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Like single parent books? Then you’ll love Hot Mess, book one in my Love is Messy series. I’ve included chapter one of Hot Mess as a sample for you to enjoy!
Hot Mess
Chapter One
Someday, I’ll get my shit together. Today, however, is not that day. I bring my coffee to my lips and whirl around, tripping over the dog. The mug hits my teeth, and hot coffee sloshes down the front of my ivory blouse.
“Really, Pluto? You have to lay in the middle of the kitchen during rush hour?” I glare at the little mutt who looks at me, and then at his empty bowl. “I didn’t forget to feed you,” I say and grab a towel from the kitchen counter. It’s damp from drying last night’s dishes, but it’ll work. I rub the front of my shirt, swearing under my breath. I’m going to have to change, and I’m already running late.
I take a sip of my coffee and fly to the pantry. “Son of a bitch,” I say when I stick my hand into the big bag of dog food. I only feel crumbs.
“Mom, you said a bad word,” Grace points out, little feet slapping on the cold tile as she comes up behind me.
I let out a breath. “That’s a mommy word. Only mommies can say those words.” I grab the dog food bag and look at my six-year-old. “Did you feed Pluto last night?”
“I did,” she says proudly.
“How much did you feed him?”
She shrugs and looks away, a move she mastered years ago. “I don’t know.”
“You fed him all of it,” I say with a shake of my head, closing my eyes in a long blink. I had it mentally planned out to give him the last of his food this morning and pick up a bag on the way home from work. “He’s on a diet, remember? We have to only give him one scoop in the evening.”
“But he was hungry!” Grace says, and her shoulders sag. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby,” I say and smile. She’s as sweet as she is sassy. “Thank you for helping last night. You take good care of your puppy.”
That brings a smile to her face. “Can you do my hair?” she asks, holding out a brush.
“Yes, let me find something for Pluto first. Did you brush your teeth?”
She nods and pulls out a bar stool, climbing up to wait for me. I get three-day-old chicken and rice from the fridge and stick it in the microwave. While the food is heating up, I fly over to Grace, taking another drink of coffee as I walk. I set the mug down and pick up her brush, running it through her brunette locks.
“Your hair is getting so long,” I tell her, carefully brushing through her tangled curls. “And so pretty.”
The compliment makes her sit up a little straighter, and I can tell without looking that she’s smiling. “I want a bun like you,” she says and I internally cringe. My own dark blonde hair — a shade or two lighter than hers — is up in the usual messy bun. I’m not talking the cute and stylish kind. I’m talking the if-I-put-on-a-hoodie-I’ll-look-like-a-drug-dealer kind of messy bun. But hey, at least my hair is clean.
“What about a braid?” I ask and lean back, looking into the living room for my three-year-old. Paige is curled up on the couch watching cartoons. A wave of sadness and guilt hits me when I see her. Like her mother and older sister, she’s naturally not a morning person. Yet she’s up, dressed and fed before seven a.m. so I can drop her off at daycare before work.
“Okay,” Grace says to the braid. I turn my attention back to her, heart aching. I worked part-time when Grace was little and did the majority of my work from home. She didn’t have to go to daycare or get up early. I spent my mornings and afternoons with her, playing and snuggling, living out the life I always imagined.
And then I got divorced, and everything changed.
I carefully braid Grace’s hair and then grab the leftovers from the microwave, taking them to Pluto’s dish.
“I’ll get you dog food tonight,” I promise him. “But don’t act like you don’t prefer this.”
He gets up and trots over to his bowl, scarfing down breakfast. I pat him on the head, glad I got to keep him. Russell, my ex, and I adopted him for Grace’s birthday three years ago.
“Okay, girls,” I say. “Coats and shoes, please!”
Grace hops off the stool and goes to the hall tree by the back door. Paige needs a little more coaxing and asks me to sit and snuggle her for a minute. I can’t resist. I sit on the couch, turning off the TV, and pull her into my arms.
“I love you to the moon and back, sweet pea,” I whisper in her ear. She looks up at me, golden brown hair falling into her eyes.
“I love you too, Mama,” she says back and hugs me. “Can I stay home with you? Please, Mama?”
My heart breaks. “What about your friends? Don’t you want to see them?”
“Oh, yeah. Friends!” She perks up and climbs off the couch, jibber-jabbering away about her friend Olivia from school. That’s my saving grace about this whole thing. The girl is a social butterfly, though I don’t know where she gets it from. I’m not exactly what you’d call a “people person” most days.
I let Pluto out into our small fenced-in backyard while we go through the process of dressing for the cool spring weather, putting on shoes and loading backpacks and lunches into the car. The girls start fighting over who gets to hold the stuffed monkey that was discarded on the floor of the car and forgotten about for weeks. Well, until now.
“Take turns,” I say, putting the monkey in Paige’s hands. “When Paige gets to school, you can hold it,” I tell Grace, too tired to tell her kindergarteners shouldn’t be bickering like this over a plush monkey.
I glance at the clock, cringing when I see that we should have left ten minutes ago. Dammit. I snap Paige in her carseat and check Grace’s seatbelt. Then I fly back into the house, let the dog in, grab my shit, and slide into the driver’s seat.
“You smell like coffee,” Grace says after we’ve backed out of the driveway and made it two miles down the street.
Dammit. I look down, tears threatening to form, and see the caramel-colored stain on my blouse. I can’t go into work like this, and I don’t want this stain to set in and ruin the shirt. I don’t have a choice, seeing there isn’t time to turn around. How the hell did I forget to change? An even better question might be how the hell did I forget my shirt was sopping wet? Am I that much of a hot mess having some sort of food or beverage spilled on me is the norm? This is going to be a long day. Hell, it’s already been a long week. And it’s only fucking Monday.
“Mommy?” Grace asks, leaning forward in her booster seat. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, honey,” I say and blink back tears. “I’m okay.” I flick my gaze to the rearview mirror and see both of my precious daughters.
And I really do feel okay.
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“Long night?” Jillian asks me as I rush into the office.
“You could say that again.” I set my purse down at my desk and hesitate before taking my coat off. I had left a black cardigan in the car at least a month ago. It was a little wrinkled and smelled like the stale Cheerios it was piled on, but it was better than my stained blouse. I buttoned it up the top and hoped no one would notice I didn’t have a cami on underneath. “Paige has been having nightmares again.” I sink into the rolling chair and fire up my computer, looking up at Jillian, who’s perched on the edge of my desk.
Her hair is brushed to perfection, falling over her shoulders in a wave of blonde curls, and her makeup is flawless. She’s been at Black Ink Press almost as long as I have, and we’ve become go
od friends as we bonded over books.
“I was up late reading my last submission. The book is great, by the way, a little slow in pacing, but nothing I can’t fix. As soon as I laid down, Paige woke up screaming about the man in her doorway. I know they say it’s a phase, but this is starting to creep me out.”
I unzip my coat and brace for Jillian to say something. Books are her first passion, and fashion is a close second. She’s always put together and doesn’t hesitate to point out those who aren’t. But in the year since my life fell apart, she’s gone soft on me. I kind of hate her for it…as much as I love her for it.
“You need to get that place blessed. I swear Russ is sending voodoo vibes your way to make you want to leave.”
I shake my head. “I wouldn’t put it past him.” Who got the house after we split caused more grief than anything. Well, other than who got the kids. He fought tooth and nail for them at first, and swore he’d be in their lives as much as possible. He did great for the first six months, and then he started dating again.
If only he acted like a deadbeat dad before the divorce, we might have ended things sooner and spared the heartache. Though, if I left the first time I thought we were broken beyond repair, I might not have Paige. Or Grace. Or have gotten married in the first place.
Having hope that things will work themselves out is my biggest flaw. Live and learn and all, right?
“I don’t know how you take care of your kids and work full-time,” Jillian says, as we walk to the break room. I can’t start the day without a bagel and some coffee. “It’s just me, my cat, and sometimes my boyfriend at my house. And I don’t have to commute from the suburbs. Seriously, I don’t know how you do it.”
I shrug and fill a paper cup with coffee. “I don’t either. But I just do. I have no choice but to keep going, and it’s only by the sheer grace of God I’ve gotten this far.” I spread cream cheese on a bagel and shake my head. “And to be honest, I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job. I’m struggling so much, Jill.”
She puts her hand on my arm. “Besides that rat nest on your head and your interesting choice of clothing, it doesn't look that way. I don’t know if that’s helpful or not, but know the rest of the world can’t tell.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re doing great, Lexi. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and don’t forget to take care of yourself either. You deserve some happiness.”
“Are you talking about masturbating again?”
“Not this time, but don’t forget to do that either. I know how long it’s been since you’ve had sex. What I meant was you should go out and have fun. Maybe think about dating again.”
I pour creamer into my coffee, shaking my head as I stir. A million arguments rush into my head, listing out reasons why I’m not ready to start dating. I open my mouth to spit them out but stop. Because I do want to date again. I wanted to date again before the divorce was official. I spent the majority of my last pregnancy avoiding my husband, the father of my unborn child, because being around him was more painful than being alone.
No one warns you how painful falling out of love is.
“You’re right,” I say.
“Now I knew you’d—wait, did you just agree with me?” Jillian flips her hair over her shoulder, long lashes coming together as she blinks.
“I did. You’re right. I think it is time. I’m ready.” We snap lids on our coffee cups and slowly make our way back to our offices. “I’m lonely,” I admit. “I’ve been lonely for a long time.”
“I know,” she says softly. “Let’s go out on Saturday, just for fun. You can practice your flirting skills and let off some steam. Russ has the kids this weekend, right?”
I carefully sip my hot coffee. “He does.”
She smiles, blue eyes going wide with excitement. “I got a new top that’s too long for me—the curse of being five-foot-two strikes again—but it will look killer on you. Come over Saturday, let me do your hair and makeup, and you’ll be turning down hotties left and right.”
I laugh, snorting into my coffee. “Sure I will.”
“You’re a MILF, Lex. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“So, when I meet these hotties, do I tell them I have kids or not? Because they need to know I’m a mom to be one they’d like to fuck, right?”
“Yes. But make sure to tell them you had your vagina stitched shut extra tight each time you pushed a baby out.”
Gerry, one of the assistant editors, raises his eyebrows as he walks past. I sigh. As much as I want to find a partner again, the thought of dating scares me. Russell and I met in college, were married at twenty-two, and got pregnant just months after the wedding. Flash forward to now, and it’s been a while since I’ve been on the market.
“Don’t stress,” Jillian says, reading my mind. “This is just for fun. Find a hot guy to go home with and use him as practice.”
“I’ve never had a one-night stand before.”
“I’m well aware.”
“If I did, would you think I’m slutty?”
She stares at me, unblinking. “No, and you know how I feel about that. You’re a grown-ass woman. If you want to sleep with a different man every night, more power to you. You own your body and your sexuality. Do what you want.”
“I love it when you talk feminism to me.”
She smiles. “I’ll text Lori and Erin and see if they want to come too. The four of us haven’t been out like this in a long time. It’s so overdue.”
I can’t dispute that. Lori and Erin were also involved in the book world, like us. Lori works in marketing for Black Ink Press, and Erin recently made the move from being an editor like me to a literary agent. She has kids as well, and though they’re in high school, it’s nice to have another mom to hang out with.
We go into our small offices and get to work. I pick at my bagel while I open my email, shuddering when I see my growing inbox. I skim through, flagging the important ones, move them into a folder, and then check Twitter and Facebook as I finish my coffee. I get sucked into a public temper tantrum between two agents from rival agencies, wasting fifteen precious minutes of my morning.
Then it’s back to the emails, replying to authors and agents about the projects I’m working on. I open a document from Quinn Harlow, an author I’ve worked with since my start at Black Ink Press, happily surprised she sent over changes to her novel already. I lean back in my chair and start reading through them, getting pulled into her romance novel about a billionaire heiress and an ex-convict all over again.
Before I know it, it’s time for lunch, and the number of emails in my inbox has doubled. Again. I stretch my arms over my head, refusing to let it stress me out. I’m going to stay on top of things this week, so much I’ll be able to either leave early on Friday or take the whole day off and spend it with my favorite three-year-old.
I load Quinn’s book onto my Kindle so I can read while I eat, and after checking Twitter and Facebook again, head out, meeting Jillian in the lobby.
“Erin’s in the area,” she says, not looking away from her phone. “She’s at The Salad Bar. Want to go?”
“Sure,” I say but feel guilty. The food is good, but I hate paying over twenty bucks for a bowl of lettuce with light toppings. It’s healthy for your body but not for your wallet. I didn’t bring a lunch for myself today, anyway. I had time to make the girls’ lunches or mine, but not both. They trump me every time.
The bright sun has warmed up the day enough that we get a table outside, soaking up the cloudless day. Erin hugs us when we see her, and I can’t help but smile at the sight of my friend. We order our food and swear we won’t talk about work, but just minutes later, Erin is telling us about a new author she signed.
“She has a few self-published books that did really well,” she tells us. “And has a decent fan base already, but…” She shakes her head and pulls up the author’s Facebook fan page. “She’ll be a hard sell to marketing. She posts a lot of drunk videos on her fan
page.” She holds up the phone so we can see a video of the author talking to the camera, waving a drink around. “And she doesn’t play nice with the other indies in her genre. I found a lot of other authors posting that she uses them to get ahead, then throws them aside like garbage.”
“Ugh,” I say. “No one likes a bully.”
“She’d have to have a fucking amazing book to make me take her on,” Jillian admits. “Have you tried talking to her?”
“Yes, and it’s gone nowhere. Like I said, great writer, but an asshole of a person.” Erin sighs and sets her phone down. “Enough about work. How’s life. Did Aaron propose yet?”
“Not yet,” Jillian says, shrugging. She acts like it doesn’t bother her, but after five years together, the lack of commitment gets under her skin. “How are your kids?” Her deflection only proves how much it upsets her.
“Driving me fucking insane,” Erin admits. Her eyes meet mine. “People say it gets easier as the kids get older. It’s a lie. Don’t buy it. They just get moody and mean, and Mom is the last person they want to be seen with. I’ll trade you.”
“There’s no way I’m giving up my babies. They’re hardly even babies anymore.”
“It goes fast,” Erin says. “Savor it. Before you know it, you have two teenagers who only care about what you’re making for dinner and how much money they can con out of you.”
We laugh and the subject changes to books and publishing again. We say our goodbyes, and go back to work. Back in my office, I answer a few more emails and lean back in my chair to hopefully read through the rest of Quinn’s changes. One of those changes is an added sex scene, and oh my God, it’s hot. I don’t realize I’m biting my lip and leaning closer and closer to my Kindle screen until someone knocks at my office door.
I blink, feeling a bit disoriented—Quinn will be happy to know that—and look up, expecting to see Gavin or even Jillian. The smile on my lips freezes in place and my cheeks flush even more than before. My stomach flutters and I momentarily panic that I have lettuce stuck in my teeth. I didn’t check, after all, so it’s entirely possible.
Side Hustle: A Dawson Family Novel Page 30