I laugh bitterly. “How fucking generous of you to offer employment to your criminal brother. After the way you all just threw me out, now you want to come here with your pity and your handouts? Unbelievable.” I shake my head again.
Cannon turns to meet me head on. “Oh, so you’re still in petty bastard mode? Maybe I should come back once you reset to your factory settings.” One corner of his mouth hooks up into a smirk.
Is this guy serious? He finds me petty? I stand a little taller, taking a step toward him. “Cannon, I was running that company. I was CEO. Nobody even told me you took over. And now suddenly, you're my boss?”
Cannon lets out an exasperated sound, all amusement finally draining from his face. “I could care less about being your boss, bro. This isn’t some power trip. I did what I had to do to save the family company when you were gone, and trust me, it wasn’t fun.” My brother begins pacing. “I want us to be partners now. So we can share the workload. I have so much on my plate. It’s overwhelming. Kingston Realties, my company back in New York, the non-profit my wife and I set up to help the small businesses around town. Hell, I even have to manage the guy running my fishing boat in Tortola.” He pinches the bridge of his nose.
“And obviously, I don’t have anything on my plate,” I bite.
“That’s not what I meant. God, you’re being difficult.”
“Well, what do you expect when you’re shunned from your family and your own company? Am I just supposed to bow down and thank everyone for treating me like crap?”
“No one is shunning you, Eli. Plus, you know this is what Gramps wanted...for the family to run the business together. I think being in prison messed with your head or something. I’m just trying to help!”
I can hear the volume on Callie’s cartoons grow louder as if someone is trying to tune us out. If I can hear the TV, my daughter can sure as hell hear us. When I glimpse at the window, I see an innocent little face peeking through the curtains. Jessa comes up and places a hand on Callie’s shoulder and leads her away. I grind my molars together, unwilling to make my child frightened of me again right when we were starting to make progress.
I drop my voice low and growl, “Well, I don't need your handouts, Cannon. Go back to wherever you came from, and consider your ‘good deed box’ checked for the day.”
I stomp across the porch, ignoring my brother’s arguments as I head inside and slam the door in his face.
16
Jessa
Where’s he taking you tonight?” I use a shimmery rose-toned blush to carefully contour my mother’s perfect cheekbones. Lexi was blessed with these high cheeks, too. My mom and sister are both just gorgeous, even without makeup.
It’s my day off, so I thought I’d come spend some time with my parents, only to find them getting ready for a special date night. I love that they still go on dates, even after all these years. It’s so romantic.
My dad is that kind of guy, though. He would gladly spend every dime that comes to his name to make my mother happy. He adores the ground her perfectly pedicured size six feet walk on.
“You know that Italian place in Copper Heights?” Mom grins, eyeing her reflection under the Hollywood-style makeup lights encircling her vanity mirror.
“Ooh, Gallo’s? That’s fancy,” I gush as I pick out an eyeliner from her makeup kit.
A smooth jazzy rhythm pours from the stereo, setting a relaxed, yet classy mood in the room. The fragrance of cherry-scented candles is thick in the air.
“We’re celebrating the opening of your father’s new shop. It’s still got a ways to go, but we’re optimistic this one’s going to be the one. Finally.”
I let out a soft laugh. “Shouldn’t you guys save the celebrating until after the shop opens up?” Chewing on my lip, I focus on giving her the perfect smokey eye.
Mom swipes an elegant hand through the air, dismissive as always when the issue of finances comes up. “The place will be opened soon enough. Besides, life is short. What’s the point in delaying the fun stuff?”
There’s a little tug in my gut because I know where this conversation is going. “Well, I just figured you guys would be a little more careful with your budget, seeing as opening up a business can be expensive.”
My mother tightens her satiny bathrobe around her and rolls her eyes. “You’re starting to sound a lot like your sister, Jessa. I thought you were the optimistic one.”
My parents are deep in denial about their money issues. When I was growing up, their finances were a hot mess. They managed money as well as a grade-schooler trying to grapple with the rules of Monopoly for the first time. There was never enough for the bills. Often, we went without food. At one point, we even lost our home. Mom and Dad definitely weren’t a shining example of successful adulting, and from a too-young age, my sister was often forced to pick up the slack.
Alexia has had a hard time forgiving them for that. These days my sister and my parents are actively working on fixing their relationship but this is precisely why they still hit road bumps all the time.
Mom changes the subject—as she does anytime she gets called out on her crappy money management habits. “Are you dating anyone?”
Eli’s gorgeous face jumps out from behind the bushes in my mind and yells, “Boo!”
My hand slips and the eyeliner falls to the rug. It used to be white, fluffy and soft once upon a time. Now, it just looks like a matted dog in need of a good scrub-down.
I bend to look for the pencil that rolled under the old refurbished vanity. Daddy found the thing on the side of the road somewhere and spruced it up, making it almost as good as new. He’s handy like that. Which is good because my mom always enjoys a touch of glamour and her taste for the finer things has led our family to the edge of bankruptcy more than once.
“Jess?” When my eyes snap upward, I find my mother waiting for my response with a knowing smile. “Who’s the lucky guy?” I hear the excitement growing in her voice. “Don’t hold out on me,” she presses, refusing to take my silence for an answer.
And there goes Eli’s stupid, pretty, handsome face again, bouncing around in my head, but I’m making a deliberate effort to ignore him.
When I stand up too fast, I bang my tailbone on the corner of the brass hanging shoe rack Dad recently installed on the back of the bathroom door.
Jeez—you can barely turn around in this place. It’s hard to believe that we used to be a family of four up in here.
I push out a sigh. “You know I’m not dating anyone, Mom,” I grab a bunch of tissues and scrub off the eyeliner I accidentally smeared on her nose. “As if there’s enough eligible bachelors to go around in Crescent Harbor.”
She must sense the dejectedness in my voice. It’s out of character for me and she knows it.
“Well, that doesn’t sound like my optimistic Jessa at all.” She pouts and reaches up to pinch my hip. “There’s no reason you need to live in that little town. You deserve the best, even if that means expanding your reach a bit.”
I sigh. We’ve had this discussion before. She doesn’t see why I stay in Crescent Harbor when I haven’t been able to find my dream job there anyway.
My parents got married young. Before they’d had the chance to fully realize the visions they always held for themselves. They kept a positive attitude, though. They held onto the hope that life could get better. They held onto their love.
But the truth is, they got stuck. Stuck with kids they weren’t ready for. Stuck with responsibilities they couldn’t handle. But sticking with each other? Through thick and thin? That was a choice. And I think that’s beautiful.
Still, Mom doesn’t want me to fall into the same trap. She wants me to have a big life, realizing big dreams. The kind of life she never had.
She wants a good guy for me. My heart wants a grouchy, convicted felon.
Wonderful.
“Ouch,” she complains, shooing my hand away when I get overzealous with the crumpled up wad of Kleenex. She grabs the
paper napkins, wiping off the errant eyeliner herself. “Why so clumsy all of a sudden?”
That’s what the unexpected reminder of Eli does to me. I know it seems silly but when he was in prison, writing me letters on the regular, I sometimes felt like I was dating someone. It wasn’t just about the dirty things he’d write to me. We’d share secrets. Dreams. Fears we weren’t willing to divulge to anyone else. Or, at least I did.
He sometimes seemed to be holding back, like he wasn’t giving me the full picture of where his life had gone wrong. Despite that, it still felt like we’d reached a level of intimacy people don’t attain everyday.
But meeting the man in the flesh has been a harsh dose of reality. I’m starting to wonder if it was all wishful thinking on my part, if I’d just built up a fantasy in my head that the real man could never measure up to.
God. I didn’t sleep last night. I spent the wee hours of the night, tossing and turning, replaying our hot, steamy, pressed-up-against-the-wall kiss. Then, I spent the better part of the day wondering if I’d even have a job waiting for me when I get back to Crescent Harbor tomorrow night. Everything feels so uncertain.
I throw a glance out the window as I wait patiently for my mother to finish wiping away the eyeliner. Daddy is out in the yard with his head under the hood of my car. My old clunker was making a funny noise when I showed up so he offered to check it out. When Mom is done cleaning up the mess on her nose, I grab some mascara and work on her eyelashes.
Then, she spins in her chair to face me. “I just don’t want you to settle for a man who is less than your king, baby girl.” She reaches up and tucks back a lock of my thick, dark hair. “You deserve the fucking best.”
I grin. I love this woman. She taught me to make the best of every situation, to step into even the most desperate moment searching for a trace of magic.
I bend forward and wrap my arms around her. “Thanks, Mama.” I pull back and smile into her face. “You look pretty.”
“Of course I do.” She winks. “And you will too as soon as you wipe that silly frown off your face.” We giggle together but then her expression goes serious. “The world is yours, Jessa. All you’ve got to do is reach out and take the things you want. The job. The man. The life.”
“I can’t promise I’ll find that any time soon…” I feel a little tick of worry in my chest. Then a tock.
Tick-tock.
Yeah, technically I’m still young but that doesn’t mean that time is standing still, waiting for me to get my shit together.
“You don’t have to figure out the ‘when’. It’ll show up eventually. Just keep your eyes and your heart open. And maybe open your legs once in a while, too. To clear out the cobwebs.”
I roll my eyes. “Mom!”
“Oh, I’m kidding.” She titters. “Admit it. That was funny.”
“Totally not funny,” I protest as I hold down a giggle of my own.
Non-crazy people might describe my parents’ approach to life as delusional, but their glass-half-full philosophy has helped me keep my head up as I’ve bumbled through life as a broke, single, hopelessly undersexed twenty-something, continuously banging my head against the brick wall blocking my path toward my goals. At least I’m getting banged by something, I guess.
“I’ll walk you out. I need to check on your dad anyway. He’s probably lost track of time. As always.” Mom rises from her seat.
I turn around too fast and nearly smack my face into the crystal chandelier over the narrow dinner table. It’s another one of those finds that Daddy hauled home from the side of the road somewhere. He rewired it and hung it right in the middle of the passage way.
As soon as I open the screen door and step out onto the trailer’s porch, it’s like night and day. The upcycled glamour of my parents’ home quickly gives way to the destitution of the trailer park where I spent most of my life.
There’s a tiny dog across the way yapping at anything that moves. Then there’s this rottweiler on a chain next door that’s viciously barking at the yapper. It’s loud, completely drowning out Mom’s mellow jazz music.
Dad is done checking out my car. Now, he’s back at his makeshift worktable. He’s got a dozen parts strewn about in front of him, still working on the ancient ham radio he was gushing about when I got here hours ago.
A few doors down, there’s a couple in the gravel drive fighting at the top of their lungs. The woman is wielding a badminton racket on the hood of a truck while a shirtless man pokes at her with a broom handle, because, So what if I was kissing up on Sherry-Lou’s momma? That doesn’t give you no right to put a dent in my ride, Gina!
Welcome to my hometown, folks.
Cowersville is a dinky noone’s-ever-heard-of-it town tucked into a corner between Reyfield and Copper Heights. Hardly anyone ever makes something of themselves here. So, when Lexi got the opportunity to leave three and a half years ago, she was hellbent on dragging me along with her whether I wanted to go or not. I hated leaving Mom and Dad behind but they obviously had their own shit to work on. I’m thankful to my sister everyday for looking out for me. And because of her brand of tough love, our parents are making slow progress toward bettering themselves too. Daddy is in AA now. Mom is attempting to be an actual mother to my sister and me. I’m optimistic for the future of our family.
My parents take the trailer park drama unfolding around them all in stride. Mom is smiling like a beauty queen when she catches Daddy’s attention. He eyeballs her like she’s a pinup girl, fresh from popping out of a birthday cake.
God—those two are hopeless. Hopeless in love. And it’s as sweet as it is annoying. And I want something like that so bad it makes my chest ache.
Mom and Dad walk me to my car. My mother refuses to let me kiss her cheek, for fear that I’ll smudge her makeup.
Eyeroll.
She says a quick goodbye and hurries back into the trailer, excited to slip into her outfit for the night.
“I’ll be back to help you with the shop opening, Daddy,” I say when he pulls me in for a monster hug.
“You’d better come ready for some hard manual labor,” he jokes, lifting my arm and flexing my skinny bicep.
“You know it,” I say with a chuckle.
Then he gets that ‘look’ in his eye. I feel my stomach coil into anxious knots. I feel my wallet recoil into the deepest depths of my purse.
He throws out a sheepish smile. “Hey, would you happen to have an extra twenty I can borrow? Just so I can make sure your Momma has a good time tonight?”
Dammit, Dad.
I know I can’t afford to part with the money but how am I supposed to say ‘no’ to him when he makes that meek, innocent facial expression?
Maybe I can sacrifice one or two of my coffee runs this week. And my girl squad is all wrapped up with the babies and/or the men in their lives right now, so I doubt we’ll be having any wild nights on the town any time soon.
“Sure, Dad. I can spare a twenty.” I reach into my purse and hand him the cash.
He gives me another hug and a larger-than-large smile. I hug him back then jump behind the wheel of my broke-down ride. I feel resentful. And guilty that I feel resentful. So I cover it all up with a big smile of my own.
I hear Dad call after me as I start the engine and pull off down the bumpy road. “Love you, baby girl. Drive safe.”
I fill up my tank at the local gas station before dropping by the post office. I glance surreptitiously around the office before I go and quickly grab the mail from my secret P.O. box. It’s mainly a bunch of junk—discount flyers and political pamphlets—but my pulse races when I see an envelope with familiar handwriting. Oh my god, it’s a letter from Eli.
Envelope clenched in my fist, I head for the exit. Blood is thumping in my temples as I cross the parking lot. I get behind the wheel. With sweaty hands, I tear open the envelope and unfold the letter. My eyes dart across the page.
I don’t want to pressure you but my fantasies aren’t enough. I need t
o see you, baby. I need to hold you, to taste you. I need all of you.
I can feel my soul withering with every word I read on the page. Jealousy shoots from my belly, straight up into my head. I’m such a fool. Here I am, lugging around capital-F feelings for this guy. Yet this letter is irrefutable proof that all he wants is Monica.
Sexy Monica.
Bold Monica.
Adventurous Monica.
Monica who doesn’t fucking exist.
Resentfully, I crumple up the letter into a ball and shove it into my purse. Blinking back tears, I start the engine and turn the radio all the way up. I drive back to Crescent Harbor, singing loud and telling myself that I’m over Eli. Once and for all.
17
Eli
I’ve always been a prideful man. I worked my ass off and had everything to show for it. But I have to admit that these days, I feel lost.
Honestly, I hadn’t been expecting to be released this early, and I guess I never stopped to wonder whether my seat in the family company would be waiting for me when I got out.
But now I have my answer—there’s no place for me in Kingston Realty Holdings. Despite Cannon’s offer, I just don’t fit in there anymore. It stings.
Anyway, until I can get my life straightened out, I’m just going to keep pouring myself into renovating this crumbling house.
I may not have a corporate job any longer, but I do have a lot to be grateful for. A house in need of attention, a load of free time to work on myself, a shit-ton of cash in my basement. And my daughter…
I glance up and lock eyes with Callie. She’s sitting on a blanket in the grass, chattering animatedly with a bunch of Barbie and Ken dolls. She gives me a hesitant glance, pops a grape into her mouth then turns back to her toys.
She and I had been making progress over the past few days, but after hearing me blow up at Cannon this morning, my daughter has retreated into herself again. After Jessa left, we spent the morning quietly sitting on the dock with our fishing poles and nothing I did could coax her back out of her shell.
Mister Bossy (Bad Boys in Love Book 4) Page 9