by Serena Light
"So what happened?"
"I don't know..." Her husband squirmed in unease. "One moment I'm watching this movie on mute and the next I can't breathe...and I don't even remember what had happened, I just felt..."
"Triggered," They both spoke in sync, Nicole with nonchalance while her husband said it with unease, looking at her with furrowed eyebrows as his wife didn't meet his gaze and instead busied herself putting things away.
Once it all was cleared and he was patched up, Nicole interlaced their fingers together before leading him back to bed, allowing him to get under the covers before she joined him on her side, both of them lying silently when the lamp turned off. A minute hadn't even passed before Salvatore turned towards her, snuggling into her small frame and buried his face into the crook of her neck as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him close.
Salvatore awoke alone in bed, feeling horribly lethargic and as if though he hadn't slept at all. Stretching across the mattress, he turned to find the sun peeking through the cracks of the curtains. Sitting up, he scratched the back of his head and yawned tiredly as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.
Standing up, he stretched his arms over his head and found that he felt...lighter almost, like he could appreciate the specks of dust that swam through the ray of light, the feel of the smooth wood beneath his feet, or the way the air conditioning blew cold air over his bare arms despite the lethargy weighing heavy on his bones. Looking down at his bandaged knuckles, he realized he hadn't seen Nicole as of yet.
Walking across the room, he peeked his head around the corner of the doorway, half expecting his closet to be littered with broken glass and blood, instead found the shattered pieces having been cleaned away, the remnants of the broken wardrobes having been taken down and the blood cleared, and in the midst of it all, stood his wife in her silken robe and folding a pile of clothes before her.
"Hey," Salvatore called out to her, feeling heat rush to his cheeks in embarrassment when he recalled the mess he had made last night and stuffed his hands into his pockets.
"Hey," Nicole smiled at him and put away a folded shirt. "How do you feel?"
"Okay..." He nodded. "I guess,"
"That's an improvement from wordless shrugs,"
"So who came in to clean up?"
"No one," She put a shirt on the shelf. "I cleaned up,"
"You did?" He couldn't help the incredulous in his voice from being noticed.
"I'm not incapable of cleaning, you know,"
"I know...but its glass, and these were glass closets, they are heavy..." He trailed noticing how she seemed to have trouble curling her hand around the clothes. "You got hurt," Instantly he was on his feet and taking hold of her hands, causing the shirt to fall to the floor as she wouldn't meet his gaze and his eyes looked over her bandaged palms.
"Baby..." He spoke with a disgruntled look, gently running his hands over the blood seeping through the material.
"I'm fine, it doesn't hurt,"
Salvatore looked up, wanting to admonish her for her recklessness and how it had gotten her hurt, but his words died down in his throat to see her looking away from him. Sighing heavily, he brought the bandaged palms to his lips and placed a kiss on the material.
"You sure it doesn't hurt?"
"I'm sure,"
"I'm going to take a shower, can't seem to wake up" Salvatore informed and pulled away from her, Nicole looked up as he grabbed the back of the tank top and pulled it off in one swift motion, and she couldn't help but allow her eyes to roam over his figure. A sudden burst of confidence flowed through her as she stepped forward and hooked her fingers through the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling him towards her as he looked at her with a raised eyebrow, amusement clear in his eyes.
"You know..." She trailed and racked her eyes over his chest and down to his abdomen. "There are other ways of waking up,"
"Any ideas?" He inquired, cupping her chin into his fingers and tilting her head back to meet his gaze.
"A few," Nicole murmured as he leaned forward
"Care to enlighten me?" His lips brushed hers with every word as her stomach twisted in anticipation.
"Mhmm," She hummed with a nod before connecting her lips to his, feeling heat searing her insides with butterflies erupting in the pit of her stomach, her hands instinctively wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer and he slipped one hand into her hair while the other worked on unlacing her robe.
Nicole got dressed in an orange and white polka-dotted sundress that fell down to her ankles, towel drying her hair as she walked out of her closet, surprised to find Salvatore sitting on the bench, with a towel still wrapped around his waist and his damp tresses falling into his eyes as he looked at his healing knuckles.
"Salvatore?" She called out gently, kneeling before his figure as he looked up at her with eyes that seemed far away, a dazed look resting across his expressions. "What's wrong?" She put her hand against his cheek, her eyebrows furrowed with concern as he just looked at her with a far off look.
"Alessio wasn't right in blaming you," He spoke hardly above a whisper, Nicole having to strain to hear what he was saying. "He should have blamed me, it was my fault,"
"Salvatore-"
"-If only I had been more vigilant if only I had put more security measures into place. If I had insisted that Serafina send her guards to get the nebulizer, she would still be alive. If I had insisted that mom and dad stay here, they wouldn't have been attacked. If I had killed Jayson that day, I would not be dealing with this. It's all my fault,"
"Baby, no," Nicole shook her head, pain evident in her voice to realize how much he was beating himself up over it. "It's not your fault; you can't know everything all the time,"
"I should have!" He suddenly yelled, his voice having her jump in fright before she closed her eyes to recompose herself, seeing the fury burning.
"Salvatore," She exhaled shakily, kneeling in front of his seated figure. "This...this is a Mafia, alright? Vendettas, feuds, tortures, murders are all expected, right? Jayson has done everything to try and kill your family but he hasn't succeeded. He wanted Serafina dead; she is a coma and still breathing, who's to say she won't wake up on the morrow? She's getting better, isn't she? He wanted your parents dead; instead, they only got minor scratches compared to what could have happened, right? So try and see the other side of things, okay? I know you feel guilty and hopeless right now, but baby, you're just twisting the reality to put the blame on yourself, and it's not true."
"If it weren't for your doctors, Serafina might actually have died. If it weren't for your men protecting your family at the cost of their lives, your parent's might have died. The reason they are alive is because of you. You are not the one to blame,"
Salvatore simply looked at her with cold conniving eyes, Nicole knowing he didn't believe a word out of her mouth before he got up from his place, leaving her to kneel on the cold wooden flooring.
"You want someone to blame?" She asked in a shaky voice, swallowing the bile rising as she got up from her place, her back to him. "Then blame me,"
Instantly he looked over his shoulder at her, his eyes burning holes into the back of her head as she closed her eyes to keep herself composed.
"You wanted someone to blame? Then that person is me, I am the root of all this. If it weren't for me, Jayson would not have found out and called a vendetta against the Regnante's and he wouldn't have made an attempt on Luca's life, or Serafina's or mine, or mom and dad's." She swallowed the lump in her throat, turning to look at her husband with eyes burning with tears and a chokehold on her neck. "If you hadn't married-" She began to say before Salvatore grabbed hold of her shoulder and pushed her against the wall, forcing a gasp out of her mouth at the suddenness of it all.
"Don't you dare," He seethed through gritted teeth, his eyes burning with rage. "Finish that sentence,"
"It's true," Nicole found herself retaliating to his anger, a tear leaking down her eyes, knowing
she was just stroking the flames.
"Don't be so fucking naïve, Nicole,"
"Naïve?" She scoffed at his words.
"Yes, naïve," Salvatore confirmed, his hand wrapped tightly around her wrist, holding her in place. "Do you actually think Jayson's motive it to get you? Don't be stupid, he doesn't want anything to do with you, not anymore. Being his ex-girlfriend, you gave him the excuse for starting a feud – a lie of his motives – his goal isn't you, it's my mafia, you get that?"
"I-I-I..." Nicole stammered, unsure on what to say, not having considered the possibility that she was being used. Even after he was no longer in her life, Jayson somehow found a way to hurt her, to use her. Biting her lips, she tried her hardest to keep the tears from falling, knowing she wouldn't be able to explain why she was crying after this revelation.
"Fuck it," Her husband growled before her and pushed himself away from her, grabbing something from his wardrobe. "Fuck work," He muttered and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts before walking out the closet and made his way towards the bed, flopping on it with an unceremonious bounce.
Inhaling deeply, she tried to compose herself and took a couple of steps away from the wall, wiping at her cheeks and pacing the length of the floor. She gasped in surprise when she was spun around, everything moving around her before she found herself turned upside down, realizing it was her husband.
"What are you-?" She began to ask with her hair dangling down her head.
"-Shut up, I don't want another word out of you," He snapped and instantly she fell quiet, not understanding what he was doing before a shriek escaped her to be dropped. Afraid of hitting the floor, she closed her eyes and instead came in contact with the sheets of their bed, the mattress bouncing beneath her weight. "On the bed," He pointed to her pillows as she didn't understand what he was trying to do.
"Now,"
Instantly, Nicole clambered from her spot and sat with her back to the pillows, watching her husband with wide eyes, fear bubbling in her stomach as he loomed over her, a shriek escaping her when he pulled at her legs, causing her to slide down with her dress riding up.
"Salvatore-" She began to ask, her words dying in her throat when he lay on top of her, his head rested on her chest and his arms wrapped around her waist. Nicole lay beneath him in stunned silence for a moment, her arms held up as she watched the top of his head, wondering what had gotten into him. Relenting with a sigh, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, gently messaging the back of his head with her fingertips as he let out a content hum.
"In this screwed up world, I don't need my marriage to be screwed up," Salvatore informed her, the anger was gone and his muscles relaxed with his voice heavy with exhaustion.
"It was an argument-"
"-An unnecessary one,"
"Oh, would you rather I let you blame yourself?" She found herself asking incredulously, tilting her head to look at him.
"Did you think blaming yourself would have been better?"
A silence fell over the two since she knew he had a point.
"This marriage is the only thing that is making sense to me right now," Her husband admitted quietly, Nicole's heart swelling in her chest at his words. "And I'd like it to keep making sense until I figure things out, okay?"
A soft smile overcame her lips as she placed a kiss on the top of his head.
"Okay,"
Chapter XXXIII: Domestic Squabble
Nicole sat with her back to the armrest with her legs over Salvatore's lap, an art pad in her lap as she drew her husband's concentrated expression as he read the file in hand with sunlight pouring over him. His wife clicking her tongue when he moved his head, grasping his chin into her hand and fixing the direction as he let her do as she willed. Leaning back again, her eyes drifted to her cup of coffee, going to reach for it before realizing her husband's breakfast was untouched.
"Salvatore, you have to eat something," Nicole sighed as he flipped through a file in his hand, slowly sipping his coffee. "You didn't even eat dinner yesterday,"
"I'm not hungry," He murmured in response and clicked his pen, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he blinked at the words.
"Baby, please eat something," She found herself pleading more often nowadays.
Her husband had lost a considerable amount of weight due to his self-inflicted hunger strike, and sleep was a vice. He hardly got an hour of sleep at best and was functioning on caffeine and determination. He would spend 12 hours at the hospital, deal with the Mafia and Armamentarium - having put the night clubs under Marco's charge on everyone's insistence. The bags under his eyes had become more prominent and his suits had become ill-fitted, and his face had become gaunt and pale.
Nicole had tried everything to get him to eat, to sleep. She knew that if he just managed a decent night's sleep, he would be better, but it wouldn't come, no matter what they tried.
She had even burst into tears in desperation for him to eat something, and for that very reason, he had tried to eat, only to retch it out.
Even now the matter remained the same. She had been wanting to talk to him about something for a long time, but never found the courage to say anything, until now.
"Salvatore," Nicole called out, swallowing the dryness of her throat as he hummed in acknowledgment. "Can I say something?"
"Since have you needed my permission to express your views?"
"You might not like what I have to say," She let out a shaky breath, a cold dread rolling down her spine as he looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Let's hear it then," Salvatore put away the file, turning to be facing her and waiting for her to say what she meant to.
"It's been...2 months now," His wife began slowly, her husband listening in silence. "And your condition still persists."
"My condition?" He looked at her in confusion.
"Salvatore," Nicole pressed her lips into a firm line, trying to get the words out as he looked at her expectantly. "Why don't you try antidepressants?"
She had expected some reaction to her word, but the impassive mask her husband looked at her with had her gut churning to the extent she felt she could throw up her coffee.
"No," He stated simply, and turned back to the file at hand, Nicole noticing how he just blankly stared at it and wasn't reading the text.
"Why not-?"
"-Because I am not depressed,"
She found herself scoffing at his words, instantly sobering when he looked up at her with ice-cold eyes.
"Here are the symptoms of depression which you're showing," Nicole took out her phone and opened up the webpage, wanting to prove him wrong. "Withdrawal from close family and friends,"
"I've been busy," He retaliated.
"Unable to concentrate," She continued, looking at her husband expectantly
"I don't have trouble concentrating,"
"Really?" His wife looked at him as if though she didn't believe him. "It takes you an hour to get one file done, whereas it used to take you ten minutes,"
"I want to be sure it's worth the signature,"
Nicole shook her head at her husband before continuing. "Feeling overwhelmed, guilty, irritable, frustrated, unhappy, sad, miserable, disappointed-"
"-I am allowed to go through human emotions,"
"Not for 2 fucking months!" She stood up in irritation. "Thinking you're a failure and it's your fault-"
"-Because it is-"
"-Tired all the time, headaches and muscle pains, sleep problems, loss in appetite, significant weight loss-"
"-I've had too much to deal with to be bothered by all that,"
"Salvatore!" Nicole shrieked in frustration. "You are depressed and you need help with it!" She stated in irritation, her husband looking at her with a poker face.
"And who are you to decide what I am going through and how I need to deal with it?"
"I am your wife! And I see you deteriorating right before my eyes, goddammit!" She ran a hand through her hair before turning back to him. "Why
don't you understand that you are past the momentary sadness and full into depression?"
"Because I am not depressed!" He retaliated and stood from the sofa.
"Would it kill you to make it certain?" She stood before him with an expectant look. "I am just asking for one hour, just take out one hour and see a psychiatrist-"
"-You were asking me to take antidepressants, Nicole, not a therapist -"
"-I know!" She interrupted him and held up her hands, trying to regain her composure. "Salvatore, look, please just go and see a therapist, just to confirm if you have depression or not,"
"No,"
"Why not?"
"Because I am not depressed,"
"God!" Nicole threw back her head. "You are unbearable!" She walked away from him, her husband rolling his eyes at her words.
"I don't care,"
"Fine, you want to fucking suffer, then you can do that alone," His wife turned back to face him, determination in her eyes and an idea in her mind. "If you don't go and see a psychiatrist, I will go to my parent's house,"
"Maybe you should," Salvatore began walking towards the door, sending a cold look over his shoulder. "Because right now you sound an awful lot like Rhea,"
He walked out before he could see the wounded look across her face. Nicole bit her lip and stumbling back at the words, not having thought about how she would be coming off to her husband. She didn't ease him into it; rather she just dropped it on him out of the blue and expected a favorable response. Shaking her head, she realized she should have thought of a better way to bring it up, run it by his family and maybe have his parents talk him into it, but she didn't and now he was angry.
Nicole spent some time on her own in the bedroom, lying on the bed, and had been cuddling with a pillow when a knock sounded on the door.
"Come in!" She called from her place, listening to the door open followed by the shuffling of feet, expecting it to be the maids, but sat up in surprise to find Tazio and Russo entering the room. "Uh, Salvatore is-"