by HP Mallory
“Nerdlet!”
“Bill!” I yelled out with relief as soon as I recognized his voice. Then I went as still as a statue when I wondered if this might be another instance of my mind playing tricks on me. Had I actually heard Bill’s voice calling out my name … er, nickname?
I waited a few seconds longer before my rising anger started to overtake me. Once again, all I could hear was the droning of the rain. You’ve got to stop thinking every weird sound you hear is Bill or Tallis! I reprimanded myself. You’re just going to drive yourself crazy! After another few seconds of waiting, and realizing it was for nothing, I shook my head. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. This is proof that you’re getting overwhelmed! You’re so exhausted, you’re getting confused.
Confused? I fired back, refusing to accept the excuses I was already feeding myself.
Yes, confused! You’re imagining Bill’s voice!
Now fully convinced of that fact, I centered all of my attention onto the hillside in front of me with renewed fervor and determination. I took a few steps, recovering my inner strength, and decided I would not be victimized by the errant wanderings of my mind.
Holding my head up higher, I quietly assured myself that I could succeed by myself, and ignore or overcome whatever tricks my mind was playing on me. Whatever was necessary, I would do it. Alone, and fearlessly. Yep, just me and my thighbone. Just me and someone else’s lost leg … I started to smile almost deliriously as I thought how completely ridiculous I sounded.
“Nips!” Bill’s voice called out again, but this time, it was much clearer. I immediately looked to my left and my right, but still couldn’t see any sign of him … or even detect where the voice had come from.
I know I heard him this time! I confirmed, fully determined to support my mind. That wasn’t just my imagination!
“I’m over here!” I called out, lifting my chin into the air so that my voice might travel far enough to reach him. “Bill! I’m here! Over here!”
I squinted again and blinked the raindrops out of my eyes before wiping them with my hand as I stared at the far left side of the hilltop. I couldn’t identify the shadows I was now convinced I could see, and didn’t know if they were really Bill and Tallis. With the clouds completely obscuring the moon every few seconds like they were on fast forward, it was impossible to make out anything. As soon as I had enough light, it was snatched away by the roving clouds.
“Lily!” Bill called out again.
Now fully convinced of his existence, I started running toward the hill. I kept my eyes trained on the top of it the entire time and strained to recognize the silhouettes of Bill and Tallis. But the stubborn clouds made that impossible because they insisted on blocking the moonlight.
“Bill! Tallis!” I yelled out loudly, and a smile of relief broke out across my face. I suddenly felt like crying with happiness.
I’m going to be okay! I told myself as I ran even faster. Now I was hell-bent on finding my way back to them. That was when I tripped over something and started falling down, face-first. I gasped and dropped the femur, but managed to brace myself for the impact. Stretching my hands out, my palms facing down, I hit the ground so hard, it knocked the wind completely out of me. But, at least I managed to avoid a full face-plant.
It took me a good few seconds to learn how to inhale again, and the pain in my stomach from where it met the ground was still roiling like an angry cat. I just lay there for a few seconds, trying to shake the dizziness from my head. Each shallow breath I took felt like a match burning me from the inside out.
“Besom?” Hearing Tallis’s voice, I glanced up to find him standing right in front of me, offering me his hand. Even though I felt like hell warmed over, a smile overtook my face all the same. I accepted his outstretched hand as he pulled me up onto my feet.
“You found me,” I whispered, still clutching his hand, lest I fall down again. Despite several waves of nausea and unrelieved fatigue, sensations of warmth and joy flooded my entire being.
“Aye,” he answered. I wasn’t sure if it were just a trick of the light, but it seemed like his face suddenly became blurry. It looked like he was shaking his head, but on extreme fast forward. I had to widen my eyes to make sure I saw what I thought I had. When I looked at him again, he appeared normal, just standing there and looking down at me.
“Where is Bill?” I asked, the pain in my lungs finally beginning to subside.
Tallis didn’t respond right away. He just stood there, staring down at me. He appeared as stone-faced as a statue, or a wax figure of himself. I studied him for another few seconds, trying to figure out exactly what seemed so out of place about him. Then he did that weird flickering thing again, and I had to catch my breath as I took a step away from him.
All at once, he disappeared, just like that! He hadn’t even turned around, or walked away. He was just gone, as if the air swallowed him in a nanosecond. M heart dropped with despair as my worst fear started to wend its way up my spine.
“Tallis?” I whispered as I shook my head to clear it, while trying to make sense of what had just happened.
I couldn’t ponder his disappearance for long, however, because moments later, I suffered an indescribably piercing pain right behind my eyes. Dropping my head into my hands, I clenched my eyes shut tightly and tried to ignore the ache. A moment later, all the pain vanished as if it were never there to begin with.
Shocked and confused, I opened my eyes. No longer in the dark with the rain streaming down my face, now I was …? Now I didn’t know where I was.
The sun shone so brightly that I had to shield my eyes. When my pupils finally adjusted to the merciless light, I found myself standing in front of a tree. I stayed there for a few seconds, trying to understand what happened and how I arrived at the place where I now was. As to where that was exactly … I had no idea. I turned around, trying to get a better idea of my surroundings … but, soon found myself facing the very same tree again. It seemed as if I hadn’t moved at all! Completely floored by the revelation, I spun around another two times. Eventually, I had to face the fact that no matter which direction I faced, the tree remained directly in front of me.
That’s impossible, I told myself while shaking my head. You must not have really moved. Try to turn around one more time!
Closing my eyes, I concentrated on the shuffling of my feet to ensure that I had, indeed, turned a full one hundred eighty degrees. I steadied myself before I opened my eyes … only to discover I was still facing the same tree.
“I don’t understand,” I whispered desperately, shaking my head in utter disbelief as my heart pounded in my chest wildly.
I tried to take a step forward, but my feet were rooted in place. Upon glancing down at them, to my complete shock, I realized my feet had become exactly that—roots! My legs were no longer legs at all. Instead of flesh, they were covered with rough bark, solid and thick … as a tree trunk.
This can’t be happening …
While frantically trying to convince myself that what I was seeing could not possibly be real, I glimpsed a flash of color from the corners of my eyes. Turning my head to the side, I raised my arms up to eye level before my heart dropped all the way to my former toes. My arms were now branches! Dark green leaves decorated the tips of each branch. I couldn’t see my head or face, but expected they, too, were covered in tree bark.
“No,” I said, aloud this time. Shaking my head harder, I tried to pull my legs free, but failed. I couldn’t go anywhere. I was stuck. Rooted in place, and in the shape of a tree! I was now the tree and the tree was me.
“No!” I yelled again, my heart rate increasing as I began trembling in horror. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and promised myself that this couldn’t really be happening. I wasn’t a tree. I was a person. I mean, how could I be a tree when I was still able to form logical thoughts? I could still think! And trees couldn’t think!
I glanced down again to double-check my arborial likeness, thinking this ar
gument was a cogent one. It was as good an alibi against being a tree as was possible. But when I observed the thick trunk that used to comprise my lower body, not to mention the roots that used to be my feet and toes, I wanted to scream. My mind was nearly breaking with the weight of what I was seeing. My breathing became more hurried and shallow …
Aha! How could I even be breathing if I were a tree!? I thought to myself, but I had no answers.
The blood seemed to be rushing away from my head, and I couldn’t see straight. I felt like I was in a fog. I was also a little faint and worried if I succumbed to the cloudiness around me, there was a good chance I wouldn’t ever wake up again. Maybe this was my final demise—maybe my brain was changing—morphing itself into branches and leaves. Pretty soon, I probably wouldn’t be able to think at all …
I breathed deeply, desperately trying to retain my currently fragile psyche and hold myself together. When I finally opened my eyes again, I was surrounded by darkness and dripping wet. I blinked a few times and glanced down at myself. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t still encapsulated with dark brown bark. Nope, my legs were my own again. After blinking several more times, just to convince myself that my eyes weren’t deceiving me, I was satisfied.
You’re back to being yourself again, I decided, despite the horror of my last experience still resonating in the back of my mind.
“Then what the hell happened?!” I asked out loud as I shook my head and tried to make sense of what I’d just gone through.
First, Tallis starts blinking in and out of focus before he vanishes into thin air? And then, that incredibly real vision of me becoming a tree?
My heart was beating uncontrollably fast, and I feared I might faint. I breathed in deeply for a count of three and exhaled just as slowly, but it didn’t seem to do any good. I started to shake and shudder in the cold rain and suddenly felt my temperature plunging. I was freezing. Still shaking, I wasn’t sure if my body were experiencing shock, or if the iciness was the actual temperature of the air.
Suddenly, the whispering voices started up again, only this time, they sounded like they were right next to my left ear. I turned to face them, but, of course, saw nothing there. I could hear their whispered breaths, though, clearly. It almost seemed as if two tiny pixies were talking to one another on my shoulder. I slammed my hands over my ears and clamped them down tightly, trying to expel the voices from my mind; but it didn’t do any good. They continued to whisper, their breathy voices suddenly infuriating me.
“Stop it!” I screamed out, surprised to hear how much vehemence was in my tone.
“Besom?” Upon hearing Tallis’s voice again, I wheeled around and found him standing there. He was studying me in an aloof, indifferent manner. Although the rain still came down quickly and in fairly large drops, it didn’t appear to make any contact with him. He was completely dry.
“Tallis?” I asked as I tried to understand what made him impervious to the elements. “Something weird is going on,” I started, my voice sounding drained, no, exhausted.
“Coome,” he replied as he offered his hand. When I looked down at it, however, it seemed to be miles away, and I was suddenly sprouted up to the size of a giant. I looked up at his face again, which was the correct distance away. I watched him blink in and out of focus again, shaking his head left and right as if he were on fast forward again. He moved so quickly, his features just blurred together.
“What’s going on?” I asked, taking a step back and dropping my hand. “Why are you shaking like that?”
“Take mah hand,” he repeated as he reached forward.
I didn’t obey him, but took another step back. There was something about Tallis that I didn’t trust. Something about him was off, or wrong. Something seemed very alien. “No,” I said while shaking my head. As soon as the word left my mouth, he popped right back out of the atmosphere again, instantly vanishing right before my eyes.
“Ere thou shalt know how heavy is that art...”
- Dante’s Inferno
SEVENTEEN
Seconds after Tallis disappeared, the whispering voices started up again. Frustration, anger and confusion suddenly swarmed inside me. All I could do was try not to scream or cry while tearing my hair out.
I’m imagining things that aren’t there, I suddenly thought. Looking around, I found myself surrounded by the bleak moonscape. I had nothing but the rain for company.
You have to find your way to the hill, Lily! that other voice inside my head reminded me. It was more insistent now and determined. Whatever is going on in your head, ignore it! All that matters now is that you reach the hill and get back up to the train tracks!
I faced the hill again with vital, renewed determination. Whatever was happening in my head had to be ignored for now. I knew the visions weren’t real. My mind was simply shutting down and playing tricks on me. And I refused to allow myself to succumb to its tricks. I had to be stronger than that, and see past what felt like the onset of my mind unraveling. I had to ignore it to ensure my survival.
Losing my grasp on reality in the Underground City was basically like signing my own death warrant.
“Tallis and Bill are here,” I heard a voice whispering in my left ear loud enough that it sounded as if the source of the voice were standing mere inches from me.
I gasped as I turned my head to the left. Of course, there was nothing and no one there. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and braced myself, fisting my hands at my sides.
You are completely alone out here, Lily! I yelled the thought to myself. Stop allowing your brain to confuse you! You have to see through the facade! It’s nothing but sheer artifice, just ploys and tricks of your own mind!
I took a few steps forward, my heart, once again, racing. Its pounding seemed to drown out the roar of the raindrops pelting the ground until all I could hear was the loud thumping of my heart. I half wondered if it might explode at any second.
“Tallis Black is known to us all,” the voice began again, this time in my right ear. It almost sounded like a cat hissing. “He is a part of this-s-s-s world, not yours.”
I threw my hands over my ears and started to walk faster, trying to ignore the voice. Steeling my resolve, I refused to allow myself to look at anything besides the base of the hill in front of me.
“He will always belong to us-s-s-s,” the voice continued, only now it sounded as if it were directly in front of me. But just like the last time the voice spoke, there was no one there. There was nothing there. Except the endless, vast stretch of dirt and nothingness …
I broke into a run, slamming my hands more tightly over my ears to better block out the voice. I wasn’t sure how long I ran before my lungs started to burn. I couldn’t suck in enough air to relieve them. I had to slow down. Exhaustion invaded every crevice of my body. With no other option, I started to walk while trying to inhale huge gasps of air. I also tried to talk my heart into calming down.
Taking another glance at the base of the hill, it looked as if it were now many miles away. The longer I studied it in the weak light, the more I became convinced I hadn’t made any headway at all. I seemed to be even farther than I was before I started running.
“I don’t understand,” I said softly, shaking my head as tears of frustration fell and my confusion burned inside me. “I don’t understand!” I screamed out loud. My anger and fear suddenly spiraled out of control and I was worried I was about to completely lose my grasp on reality. I dropped to the ground amid a fit of tears and beat the dirt with my fists in frustration.
“Let go,” that voice suddenly announced, as it were right behind me. “There is no use fighting us-s-s-s. We have already won.”
“Go away!” I yelled in reply. I didn’t even bother to turn around anymore, because I already knew I wouldn’t see anything. The voice was just a figment of my imagination, proof that I was going completely crazy.
“Stop fighting and it will make things s-s-s-o much easier,” the voice continued to hiss. “Gi
ve yourself to us-s-s-s. Give up. Let us-s-s-s help you. Let us-s-s-s take your pain and confusion away.”
“Lily!” I heard Bill’s voice interject. I cocked my head to the side and wondered how my mind managed to play such cruel tricks on me. “Get up!” he yelled, sounding almost hysterical.
“Stop!” I screamed while dropping my head into my hands. I wished my brain would end this torture and just leave me alone. I started to hyperventilate and couldn’t catch my breath.
“Get up!” Bill screamed at me again. But I couldn’t pinpoint where his voice was coming from and, furthermore, I no longer cared.
“Give up,” that other voice continued. It sounded somehow more intense and louder now. “Give yourself to us-s-s-s and this sea of confusion will pass-s-s-s.”
Collapsing fully onto the ground, a deluge of tears fell from my eyes and the ensuing sobs wracked my entire body. I became light-headed and suddenly weak.
“Besom, git oop!” I heard Tallis wail. His voice sounded closer than Bill’s voice, but with my head still facing the ground, I wasn’t particularly focused on my surroundings.
Lily! Tallis’s voice suddenly sounded in my head, breaking through my thoughts like a hot knife through butter. Ye moost fight the insanity ’cause it isnae real, he continued. Listen tae meh. Git oop!
I lifted my head and that was when I saw them. Not Tallis and Bill, but … something else. Something decidedly less friendly.
It looked like the earth was spitting them out on fast forward. Or like the very dirt and soil were forming these creations that rose up out of the ground. I thrust myself into a push-up position and inhaled deeply while trying to ignore my nausea and dizziness.
“Besom!” Tallis yelled again.
Raising myself all the way up until I was sitting, a wave of dizziness washed over me. I had to close my eyes as I tried to drive the horrible feelings away. When I opened them again, I found myself looking at … something.