I’m not sure what’s going on with my girl but whatever it is, I have a feeling it can’t be good.
25
Jessa
I couldn’t wait to get back to Crescent Harbor after my break. I am missing Callie something fierce. And a not-so-tiny part of me is eager to see my boss again, too, especially after the way things unfolded yesterday when he helped my family out with working on the repair shop.
I had been hoping to get back earlier to hang out with Callie and Eli, but I ended up meeting Michael for lunch. I never gave him my new phone number but he tracked me down somehow through his ‘network of contacts’, as he put it.
Michael was my last quasi-relationship. We dated right before I moved to Crescent Harbor. There was always something a bit shifty about the guy but in a town like Cowersville, my romantic options weren’t exactly varied. I tried to focus on the good in him. He opened doors for me, he pulled out my chair and he was always well-groomed. I managed to convince myself that I was in love with him but somewhere deep inside, I always knew he wasn’t the prince I was looking for.
Anyway today, he lured me to a local coffee shop. He told me that he had a lead on a job interview for me tomorrow. What he did not tell me was that he’d spend what felt like hours talking on and on about himself. I don’t know if he was trying to brag his way into my panties but what I do know is that he just annoyed the hell out of me. Things only got more awkward each time he’d dump a splash of alcohol from his flask into his coffee cup. He even had the nerve to offer me some. Eww!
In any case, after I managed to get away from my ex, my dad drove me back to Eli’s house. It’s late now, and I expect that my sweet little Callie is probably fast asleep. But one step into the house and I know that something’s amiss.
I don’t see anyone, but I hear raised voices coming from the back of the house. I consider tip-toeing to my room, not wanting to intrude on Eli’s time alone with his daughter. Technically, I’m not on the clock until tomorrow, and I don’t want to interrupt. Still, my heart won’t let me stay away.
I move down the hallway shrouded in near darkness toward Callie’s room. I watch from the doorway as Eli struggles, fighting to comb his daughter’s wet hair.
Every stroke of the comb only seems to make it worse. Her tangled curls are an absolute mess. Clad in her pink and yellow pajamas, Callie wiggles and grips the sides of her head. She’s in tears, and by the way Eli keeps grumbling for her to sit still, I can tell they’re both beyond frustrated.
It’s times like this that I feel downright guilty for taking time off. They need me. Uh, rather—Callie needs me.
Unable to just stand by and watch their mounting frustration, I step into the room. “I-I could help...?” I ask with a soft smile.
Two pairs of matching eyes whip toward me. “Jessa!” Callie cheers.
I swear I see a hint of relief in Eli’s gaze, but then it instantly turns hard. His shoulders fall, and I see his body outwardly admitting defeat.
Five-year-old tangles—one, post-prison single dads—zero.
I can’t tell if he’s more angry with himself, or at me for witnessing it. Not that I’m judging him. One of the hardest parts of raising girls is dealing with their long, tangled hair.
He rises to his feet, exhaustion drooping his shoulders. He slaps the comb into my palm. “Thanks.” He stomps off. I’m not sure where he leaves to go sulk, but he leaves us girls on our own.
I give Callie a quick hug, pressing my lips to her head, then I dart into my bedroom to grab more appropriate hair supplies. That old man comb Eli was trying to use is just not going to cut it.
On my way out, I glance around the space and smile. I usually keep the door closed so Eli won’t side-eye the girly improvements I’ve made to his space. It’s still his bedroom, even though I’m staying here, and I feel weird about making changes to it. But I had to bring some life to the place. When I moved in, it was drab and spiritless and it made me sad to imagine Eli here in his old life with his old wife. So I added some twinkle lights, new curtains, and a few other things to liven up the place.
Back in Callie’s bedroom, I make myself comfy on her girly twin bed, and we talk about her day while I get to work. Her sniffling calms, and she excitedly tells me about working outside with her daddy, how she got to use a hammer and help him varnish the porch. Judging by the look on Eli’s face earlier, it’s no doubt he had a long day, but I imagine he has no clue how exciting the day was for his daughter.
Baby steps.
And he’s taking them, whether he knows it or not.
I get through Callie’s hair in no time, tying it into a quick braid to make the morning more manageable. Still, she’s fading fast. When I get her laid down and pull the covers up to her chin, her little eyes are already fluttering closed.
“Night, night, sweetie,” I whisper.
“G’night,” she mumbles back, incoherently, scrunching her nose and rolling to her side.
I sit quietly and watch her sleep for a few moments, gathering the courage for what I need to do next. Mind set, I go off in search of Eli. The house is eerily still, so I know he’s not on the main floor.
I tentatively open the basement door and creep down the creaky wooden stairs. When I make it to Eli’s dark man cave below, I find him on the couch. I know he heard me come down, but he doesn’t even glance in my direction.
The man looks utterly defeated, seated on his couch-slash-bed and staring mindlessly at the television propped up on a box in the corner.
With a dejected sigh, I pass in front of him and drop to the couch next to him, making sure to leave a respectable amount of space between our thighs. When he still doesn’t acknowledge my presence, I set a bottle of hair detangler in his lap.
His eyes fall to the bottle, and then he turns to me, brow raised.
“It’ll be a lifesaver, I promise. Oh, and a wide-tooth comb,” I tell him, wanting to set him and Callie up for success. Even if he doesn’t fire me soon, I won’t be around forever. I want to help him be the best father to that sweet girl. She deserves it. They both deserve it.
Eli nods, picking up the bottle and examining it. “Thanks.”
I watch him silently, pairing this version of the man with the one who gave me a ride to my hometown when my car wouldn’t start. With the one who spent his entire day helping my dad frame out and drywall a small office. With the one who possessively laid his hand on the small of my back and led me to his car when Michael tried to overstep my boundaries.
What does it mean that I like each and every one of those versions?
I’m in so much trouble.
“Callie had a good day, you know. She loved getting to work with you outside,” I tell him.
He grunts, shaking his head. He doesn’t believe me. “She barely said a word to me. She didn’t eat her dinner. She cried most of the evening. Doesn’t sound like a good day to me.”
My heart cracks for him. Little does he know that he’s just describing a normal five-year-old.
Reaching out and placing my hand on his jean-covered thigh, I speak my mind, hoping I don’t take it too far. “I promise. Her version of the day is vastly different from yours. You just have to keep doing what you’re doing, Eli. It’s going to take time. Win back her trust. Show her you won’t abandon her again.”
“I didn’t abandon her,” he argues before his voice softens. “At least, not deliberately.”
I pull my feet up under me, now fully facing him as we talk. “I know you didn’t. You’d never do that to your daughter. I see that. But Callie probably doesn’t understand it all.”
“I don’t know how I'll ever be able to explain this to her.” His gaze meets mine again. “What do I say to her, Jessa? How do I tell Callie that her mom left us?”
I get that fluttery feeling again. The one I get every time he utters my name. I love the way my name sounds when he says it.
“I don’t have those answers,” I admit softly. “But I don’t think sil
ence is what’s right for her. Callie is so inquisitive. If I were in your shoes, I would be proactive with that conversation. Let her know that her mom’s betrayal is not her fault. Make sure she knows you love her. Encourage her to ask questions.” My hand squeezes reflexively on his leg as I try to offer silent support. Before I can manage pulling it away, Eli’s large hand falls over mine, trapping my fingers between his calloused hand and warm thigh.
My breath goes shallow. Lord, he’s making it hard to concentrate.
“It’s the questions I’m worried about,” he mumbles, his thumb rubbing lightly over the back of my hand. I’m not even sure he’s aware of it. But boy, I sure am. Every nerve ending in my arm is blazing.
“I know. You just have to remember that there are no wrong answers here. You’ll know what feels right in the moment.”
Eli’s quiet for a while, but then he nods, exhaling a heavy breath. He snorts, a trace of a smile teasing those lips. “We’d be fucked without you.”
A small laugh escapes me. The man’s harsh words, combined with the sweetest compliment he’s ever given me, touches a part of me so deep, it even catches me off guard. “Thanks, I guess? I’m happy to make sure you’re not fucked…,” I trail off, the deep double meaning of the word settling into the space between us. My cheeks instantly burn as I let my eyes fall to our hands.
Oh my God, my stomach clenches.
I’m sitting on a couch, in the dark, practically holding hands with the man who’s supposed to be my boss. The man I’ve fantasized about for months. His face is just inches away from mine, and I don’t even know how that happened. One minute, I’m giving him hairstyling tips, and the next, he’s staring at me like I’m the answer to every one of his problems.
I swallow hard, willing my racing heart to slow. When I finally meet his eyes again, he speaks. “You’re welcome.” His deep voice grazes every inch of my skin.
The way he’s looking at me right now makes it hard to breathe, and my inner thoughts battle it out, as I stare back at him. There's a war going on inside me.
Kiss me.
Don’t kiss me.
Kiss me, dammit.
His shadowed eyes flick to our intermingled hands before rising to my face. The room is nearly dark, only lit up by the bright television in the corner. Still, I see the storm brewing in that dark stare. He licks his lips. “God, it feels good to touch you.” His words come out low. His voice cracks with hunger.
I like the way it feels. That’s what I want to say but there’s a boulder in my throat blocking the words.
Eli snatches his hand back. He swallows. “Shit. I’m sorry. I know…I know we can’t do this. I know we can’t take this further. You already said that.” I see the guilt in his face. It echoes the guilt I feel in my gut.
“I know…” I say. Regret sits heavy like a rock on my diaphragm. I wish things could be different.
That’s my cue to leave. I stand from the couch and head toward the stairs.
I hear my boss call out after me. “Thank you, Jessa. Thank you for everything you do for my daughter.” He hesitates. “For me.”
I force a smile to the surface. “Just doing my job.” I turn my back on him and climb the stairs.
26
Jessa
I sit straight, shoulders back, wearing my brightest smile as I answer each question like a rock star. As promised, Michael set up an interview for a kindergarten teaching position in our hometown. I took the morning off to make the trip back here. I’d really prefer to find work in Crescent Harbor, but at this point, I can’t be too choosy. I need a teaching job.
This isn’t the same elementary school I went to as a kid, but it’s in the same district, and everyone here seems so stinking nice. After interviewing with the school principal and several teachers on the hiring committee, the assistant principal gives me a guided tour of the little building.
Shannon is only a few years older than me, and we hit it off instantly. She’s a sweetheart, giving me all the ins and outs and some insider secrets, too. She tells me that tours aren’t a typical part of the interview package, so I can safely anticipate a job offer in my very near future.
A job. A real, big-girl job.
The mere thought makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, giving me a sense of hope I haven’t felt in a really long time.
The assistant principal walks me back to the administrator’s office, where Michael is waiting for me. I told him he didn’t have to stay the whole time. I’m sure he has better things to do with his day but he insisted.
“Thank you so much for the tour, Shannon. I look forward to hearing from you,” I offer, holding out my hand to shake hers.
Instead the woman pulls me in for a half-hug, catching me by surprise. Well, okay then. I laugh, and we say our goodbyes.
Michael walks me out, his hand falling to my back. “Look at you, woman. I knew you’d have them eating out of the palm of your hand.”
His words are kind, but his voice dips suggestively, making me feel…well, dirty. “Thanks. I appreciate you setting this up.”
“Anything for you, Jessie Babe.” He holds the building’s door open, letting me pass through first. “Hey, let me take you out for drinks. What do you say?” Michael offers me his sexy-face grin, the same grin that lured me in when we first started dating. Oh boy.
“Drinks? It’s barely lunch time.” I laugh awkwardly.
“Who cares! We need to celebrate your new job, babe.” He squeezes my arm as we head to the small parking lot on the side of the school. I’m not sure if he even notices all the not-so-innocent touches, but I sure do. I thought I was crazy for this guy not so long ago, but right now, his touch just makes my skin crawl.
When I spot my rusty ride sandwiched between two shiny SUVs in the visitor parking lot, a tiny smile sneaks across my lips. This morning, I woke up at the crack of dawn, knowing that my car was out of order and that I’d have to call my dad to give me a lift. But right as I was struggling to pop a bagel into the toaster, stir cream into my coffee and balance my phone against my ear, Eli crept into the kitchen and announced that he’d managed to get the vehicle working yesterday. It was insanely sweet of him to spend his time fixing my car. Not to mention, sexy. I’m trying not to read too much into it.
I turn and find Michael beside me, still waiting for my response to his invitation. “So, what do ya say? Drinks?” He sniffles and rubs his nose.
My smile turns to concrete. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I don’t have the job yet.” I turn, backing my way to my driver’s side door, squeezing between the parking spaces where he can’t follow me. “How about I take a raincheck on the celebratory drinks? I’m actually running late on getting back to work.”
“I’m holding you to it. Call me as soon as you get the offer.” He points at me, sending a wink in my direction.
“Yeah, of course.” I can’t pull out of the parking lot fast enough.
On my drive back to Eli’s place, my warm and fuzzies slowly grow cold. The thought of leaving Callie—and her moody father—twists my stomach into knots. I’m slammed with guilt. I feel so bad about looking for a new job. I feel like a traitor. It’s just that, Callie has had so much inconsistency in her life and, since I’ve started working with her, I’ve been a constant in her world, someone she can rely on. I don’t want her to think I’m abandoning her, too. I love that sweet girl.
I shake my head, taking a deep cleansing breath and pushing that thought aside. No. I can’t be a nanny forever. I need to put my own interests first—for once in my life. Besides, Callie’s getting older and soon, she’ll be starting kindergarten anyway. She won’t need me much longer. So really, I’m doing everyone a favor by cutting ties a little early.
I need to remember that being Callie’s nanny is just a job. Even though, deep down, I can’t help but feel like we’re a family. Unconventional. Quirky. A little off-beat. But a family nonetheless. It’s hard not to catch feelings when I’m living in their home. Eating
together with them at their dinner table. Sleeping under their roof.
Good lord. Why can’t I be the tough, no-nonsense kind of nanny that doesn’t get involved emotionally?
I park next to Eli’s car in the driveway, my heart clenching. Forcing myself to shake off my thoughts, I walk inside the house. What I see in the living room makes me stop in my tracks.
Eli and Callie are cuddled up under a blanket, watching cartoons on the couch. Callie is covered all over in bright red, oozy-looking dots. Meanwhile, Eli’s got a pained grimace on his face and an icepack on his shoulder.
This is not the condition I left them in.
Eli looks up at my expression with a boyish grin. “Y’see, what happened was…”
27
Eli
Chicken pox. Callie has chicken pox.
I’m sure she picked it up from one of those snot-faced kids at that play group my parents took her to the other day. Dammit. But at least, that explains her cranky mood last night.
Her head is drooping, resting against my shoulder as Jessa examines her from head to toe. “Oh, poor baby,” the nanny coos softly from where she’s crouched down next to the sofa. “My sweet girl.”
Callie groans and scratches her belly. “It’s so itchy, Jessa.”
When my eyes meet the nanny’s, she offers me a pained smile. “I should give her a bath.” The woman looks at my daughter. “Come on, sweetie.”
Callie peels herself off of me. I stand, too. “D’you need some help?”
Jessa’s smile widens the faintest touch. “There should be some oatmeal in the pantry. Grab that, and meet us in the bathroom.”
My head bobs like an idiot. Standing this close, her scent fills my head. She smells like cake and I want to eat her down to the last crumb. She’s still in the prim and proper dress that she wore to her interview but she’s a tiny bit disheveled after a long morning. Her hair is a little messy, her lipstick is faded and I can see the lacy trim of her bra peeking out at the neckline of her dress. I want to shred her out of it. With my teeth.
Mister Bossy (Bad Boys in Love Book 4) Page 14