by Bane, Lucian
The memory of her nostrils fluttering with her sweet effort to do it perfectly, take all of him deep, so fucking deep, burned through him. Fire bit down on his balls and Sade gave several harsh grunts, bucking his cock through his iron clutch. He stifled a roar, bowing his body off the bed as his furious orgasm took him, turned him inside out, and made him into that writhing, sadistic animal of insatiable hunger.
As he lay in a haze of torment, disgust slowly seeped its way in. Only something demonic could be fed and never satisfied. Except when his angel fed it. She was the only one that had ever been able to command that devil. And now she was gone.
Sade put on jeans and grabbed his crutches, needing to see her. At not finding her in her room, he went to Bo’s and found it empty. One wheelchair. One pair of crutches. He looked down the hall and heard laughter. Making his way to the end, he realized it was coming from the workout room.
“I see you didn’t forget your strength,” he heard Bo say.
Sade put his hand on the doorknob and listened, his heart pounding and his stomach on fire.
“I see you didn’t forget your sense of humor.”
“Actually I didn’t forget anything.”
They laughed and Sade’s hand tightened on the doorknob, his jaw hardening in fury. Mercy’s laughter burned through him. That she was doing it with somebody else made him tremble in jealousy.
“Very funny mister. Don’t get smart or I’ll make you hitchhike back to your room.”
“I have to say, I’ve never rode double in a wheelchair before. Sade and I used to ride double on our bikes, but this is a step up for me.”
The vision of Bo on Mercy’s lap or the other way around had him seeing blood. He needed to walk away from that door.
“I can’t even imagine Sade riding a bike,” Mercy said. “Was he always that big?”
“No, he wasn’t! But he always kicked everybody’s ass that fucked with me. One of the reasons I love him.”
“I bet he got all the girls?”
Sade listened closely, his heart racing at hearing her digging for information about him.
“Actually, I got the girls. But that was fine by him, he never was into girls that much.”
“Oh really? Boys?”
Bo laughed loudly. “If it meant kicking their ass, yes. He didn’t get close to nobody.”
A throat cleared behind him and he glanced back to find Liberty with a quirked brow in a military stance, fists on hips.
Shit. “You eavesdropping on me?”
“What are you doing?” she whispered.
“Just checking on Mercy.”
“More like spying.”
He turned on his crutches ‘til he faced her. “I need to talk to you.”
“Let’s walk.”
Chapter Ten
He waited ‘til he got far enough away from the nauseating laughter before he realized he didn’t know how to say it. He fought with the words only coming up with one thing. “I need Mercy.”
She put her hands behind her, walking slowly while looking down. “Define need.”
Another mind boggling challenge that ran together for him. “I just can’t… I’m lost. Before her, I had a sick little routine. When she came into my life, she wrecked it and gave me a new routine. And now that’s gone and I’m… I’m stuck with things and urges I don’t know how to process anymore.”
“Like what things.”
“I’ll be blunt with you.”
“Please do.” Like she didn’t have the patience for anything but.
“When Mercy met me, I was a full-blown sadomasochist.”
“I knew that one.”
He paused a little and went on. “Then you know I have ways of dealing.”
They made it to the living room and kept going in the direction of the kitchen. “So you don’t know what to do with your urges I’m guessing.”
He paused in mid-stride, relieved she got it so accurately and quickly. “Exactly.”
They made it to the kitchen. “Have a seat, let’s do coffee.” He sat while she retrieved the items with a confident ease that made you feel maybe all wasn’t as lost as it seemed and felt.
“So, what do you have in mind?”
“Besides going insane and killing something, nothing. I just know I need her. The Mercy I knew, the one who gave me other means to deal, she’s… just not there.” He couldn’t bring himself to say gone, that was too fucking permanent, and he wouldn’t talk that way out loud.
After getting the coffee on, she turned and leaned against the counter, arms crossed and eyes aimed at him like an armed tank. “There is a lot of PTSD going on here. You, Bo, Mercy—all of you are suffering with it. Speaking of which, I am going to sedate Bo tonight, no arguments. And Mercy? Well, she’s got PTSD whether she realizes it or not, remembers it or not. Her body hasn’t forgotten the trauma she’s just been through. Her instincts aren’t matching up to her feelings and vice versa, leaving her in a constant state of anxiety. I’ve studied her file so I know she’s been trained to survive, and she’s forgotten a lot of it. Not the physical one, but some of the others may not be present like the day-to-day thought processes when presented with problems. And since most of her training stemmed from childhood sexual trauma, the sexual aspect is her stronghold slash weakness. She can kick ass without thinking but remembering how to process sexual conflict is another animal altogether, and you’d have to be blind not to see she’s highly conflicted sexually with you. Look, I don’t know what you had with her, okay? Her body remembers you to some extent—possibly mixing it with childhood sexual trauma? Not sure. Hope not, but not sure. In that case, her instincts at a muscle memory level are at this point—negative.”
Sade had been holding his jaw shut and finally forced himself to release it. “How… the fuck do I fix this?”
She shrugged a little. “Nothing to do but wait for her to remember. Give it time, that usually solves it all.”
Sade was back to ready to kill mode. “There has to be something I can do to help. I can’t just wait, I know I can’t, I can feel I can’t, I won’t.”
“Try doing things that remind her of the good things. Nonsexual things.”
He gave a dry laugh. “No such thing, everything with her was sexual in some way.”
She raised her brows and gave a one-sided smile of dry sympathy. “That sucks. I think. Maybe some of the things that weren’t too sexual. Had to be something. Familiar smells, feelings, tastes, sounds. Anything that connects her mind to an event in the past to sort of manually connect dots.”
Sade thought about that while Liberty poured their coffee. At first he thought there wasn’t anything, then things began pouring into his mind. The reading, the soul meshing, the music, the food. He eyed Liberty for a moment. The jealousy. Could he spark that? She was sure sparking the fuck out of his.
“Will you help me?”
“As long as it helps and doesn’t hurt, I’ll do what I can.”
Sade took the cup of coffee and eyed her as she sat. “Well… she used to be very jealous.”
“Oh brother,” Liberty muttered in disgust, bringing the coffee cup to her lips. “Go on, I’m listening.”
****
Sade actually managed an afternoon nap and woke up to the sound of knocking. He twisted on the bed, putting his ear toward the door. Not knocking. Banging. Then yelling. Sade shot to the door without his crutches and yanked it open.
“I don’t need sleep! If I do, I’ll sleep, get away from me with that!”
“Sade!” Liberty and Bo both yelled his name as he hurried across the hall, Mercy following in her wheelchair.
“Bo!” he yelled.
“Tell her man, tell her to get the fuck away from me!”
At seeing Bo’s body heaving, his killing instinct hit and he shot his hand between them when he got to the bed. “Wait!” he ordered her. “What do you want to give him?”
“Midazolam. Puts him way under, he won’t dream.”
&nb
sp; “Bullshit!” he yelled.
Sade jerked his fact to him, glaring.
“Just saying man.”
The vulnerability in his desperate voice urged Sade to hurt something. He jerked his gaze to Liberty. “I’ll sit with him and see that he sleeps.”
She rolled her eyes, holding the shot up in her right hand. “For Pete fucking sakes.”
“We can do shifts,” Mercy said behind Sade.
What should have made him happy, triggered his rage. “I can handle it,” he nearly barked.
“You’ll need to sleep at some point.”
Sade realized there was no arguing that shit without looking like an outright moron. “Whatever.”
“Fine,” Liberty said, backing off the bed, “I guess I can take a damn shift too.” She pointed her mechanical finger at him, “And you better fucking sleep.”
“Oh sure, I’ll sleep just fine with you waving that thing around.” He looked at Sade. “Make her take last shift and she better not drug me, I’ll kick her ass.”
Liberty laughed hysterically at that.
“You think I can’t?”
“Calm it Bruce Lee,” Sade muttered, patting Bo’s chest to let him know he wasn’t mad and that he was safe now.
“I’m just saying,” Bo muttered. “Her claw doesn’t scare me.”
Liberty actually snickered as she walked out. “I’ll be back.”
“Take your time,” Bo called before muttering, “Mizz Terminator.”
“You want me to take first watch?” Mercy asked.
Sade’s jaw hardened. “Whatever Bo wants.”
“I don’t care, just so it’s not Iron Maiden. I can’t fall asleep with that around me.”
Sade pushed off the bed and walked to the door. “Come get me when it’s my watch,” he said, not looking back.
Wasn’t fifteen minutes later when somebody knocked on his door. “Come in!” he yelled from the bed, hoping it was Liberty so he could vent.
The door handle rattled a little then opened. He stared in confusion at Mercy in the wheelchair. The second her gaze dropped to his naked chest, his dick hardened. She wasn’t quick to realize she was gawking, making him glad he’d gotten comfy in only briefs. His reflexes warred between the need to protect her sensitivities and provoke her memory. Waking her memory won out and he remained still, watching her.
Her gaze finally made it to his face and a thick fire rolled through him at the look she had. Like she’d just had a fucking orgasm. Jesus Christ, he wanted her so bad. Right in that second. Flashes of her body beneath his, slick with sweat as he fucked her into delirium turned the fire into an inferno.
Knowing her body remembered him, felt like he was one step closer to her, even if the memory was confused. He could definitely talk to her body. So what brought her to his room was the question. “Something wrong?”
She turned the chair and shut the door. “Bo wanted to be alone before he tried to fall asleep.”
He eyed her, feeling better that she thought to come see him while waiting. “He should let Liberty bathe him again.”
“Again?”
“Yeah. I think that’s why he’s scared of her.”
Mercy snickered with wide eyes. “I bet.”
He sat at the edge of the bed, ready to play the tempter. “I can make coffee.” He suddenly saw the mountain of paper on the floor preceding the porn story he’d written and jacked off to.
She looked down at it. “You wrote?”
“Uhh,” he made his way to his knees and began gathering the mess. “I tried.”
“You tried a lot. Did you forget how to write?”
He wadded the papers together and chucked it into the small wastebasket on his right. “Maybe.” He caught her staring with wide eyes at his hard cock pushing against his black briefs. The open curiosity made it even harder, and he suddenly wanted to just let her look. While he jacked off. He bet his curious virgin-minded Mercy would benefit from that.
She seemed to remember where she was and what she was doing. “Your room is just like mine,” she gasped breathless, looking around.
“You want that coffee?” He made his way to standing.
“Sure. I might need it. Can I have it?” He looked at her, not getting what she meant. “What you wrote for me?”
He chuckled a little and limped carefully to the side of the room that held the kitchenette. “Sure. But it’s… rough.”
“Too messy to read?”
“Not that kind of rough.”
“Well…I promise not to grade you.”
“Uh… not that kind of rough either.”
A moment of silence stretched before her timid, “Oh.”
After he put the coffee on, he walked to the table next to the bed, snatched the notebook from it and handed it to her. “Before I chicken out and burn it.”
When she only stared at it, he retracted the offer only to have her reach for it.
“You sure?” He handed it back again.
She grabbed it and put it in her lap like she didn’t want to hold it too long. “I think so.”
“I wouldn’t read it if I were you.”
The need to ask why was all over her pretty face, as she once again stroked his cock with that innocent scan of his body.
He held up both hands. “I’m not telling you, you have to read it. But just know it wasn’t easy for me to write all that.” It had been hell not being able to fuck her, grind his cock deep until she screamed. He sat on the bed and put his palms behind him, watching her gaze drop over his torso then jerk away when reaching his hard dick. Fuck, what a turn on.
“I can put pants on if you make me. It’s just… so damn hot. And hard… with my feet I mean. How are yours?” He fought a grin at seeing her fluster over his naughty play on words.
“Oh. Hurt like hell.”
He wondered then. “You remember anything about that? I kinda hope you never regain that memory.”
“I don’t.” She peeked up at him, reminding him of that sweet girl he’d accidentally fallen in love with in his condo. “It was that bad?”
He only nodded, holding her gaze, wanting to kiss her.
“I’m sorry.”
His heart raced at the brave way she soul meshed with him. Even if it wasn’t soul meshing since that’s not what she was intending, still. It was close and he was hungry for it. “For what?”
“Just that you have to remember it.”
“And Bo.”
“Especially Bo,” she said.
Especially?
She seemed to regret the confessional slip. “I mean he seems more… unable to take that kind of stuff.”
“And I get off to it, so…”
“I didn’t mean that, you’re just a lot…” He let her struggle for it, almost getting off to her torment except for the topic. “Bigger.”
“I’m pretty big, yes.”
“Yep,” she said with forced ease as she looked down at the notebook, then around as though remembering it contained more indecent things. “Soooo. How long are we going to be here?”
“No clue,” he said quietly.
“What are we supposed to do while here?”
“Live, I suppose.”
She nodded. “Obviously. And thankfully. Living is good.”
“So you have any plans to regain your memory?”
She gave him a confused look. “Plans?”
“Yeah, I mean usually you have a plan.”
“I do?”
“Always. Always a plan to overcome shit. It’s one of the things I love about you.”
“Or loved,” she mumbled, lowering her head.
“It’s still there.”
She pffed and played with her fingers. “Don’t see that trait anywhere around.”
“It’s there,” he assured softly, suddenly wanting to fuck her slowly.
She peeked at him. “You sound so confident.”
“I am. Cocky too.” He grinned at her, trying for playful, but it on
ly earned him a wall of frigidity. “At least you’re comfortable with Bo,” he added. That was the one thing Sade didn’t like. Having Bo anywhere in the middle of him and Mercy.
She shrugged, missing his jealousy. “I ate with him. He was bored.”
“Nice,” Sade lied outright. “Glad you’re not scared of him.”
“No, not at all.”
“Guess that’s not so odd.”
She eyed him, looking suspicious of what he meant. Too bad he had nothing but validation for her in the fear department.
“Well, I’m glad you feel safe with somebody,” he said. “And with Liberty?”
She shrugged. “I can’t say for sure. Are you two related?”
“No, why?”
Her lips briefly turned down with her shrug. “You act alike is all.”
“I think we’re both cut from the same cloth.”
“Which is what?”
“The ‘life’s a bitch and then you die’ one.”
“At least you have somebody you can relate to.”
Sade cocked his jaw with the sudden need for vengeance. “And she’s a great doctor. She reminds me a lot of you.”
She pffed. “I see no resemblance whatsoever.”
“I do.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re in such good hands.”
“Good hand,” he corrected, winking at her when she looked at him. The tables had turned enough that he was having fun even if he wasn’t gaining good ground. Any ground was good to him at this point. “Helps when she’s handling heavy loads.” He waited for her to take the bait.
“She needs a strong hand to handle you, I’m sure.”
“Not a good thing when wet and slippery.” Her gaze narrowed in open suspicion. “During baths,” he finished, hating himself suddenly for the lie. But he hungered for her affection, even if it was borne out of jealousy. It was proof that it was there, proof that his Mercy still lived in that body.
Her brows slowly went up. “Because you wouldn’t want to fall and not be able to get up.”