by Dave Riley
PARTACUS BY KHACHATURIAN.)
COOEE! (SHOUTING) Not here. Out there. Beyond the bloody girt.
FX: SEA, MUSIC AND WIND SOUNDS TAPER OFF QUICKLY TO SILENCE.
COOEE! Girt--
AUSSIE OI! Sea.
FX: BABBLE OF ASIAN AND MIDDLE EASTERN LANGUAGES.
COOEE! Land.
AUSSIE OI! Girt-
COOEE! Sea.
FX: BABBLE OF ASIAN AND MIDDLE EASTERN LANGUAGES.
AUSSIE OI! Land.
COOEE! Girt-
AUSSIE OI! Sea.
FX: BABBLE OF ASIAN AND MIDDLE EASTERN LANGUAGES.
AUSSIE OI! Land.
COOEE! Girt-
AUSSIE OI! Sea.
FX: NO BABBLE
(PAUSE)
COOEE!/AUSSIE OI! Refugees!
FX: CICADAS, BLOW FLIES,ETC ON A HOT SUMMER DAY.
RISING FROM BACKGROUND -- FAR OFF TO OFF --IS SOUND OF ETHNIC RADIO EG: ARABIC THEN INDONESIAN POP MUSIC -- AS STATIONS ARE CHANGED. THIS IS SUDDENLY SWITCHED OFF AND REPLACED BY STERILE MUSACK. SOUND OF A MICROPHONE BEING HANDLED AND STATIC.
INTERCOM Unlawful non citizens…Unlawful non citizens….This is not a borderless society. You are not wanted here….You are unauthorized arrivals...You are unauthorized arrivals…You have chosen not to apply for a visa. You refused to line up. You should have staid at home. You have shown no respect for the rule of law in this country...You have shown no respect.
FX: BLOW FLIES BUZZING
INTERCOM (PAUSE)
You are detained as a result of your unauthorised entry, not for asylum seeking …not for seeking asylum. You should have done that before you left to come here. That was your mistake. That was your mistake...You will be removed from here. You will be taken to the place from whence you came…You cannot stay in this country. You are going to be sent home...or somewhere else. You are non citizens who have broken our laws.
FX: BLOW FLIES BUZZING
AUSSIE OI! Naughty, naughty, naughty…
COOEE! We don't like that.
AUSSIE OI! Not at all.
COOEE! Any offshore resource is similarly girt by law.
AUSSIE OI! Girt by law.
COOEE! So if any unlawful non citizen were to beach themselves on Christmas Island.
AUSSIE OI! That's girt by law.
COOEE! Ashmore reef.
AUSSIE OI! Girt by law.
COOEE! Cocos Island.
AUSSIE OI! Girt by law.
COOEE! Oil rigs at sea.
AUSSIE OI! Girt by law.
INTERCOM (BARKED AS ON PARADE GROUND)
Excised offshore places strengthening our territorial integrity.
FX THREE BARS, ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR.
AUSSIE OI!/COOEE! (TOGETHER PSEUDO SINGING IN 4/4 TIME AS SOON AS MUSIC STOPS)
Girt by law
Girt by law.
FX: BLOW FLIES BUZZING
INTERCOM (BARKED AS ON PARADE GROUND)
As your official detention service provider we have been contracted to run this immigration detention facility.
AUSSIE OI!/COOEE! (TOGETHER PSEUDO SINGING)
Girt by law
Girt by law.
INTERCOM (PROMOTIONAL)
For around $120 per person per day twin share we offer a great deal. Three meals a day. Culturally appropriate menus. A bed for all. Laundry facilities. Games room. Shower block. Unlimited chilled water, tea, coffee, milk and sugar. 24 hour medical centre. All mod cons. So if you are depressed, severely depressed or slip into psychosis on occasion during your extended stay with us…We're prepared.
FX: BLOW FLIES BUZZING. STERILE MUSACK* BEGINS. THEN STOPS
INTERCOM (VOICE MOVE FROM 'OFF' TO 'ON' AS IN PASSING BY]
No escaping… No self mutilation… No starving to death…No sitting on roofs.... No stitching of lips together…No torching facilities…No rioting … No litigation…No attention seeking…No embarrassing behaviours of any kind … None of that…You can't complain. Not allowed…That's un-Australian.
[VOICE MOVE FROM 'ON' TO 'OFF', THEN 'FAR OFF' & PART REPEAT THROUGH A FADE.]
FX: BLOW FLIES BUZZING . SILENCE. STERILE MUSACK BEGINS. THEN STOPS
INTERCOM Thankyou for waiting. Your application as an unlawful non-citizen is being processed.
FX: STERILE MUSACK BEGINS. THEN STOPS
INTERCOM Thankyou for waiting. Your application as an unlawful non-citizen is being processed.
FX: STERILE MUSACK BEGINS. THEN STOPS
INTERCOM Thankyou for waiting. Your application as an unlawful non-citizen is being processed.
FX: STERILE MUSACK BEGINS. THEN STOPS.
INTERCOM Thankyou for waiting. Your application as an unlawful non-citizen is being processed.
FX: STERILE MUSACK BEGINS. FADES. SOUND OF A DISCONNECTED PHONE LINE. TAPERS OFF. DRUM ROLL. FOLLOWED BY SINGLE LONG BLOW ON SPORTS WHISTLE
INTERCOM All men on stage!
FX: RUNNING ON WOODEN FLOOR.
INTERCOM Everybody down on one knee! Now bend down low and look battle-worn. A bit more tension there. A touch more gloom on your faces. That's it.
You there, you'll play the role of Dole Bludger. Now dance over to the others with an expression of furtive glee.
FX: SINGLE PERSON DANCING ON WOODEN FLOOR.
INTERCOM Furtive glee, I said, furtive glee! Ah, that's better.
All available female personnel. Line up!
FX: RUNNING ON WOODEN FLOOR.
INTERCOM You -- yes you! -- you're Miss Homelife. Sorry, Mrs Homelife. You seem demure enough for the role. And you're Miss Equality, because it's all the same to me whoever plays the part. And you're Miss Australia, so look stalwart and generous. Stalwart and generous, I said!
Get ready now. Let's go.
All you men there, break from your imaginary toil and rise upward toward an imaginary sun. Mrs Homelife, Miss Equality and Miss Australia, minister to them. Minister! Put some love in it! They're your little darlings, for crissake!
Men, pretend "you have nothing" and imagine "you can make it". Climb over each other, symbolising the effects of a free market economy. Excellent! Now build a pyramid with your competing bodies.
FX: STRAINED SCRAMBLE OF BODIES. SOME FALLING.
INTERCOM How about a little teamwork there! That's better. Dole Bludger, lay down flat so you can break their fall.
You on top, take an imaginary flag in your hand and wave it to the tempo of a free country, conveying the joy of being a victorious Aussie battler. Great.
All ladies stand up. Come on up you get. Hang imaginary garlands around the necks of everyone -- for trying. That's to symbolise the blooming of happiness that only comes with effort.
Wonderful! That's it. That's it! Let in the sheep. Bring up the kookaburra chorus.
FX BACKGROUND: SHEEP. KOOKABURRA CALL.
INTERCOM Add the didgeridoo.
FX BACKGROUND: DIDGERIDOO LEAD IN. ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR SLOWLY RISING
INTERCOM Now, unfold the flag. Slouch hats on. Wave the sprigs of wattle. I said, wave them -- hold them aloft and give them a bloody good shake. That's better. Now all you ethnics in the front row, face the front and smile. Good. Excellent. Send in the wombat and the kangaroo. And you, indigenous Australian blackfella-type person in a loin cloth, show us your teeth. Now we're cooking. Are we happy or what? I can't hear it? Are we happy? You bet we are.
(PAUSE)
No wonder they all want to come here.
FX ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR RISES QUICKLY IN VOLUME AND OCHESTRATION. THEN FADES. WAVES ON BEACH. BLOW FLIES BUZZING.
FINIS
*STERILE MUSACK: [Suggestion] The same few bars--repeated each time-from the instrumental version of The Girl from Ipanema (Antonio Carlos Jobim)
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