DEX: why?
ME: he called. We have another date next weekend.
DEX: you happy about that?
ME: I am. He was really sweet about asking.
DEX: then I’m happy for you. You at your parents?
ME: Just got here a little while ago, yeah.
DEX: Then don’t llama keep you.
ME: I kind of hate you for that one…it was pretty good.
I send him a smiley face emoji, and head inside.
I’m loud when I walk through the house this time, calling out for my parents as I near the doors to the deck. They aren’t kissing anymore, but are helping each other set the oversized patio table and man the professional-sized grill that is my Dad’s pride and joy.
“Hi, sweetheart.” My dad pulls me in for a hug. “Good to see you!”
“Sinclair! You look beautiful, darling.” I hug Mom tight and we kiss each other on the cheek.
As we tuck into perfectly cooked steaks, thanks to Dad’s mad grilling skills, and the delicious roasted potatoes Mom is famous for, they catch me up on all the happenings at the ranch.
“We’re still trying to get Goldie knocked up.” Mom’s tone is nonchalant as she tells me about their Irish draught horse. “She’s down at the Evanston farm. They have the most gorgeous gray dapple, but Goldie just isn’t warming up to him. No idea why.” She shrugs. “She keeps trying to get to this gangly little stallion instead.”
“Oh, and we’re heading up to Chicago in a couple of weeks.” Dad says it as though it nearly slipped his mind.
“Kelly will like that. I just talked to her last week.”
“Yes, your mother is going to help her with some wedding plans. Also, we’re picking up a fourth musketeer!” He is clearly excited. “A little Aussie pup named…,” he pauses for effect, and knowing my father like I do, I say the name in unison as he does. “D’Artagnan!” He laughs. “Of course, what else would we name him? I mean, we’re not lunatics.”
As if on cue to disprove his statement, four of their llamas walk by in the pasture behind him.
“Did I tell you I’ve seen Dex a couple of times?”
“How is he? I always liked him. An incredible intellect, that boy.” Dad always did seem to enjoy talking with Dexter the times I’ve brought him to family events over the years.
“He’s doing great. He was featured in Time magazine a couple of months ago. He’s one of their Rising Stars of Technology.” My chest puffs up a little. I’m proud of my friend.
“His company must be doing well. I saw he’s working with some ball player or other. It was on the local news earlier in the year.” Mom has not been such a fan of my friendship with Dexter, but I see that his association with a celebrity has definitely piqued her interest.
“Yes, they’re good friends, actually.”
“That’s quite a juxtaposition.” Mom chuckles and I feel heat rise in my chest. “I mean, talk about your unlikely pairings.”
“It’s not unlikely at all. Dex is an amazing man. He’s brilliant, his research is groundbreaking. He’s at the top of his field. He also happens to be kind, and loyal, and one of the all-around best people I know.” I defend him against the derisive comment. “Cole is lucky to have him as a friend.”
“Cole?”
“Colton Bright. Everyone calls him Cole,” I suddenly realize that’s not something everyone might know.
“Wait, Colton Bright? The pitcher from the Frontiersmen? That kid’s got one hell of an arm on him. Helluva batter, too.” Dad suddenly perks up. “That’s the ball player Dexter is friends with?”
“It is. He invested in Dex’s company, and they became friends. He really believes in his research.” I tip my chin upward, casting side-eye at my mother.
“Wow. Do you suppose Dexter could get me an autograph?” He asks the question meekly, like he’s been transported back to his childhood.
“I can get you one next weekend.” I let the words tumble out without even thinking.
Damn it! Filter, Sinclair. Seriously, my big mouth will be the death of me.
“Oh? You’re meeting him? That would be great, honey! I have a Frontiersmen cap I’d love for him to sign. And that ball I caught last year, too, if it’s not too much trouble. I’ll get them before you leave.” Dad is grinning from ear-to-ear.
I know I’m too far down the path, now, so I might as well spill the whole thing. “Actually, I’ve met him before. We’ve been out a couple of times.”
Mom’s eyes grow large and she almost chokes on a potato, washing it down with a swig of wine after pounding her chest. “When you say you’ve been out…like a group thing?”
“A group thing the night we met, then a date, and we have another date next weekend.” I shrug as nonchalantly as I can, but Mom is beaming now. She backhands Dad’s arm repeatedly as her smile grows wide, and finally hits my father hard enough to incite a little yelp.
“You’re dating a professional baseball player?” She exaggeratedly puts her palms up and casts her eyes skyward as if in prayer. “Sam, did you hear that? A ball player! Thank you, Jesus! I was afraid you’d end up settling for Dexter.”
My jaw clenches, and I feel all the blood rushing to my head. I set my fork down hard against my plate.
“Mom! Dex is a great guy. Any woman would be lucky to have a man like him in her life. Hell, if I thought for one minute that he had any interest in me, I’d jump at the chance to be with him. As it happens, we’re just friends. He introduced me to Cole, who I’ve been on exactly one real date with. If I decide to date Cole, or dump him, marry him, or have sex with the whole infield lineup, it’s none of your damn business!” As I stand, I feel the tears begin to threaten.
I retreat to the guest room that’s designated as mine, and slam the door. My heart is pounding in time with my throbbing head as I curl up on top of the yellow floral quilt, letting the pillow catch my tears as I hug it tightly.
I’m not sure how much time passes before I hear a light rapping on the door. I say nothing. A moment later, my Dad gingerly opens it. “Hey kiddo. I brought the musketeers.”
He pushes air through his teeth, making a szt szt sound, and suddenly I’m surrounded by three furry faces on the bed. They nuzzle me, lick the side of my face and headbutt me until I sit up and pet them.
Dad sits cautiously on the end of the bed. He casts a glance over his shoulder toward the door, then looks back at me.
“How long?” It’s a simple question he’s asking, but I don’t want to answer until I’m completely sure of his meaning. I cock up an eyebrow and he elaborates. “How long have you been in love with Dexter?”
“I’m not.” I tell the lie I am trying so desperately to believe, and somehow I have a fresh supply of tears.
Dad stands and scoots Porthos away so he can sit beside me. The aptly named little butterball hops across my lap and takes a spot on the other side, using my thigh as a pillow. I look down at his sweet face and rub his snout.
“Kitten, it’s me you’re talking to here. Tell the truth.”
“It’s not like that. Not anymore.” I shake my head. “In college, yeah…and for a while after. I’ve moved on, though…,” I trail off and look up at my dad who now has his arm around me, and the lie sits bitterly in my mouth. “He has never had the slightest interest, and…I’ve learned to be okay with that. I even helped him get a date this morning.”
As the cruel words Mom and Kelly—and others—have used to describe Dex over the years roll through my mind, I realize why I’m so emotional.
People make assumptions about who he is, and they do the same about me. Mom wanted me to model. Kelly thinks I should snag, in her words, a hot, successful guy with no trouble. I get so sick of people making assumptions for me…thinking I should be a certain type of person just because I look a particular way.
Just because other people are hung up on creating some perfect, social-media-worthy image of their lives, why should I be that way too? I want more substance. I want
someone I can laugh with, and talk with, someone I can share secrets with and trust. That may not be photo-worthy, but to me, it has far more substance.
Dex is the only person I’ve ever felt like I could be my whole, true self with. He doesn’t care if my hair’s not done, or I’m not wearing something stylish. He doesn’t look at me, he looks into me—into who I really am, and I love him for that.
“It’s just…I don’t know, Daddy. Why is Mom so hell bent on me getting married? I’ve got plenty of time for that. She has such an unyielding view of what she thinks my life should be…and who I should fall in love with.”
“She just wants you to have a good life. An easy life. One where you aren’t constantly saddled with regret.” He hugs me and kisses the top of my head. “I just want you to be happy. So…you and Dexter really are just friends? That’s all there is and you’re really okay with that?”
“He’s my best friend. He introduced Cole and me. If he liked me, he wouldn’t have tried to set me up with someone, would he? So, no, there’s nothing between us but an amazing friendship.” I swallow words that still don’t feel true. “I love him… as my friend.”
“As long as you’re happy.” He squeezes me tightly. “And get me autographs from Colton Bright now in case you decide to dump him later.” We both chuckle.
When I come downstairs, Mom is sitting on the sofa with a fresh glass of wine.
“I’m going to go check on the horses.” Dad calls the dogs to come with him.
“Sit.” Mom pats the place next to her. I sit, and she turns to me and takes my hand in hers. “Darling, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to insult Dexter. He’s a nice young man.” She shakes her head. “Look, I think it’s time I told you the whole story about your father and me.”
“What story?” I have an ominous feeling about her tone.
“I was married before I met your father.” She casts her eyes down.
“What?! You were married before Daddy?” I shake my head as if I want to make sure my ears aren’t deceiving me.
How is this completely new information?
“For a short time, yes. He was handsome and charming, but he was poorer than a church mouse.” She grins as she looks off into the distance for a moment. “We got married the week after we finished high school. All we could afford was a rented trailer way out on route nine.”
“What happened to him?” I’m still dumbfounded trying to process this secret former life my mother has kept hidden all these years.
“Well, he always fancied himself a businessman. He was always chasing some big, million-dollar idea or another. I got a job as a ward clerk over at the county hospital, and picked up as many shifts as I could to keep some money coming in.” She rolls her eyes. “He didn’t have time for a job, ya see, because he was always working on making good contacts for his business.”
“What kind of business?”
“Oh, well, first it was encyclopedia sales, then it was a fitness studio. There was the Amway distributorship, and then one time, he was going to start a business to rent out goats for people to have in their lawns instead of using lawnmowers.” She shakes her head. “He was a beautiful boy but he was always trying to run some scam or other.”
“So, you left him?”
“Eventually. I’d had enough of almost getting evicted from the trailer because he’d found my stash for the rent and spent it on some pyramid scheme. I was sick of stealing from people’s lunches in the work refrigerator, and working three jobs.” She turns to meet me eye. “So ya see, that’s why I want to be sure you make a good match, Sinclair. I don’t want you to have to choose between carrying the whole load or going without.”
“I don’t need a man to have a stable life, Mom. I can take care of myself. Besides all of that, if I had chosen Dex, he’s not exactly a snake oil salesman. His company is insanely successful,” I defend him again. “There’s no romance there, but if there was, it’s not up to you decide whether it’s right or wrong, and I won’t stand for you insulting him like you do.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Maybe I took it too far. I promise, I’ll be kinder from now on. And I really do generally like him, you know.” She pulls me close and hugs me, and I feel tears on her cheeks that match my own.
When we break the hug, she strokes the side of my face sweetly. “I know you can take care of yourself. You’re just so lovely, darling. You can have anyone you want. I don’t want you to make a mistake and have to find love twice. I just want you to find a real partner in life, and be happy.”
“Thanks, Mom. I can appreciate that.”
“So, can I be just a little excited you’re dating this Colton guy?” She smirks.
“Oh my god it’s just the second date.” I roll my eyes exasperatedly.
“Can I at least see a picture of him?” She cocks up an eyebrow.
I dig my phone out of my pocket and pull up the team roster for the Frontiersmen. I click on the photo of Colton Bright, and make it full screen.
“Jesus, Sinclair!” Mom exclaims. “That is one gorgeous man!”
“He’s pretty handsome, I guess.” Some little part of me that’s still a little girl of about five can’t help but like having Mom’s approval and admiration.
“Pretty handsome? This guy is H-O-T!” Mom feigns fanning herself.
“Down, girl.” I chuckle.
“So you have your second official date next weekend?”
“Mm-hm. I wasn’t really sure, to be honest. He’s nice, but there was no real spark. When I got here, though, he called, and said he wanted a chance to knock my socks off.” I shrug. “So, we’ll go on date number two and see what happens.”
By the time I leave, I’m feeling much better. I understand my Mom a little more, and that makes me feel closer to her than I ever have…and maybe understand just a little bit of what inspired her own personal brand of crazy.
On the drive home, I think about what Dad asked me about Dex, and how I told him about my crush.
When my granny was alive, she used to sit on the porch while we played on the front lawn. She was a spiritual woman, my granny, and usually had her Bible close at hand. I asked her one day to stop reading and come play dolls with us. She quoted me a passage that went something along the lines of, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child…I thought as a child; but when I became an adult, I put away childish things.”
I asked her what that meant, and she told me that it means when you’re young, you can’t see the whole of things. Only what’s in front of you in the moment matters. As an adult, you see the big picture—what’s really important, and do away with immature thinking.
By the time I get home, I realize, maybe it’s time for me to focus on what’s whole…what’s real.
I don’t know if this date with Cole will turn into anything, but I decide to give him a chance. Maybe it is time I put away my childish crush and look forward to something more…something I could really have.
CHAPTER 8
Dexter
I DRIVE INTO THE parking lot, past the large AE logo and pull my SUV into the spot marked CEO. Inside the foyer, I press my thumb to the keypad, and the door opens.
“Evening, Dr. Flynn.” The security guard waves as he calls to me.
“Good evening, Ned. How did your grandson do on his science fair project?”
“He came in second. A solid showing. Thanks for asking.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” I grin as I remember all the fun projects I did in school. “Hey, if you think they’d like it, I’d be happy to give his class a tour of the non-secured parts of the facility. Do you think they’d be interested?”
“Interested? Why, I think they’d jump at the chance to see real scientists at work. Thanks for offering.”
“Happy to do it. Just reach out to my assistant Donna to set something up.” I tap on the desk and start to walk away, then remember to tell him about Cole’s visit.
“Hey, Colton Bright is coming by in a bit. Will you let him
up to the lab on twenty-one, please?”
“You got it, sir.”
I head up to the innovation lab where we’ve been testing our latest breakthrough. I badge myself in through the glass double-doors, my shoes padding across the tile floors as the motion-activated lights flip on.
Inside the lab, I pull out the first production betas for the Sana conduction device, and pull up the latest notes on one of the tablets. Powering the device on, I seat it in one of the small, silicone, over-ear hooks and align it over the joint of my jaw. I open the Bluetooth on my phone, find the device, and sync it. Within moments, a podcast on the latest advances in nanotechnology is playing as clearly as if the host was in the room with me.
A few minutes later, Cole is tapping on the glass door of the lab, and I buzz him in.
“Dude!” He slaps my hand and takes me in a one-armed hug, patting me on the back a couple of times. “I’m glad you were around. Thanks for meeting me.”
“Sure, no problem. What’s got you so worked up?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking all day about my date with Sinclair last night. I gotta tell ya, man, I’m kinda bummed.” He shakes his head as he leans against the counter.
“What happened?” I have to admit I’m curious if his perception matches Clair’s account of the evening.
“I don’t know!” He throws his hands up in the air as he walks around the lab in circles. “I tried to be funny…charming. I just felt like it all fell flat. She didn’t seem to be into me. What did she say to you about it?”
“Well, she just said that she had a nice time.” I shrug, leaving out the part about her not feeling any sparks.
“That’s it?” His palms grip the edge of the counter as he looks up and groans. “I knew it! I blew it with her.”
“A nice time doesn’t sound like you blew it, exactly. What happened, anyway?” I don’t really want to know but feel like it’s the polite amount of interest to show.
“I took her to my favorite steakhouse, asked her lots of questions about herself…you know, her family, her job, what she likes to do. I tried to tell a couple of jokes. I tried to do the things I thought a girl would like…what has worked for me before. She just didn’t seem that interested. No goodnight kiss, either. Just a hug and a peck on the cheek.” He shakes his head. “You’re sure she’s not into anybody else?”
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