“I need time.”
“Time?” Ewan rumbled. “Ye don’t need time. The answer is clear. Honor Bash’s agreement and marry a bloody earl.”
Now she stood, her fists clenched at her sides. “How dare you?”
He stood too, his massive arms crossing as he looked down at her. “How dare I what?”
“Tell me what to do.” She crossed over to him and poked him in the chest above his arms. “I’ve only just escaped one man’s tyranny, I’ll not be subjected to yours.”
“Tyranny?” he bellowed. “Good sense. That’s what I’d call it.”
“Avery?” Noah’s voice called from the door. “Are you all right?”
She spun to look at him and to her horror, she realized that tears were misting her eyes. “I’m fine. I just…” She’d missed Noah today. He was tough and strong when he needed to be, but he’d been nothing but gentle with her. “I’m tired from the journey. That’s all.”
“I understand,” he replied.
She swallowed down a lump. “I think I shall take dinner in my room.” Then, lifting her skirts, she raced for the door.
She passed Noah as she went but he didn’t try to stop her. Part of her was relieved. She didn’t wish for either of them to see her cry.
But part of her wished he’d held her in his arms.
There was a distance between them that hadn’t been there before, and she didn’t like it. Not one bit.
Noah didn’t want to let her go. He itched to reach out and pull her close. First because she looked upset. He hated to see her like that, with tears welling in her eyes. Her beauty was already so fragile.
But also because he missed her.
He’d dallied in his study for the longest time, not coming to the music room. He shouldn’t wish to be with her all the time. He needed to start creating space between them.
But Ewan’s arrival was a reminder. He had an obligation that needed to be fulfilled and the only way to successfully complete it was to eliminate the emotional connection he’d developed with Avery.
She passed by him and he turned, watching her go, half wishing to follow, but Ewan’s voice called him back. “We need to talk.”
He might hate Ewan. “For such a big, rough-looking fellow, you do a lot of talking.”
“Is that so?” Ewan snorted. “I can use my fists instead.”
Noah narrowed his gaze. “I had Bash’s permission to bring her here.”
“Under the pretense ye’d wed her.” Ewan moved to the fire as he leaned down to look in the flames.
“I don’t know if you noticed but she’s rather hardheaded. I asked her. She turned me down with a sniff of that cute little nose and iron in her chocolate brown eyes.”
That made Ewan laugh, his voice so deep it echoed in the heavily furnished room. “Ye like her, don’t ye?”
Like her? His heart gave a loud thud. He more than liked her. That was the problem. “Yes.”
“And so ye’re going to make sure she says aye?”
He hesitated, his chin drawing back as his lips thinned over his teeth. “I…”
Ewan pushed back away from the mantle. “I’m going to repeat that without the question. Ye’re going to make sure she says aye.”
“She doesn’t want to marry; she wishes to remain a spinster.”
Ewan shook his head. “That is of no consequence.”
“It is to me.” He knew he was lying. He was hiding behind Avery’s reasons and he was a damned coward for doing it. But he wasn’t about to tell this ape of a man that he couldn’t push her because she didn’t wish to be pushed and she’d hate him for it. Nor could he share that it would crush him to watch another woman he loved die. Loved? Damn. He’d gone and fallen in love despite his intention to keep his emotions at bay. And while his head knew death wasn’t a forgone conclusion of childbirth, his heart didn’t seem to agree. The risk was too great.
“Her guardian, a duke no less, has made the request. Ye’ll honor it or ye’ll answer to him.”
Noah spread his feet wider his arms crossing. “Then he can come and demand his answer.”
Ewan let out a growl. “Fine. I’ll have him here inside the week.”
Noah winced. That must mean that Bash had gone to his home in Dover. Once Bash arrived here, the duke likely would insist on the match. He raked his hand through his hair. He needed to think all this through. He hadn’t planned on falling in love, and that was certainly what had happened, but caring for Avery complicated everything.
“While you’re gone, Avery and I—”
“Ye’ve lost yer mind,” the man muttered. “Avery will be coming with me to fetch Bash. Ye were only allowed to take her because ye were supposed to wed her.”
His fists clenched. Avery leave?
Of course she’d have to go with her cousin. And he shouldn’t want her to stay, he wished for distance between them… But the idea of her not being under his roof, that ate at him too.
What a fool he was.
He still stood in the doorway. From behind him, he heard a throat clear. “Excuse me, my lord,” his butler said. “Dinner is served.”
“I’ve lost my appetite,” Ewan answered as he too strode for the door.
Noah watched the man leave. He’d be eating dinner for one. He should be used to that by now, but somehow, the proposition had never been lonelier.
Chapter Ten
Avery turned in her bed and let out a huff. Despite the fluffy pillows and the soft mattress, she could not get comfortable.
She turned over again and then let out a quick breath of frustration. She was getting nowhere. Tossing the cover off the bed, she slipped on the overlarge dressing gown, wondering if it was Noah’s.
Cinching it about the waist, she picked up a candle and started for the door.
She wasn’t quite certain what she was leaving her room for…a book, just a walk, a chance to reset her mind and potentially fall asleep? But as she made her way down the stairs, she noted that the door of Noah’s study was slightly ajar, and he still had a fire burning.
The plush carpet muffled her steps as she made her way to the doorway and peeked inside. He sat at his desk, his head in one hand as he scratched his quill on a piece of parchment. Not sure what else to do, she knocked softly on the jamb.
His head shot up. “Avery. What are you doing?”
“I…” she started. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Hungry?” he asked, his head lowering back down to his papers. “You missed dinner.”
“The staff brought me a tray,” she replied, twisting her hands together. When they’d been travelling, she’d been comfortable touching him whenever she wished. But upon arriving here, the rules had changed, or he had. “May I come in?”
He let out a low rumble of irritation. He hadn’t sounded like that since their very first meeting. She didn’t like it one bit. “It’s late, Avery, and I’ve got a great deal of work to do.”
“Is that why you were late to the music room?”
His quill stopped scratching. “Precisely.”
“Oh,” she answered, still hovering. She hadn’t been invited in, but she didn’t really wish to leave either. “It’s just that I think we’ve a few things to discuss and this might be the only time we have alone.”
He dropped the quill in the ink. “You’re right about that.”
Relief made her shoulders droop. “So may I come in?”
He waved her forward, coming around the desk. “What do you wish to discuss?’
She frowned then. What did she want to say? “I’ve been thinking a great deal about many of our conversations we had as we travelled here.”
He leaned back, sitting on his desk as his arms crossed. He kicked one ankle over the other. “Which one?”
She hated the space between them. But he wasn’t warming. She’d hoped he might if they’d had some time alone. “All of them.”
His mouth twitched. “It’s rather late to discuss all of them.”
He gave a nod and stood, starting back around his desk. This might be their very last conversation alone. Tomorrow, she’d leave with Ewan. And while he seemed convinced that Bash would force a match, Avery had known Bash to be a kind and generous man who wouldn’t push her into marriage. “Good night, Avery.”
“Good night, Noah.” She started for the door but when she reached the doorway, she turned to look at him again. “I hope you find the woman you’re looking for. To marry. I’m sorry it wasn’t me.”
He stopped then. “From the first, I’m not sure you understood what was happening here.”
That made her pause. “What do you mean?”
“Bash. Us.” He spread his hands wide. “Our match.”
She started back toward the desk then but didn’t stop on the other side. Instead, she moved around it, standing directly in front of him. So close, his leather and pine scent wrapped about her. “Explain it to me.”
He stood still for so long, that she thought he might not answer. She tilted her chin to look up at him. “Tell me what I don’t understand.”
“Our world. It’s not made for women to be independent. I’m not sure I agree. When I look at you, I see a woman who knows her mind, but I also see all the potential ways you could be hurt.”
She softened then. He was worried about her. “I’ll be all right. Bash will protect me if it comes to that.”
He shook his head. “He asked me to keep you safe, Avery.”
He reached a hand up then and traced her hairline, starting from her forehead trailing down to her ear. “But…”
“From the moment I stepped through his door, and then whisked you away from London, it was my duty to care for you.”
“You did.” His touch sent a shower of feelings dancing along her skin. She reached up to steady herself against his chest.
But the moment her palm flattened on the hard muscular surface she knew she’d made a mistake. He was so solidly warm under her hand.
He wrapped his arm about her waist, pulling her closer.
“Avery,” he groaned.
Was her name on his lips an admonishment? A plea? She didn’t know but she didn’t have the chance to ask as his lips descended over hers.
Noah groaned against her lips, loving the way they felt but knowing he’d made a mistake.
He was supposed to be maintaining his distance and had spent the last few days holding himself apart. But she kept finding him. And talking. And looking at him with those eyes and…
He slid her mouth open and probed her tongue with his. He heard her gasp as her hands slid about his neck.
Inside, he cursed himself a thousand times. He was supposed to keep his distance. Instead, he had her flattened to his chest, her tongue dancing with his.
He ought to give up the fight.
She was too tempting, too strong. He was falling in love…
One of his hands crept up into the silky mass of her hair, his fingers winding into the soft strands. Everything about her was so pleasing.
She pulled back, staring up at him. “Noah.”
Damn it all to hell. His name on her lips sent a riot of feeling coursing through him. He ached with passion and he hurt with love.
How could he risk losing her after this?
Because he most certainly would lose her. If not physically then emotionally. He should tell her now. Tell her that they had to marry. That he’d always known it was true. Even with Ewan, he’d pretended.
Instead, he kissed her again. Touched her with all the emotion he’d been holding back, all the desire he’d told himself he shouldn’t feel.
Her fingers danced over the bare skin of his neck, her lips moving with his.
He didn’t want to tell her anything.
Instead, he’d kiss her tonight and cherish this moment. Tomorrow. Tomorrow they’d have to talk. He’d have to confess what he’d known from the start. The formal contract that was already in place, that they were both bound to honor.
Tell her they had to marry, that the choice was never hers. That he’d been a coward all over again.
Threading an arm under her rear, he lifted her into his arms.
Supporting her weight meant that she pressed against him more fully, their bodies melded together.
Over and over they kissed as he carried her to the settee next to the fire. He set her down again, tugging at the tie on her robe. He wanted to feel more of her. Trace her edges and… The garment fell to the ground.
She stepped back into his arms and Noah swelled in lust at the feel of her, in nothing but a night shift, pressed up against him.
He traced her arm with his fingertips and when he reached her wrist, he shifted back down, running his fingers along her rib cage to her waist and then over the flare of her hip.
Then back up and this time, his thumb pushed out to brush across her nipple. He felt her jerk and as he passed over the sensitive flesh again, she arched into his hand.
Pleasure and satisfaction warred in him as he cupped her breast, filling his hand even as he continued to massage the nipple.
She tightened underneath him, arching to give him better access.
He wanted to strip the night rail off and see all of her. It would be so easy…
But he wouldn’t.
He’d not go that far until she knew everything.
But as he glided his other hand down her back, over her behind, and down her leg to the back of her knee, he found himself hooking her leg around his waist and when her most intimate parts pressed against his raging cock, they both moaned together.
He’d not take her virginity, but he could give her pleasure.
Lifting her again, he carried her the two steps to the settee, the movement creating its own erotic rhythm so that by the time he lay her down, his weight coming on top of her, they were already moving together. Grinding, her other leg hooked about his waist and then he knew he was lost to the pleasure.
If he’d been able, he might have laughed at himself.
He’d been with scores of women. But he hadn’t even seen Avery without her clothes, barely touched her, and he was ready to spill his seed.
She threaded her hands into his hair and she pulled the strands at the roots, her body growing tighter and tighter under his.
He loved every moment. The noises she made, the feel of her softness, the press of her mouth. And then, with a cry, she broke apart in his arms.
His own climax came rushing to the front, and fully dressed, he came.
Not that he cared. It had been the most satisfying experience of his life. Something deep inside shifting that he didn’t dare name.
“Noah,” she whispered, her fingers sliding down his back. “Was that supposed to happen?”
He kissed her again, lifting up to look down at her.
Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes glossy, her lips swollen from his kisses. His cock started swelling all over again. “Yes, love.”
That made her smile, a soft sleepy grin. “Oh good.” Then she traced the muscles in his biceps. “In that case, will you sleep in bed with me tonight? You make an excellent pillow.”
He chuckled at that.
Tomorrow, he’d tell her everything but tonight… “I think that sounds like a wonderful idea.”
Then he lifted her up and started carrying her toward the door. Tomorrow, he’d have to furnish the truth, but tonight he had her close in every way that mattered. Hopefully, she’d find a way to forgive him.
Chapter Eleven
Avery woke with the sun streaming into her windows. She blinked her eyes attempting to clear the sleepy fog from her mind. The first thing she noted was that she wasn’t using a chest for a pillow.
Twisting her head, she realized she was in bed alone. Where was Noah? She liked waking next to him, snuggled in his ar
ms.
She nibbled at her lip.
Last night, a decision had been made. One she should have told him, but she’d wanted to just enjoy his touch.
If his offer of marriage still stood, she was going to accept.
He, above all men, understood her need for choice. With him, she’d be part of the decision-making process while still protected by him and his title. What more could a woman ask for?
With that in mind, she rose and dressed, taking extra time to pin her hair. Her black mourning gown had never looked more drab as she stared at her reflection, but she didn’t have anything else. Still, she left the veil on her dressing table, as he’d suggested the day before. It was a gesture, she supposed, she was ready to be seen and claim her place next to him.
Making her way downstairs, she found Noah already in the breakfast room. He gave her a smile, but somehow, it was cooler, more reserved than the man she’d fallen asleep with the night before. Her stomach fluttered with nerves, but she pushed the feelings back down.
“Good morning,” she said with a falsely bright smile plastered on her face. “How did you sleep?”
“Very well,” he replied, as his gaze returned to the newspaper he’d been reading. “And you?”
She crossed to the buffet, filling a plate with food though her stomach churned in such a way that she doubted she would be able to eat. Why was she so nervous? This man had held her in his arms. He’d already proposed.
But every time they grew close, something seemed to come between them again. That unease churning in her belly intensified. What was between them this morning? How did she ask?
She looked at him again, his nose buried in The Times.
“Do you remember that first day in the carriage?” she asked as she took her seat. She balled her hands into fists in her lap as she took several fortifying gulps of air.
“Of course,” he replied, still looking at his paper. She had the urge to pluck it from his hand just to make him look at her.
“I accused you of not answering my questions. Of withholding information…”
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