by Dave Riley
Girt By Sea
By Dave Riley
Copyright 2011 Dave Riley
Introduction
Girt by Sea is an amalgam of several street theatre performances reworked as a play for voices (or for radio broadcast). The dialogue has worked well in performance and the sound effects will add potency to the satirical message.
There is nothing especially ambitious about the play as it merely tries to touch on a few notions and package them in a short, sharp piece that quickly gets down to business.
Although the politics of the mandatory detention of refugees keeps changing in Australia, updating the references in the script should be as easy as monitoring and integrating the latest news reports.
Dave Riley
Girt by Sea -- A play for voices
CHARACTERS
COOEE!
AUSSIE OI!
INTERCOM (Some amplification and voice distortion required as through a loud hailer.)
---
FX SOUND OF VOICES DEVELOPED FROM A BABEL MIX OF MIDDLE EASTERN AND ASIAN LANGUAGES.
AS VOICES EBB THEY BLEND WITH THE SOUND OF WAVES LAPPING ON A BEACH.
ROUGH DRUM ROLL FOLLOWED BY A SINGLE DISCORDANT NOTE FROM A PARTY WHISTLE OR KAZOO. FOLLOWED BY COUGHING AND MURMUING AS IN A HALL OF PEOPLE.
COOEE! AUSSIE OI! (TOGETHER. SINGING UNACCOMPANIED.)
Australians let us all rejoice
AUSSIE OI! For we are young and free
With ……..and
Our home is girt by sea….
COOEE! (IN TUNE - HUM/UM)
La da de da de da da da
AUSSIE OI! A beauty rich and rare
COOEE! (IN TUNE - HUM/UM)
Ummm Hmmmm Hmmm Hmmm Ummm Hm
COOEE!/AUSSIE OI : (TOGETHER)
AD vance Os tray lia fair….!
FX: DRUM ROLL. MUCH WHISTLE AND KAZOO BLOWING HAD BY ALL. SUDDEN SHARP BEAT. SILENCE
COOEE! Girted by sea.--
AUSSIE OI! Makes you think.
COOEE! To "girt".
AUSSIE OI! "Girtedness".
COOEE! Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!
AUSSIE OI! Oi! Oi! Oi!
(BOTH LAUGH.)
FX: BLOW AND HUMMING OF KAZOOS. DRUM BEAT. STOP).
COOEE! Girt--
AUSSIE OI! Sea.
FX: BABBLE OF ASIAN AND MIDDLE EASTERN LANGUAGES.
COOEE! Land.
AUSSIE OI! Girt-
COOEE! Sea.
FX: BABBLE OF ASIAN AND MIDDLE EASTERN LANGUAGES.
AUSSIE OI! Land.
COOEE! Girt-
AUSSIE OI! Sea.
FX: BRIEF BABBLE OF ASIAN AND MIDDLE EASTERN LANGUAGES.
(AUSSIE OI & COOEE! THEN DO THIS CIRCUIT OVER AND OVER FASTER AND FASTER RAISING THEIR VOICES UNTIL…)
AUSSIE OI!: Land.
COOEE! Girt-
AUSSIE OI! Sea.
FX: BABBLE STOPS
(PAUSE.)
COOEE!/AUSSIE OI!
Refugees!
FX: DOUBLE DRUM BEAT.
COOEE! Over there,…
AUSSIE OI! Beyond the girt
COOEE! Beyond the girt… people live in garbage tips.
AUSSIE OI! Over there, they work for next to nothing.
COOEE! Over there, life is cheap.
AUSSIE OI! The root problem over there… is…
COOEE! --there's too many of them
AUSSIE OI! Over there.
COOEE! Or they're not over here.
AUSSIE OI! Over here, you can live the life of Riley if you work hard.
COOEE! But we don't want them from over there working hard over here.
AUSSIE OI! If they were over here who'd be working over there making all the stuff we buy over there?
COOEE! So all those over there need to stay over there so over here can stay the same. If they weren't over
there we couldn't enjoy over here as much as we do. So we need them over there.
AUSSIE OI! And they need us over here. That's the rule, the status quo…that's geography in the market place.
COOEE! Thus the girt!
AUSSIE OI! (AGREEING)
Thus the girt!
COOEE! Without us over here, who'd buy what they've got to sell? It's a well known fact that over there you can live much cheaper than over here.
AUSSIE OI! Over here we don't live on garbage tips. Over here we've got a mortgage, a car to run and reticulated sewerage….Over there you can get by without those things.
COOEE! (ASIDE) So why don't they!
AUSSIE OI! Over here we've got problems. Over there they have them too. But the problems over there are just so BIG.
FX: DRUMBEAT.ROLL. CYMBAL.
COOEE! Over here we have a big enough task making ends meet. Over there it is probably the same…but hey! we're not over there, we're over here. And since we are over here, over there is a world away.
COOEE! Thus the girt!
AUSSIE OI! Thus the girt! So who gives a stuff, if over there gets it tougher than we get it over here.
COOEE! It's all relative. That's life.
COOEE! AUSSIE OI! (TOGETHER)
Fortunately it 's not ours.
FX: DRUMBEAT - CALL TO QUARTERS.
INTERCOM I wouldn't "jump the queue" if I was you
"Cause we got ways and means.
Of making sure we lock the door
To protect our coastal seams.
Wether you swim or drown
It's all the same
'Cause we don't give a stuff
Blather and cry, winge and complain
It's useless --- we play tough.
Girt by sea we can live with
Refugees we can't.
We secure our borders
By giving orders --
One rule for all when you approach our door
It's simple, just …piss off!
COOEE! Globalise existence if you will. We're ready here downunder.
AUSSIE OI! Restructured—
COOEE! Best practiced—
AUSSIE OI! Marketed—
COOEE! Fiscally reformed—
AUSSIE OI! Downsized—
COOEE! Privatised—
AUSSIE OI! Corporatised.
COOEE! Christ! We got a GST!
AUSSIE OI! So come on world
COOEE! Oi! Oi! Oi!
AUSSIE OI! And do you stuff:
COOEE! Send us your huddled downturns, your in-balanced sheets and your homeless capital yearning to be free!
AUSSIE OI! Oi! Oi! Oi!
COOEE! This is Australia calling.
AUSSIE OI! (SHOUTING)
Coooooooo_____ee!
FX "COOEEE" ECHOES…ENDS. THEN:
ANNOUNCER'S VOICE (FAR OFF. IN CLIPPED ENGLISH ACCENT OTHER THAN AUSTRALIAN)
Stay where you are Australia - I'm coming over!
FX: FIRST THREE BARS PLAYED BY A BRASS BAND OF ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR. THIS ENDS ABRUPTLY.
CARCOPHANY OF ASIAN URBAN SOUNDS MESHES WITH ANTHEN FROM WHICH EMERGE…CHORUS: AUSSIE OI'S AND COOEE'S VOICES EITHER PRE-RECORDED AND PLAYED IN FAST MODE OR THE SAME ACTORS EMPLOYING DIFFERENT OR DISTORTED VOICES .
1ST VOICE I don't know who they think they are fooling –
2ND VOICE We suffer and starve and go without schooling.
1ST VOICE: To make ends meet we gotta come cheap –
2ND VOICE Selling our labour till the end of the week.
1ST VOICE They told us the old days were over and gone –
2ND VOICE But everyone knows the same days live on.
IST VOICE Labour and capital, rich and poor –
2ND VOICE We don't want to live like this anymore.
IST VOICE We need some respite
2ND VOICE But what do we get?
1ST VOICE The same old "solution" –
BOTH Debt! Debt! Debt! …
FX: THIS EXTENDS INTO A BALINESE STYLE MONKEY CHANT WHICH DRIFTS INTO THE BACKGROUND WHILE AUSSIE OI! SPEAKS.
AUSSIE OI! What are we going to do? Offshore -- everywhere -- there's all these people dead set keen on coming here or any location offering a shot at three meals a day and an indoor toilet. Not that that's guaranteed, but that's the promise in the promised lands. And whether you recognise it or not what we've got here in the way of material pleasures is as good as it gets. Yesiree, it won't get any better than this. You may have misgivings. You may be one of those who harps on and on about how hard done by you are. Get a life! Instead of being born into a triple-fronted brick veneer low set and a regular breakfast of Weetbix plus choice of beverage, you could have been stuck in the household of a landless peasant from Upper Volta with early tuberculosis and a nasty case of intestinal worms. Get real, matey! You've got it good.
FX: "DEBT" MONKEY CHANT STOPS'
INTERCOM Stay away.
FX: WAVES ON BEACH
INTERCOM Stay away. Stay away.
FX: WAVES ON BEACH. STOP.
COOEE! Sheep shit in the South Pacific. With your baa lambs and your empty sky, you big fella stretched out sun baking.. Sunburnt. Sleepy. Empty. You lucky bastard of a country. You your own boss cockie. Sheep shit and blowies. My country. "Core of my heart."… My suburban quarter acre block with 3 b/rms, VJ interior, carpeted floors, refurb kitchen and all cons. You it. You girt by sea. You gloating in your wee little Aussie battlers this small. Youse the underdog. Youse all mates. Too bloody right you are… So with a sprig of wattle in our hand we celebrate from whence we came. Australians! You true blue sons and daughters of Oz! I ask you to charge your glasses and raise your voices. And let's hear it for all the dinky-dyes out there:
(ATTEMPT AT SINGING)
Australians let us all rejoice, for we are young and free ... etcetera, et…cet…tera…rah…rah…rah…rah!.
FX: MERGES INTO BACKGROUND OF DRUNKEN