by Serena Light
Heaving a breath, he grabbed the mug off the table, watching Nicole taking tentative sips of the hot beverage before leaning back, neither one of them saying anything.
Seeing the despondence across her expression, Salvatore couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and placing a kiss on her cheek.
"I'm sorry," He told her gently. "Probably not the best way to go about everything,"
"I should apologize," Nicole chuckled with a shake of her head. "I had the ever stoic and cold-hearted Mafia boss worried,"
"Does this feel cold to you?" He inquired as he took her hand and flattened it against his chest, making her feel the thumping of his heart and the warmth that radiated from him. "Because it feels pretty warm to me,"
Nicole looked down at her fingers on his chest and up at his gentle expression, her eyes narrowing on his lips as her own parted without her consent. Leaning forward she was going to place a kiss on his lips, having missed him and his warmth beside her, but pulled back instead.
"We should talk," He cleared his throat, having wanted to kiss her as well. "We really need to talk, baby,"
Moving away from him, she lowered her head and nodded to his words, knowing they had to talk.
"If you don't want to go to a therapist then I won't force you," Salvatore told her gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. "But just tell me why not?"
Squirming in her place on the floor, Nicole turned to be facing him before putting down her drink.
"Well...because if I go to a therapist, it means there is something wrong with me and I don't want to admit that. I want to believe that it's just the grief of losing mama which has me like this and it all be better in a few days' time, but if I go, it means I do have PTSD. And if I do have that, then I'm not so sure about opening up to an absolute stranger about my worries and the pain and guilt I'm harboring over my mother. A part of me...a part of me feels like I would come off as weak for it...and I'm already viewed as that by my father and my family and I can't have the rest of the world thinking that of me,"
Salvatore silently listened to her, wanting to rebut her agreement, but had to stop to think of a way of saying it without making matters worse. Taking a sip of the hot chocolate he swallowed and licked his lips.
"So, I understand that you don't want to admit that there is something wrong with you, and I even get the part of opening up to an absolute stranger, but what I don't agree with is you not willing to seek help in fear of coming off as weak,"
"Of course you wouldn't," Nicole scoffed, shaking her head with a humorless chuckle and ran a hand through her hair.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you've never felt weak or have been viewed as weak because you are one of the youngest Mafia Bosses to exist and you're feared by literally everyone. You tell people you're a Regnante and they back away in fear,"
Her husband looked at her quietly, putting away his mug before turning to be facing her.
"I am going to act like this impulse of you wanting to pick a fight with me is the trauma you've been through." He started slowly as she looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "Now if you want to go to a therapist or not is your choice because I won't force you, but I have an appointment with a psychiatrist at 4 on Monday. That gives you 3 days to come to a decision," With that said, he stood up from his place, taking both the mugs with him and made his way out of the room.
Once he returned, he simply looked at the time displayed on his phone before heaving a heavy breath, realizing it was time for him to get dressed for work. Putting the device on the table he made his way towards his closet. He hadn't even decided what he was going to wear when he felt his wife come up behind him; placing her forehead against his shoulder while her husband opened the wardrobe before him.
"I'm sorry," She murmured solemnly.
"You should be apologizing to yourself," He stated simply, running his fingers over the material of the suits.
Nicole watched him pick out a suit and turn around to place it down but his way was obstructed by his wife.
"I have to get to work, Nicole,"
"You've hardly slept,"
"I'll survive,"
"Why not take a day off?"
"No," He stated simply, and sidestepped her, putting down the suit before walking over to his drawers and pulling them open.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to," Salvatore responded. "Because at this point, you need time to yourself, sort through this turmoil on your own without fighting me," He picked out socks with the suit.
"But I don't want to be alone," Nicole murmured quietly as he stepped away from the drawers stopping short for a moment and exhaling deeply.
"Nicole, what do you want from me?" He asked tiredly. "Do you want to push me away with you constantly arguing with me and kicking me out of my own room or do you want me to stay. You can't have me and push me away. If you want time, okay, I'll leave you alone, if you want me to be here, then I'll be here, but stop trying to get both,"
"I'm..." She fidgeted behind him. "I'm just confused..." Her lip trembled as she inhaled sharply.
"I can't help you with what you feel,"
"I know...I just..."
Sighing, Salvatore turned towards his wife, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Cupping her chin into his fingers and molded their lips together, kissing her gently, coaxing her to relax against him as she sagged in his arms, her shoulders uncoiling and her fingers grabbing his forearm, not having realized how much she had missed him despite having been in the same house.
"You've gotten me more worried than a multi-billion company, a mafia, and nightclubs combined," He chuckled against her lips, his fingers tangling into her hair as she let out a shaky breath.
"I've got myself worried too," She murmured in response, not wanting to pull away from him, exhaling deeply to feel him place a kiss on her forehead, knowing that he was contemplating moving away. "Salvatore?"
"Hmm?"
"Come back," Nicole touched her forehead to his chin, closing her eyes as the tears welled up in her eyes again. "Please...just come back to me..."
She felt Salvatore's chest lift with the deep breath he took in, biting her lip when he pulled away from her and grabbed his suit. Nicole grabbing hold of her arm and shuffling on her feet.
"Come on," His voice had her look up, fining him hanging the suit back in the closet and holding his hand out to her. "I've hardly slept,"
A wobbly smile overcame her lips as she pushed his hand aside and instead hugged him, her arms wrapped around his waist and her face buried into his chest as he encircled her shoulders, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
Glad to know that things would work out between them after all.
Chapter XL: “I found you,”
November had come and gone, as had December and January; and spring had just come into full bloom as May rolled around. Salvatore had spent 2 months with a therapist, who then deemed him well enough to discontinue the sessions, and halfway through his first month, Nicole joined a 12-week PTSD group council which helped her immensely in overcoming the trauma of her mother's death.
With spring rolling around, the weather lifted to that warmer notes and the flowers bloomed. In all that expanse of green, they have the courage to be anything else, to stand out with a beauty that draws people close. The flowers command a strength, a fragility, a vibrancy, a soft fragrance. They come as children do, boldly unique, born to grow in their own way. They come as the kind of smiles that reach the eyes. They come to help us to see with our hearts, for a love is a light that turns cold reason into an ever-branching and deeply rooted joy.
For that very reason, Salvatore could be found standing by his office window and looking out at the vibrancy before him. The flowers that had been planted last month had begun to bloom, and he watched the gardeners tend to them, a chuckle escaping him to see one of the gardeners run away from a honey bee, shrieking and ducking.
Th
e door opening had him look back with a smile, Tazio raising a questioning eyebrow at his smile.
"What happened?" He inquired, coming to stand beside him and laughed when Salvatore pointed out the scene of his amusement, both of them wincing or groaning when the gardener fell back into the porcelain fountain, getting soaked by the water in the basin. "Ouch,"
Turning back to his desk, Salvatore grabbed his phone and scrolled through the messages.
"Shall we resume?"
"In a bit," The Mafia Boss stated, typing on his phone. "I'm going to see Nicole first,"
"Yes, boss," His second-in-command chuckled, watching him walk out of the office.
Making his way down the hallway, he greeted people's bowed heads with acknowledged nods, walking out of the east wing.
Just as he was about to take the steps up he found Nicole's guard talking to his partner by the arch. Letting out a short whistle, the men looked up at him as he silently inquired about his wife's whereabouts, shaking his head with a chuckle when they pointed to the kitchen doors.
Silently pushing open the door, he found his wife standing with her back to him, standing in a frilly navy skirt paired with a floral blush pink blouse and fussing with something in front of her. Catching sight of the maids freezing, he silently placed his finger against his lips as they instantly turned away.
Slowly, making his way behind Nicole, he wrapped his arms around her waist and spun her around, a surprised shriek escaping her before it morphed into laughter.
"I found you," He chuckled as he put her down, his wife turning to be facing him with a broad grin.
"And I found you," She grinned adoringly at him as they both chuckled.
"What are you doing?" Salvatore looked over her shoulder to see the cookie dough in the bowl and a tray laid out with freshly baked cookies with a jar for storing. "Oh! Cookies!" He instantly reached for one.
"Careful!" Nicole began to exclaim, wincing when he hissed and retreated his hand, shaking it out. "They're hot, baby," She groaned in pain and grabbed his hand, putting the burned fingers in her mouth to soothe the sting.
"I figured," He murmured, watching her take his fingers out of her mouth to blow cold air on them.
"Here," She reached into the jar and pick up a cooled one. Holding it to his lips, he took a bite, reveling in the crunchy exterior and gooey interior. "How are they?"
"Delicious," Her husband spoke and took the cookie from her hand, biting into it again. "What are you making them for, anyway?"
"Oh, I thought I'd make them for the kids,"
"Speaking of kids, where is everyone?"
"All four of them are upstairs playing in the nursery; mom and dad are watching them. Marco was with me up until I started making the cookies; he said he had something to do. Alessio is at the hospital and Arsenio just left to take his shift, Angelica was sleeping last I recall,"
"How is Michele's cough? He was crying last night,"
"Oh, it's much better now. A draft was coming in through the window and had him feel cold, but once it was all closed, he slept again."
"And you?" Salvatore inquired in concern, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him. "Did you sleep last night?"
"I did," She nodded with a chuckle. "After I settled Michele, I slept like a kitten, woke up pretty late though,"
"You should have let me help you," Her husband murmured, leaning down to press their forehead together.
"Baby, you had just come home from a 12-hour shift at the hospital, and you had gone straight from work despite not having slept much the night before,"
"And whose fault was that?" He teased.
"Your own," Nicole struck out her tongue at him as he laughed at her antics, his wife laughing along with him.
The sound of the kitchen door swinging open behind them had the two look up, momentarily concerned to see a disheveled Alessio standing in the doorway, his hazel hair matted against his forehead and his eyes bloodshot and puffy, a clear indication of him having been crying.
"Your sister has been in a coma for the past 14 months and shown no signs of improvement to the point where the doctors are talking about pulling the plug," His brother in law seethed through gritted teeth, Salvatore's good mood flying out the window within seconds. "And you have the audacity to be laughing?" He shook his head and stepped out of the kitchen.
With gritted teeth, the Mafia boss made an attempt to go after him but halted when Nicole tugged him back.
"Baby, don't," She shook her head, pleading with him. "Please, baby,"
Without saying anything, he pulled away from her, Nicole calling out to him desperately before he marched out of the kitchen. Groaning in frustration, she gathered her skirt before following after him, going as fast as she could with her heels and calling out to her husband who was already reaching the third landing.
"Hey!" The Mafia Boss called out harshly to Alessio, catching sight of him about to go into his room. "What the fuck is your problem?" He demanded, standing in front of him now.
"My problem is the fact that you can find it in yourself to laugh while my wife has been lying in that hospital room for over a year!" Alessio took a threatening step towards him, the younger man not moving from his place and giving him a cold glare at his next words. "You act like this is all a big joke to you! You cold-hearted monster!" He yelled so loud that Nicole had to wince, panic rising in her throat to see Aurora and Irene peek out the nursery doors hesitantly.
Just as she was about to go to them, Salvatore's next words had her freeze.
"Oh, I'm the monster?" Her husband taunted. "What? Do you expect me to spend 24/7 crying and wallowing about something I have no control over?"
Instantly she knew things were going to get worse by the way her husband straightened, a dilemma bubbling inside her as to whether get the kids inside or hold back her husband, but she heaved a breath of relief when she found Rosalie telling the girls to stay inside, Arcangelo stepping out and closing the door behind him before making his way to his daughter in law. Turning towards Salvatore, she had just taken a stoop towards him when Marco grabbed hold of her arm and halted her, shaking his head at her thoughts.
"Say I did that," Salvatore continued. "Say I spent 24 hours crying, who is going to look after the kids, huh? Clearly not you, since you've let your emotions get so out of hand to the point where you have neglected them since I'm daddy, and she's mommy!" He snapped, his voice rising as he pointed back towards his wife, Nicole's throat running dry at the wounded look that overcame Alessio's face at the realization.
"And you think I didn't feel like someone ran me over with a truck the first time I heard my nephew call my wife "mommy"?" He heaved out through gritted teeth, his anger and pain clashing and forcing his eyes to become moist with tears. "You think it didn't tear me up inside when I became their daddy?
"You have been so fucking selfish! You all have been so fucking selfish because she's your daughter, she's your sister, and she's your wife, yeah?" Salvatore pointed to his father, Marco, and Alessio in turn. "But what about me, huh?"
"Did you even think about that? She is my fucking second half! My twin sister! And you think I haven't felt pain for her? Do you think I'm good and put together? This has been a hell of a year, not only for you but for everyone as well, yeah? Did it ever fucking occur to you that you're not the only one waking up with a piece missing from them? Because I wake up every morning with this...this gaping hole in my soul because I know my sister is in a coma! Did it ever occur to you that I felt her pain? I felt that car collide with hers and I felt that pain." He seethed, Alessio looking at him in shock, never having known that no one ever having known that.
"I have a deeper connection with her and you have the audacity to say that I don't feel that empty hollowness in my chest because of her unresponsiveness? You think that's it?"
"I am 30 minutes older than her, and I knew it was my job to protect her, no one had to tell me, I knew. And it further became my job to prote
ct every single person under this roof when I became the Mafia Boss 6 years ago, and I accepted it. Hell, I embraced it wholeheartedly, and you think it doesn't kill me inside knowing she missed not only our 30th birthday, or mom and dad's anniversary, or her own anniversary, but her children 1st birthday – which, by the way, you forget about, too." Salvatore's voice cracked as a tear streamed down. "Do you really think Luca's attack, Nicole's kidnapping, Serafina's accident, mom and dad's attack, Rhea's death, that all this, all this shit doesn't affect me and you're the only person with emotions around here?"
"You're so fucking wrong on so many levels because I hold myself responsible for every single one of those fucking events and it kills me inside. You just have Serafina to worry about because Nicole and I are raising your kids, but it never occurred to you what I might be going through or what pain mom is battling, did it? Dad, Arsenio, and Marco didn't even cross your mind for a second, did they? Of course not, because you have been so selfish! All of you have been so wrapped up in your own pain that I was forced to ignore my own suffering just so I could keep us all together, and that's my job and I accept it." Salvatore sniffled, hastily wiping at his cheek.
"But don't ever dare say that I don't care about Serafina because you have no clue what it feels like to be me right now. She is my twin sister and your wife, her connection and relation to me overrules the love and connection you might think you have with her." Salvatore growled lowly, glaring at him with bloodshot eyes. "The next time you say something like this again; I will ensure that you're the next dead body being dragged out the doors,"
With one last dirty look, Salvatore turned on his heels and walked into his room, leaving Nicole to stand stunned for a moment, opening and closing her mouth before coming out of her stupor and began making her way to him. Before she could go anywhere, Arcangelo held her back, silently shaking his head as she pleaded with her eyes, but relented when her father-in-law gave her a grim expression. They heard Alessio's door slam shut, forcing them to wince as Marco sighed, running a hand through his hair and beckoning Nicole to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he led her downstairs while both Angelica and Arcangelo went into the nursery.