soon. They’d talk it through later. Now all he wanted was to make things right with Harriet.
Matt lurched to one side and, caught completely off guard, Becky fell off his back onto the pavement.
There was a gasp as her head slammed onto the road. There was silence and Becky lay still in the street. Matt sensed the change of atmosphere and turned around to look at Becky.
‘That was bang out of order sunshine!’ somebody said, and a fist slammed into Matt’s face. He felt his legs weaken and he crashed to
the ground. The watching crowd had changed from the schoolyard brawl variety to the casualty in the street crowd. There was little concern for Matt, attention had now turned to Becky.
Rhett finally got to Matt.
‘Jesus Matt, are you alright?’
He was dazed, his nose filled with blood.
‘That hurt! I need to find Harriet. Where is she?’
‘Steady Matt, you’ve just been punched in the face by a brick shithouse. We need to make sure you’re okay.’
Matt staggered to his feet.
‘I must see Harriet,’ he said, running off again.
‘That was not cool, man!’ somebody shouted at Matt.
‘Let him go,’ Naomi said, catching up at last. Caitlen, Gina and Wes were close behind.
Becky was stirring on the pavement. She was perfectly alright, but enjoying the attention of the crowd. For a moment she forgot Matt as a group of young men crouched down around her to make sure she was okay. She sat up and looked around. Her friends were watching on. The fall to the ground had calmed her, she was tired now, her fury burned out, for now. She just wanted to sit down and take it all in.
Wes moved in to help.
‘Let me help you,’ he said, moving in to offer his shoulder as a crutch. He moved his guitar case into his left hand and made space for Becky.
‘Do you know this guy?’ somebody asked.
‘Yes, it’s fine, he’s – a friend – it’s okay, thank you.’
Wes helped Becky to her feet and the crowd dispersed.
‘You okay Becky?’ Naomi asked.
She nodded. Wes guided her over to a low wall outside one of the bars. The others joined her and they all sat in silence for a while.
‘Should I go after Matt?’ Rhett asked, looking at Naomi, then to Caitlen.
‘No, leave them,’ Caitlen replied, ‘Let them sort it out. Gina’s right, it’ll all blow over in the light of day.’
Becky’s anger had changed to tears now. Wes had his arm around her, ready to offer comfort wherever there was opportunity.
‘How about we go to that bar over there. There’s a couple out at the tables, they’re serving coffees. We can sit down and chill a bit.’
Becky nodded.
‘Anybody joining us?’ Wes asked.
‘You go,’ Naomi said, ‘I think a bit of peace and quiet will do her good. We’ll just be over here if you need us.’
They watched as Wes walked over to the bar with Becky. They sat down at one of the outside tables and an attentive waiter came over to take their order. Caitlen watched as Wes moved out a hand to wipe the tears from Becky’s eyes.
‘He’ll be asking her what her favourite song is next!’ Gina said.
‘Do you think so?’ Caitlen replied. ‘I’m just pleased that he’s with Becky. I’m not sure that I could deal with it right now. What a night this has turned out to be.’
‘You can say that again!’ Naomi replied, ‘Some bloody holiday this is. You’d have been better off not being such a tight arse and just giving us the money!’
‘Naomi,’ Rhett said, as if warning her off.
It was too late.
‘And what do you mean by that?’
Caitlen sprang to her feet and turned to face her sister directly.
‘Nothing. Just that you’ve made a right mess of this bloody holiday. We’re all at each other’s’ throats and you’d have been better off just giving us a couple of thousand each. You’ve got enough fucking money to last a lifetime, after all. God forbid you should fritter any of it away on us!’
‘Jesus Naomi, I’ve only just found out about it myself! I don’t even know what I’m going to do with it yet, let alone how I can help anybody else out. I thought you’d be pleased for me, but all you can do is resent me for it. For once in your life can’t you just be pleased that I’ve had a bit of luck. It’s about time!’
‘All it’s caused is trouble! Look at us all, you call this a holiday? It’s driven us apart already, we’ve barely been here five minutes. If it wasn’t for your bloody bitcoin, none of this would have happened!’
‘You think so? You think Matt and Harriet wouldn’t have got together? You think Terry wouldn’t still be an arsehole? You think you and me still wouldn’t be at each other’s throats like a couple of stupid schoolgirls? All this shit was here all the time Naomi, we were always like this. The only thing the money has done is make everybody show their true colours. And it turns out my own sister is one of the biggest shits of them all!’
Naomi slapped her hard around the face. Caitlen was stunned. Rhett intervened.
‘Okay, that’s enough ladies. Naomi, come with me. We’ll see you back at the apartments when we’ve all had time to cool off. She didn’t mean it Cait. I know you didn’t mean it either.’
Rhett took Naomi’s hand and walked her away. Caitlen didn’t know whether to scream or cry at her sister.
Gina put her arm around her. It shook her out of her shocked state.
‘It’s okay, Caitlen, everybody’s just a bit highly charged tonight. Let them go off, give Naomi some time to calm down.’
‘Is this my fault?’ Caitlen asked defensively, ‘Did I create this mess? I was just trying to do something nice for my friends. It’s turned to crap.’
‘It’s not your fault, none of it is,’ Gina reassured her.
‘None of this would have happened if I’d just kept my mouth shut and made a secret of it. Now I’ve gone and screwed everything up.’
‘It’s not your fault, honestly,’ Gina said. ‘People can be funny when it comes to money. You’d be surprised at how far they’d go to get their hands on it. It really does bring out the worst in people.’
Chapter Twenty
Benidorm: June
‘Let’s head for the Old Town, try and salvage the rest of the night. You could do with some cheering up.’
Caitlen looked over towards Wes and Becky. They were laughing now.
‘Will she be okay with Wes, do you think? She can be a bit fragile at the best of times.’
‘Well, you know my thoughts about Wes. But to be honest with you, he’s probably just the kind of distraction Becky needs right now. Everybody’s had a fair bit to drink. You lot are going to have to work through a lot of difficult conversations tomorrow morning. Once you’ve all slept off your hangovers.’
‘I’m dreading it already. What made Naomi speak to me like that? We have our ups and downs – every sister does – but ... she seems to hate me. Did you see how angry she was? This money seems to have made everybody go crazy.’
‘Let it go tonight. I know it’s the last thing you want to do right now, but it’s best left alone. Matt and Harriet will have to sort themselves out. Wes will take care of Becky, at least she’ll get home safely. Rhett will talk Naomi down off the ledge. As for Porter, he’s stuck with his sore arse!’
Caitlen burst out laughing.
‘Oh, poor Porter. We shouldn’t laugh. But he walks around sucking on that e-cigarette like he’s a hi-tech Gandalf. Stuff like that always seems to happen to Porter.’
‘He’s married to Emmy, right? They are married?’
‘Yes, I don’t know why. Same as me and Terry. I guess sometimes relationships just ... happen. You end up in one and sometimes wonder how you got there. Do you have anybody?’
Caitlen looked at Gina, who said nothing.
‘I’m sorry to pry, I didn’t mean to. Don’t answer that question. Unless you want to.’
‘No, it’s okay, honestly. Shall we start walking towards the Old Town, it’s a bit of a walk from here, but it’s well worth it, I assure you? We can taxi back.’
They started walking.
‘There’s nobody special. I’ll be honest with you, I like my life as it is. It seems to run quite well on its own without men.’
‘Oh you’re not ... are you?’
‘No, at least I don’t think so! I like men – but not all men. People like Wes, I know his type. I got hurt by one once. I
guess it’s made me a little more cautious. I have enough money, I’m not particularly interested in having kids. This life suits me. It’s freedom I crave most.’
Caitlen felt the pang once again. It had started within five minutes of getting to know Gina. There was something about her which made Caitlen see the possibilities in her life.
‘Doesn’t the beach look lovely at this time of night?’ Gina asked.
‘I love this place,’ Caitlen replied. ‘It’s how it makes me feel – I love the sensations I get here, the warmth, the light and the breeze. It makes me feel alive – free – unburdened. I love it.’
‘What about Terry?’ Gina asked, probing.
‘Who knows?’ Caitlen sighed. ‘It just feels so difficult to end it. The house, the money, the fallout. I know that it has to be done, I just don’t know when I can face it.’
‘You don’t have to go back home, you know.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, who owns the house? Does it even matter? Naomi can move your stuff out. You could just stay over here. Break it off with Terry, you can use my spare room. We could work together while you get established. We’d have great fun!’
Caitlen looked out towards the sea and could just make out the dark shape of Peacock Island in the distance. To their right, the sounds of the bars and clubs, to their left the gentle swishing of waves kissing the golden sand of the beach.
‘It’s so tempting,’ Caitlen replied, her mind drifting off into the possibilities. ‘But I can’t just abandon everybody. We at least need to get to the end of the week. It can’t go much further downhill after tonight. I don’t want it to end like this.’
‘That’s fair enough, but please give it some thought.’
‘I will,’ Caitlen said, ‘I just need to get it all sorted out in my head. And me and Naomi have a difficult day ahead of us tomorrow. I can’t remember the last time we screamed at each other like that. I seriously felt like we were both out of control.’
‘Do you run? Gina asked, out of the blue.
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