by HP Mallory
“Plutus, where is the other soul?” I asked the demon.
“That is not part of our bargain,” he responded.
“Release the soul to this Retriever,” I announced. “Then we will all be on our way and your debt to the bladesmith will be erased.”
Plutus didn’t respond right away, but moments later, he opened his other palm. Another ball of light appeared between his fingers.
“Bill!” I called to the angel who was right beside me.
“Ah, shit balls,” he grumbled as he unzipped my fanny pack again and pulled the vial out. Then he walked up to Plutus, pulled the cap off the vial and allowed the soul to join the other one. He pulled back from Plutus and returned the vial to my fanny pack before directly starting for the stairs, calling over his shoulder, “Bill Angel’s had enough o’ this crap! I’m out!”
“Go,” I whispered to the woman beside me who immediately followed Bill down the stairs. I backed up slowly, my eyes fastened on Plutus and my sword still held high. I took the stairs slowly since I was walking backwards. Plutus, meanwhile, just stood there, making no motion to follow me. But that wasn’t any insurance he wouldn’t change his mind and attack me as soon as I reached the steps. Once I got to the bottom of the stairs, I figured it was now or never, and turned around, running like hell for the front doors to the prison. Bill pushed the right door open and we all hurried outside, slamming the door behind us.
Then I faced the prison yard, and taking a deep breath, was about to start running for it when a hand on my arm stopped me. “Wait!” the woman cried, and pulling what looked like a piece of white chalk from her pocket, she kneeled down in front of the stone wall surrounding the prison yard. She immediately began drawing an arc, starting where the stone wall met the ground and then coming up about five feet before finishing the arc by coming back down again. “This will cut a portal to the other side,” she announced.
Sure enough, the inside of the half oval she drew suddenly looked transparent almost. She didn’t waste any time but threw herself through the opening. I could see her come out on the other side.
“After you, nips,” Bill said.
I nodded and tucking my sword into my body, I pushed through the portal. It took me a split second to find myself on the other side. Then moments later, Bill arrived right behind me. The woman immediately approached the stone wall, then, and drew a giant “X” through the half oval, thereby immediately canceling the portal.
“You know, nips,” Bill started with a frown as he threw his hands on his hips. “It would’ve been nice if you’d asked Saxon for a piece of get-me-the-fuck-outta-Dodge chalk!”
“Unto the foot of a tower we came at last.”
– Dante’s Inferno
THIRTEEN
“I’m Delilah Crespo, but you can call me Dee,” the woman Retriever announced, offering me her hand with a wide smile. “Thanks for saving me back there.”
Physically, Delilah was a very pretty girl who stood about five foot four inches, and looked like she was probably in her late twenties. She had a slight figure, coupled with a very curvaceous butt that I couldn’t help noticing Bill couldn’t help noticing. Her hair was a wavy, chocolate brown that barely dusted the tops of her shoulders. Her large, dark brown eyes hinted of Hispanic heritage. She wore black, horn-rimmed glasses that framed her perfectly arched eyebrows, giving her a retro, yet very hip sort of look. When she smiled, her whole face lit up, courtesy of her dimples and her dark reddish-pink lipstick.
I shook her hand and returned the smile. “I’m Lily Harper and this is my guardian angel, Bill,” I said as I eyed the angel and gave him a nudge.
“Nice ta meetcha,” he said as he looked her up and down. I was sure he appreciated her booty-hugging jeans and tight, purple sweater. “An’ no probs on savin’ you back there. Not a big deal, ya know?” he finished as he pointed at her and winked obnoxiously. Never mind the fact that if anyone saved her, it was me …
After the three of us made it through the Underground City, we were, once again, ensconced in the Dark Wood, and on our way back home, which raised a good question. “Delilah, er, Dee, where are you headed to?” I asked.
“Oh,” she began, although a little discombobulated. Of course, the threat of getting eaten by a giant wolf-man is probably known for having exactly that effect. “I live in Barcelona,” she said at last before she started inhaling and exhaling much more deeply. When she bent down unexpectedly and put her hands on her knees, I wasn’t sure if she would pass out or throw up. Her skin was pale and rather clammy.
I walked up to her and placed my hand on her back. “You’re fine, Dee, everything’s fine,” I said as I rubbed her back. I knew exactly how she felt after experiencing it … What? Three times now! “You’re out of the Underground City now and everything will be okay.”
She took another deep breath as she stood up and smiled, shaking her head. “I’m sorry … I’m just still in shock.” There were unshed tears glimmering in her eyes and I could tell she was struggling to keep herself together. Even though she was obviously in deep, over her head, she was strong. “I thought for sure I was a goner back there.”
“It’s totally normal for you to still be in shock, after what you just went through,” I reassured her. “Just take your time. If you want to sit down, that’s fine too.”
She paused for a second and took another few deep breaths. She was obviously trying to deal with nearly losing her life, and most likely, the second time around, or so I assumed. “Do you mind if we just sit here for a minute or two?” she asked.
“Not at all,” I answered. I watched her drop down to the ground as she leaned against the hulled out remains of a tree behind her. She closed her eyes and tried to slow down and regulate her breathing, in and out. Bill sat down beside her and reached for her knee, giving it a hearty pat. She opened her eyes and glanced at him warily, but he just nodded with a quick smile. It was his way of letting her know that she would be fine.
Propping his arms behind his head, he leaned back against the tree stump, and stretched his stocky legs out in front of him, appearing as comfortable as a cat in front of a warm fire. I didn’t sit down, but stood beside Bill with my sword suddenly feeling much too heavy in my hands. I carefully scanned my surroundings again, especially the perimeter of the forest directly in front of us. I was looking for anything that might mean trouble. Bill, however, had his eyes closed and looked like he was ready to take another emotionap.
“How long have you been a Retriever?” I asked Delilah, thinking it was a good idea to focus on anything besides her run-in with Plutus.
Delilah sighed as she opened her eyes and looked at me. “Not long,” she said as she stretched her arms above her head before leaning forward, and crossing her arms over her legs. She glanced up at me again and added: “I think … maybe a week.”
I’d already noticed that she wasn’t carrying a weapon. “Where’s your sword?”
“That demon back in the prison broke it in half over his knee!” she said, her eyes going wide. “You called him Plutus, right?”
I nodded as I imagined Plutus breaking her sword in half. “Did you get your sword from the bladesmith in the Dark Wood?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine that one of Tallis’s finely crafted blades would break so easily.
Delilah shook her head. “I didn’t get it at all. Afterlife Enterprises shipped it to me a few days ago, right before I was sent on this mission.”
I could only imagine they’d gotten the sword elsewhere. Moreover, Plutus probably wouldn’t have tried to kill her if he saw Tallis’s mark on her sword. He most likely would have had the same strange reaction to her as he did with me.
But as to Delilah, she was as ill-prepared as I was when Jason first appointed me to my new position. “So, that was your first trip to the Underground City?” I asked and she just nodded. “Did Afterlife Enterprises prepare you for your mission at all?”
“Um, I don’t really know,” she answered as she leaned
back against the tree again, pulling her legs into her chest. She continued to breathe more deeply. “I mean, they gave me a goody bag. That included the portal-cutting chalk, and another portal ripping device that allows me to enter the Dark Wood directly from my apartment in Spain. I also got a key to the Underground City’s front gate and a map of the Underground City and the Dark Wood. Other than those things, no, I received no further preparation at all.”
“Shit, you got more goodies than we did,” Bill exclaimed, opening one eye to study her. “We got a whole lot o’ jack.”
“Afterlife Enterprises didn’t send you Dante’s Inferno?” I asked. It puzzled me because it made no sense that I received certain items that she didn’t, and vice versa.
Delilah studied me for a moment, looking as perplexed as I. “What? The book that everyone has to read in high school English class?” she asked. When I nodded, she shook her head. “No, I never received any book.”
“They sent me the Inferno to use as a guide in the Underground,” I explained. “Apparently, Dante toured the Underground City in the fourteenth century and wrote all about it. Now, Afterlife Enterprises uses the book to help Retrievers navigate and find their way through the various levels of the Underground.”
“Oh,” Delilah answered with a nod, although she didn’t look especially interested. The color in her cheeks had returned, although her pupils were still wide and dilated. Apparently it wasn’t easy to lose the stamp of terror you receive after going through hell and back.
“Not that Dante really knew what the hell he was talkin’ about,” Bill piped up, shrugging. He didn’t bother opening his eyes when he added, “Half the time, the frickin’ thing’s wrong!”
Delilah smiled at him uneasily before eyeing me again.
“And where’s your guardian angel?” I asked. I tried to comprehend what the people who worked for Afterlife Enterprises were thinking when they sent this poor girl out with no angel and no preparations. How did they expect any of us to succeed as Soul Retrievers when they provided absolutely no support or training? If not for Tallis, I was more than sure my first mission to the Underground would have been my last. And now, if not for us, Delilah would, most likely, have met her demise.
She studied Bill before shrugging. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if I have one. I mean, if I do, I’ve never been introduced to him or her.”
That brought up another interesting fact in my mind—the only other two Retrievers I’d met thus far were Saxon and Sherita. We encountered Sherita during our first trek to the Underground City. The thing that struck me as most curious was the glaring absence of a guardian angel in attendance with Saxon or Sherita. I looked at Bill and frowned with confusion. “Why am I the only Retriever with an angel in tow?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “Got me, nips,” he replied before feigning a keen interest in the mustard stain on his Metallica T-shirt.
“Bill?” I demanded, more than aware that anytime Bill actually mentioned his own slovenliness, it was usually because he was trying to avoid something else. “Why do I detect that there’s much more to this story than you’re letting on?”
He was quiet for a few seconds before he broke out into a big smile. “Ah, what the hell? I’ll tell ya.” Then he cleared his throat and addressed both Delilah and me. “Just so you got the background, D-girl,” he said to Delilah, who appeared surprised at her new nickname, “I have a slightly tarnished reputation at Afterlife Enterprises,” he started and I sighed. I could only imagine how much this story was about to be blown out of proportion because exaggeration and Bill were the best of friends. “So here’s the deal, I’m real popular with the ladies and I’m kinda the life o’ the party an’ shit like that. So, naturally, lots of other, less awesome and more douchy angels aren’t down with how cool Angel Bill is, right?” Without waiting for either of us to respond, he added, “Right. It’s called jealousy.”
“Okay,” Delilah said with an expression of complete bewilderment.
“Right, so I’m like this accidental Jedi, you know?” Bill continued. By this point, he’d already lost both of us. “Like everything I do is super-Jedi; like even though I’m not aware I’m even doin’ it.” He stared at Delilah and his eyebrows reached for the sky. “That’s how cool I am.”
“Oh,” Delilah said while nodding to let him know she was paying close attention, or so I figured.
“So, I get inta some deep water ’cause I’m partying a little too hard, and overall, just bein’ a little too awesome for all the other angels ta handle,” Bill explained. Glancing up at me, he said, “Hence your little accident, nips.”
“Great,” I muttered, but I wasn’t really angry. Actually, I was intrigued as to where his story was going.
“Anyhoo,” Bill resumed the rambling narrative, “so, ya know, Jason Skeletorhorn has ta like make an example of me ’cause he don’t want any o’ the other angels suddenly growin’ some balls an’ actin’ as cool as Bill, namsay?”
“That means ‘know what I’m saying?’” I translated for Delilah.
“Oh,” she said before facing Bill again. “I know what you’re saying,” she added with a little smile.
Good,” he answered. “So, tryin’ ta make an example of Angel Bill, Skeletor decides to put me on cafeteria lunch duty.”
“What?” I demanded. I had no idea where his story came from, much less where it was going, and how it even got there.
“Right?!” Bill asked me while shaking his head. “Freakin’ Skeletor turned me into the goddamned Lunch Lady!” I shook my head like he couldn’t be serious. “So, I’m like hatin’ this new job ’cause it’s so freakin’ lame, ya know?” Delilah nodded again. “So one day, they’re servin’ up this crap that looks like Godzilla ate the Swamp Creature an’ then took a big ol’ shit right into one o’ my servin’ dishes! An’ I’m like, dude, I can’t do this no more, ya know?”
Delilah nodded. “I know.”
“So I rebelled,” Bill finished, throwing his hands up into the air. He acted like we were supposed to guess the rest.
“What do you mean you ‘rebelled’?” I inquired.
“I wouldn’t let the man drag me down no more,” he continued. “They already tried ta ruin my reputation by turnin’ me into the lunch lady, an’ finally, I just had enough. No more Mr. Nice Angel.”
“So what did you do?” I asked patiently. My palm was beginning to ache from clutching my sword so tightly in my hand. Thinking it was probably all right to resheath it, since we hadn’t encountered anything too concerning, I removed the scabbard from around my chest. Then I slid my sword inside it and replaced it on my person before turning to face Bill. I was anxious to hear the rest of his odd story.
“I frickin’ set up about twenty plastic spoons along the edge of my counter before I loaded them with Godzilla shit. Then I unleashed the fury that was Angel Bill’s retaliation and shot as many freakin’ yokels as I could with that nasty, green dinosaur excrement.” He started laughing hysterically and slapping his thigh. “It was freakin’ awesome!”
“So you … what? Started a food fight?” I asked, frowning. I was slowly figuring out exactly how Bill arrived on my doorstep that fateful morning a few months back. After being kicked out of his position as a guardian angel for basically allowing me to die prematurely, Afterlife Enterprises demoted him to the cafeteria staff. It was just another job which he clearly couldn’t handle. So, with no other place for him to go, and at a loss over what else to do with him, they sent him to me.
Fabulous.
“No, it wasn’t a fight, nips. A fight implies that the other side retaliated. No sir, baby, this was complete annihilation, a blitz, a premeditated act of destruction aimed at all yokels and dumbasses by Angel Bill. Never was there such a full-scale food slaughter waged so deftly, and never shall there be again.” He nodded with satisfaction and fell silent for a few seconds. “Amen to that,” he finished … at last.
Delilah had a look of concern on her face, but s
he didn’t say anything as Bill eyed us again, his smug smile freshly renewed. “So after that, Skeletor asked me what more he should do with me. Dude! I was like, send me to nips!” Bill grinned up at me warmly. “And here I am. The rest is ancient history.”
“And on that cheerful note, are you both ready to start moving again?” I asked, mostly addressing Delilah to see if she was feeling okay.
She smiled at me and nodded before getting on her feet. “Do you know what we’re supposed to do with the souls in the vial?” she asked as I fished through my fanny pack until I located the map of the Dark Wood.
I nodded but wasn’t exactly sure where the Soul Mail drop was. Saxon kindly circled it for me on the map, however, so I replied, “According to the map, we should spot a river once we make it past this hill.” Glancing down at the map and then up at the horizon before us, I saw that the hill dropped off about forty feet from where we stood.
“Cool,” Delilah said and she and Bill began to lead the way. I brought up the rear, which was fine by me.
“So Delilah, huh?” Bill asked and she responded by looking at him with a curious expression on her face. “That’s a real interestin’ name,” he said before facing her and singing. “Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in the Underground City?”
Delilah immediately started laughing at Bill with a wide grin. “I’m sure Plain White T’s would love hearing your unique rendition of their song,” she remarked before laughing again.
I shook my head, but couldn’t keep from smiling too. Sometimes, Bill was pretty funny; I had to admit. I continued to walk in silence, and watched the two of them as they laughed together. I had the strangest feeling of contentment. It just sort of blossomed inside me from nowhere. I was thankful for the brief moments of “alone time” whenever I could find it. It was the first opportunity for me to really contemplate our last mission to the Underground City.