“I promised you I wouldn’t just dump bad news in your lap and then split.”
“I guess not. So, do I start with the specialist?”
“Jax says you should have an ultrasound and another mammogram done to confirm the test results were valid and that the mammogram results are actually yours.”
“Easy for him to say. He’s a doctor with medical insurance out the wazoo. He can have as many medical tests as he wants.”
“At least for right now, I wouldn’t worry about it. The records department has a lot of explaining to do. The whole radiology department is bending over backwards to make sure you are a happy customer. Currently, making you happy means keeping your ‘husband’ calm.”
Mallory’s mouth gapes open. “You didn’t!”
I shrug. “Not in so many words. When I was trying to locate you, they made a copy of the information they sent me. Apparently, a staff member input it into the computer verbatim. The person I spoke to at the front desk who knows I’m not your husband, doesn’t appear to work in the records department anymore. I can’t help it if the new staff made assumptions.”
Mallory shuts her eyes and shakes her head in disbelief. “Why do I have this sinking feeling this might come back to haunt me later? It’s funny, journalists have a reputation for being sneaky — but even I wouldn’t have thought of trying that. Are you sure they won't charge me for the tests?”
I nod. I queue up a voicemail from the hospital. “Hi, this is April Williamson from Guest Relations. I’m just following up regarding a possible miscommunication your wife had between our Records Department and Radiology. We, of course, would be happy to provide any follow-up imaging your wife needs to set her mind at ease. We regret any inconvenience this incident has caused. We’d like to contact your wife, but our records seem to be somewhat incomplete. Please pass this message on to her at your earliest opportunity.”
Just like it did the first time I heard it, the cavalier attitude of the administration still shocks me and makes me instantly furious. I watch Mallory carefully as she absorbs the words.
Mallory grows quiet as she chews on the edge of her fingernail. She looks up at me with a horrified expression. “‘Inconvenience’? Is that what we’re calling the terrifying upheaval my life has undergone in the last couple of weeks?”
She hiccups and lets out a quiet sob before she takes a sip of water and continues, “Do you know that I went to a funeral home and looked at options for coffins, just so my parents wouldn’t have to? That’s more than just a little inconvenient.”
“I wish you would have said something. That’s not something you should have to do alone — or at all just yet. You don’t even know for certain if you have breast cancer or how bad it is. I think you should start at the beginning and get further testing.”
“Intellectually, I know. I’m a reporter, for Pete’s sake. I know how to gather facts and confirm a hypothesis. I know how important it is to get information from multiple sources. Yet, I can’t seem to bring myself to pick up the phone to make an appointment. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
I reach out and grasp Mallory’s hands and place them between my own. They are freezing, even though we are sitting in front of the fireplace and it is a relatively warm fall day. “Don’t you think you are being a tad hard on yourself? This isn’t about some story objective. This is your life. I blindsided you with news you never expected to hear. Your response is perfectly logical given the circumstances.”
Mallory shakes her head. “No, it’s not! You’re a health care professional. You know I need to get treatment for whatever this is. Otherwise you would not have worked so hard to make sure I got the results of my test, right?”
I’ve never been a very good poker player. So, I nod slowly. “Early detection gives you the best odds. But, if you need a few days to wrap your mind around all of this, that’s understandable.”
“That’s what scares me. I don’t know how much time I have. I had a professor in college who came to class on a Monday and told us he found out he had pancreatic cancer. Three weeks later, he was dead.”
“Mallory, you can’t think that way. First, pancreatic cancer and breast cancer are very different things. Second, you are young and healthy. We are not even sure what the radiologist saw on your mammogram. It may still turn out to be nothing. You won’t know that for sure until you have more testing.”
“At the risk of sounding like my neighbor, Edna, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to face this on my own. Still, I’m reluctant to involve my parents at this point in case it turns out to be nothing.”
“Lucky for you, you happen to have a spare husband lying around with more vacation hours socked away than he knows what to do with.”
“Very funny. In case no one bothered to inform you, that was just a paperwork glitch. You are not actually my husband. You don’t have to hold my hand through all of this. I’ve been doing some Internet research. This process can get grizzly — even the initial diagnosis stage can involve needles and scalpels.”
“I knew what I was signing up for the minute I saw the report. It’s okay. I see grizzly every day. I can handle it. It’s up to you whether you want to tell them I am your real husband or just your friend. Either way, I am here for you as long as you want me to be.”
Mallory is silent for a few moments as she studies me as I eat. “Are you really this nice? What’s wrong with you? I mean why aren’t you married for real?”
I pause as I take a drink of my coffee. “That’s a good question. I think about it every time one of my buddies gets married. I guess I don’t have any great answers other than I work crazy hours and hang out a lot with my parents and my friends who are married. They’ve all tried to match me up with their single friends. But I just haven’t found anybody who I had things in common with and who understood my dedication to my job. In a way, I’ve become the weird cat guy who likes to come home and read books and hang out with my cat when I’m not working. I’ve become a sad stereotype before I even hit thirty.”
Mallory giggles. “Welcome to the club. Remember when we were teenagers and we thought being a grown-up was so glamorous?”
I smirk. “Tell me about it! The other day I was alone in my apartment with my cat, Chevy, and I said something out loud that was such a ringer for something my dad would say I had to look around to see if he was in the room with me.”
“So, where do we go from here?”
I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and fish a card out of it. “Here is Dr. Callie Stephenson’s card. She is a surgeon who specializes in breast cancer. Jax says her office will want an ultrasound first. Her medical assistant is Dixie. She can help you schedule any testing you need. Just let me know what you have set up, and I’ll be there.”
“So that’s it?” Mallory responds with a sigh. “My life has been reduced to a series of lies? We are going to pretend to be a happily married couple going about our business living life like everything’s hunky-dory until the other shoe officially drops and the final verdict is in?”
I smile at her sarcastic assessment of the situation. She would fit in well as a paramedic. Sometimes we use dark humor to cope with emotionally charged situations as well. “I might have put it a little differently, but that about sums it up. I can arrange for you to have dinner with my parents and play bingo at church game night if you want to stretch the scenario out even further,” I suggest with my tongue firmly in my cheek.
Mallory looks at me blankly for a moment and then laughs out loud. “Heck, we might as well invite Edna too. Why keep our delusion to ourselves? We should have a huge block party, right? This whole thing is patently ludicrous. If anyone knew what we were planning, they would come after us with straitjackets. This is insane! You can’t pretend to be my husband simply because some paperwork glitch somewhere says you are.”
I shrug. “Why not? I know of some real-life marriages being held together by far less.”
“Because it’s a lie and lyi
ng is wrong!” Mallory insists.
“Okay, so we don’t lie. We’ll introduce me by my name. If they make assumptions based on the information they have on file, we’ll let it stand. If they ask us questions about our relationship, I’ll say I’m there to support you as your friend. Deal?”
Mallory nods slowly. “Sounds like a good compromise to me. I don’t think I can handle this alone. I’m grateful you decided to step up.”
Mallory grips my hand tightly as we drive for the hospital. “Are you sure it’s such a great idea for us to come back here? They made a big mess of things the first time.”
I flip on my blinker to change lanes. “I had the same concern, so I asked Dixie about it specifically. Although she doesn’t know what to make of your specific situation, she said it was a good idea to have your follow-up exams done in same facility so the radiologists can compare results. I have a feeling they don’t want to mess with Sergeant Dixie. She was a triage medic in Operation Desert Shield. She’ll make sure they fly right. “
“What did you do? A whole background check?”
“No, nothing that complicated. Dr. Stephenson’s office happens to be in the same professional complex as Dr. Shepherd’s. I popped over there when I returned Jaxson’s phone charger. Dixie had a picture behind her desk. I had seen many pictures like that growing up since my dad served in Desert Storm. It was a natural topic of conversation.”
“I know what you mean. Dixie is so easy to talk to. For the first time since I found out about this, she made it all seem manageable. Still, I’m not sure I won’t freak out in the middle of the exam and run out of the room screaming.”
“How can I help you the most?” I ask as I gently squeeze her hand. “I’ll do anything you need me to do.”
“I don’t know! We haven’t even been on a date. You just met me a couple of weeks ago. It’ll be super weird if you’re in there while they’re examining every square inch of my breasts, wouldn’t it?”
“Only if you think it’s weird.”
“Rocco, be serious!”
“I am being serious. Listen, I’m a paramedic. You have no idea the weirdness I see in my job. This doesn’t even hit the Richter scale. I once went on a call where some guy put a goldfish in his rectum. Now, that was weird.”
“Seriously? How drunk was he?”
“Sadly, he was stone cold sober. He had watched some porn flick and gotten an idea that it might be sexy.”
Mallory shudders. “I don’t suppose he found the experience as satisfying as he hoped?”
I shake my head. “Trips to the ER rarely are. Besides, as far as the technician knows, I’m already your husband. Nobody would think twice about me being there.”
“But I would know you’re not my husband,” Mallory argues as she lets out an exasperated breath. “That’s what makes it weird. We’ve never even kissed and you’ll be seeing me half naked.”
I pull my car into the parking spot and take my phone out of my glove box. I glance at the time and wink at Mallory. “We’re plenty early. We could take care of that little issue.”
Her eyes widen. “What little issue?” she asks with trepidation.
“If you’re worried that we haven’t kissed, I’m happy to take care of that.”
Mallory lets loose with a surprised gust of laughter. “That’s the worst come-on line I’ve ever heard. Trust me, my bar isn’t very high. I work with a bunch of twenty-somethings who don’t get out much.”
I point at myself in a gesture of feigned innocence. “Who, me? It wasn’t my idea — you’re the one who brought it up.”
Mallory bites her bottom lip. “Oh right. I did. Good point. If you’re planning to pretend to be my husband, we probably should act like we’re more than perfect strangers. Maybe a kiss or two wouldn’t be such a bad idea,” she mumbles, half under her breath.
I chuckle when I see Mallory’s pensive expression. “You don’t have to make it seem like it’s a fate worse than eating overcooked broccoli or something. The women down at the firehouse say I kiss pretty well.” I take off my seatbelt and walk around the car to help Mallory out of the car.
As she takes my hand to stand up she asks, “I thought guys weren’t supposed to brag about that kind of stuff — and how would they know?”
“I swear, it was for good cause. We were raising money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. The firefighters and the paramedics got a little competitive when it came to the kissing booth. I think they got a little overconfident because their uniforms are sexier than ours, but in a surprise upset, we were voted the ‘hottest kissers’.”
Mallory turns around and walks backwards as she faces me. “Funny thing about me … It’s annoying … really. It drives all my friends nuts — but, I don’t ever take anyone’s word at face value. I always have to confirm things independently.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, is that so?”
“Definitely.” Mallory stops so abruptly in front of me I have to put my arms around her to prevent us both from falling down.
I can’t help but notice how comfortably she fits in my arms as if she was always meant to be there. For a moment I tuck her under my chin as I say, “I know a charming spot not far away. Would you like to take a walk?”
I feel her nod against my chin.
We walk in silence through a few side streets and alleys.
As I steer Mallory around a deep pothole in the bleak alley we are traversing, she stops and glances up with a worried expression. “I know you’re supposed to be here to make me feel more comfortable today. I’m not exactly feeling safe here.”
“Give me a couple minutes and your view will change dramatically, I promise.”
“Rocco, I’m not kidding. I am petrified. I don’t even want to be here today. I don’t want to think about all the things that could go wrong today. This is not a good day to play some weird practical joke on me.”
The scent of roses fills the air as I stop in front of a large white wooden gate. I unlock the intricate wrought iron latch and place my hand in the small of Mallory’s back as I escort her through the opening. “Are you sure we're supposed to be —” Her speech trails off as she glances around the lush rose garden with its eclectic collection of birdbaths.
“I’m positive,” I respond as I walk her over to the Adirondack chairs in the gazebo next to the fire pit. “I often come out here when I need to get my mind off a stressful day.”
“I can see why — but you can’t go barging into a stranger’s yard,” she warns.
I run my hand down the carved pillar of the gazebo. “My dad and I built this for my mom for Mother’s Day. I’ve always wanted to show it to someone special.”
Mallory swallows hard. “You brought me to meet your parents on one of the most stressful days of my life? Do you know they told me not to wear deodorant? Tell me you did not do this to me! I’m not ready to meet anybody. How do we even explain what’s going on between us? I don’t even know what’s going on between us.”
I reach out and touch Mallory’s face with my hands. “Relax. My parents are not here. Today they are making a Costco run. They are always gone for hours when they run to town. My dad is planning to take my mom out to dinner tonight. I would not spring my parents on you without plenty of advance warning.”
“Why? What’s wrong with them?” Mallory asks as she sinks down and sits on the edge of the Adirondack chair.
I sit down beside her and laugh at her blunt question. “Nothing — as long as you’re prepared to play twenty questions on steroids — or have my mom assume were going to get married tomorrow. My mom used to be a hairdresser. She can talk to anybody about anything. My dad used to be a supply clerk in the military. When he came back, he sold office equipment to businesses all up and down the valley. When his company started hitting tough times, he took an option for early retirement. He is a little more reserved than my mom, but he has the gift of gab too. Between the two of them, it’s a little difficult to have many secrets.”
“They have a rough idea. At first, I was concerned that the mammogram results were somehow tied to my mom. I had to explain why I was asking about her most recent test.”
Mallory chokes back a laugh. “I bet that was a conversation you weren’t expecting to have with your mom.”
“She was a tad surprised at my question. Then again, to quote her, ‘You’ve always have been a weird child.’”
“Surprisingly, despite the weirdness of the situation, you’ve been one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.”
“I hope that means you won’t mind if I do this,” I murmur as I lean close and brush a light kiss across her lips.
Mallory pulls away and looks up at me with a bemused expression. “That wasn’t as weird as I expected it to be.”
“Thank you — I think.”
“No, it was totally a compliment. You wouldn’t believe how awkward first kisses can be. Maybe we should try it again just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke.” After a moment she adds, “Let’s stand up. Sometimes my lack of height can be a challenge.”
I stand up and reach my hand out to help her up. “That’s not a problem. I thrive on challenges.”
I thread my fingers through her shiny black hair and tilt her face up toward mine as I lean down and kiss her a little more thoroughly. “I could get used to that. I see no problems with your height. But, if your neck gets sore, I could always pick you up like this and kiss you some more.” I scoop her up and hold her close as I kiss her one more time. I’m totally lost in the sensation of her soft lips against mine when I hear an odd beeping.
“Oh, shoot! Of all the times for reality to intrude into my life. I had almost forgotten why we’re here. We’ve got ten minutes to get to my appointment. I guess we won’t have to pretend we’ve got good chemistry between the two of us. Maybe our chemistry is too good for a married couple,” she jokes as she straightens her clothes after I set her back down on the ground.
The Letter Page 5