All of a sudden, the cookie tasted like ash in my mouth. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to my grandmother about my sex life with Natalie.
Deciding to play coy, I said, "That's all it is; gossip." I realized I hadn't gotten myself something to drink, and desperately wished I had.
"That doesn't make what is reported untrue. What is going on with you and Kellie's sister?"
I blew out a breath knowing I wouldn't be able to talk my way out of this one. "We're being discrete."
My grandmother let out a laugh and I couldn't blame her considering there was a picture of Natalie and me not being discrete plastered on the Internet.
"Did you really think that you two would be able to sneak around and nobody would notice?"
I jerked my gaze to my grandmother. "You knew?"
She stared at me intently, one brow arching. "This is my company, Hunter. I know everything that goes on there." Then her features softened, making her look more like a grandmother and less like an iron-woman CEO, as she picked up a cookie from the tray. "So, what's going on with you and Ms. Nichols?"
I sat for a moment looking out over the bay wondering that exact question. It was supposed to be so easy. Occasional sex with no strings. But somehow it had gotten complicated. Way too complicated.
"I don't know. We don't mix. We’re like oil and water, and yet at the same time, there's this powerful attraction between us. We thought we would just deal with it and be done, but it seems to be getting out of hand."
"What are your intentions towards her?" Gran asked me.
"I don't have any intentions. It's casual." I was certain she wasn't going to like that, but it seemed important to tell the truth. Although saying it out loud, it didn't feel quite truthful.
My grandmother frowned over the table at me. "I'm surprised at you Hunter. I thought you knew better than to risk a lawsuit by having an affair with an employee. Not to mention that you’re playing with this poor girl's heart, and have probably ruined her career as an artist."
There were bits of that statement that were true, so I focused on the one that wasn't. "I'm not playing with her heart, Gran. She doesn't have feelings for me either."
My grandmother's stern eyes stared at me over the rim of her glass as she sipped her vodka and tonic. She set her glass down. Her gaze never leaving me, making me feel like I was eight years old and getting in trouble for stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. Finally, she sighed and sat back in the chair.
"I don't want you to take this wrong, Hunter, but you really need to get your act together."
I flinched at my grandmother's tone.
"You're a very good businessman. You not only take care of the marketing for Strong Incorporated, but you have other businesses that are doing very well. Your personal life, however, is a disaster. Now I understand why you choose to live your life dipping your wick in every pretty scented candle that you find, but I can't help but wonder if that's making you more unhappy in your life."
I winced at her description of me knowing that it was right. And for a long time, I didn't care. I still didn't want to care, so why was I feeling so on edge? Maybe the problem was that I wasn't sticking my wick in every pretty scented candle that I came across anymore. Currently I was focused on one candle, and maybe that was the problem.
She stood from the table. "I know young men think that all this carousing around makes for a good life. But I suspect you're lonely Hunter. I'm worried about you. I'm worried that you've decided you'd rather be lonely than happy. I'm going to leave you to ponder upon that." She turned to head inside my home.
I rose from my chair, but she called over her shoulder, "I'll show myself out. Enjoy the snickerdoodles."
20
Natalie
When I got home, I spent the rest of the day painting. This wasn't the type of art that would ever end up in a gallery. It was more rage painting, therapeutic painting. There was something about the stroke of the brush on the canvas and the way the colors would mix sometimes harshly, sometimes gently, vibrant, angry colors merging together. By the end of the day, I had pulled out the picture, I had started of Hunter.
Working from the sketch, I began to paint it. It was still far from done, but slowly the image of him was revealing itself on the canvas. I wanted to be pissed off at him for how he responded to the gossip about us. But now, with some time away and cooling off, I could see that my reaction was no different. We both immediately thought only of ourselves. I suppose that was the reason why he and I would never work out. We were both too selfish.
Later that night, after several glasses of wine, as I was settling in bed to go to sleep, my phone rang. The caller ID indicated it was Hunter.
It bothered me a little bit at how eager I was to hear his voice. I picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"I'm not calling too late, am I?"
"No. Is everything all right?" I wondered if maybe something had happened to his father. Maybe he had a relapse.
"I need to apologize to you for earlier today, but I felt it would be better if I did it over the phone than in person so we could avoid spying eyes."
"That's smart. And I'm sorry too."
There was a pause for a moment. "Sorry for what?"
"I was only thinking of myself and not how this could impact you as well." Of course, I figured it would only add to his image, but clearly, despite the fact that he liked to live the playboy life, he didn't like the playboy notoriety.
"I made some calls today to see if I could get it taken down and I was told that trying to do that would just add fuel to the fire. So, I want to let you know I'm not going to respond and you probably shouldn't either."
I sighed and sank down into my pillows. "Yes, that makes sense. I won't say anything. I've been ignoring all the calls I've been getting."
"Good. I've also been trying to figure out how to make this right for you Natalie because I do believe in your talent, and I'd hate for this to hurt you. But I got the same response; if I try to do something, it'll just look more like what the article is accusing me of doing."
"Yes, I get it and I appreciate your thinking about that." My anger toward him softened more. I could hear the frustration in his voice, not just at being exposed like this, but at feeling helpless to fix it for me.
"You know, sometimes this type of publicity can actually be good. I mean people are going to think what they think about us, but perhaps it will garner more attention for your work. Once they see your work, they will see why we had the showing. They'll see your talent and maybe you'll sell more paintings."
Despite the fact that I felt like my career had come to an end, I smiled at his comment. "I never pegged you as an optimist, Hunter."
"Yeah, well I know you are, so fingers crossed that this comes out better in the end than it feels right now."
"Fingers crossed."
By the time I showed up to work again, I felt like that gossip piece was behind us. Not that I wouldn't have to endure the stares and speculation of the people I worked with, but that Hunter and I were back to where we’d been before. And after the interrogation I got from my sister about what was going on with Hunter and me, I figured I could handle anyone. I had to call out her hypocrisy, considering she’d been sleeping with her boss, but she pointed out that it was different since she and Ryan were married now and we both knew Hunter would never do that. In the end she just wanted me to be careful, and told me that she loved me.
Back at work, Hunter and I did our best to behave how we always did at work; professionally. But there was a different energy or vibe going on and it wasn't because the people I worked with were wondering about me and Hunter. It was because there was something different about Hunter. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that was because to all outward appearances, he seemed to be behaving exactly the same as he had before. But I felt like there was some sort of distance between us now. I had to consider that maybe he was thinking of ending things. That saddened me, and yet the practic
al, rational part of me knew that perhaps it was for the best.
I took my lunch a little early so I could avoid seeing other people in the breakroom, and having to explain the gossip on the Internet. When Margaret Strong walked in, I wished I'd gone with the option of having to be grilled by my coworkers because I definitely didn't want to be interrogated by the CEO of the company.
"Mrs. Strong. How are you?" I said, mustering the biggest smile I could.
"I'm very well Ms. Nicole, and you? You're getting along okay here at Strong Incorporated?"
That felt like a loaded question because getting along well could imply my visits with Hunter. Did she know? I gave my head a quick shake. Of course, she knew. If she hadn't read the article, Andi would have and told her about it. But I had to answer something. "I'm very thankful for the opportunity."
"I hear from my grandsons that you're doing very good work."
"I'm glad to hear that. Can I get you some tea or something?" Inwardly I kicked myself because I didn't want to sit and have tea with Margaret Strong, but it seemed rude not to offer something.
"That would be very nice, thank you dear." She sat down at one of the round tables.
I went about heating up water and pulled out the box of the various teas and set them on the table in front of her.
"I understand your gallery showing went very well,” she said.
I turned my back to her to get the hot water, grateful for the opportunity because I couldn't look her in the face. The gallery was where that picture was taken.
"It was yes." Of course, now, my reputation along with the consideration of my talent was going down the tubes.
"Is that your ultimate goal? To be an artist?"
I brought the mug of water to her, setting it in front of her. "Yes, my ultimate goal is to make a living from my art."
“What about things like marriage and family?"
I sat down across from her, feeling like a deer with my gaze caught in the headlights by her question. I knew I wanted to run from it, but at the same time was paralyzed by it. "Well, as a concept, someday I'd like to get married and have kids. But it's not something I'm actively pursuing right now." Good answer Nat, I told myself.
"I understand that young people today enjoy being wild and carefree, but often they fail to anticipate the ramifications that can come with that sort of lifestyle. People can end up hurt."
I felt like I was being chastised, so I looked down. I didn't feel like I’d done anything wrong. Hunter and my agreement was done in private. Everything we did was in private. It never came to work, except for when it came out on the Internet.
"Hunter has been hurt before. He's not good with loss and I would hate to see him hurt again."
My gaze shot up to hers in shock, and then I grew indignant. I wasn't sure what upset me more; that she seemed to think I wasn't good enough for Hunter, or that out of the two of us, he was the one that was going to get his heart broken.
She must've seen the annoyance on my face, because she only stared back, and said, "I know my grandson Ms. Nichols. I know he could just as easily hurt you. The fact of the matter is the both of you work here, and Strong Incorporated can't afford to have a bunch of hormonal nonsense going on. Now it's my understanding that so far the two of you have remained professional and I appreciate that. And I am in no way threatening you or your job. My point here is simply to make sure that you are fully aware of what is going on. Hormones have a way of fogging up our rational minds. The both of you need to get clear on what it is you want, and whether this thing you two have going on is the best for both of your particular goals." She rose from her chair, picking up her tea. "Thank you for the tea, Ms. Nichols." Then she turned and left the room.
I sat there trying to wade through everything she had said. She wasn’t wrong. What started out as simple friends with benefits was now jeopardizing my future goals. I wondered if she had the same discussion with Hunter. Perhaps that was the strange vibe I was getting from him.
In the end, she was right. I needed to reevaluate what was going on between Hunter and me. Maybe he and I needed to sit down and reevaluate what was going on. Then again, that would probably make him run for the hills faster than anything because this was supposed to be no strings attached, and talking about a relationship implied string.
My concerns were unwarranted, though, as over the next few days, except for seeing him at work, I didn't see Hunter for any of our no-strings attached interludes. I figured that was the answer. I was pragmatic and knew that was the right answer, even though it made my heart ache.
21
Hunter
I was glad that my brother Ryan called us all over to my dad's house for a family gathering. I was having a hard time resisting Natalie even though I knew it was the best thing to do. Not just to keep us out of the headlines, but also, I couldn’t trust myself around her.
There was something comforting being back in the house that I grew up in with my father. In many ways, he was a shell of a man since my mother died, and at the same time, he devoted himself to ensuring his kids had love and support, giving us as wonderful of a childhood as he could without having our mother.
The house was close to the beach because he loved the surf, and I hoped that he would recover and be out in the ocean again soon.
We were out on the back terrace where my dad was sitting surrounded by my brothers Noah and Ryan. Carter was away at some sort of finance convention. We sat around the table having cold drinks, enjoying the view and checking in with my father. An unfamiliar woman who was around my age came out to assist him.
"Boys, this is my physical therapist, Jess," my father introduced the woman to us.
We all said hello and after she got him settled, she returned to the house.
"She's hot," Noah said as he watched the woman enter the house.
“She's here to help dad. So both you and Hunter need to keep your mitts off," Ryan said.
I held my hands up in surrender. “I didn't say anything. I didn't even look."
Noah gaped at me. "So, you and Natalie really are a thing, huh?"
I shook my head avoiding looking at Ryan in case he had some thoughts about my fucking his sister-in-law. “No. We’re not." That wasn’t a total lie. I needed to keep my distance from her.
"Liar," Noah said. Fortunately, he didn't say anything more.
My father was able to get the discussion on to other things, including his physical therapy and his prognosis for getting out onto the waves again. He hoped to get as much rehab from Jess as he could to get back on the water asap. I was glad to see him optimistic about his chances of a full recovery. After my mother died, there was a time when I didn't think he'd ever really live again. So, the fact that he wasn't letting this get him down was encouraging to me.
As we got up to leave, my father called my name and asked if I might stay a little bit longer. I agreed to stay with only a niggle of worry about what he wanted to talk about. My father wasn’t one to pry in our private lives.
I went inside and got us a snack and then brought it back out and sat with him to enjoy the day.
"Is there something that you need beyond what Jess can get you?" I asked, handing him a new drink. "Maybe some modifications on the house or equipment?"
My father shook his head. "I'm experiencing pain but I'm seeing my way through it. Jess pushes me when I need to be pushed, but she's also patient. And the truth is, after losing your mother, the pain I feel now is minimal in comparison."
That was the exact reason why I was going to avoid Natalie. Of all the women I'd seen in the last few years, Natalie was the only one that haunted me when I slept and drew me to her during the day. There was too much risk that I could fall for her, and having already suffered the loss of my mother and other heart ache, I didn't want to put myself in a position to be like my father, living the rest of his life with a hole in my heart.
"Your grandmother has some concerns about the relationship you're having with Ry
an's sister-in-law."
I tried not to roll my eyes and I scanned my brain for a way to move on from this conversation.
"She asked me to talk to you about it, but that's not really what I want to talk to you about. Who you spend time with, or who you fall in love with—"
"I'm not in love."
My father studied me for a moment. "Well, I'll admit I'm a little disappointed to hear that. I know what happened to you in the past, and I suspect that's why you're so adamant about never falling in love again. I know the feeling. But there's nothing in life so sweet as being with someone you love. As difficult as losing your mom was, knowing what I know now, I'd still go back and do it all over again. She gave me so much joy and happiness when she was with me, and she gave me you four boys, I wouldn't want to ever miss out on that."
"The difference is I don't really know what I would be missing. It's not like I'm walking away from something like you and mom had." Plus, it was slightly different. I’m sure my mother truly loved my father. She hadn’t been duping him.
"Well, that's just it, Hunter. You know that in business, there can be no reward without risk. Now I don't know if Kellie’s sister is the woman for you, but you're always going to miss out on the possibility of a woman being able to bring you the joy and the wonder of life like your mother brought me if you fight to keep it away."
"I’d think that you of all people would understand that it's not easy to put yourself out there knowing how much there is to lose. And to be honest, dad, I haven't noticed you getting back in the saddle." I knew it was an asshole thing to do to my father, but it was a bit hypocritical for him to tell me to get back in the game when he hadn’t and probably never would.
“I admit my hypocrisy in what I'm saying to you. On the other hand, it's not quite the same. You haven't experienced a love like I had with your mother and while yes, the loss of her has been devastating in my life. She meant everything to me. I want that kind of love for you Hunter. I want you to find a woman who loved me the way your mother did. And yes, it is a risk. And you may have your heart broken many more times before you find her, but I can tell you, the risk is worth it."
Giving In To Love: A Friends with Benefits Office Romance (Strong Brothers Book 2) Page 13