by Kim Law
“I’m so sorry, Dani girl. I should have done better for you.” He took her by the shoulders and pulled her out from him, and she noticed Gloria quietly slip out of the room. “I shouldn’t have let you stay here after your mother died,” he said. “You were in school. That’s where you belonged.”
“You tried,” she said. She now remembered him and Aunt Sadie trying to talk her into returning to New York. “I recall those conversations. But I’d cancelled my scholarship before I ever came home, Dad. I couldn’t have gone back if I’d wanted to.”
“We could have fixed it, and I should have. I could have raised the boys myself. Or hired a nanny. You deserved your life.”
Yeah, she had. But he wasn’t fully at fault.
She took a moment to fortify herself with a breath before pushing forward. “I needed to be here, Dad. I didn’t know it at the time, but I needed you all as much as I thought you needed me. Also . . .” She paused and pulled in another breath. “I’d promised Mom that I would come home if anything ever happened.”
At his questioning look, she told him about the phone call the day before the wreck.
“I refused to come home that weekend,” she explained, “but I also promised that if you all ever needed me, I’d be here. I was loaded down with guilt after the wreck, and nothing could have stood in my way to fulfill that promise. It was my chance to make her proud. I wanted my mother’s approval.”
Her dad shook his head, his eyes drawn with sadness. “You never needed her approval.”
“And I never would have received it. I get that now. But in my head, that was it. The one and only opportunity I would ever have again. And if I didn’t succeed?” Dani shrugged. “Then she would never love me.”
Dani understood that her mother never had loved her, and had she lived, never would have. And she understood that those lack of feelings had nothing to do with Dani. Her mother couldn’t love anyone. That fact was sad, but her mother’s lack of ability did not alter who Dani was.
“I came home back then, and I took over your life,” she told her dad. “And I apologize for that. I pushed you out. Possibly I even made you feel similarly to how Mom once had.”
“No.” The word burst from his lungs. “Never. Dani, this wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. But I took the spotlight and I made sure you all needed me.” She laughed lightly. “I’d developed a few unhealthy traits of my own while growing up. If I kept everything spotless and on schedule, everyone in school, then you all had to be proud of me. I put myself at the center of our world. Quite similar to Mom, only in a different way.”
“You’re nothing like her.”
“Only, in some ways I am.” And she was working on that. “But I do understand my own behavior better now. As well as yours.”
He nodded. “I’ve learned a thing or two myself. I shouldn’t have allowed you to be kept in the dark about your mom’s accident. That only hurt you in the long run.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
“And I certainly should have stood up for you well before then.”
She agreed with his words, and it still hurt that he hadn’t.
But the hurt was remembered pain, and didn’t include the facts she’d learned. She wouldn’t play the it’s-not-fair game any longer. That got her nowhere, and she was finally starting to move past it. So as she’d told her father when she’d first come in, she could forgive. He hadn’t intended any harm.
“I added to the problem by burying my head in the sand,” he continued. “My actions hurt you. And I can’t change that. I can only apologize.” He took her hands. “And swear to you that I’ll never stand aside and allow anything to hurt you ever again. I love you, Dani. And I thank you for coming home and allowing us to have this talk.”
He’d offered to come to New York to see her last month, to talk. But she wouldn’t let him. She’d made it clear that when they saw each other again, it would be her call. She’d needed that control. But today she simply needed her dad.
“One more hug?” she asked.
He held open his arms. “All the hugs in the world.”
When they separated, Gloria had returned with warm bread and cookies, and the three of them took a seat. Dani filled them in on New York and her job, telling them of a few trips she’d taken for BA. But what she didn’t immediately share was that she’d quit her job. That she was home to stay.
Her dad talked about the orchard. Pruning had started, and they were looking into new cooling machinery for the next season.
It was mundane talk mostly, but it was nice. It was great to be home.
She keyed in on the toys by the fireplace. “Are those for when Haley comes over?”
Gloria’s gaze turned to guilt. “Yes,” she answered, the word coming out quick. She motioned to the small pile of dog toys nearby. “And when Montana comes with her.”
Dani’s dad shook his head. “That dog’s a runt, but he acts like he’s as big as his name.”
They talked for a minute about the house Ben had bought just up the road, and Dani learned that her father and soon-to-be stepmother had been there. It apparently had a majestic view of the lake and the mountains. Which made Dani wonder if Karen, from the coffee shop, had seen that particular view.
And if it had been first thing in the morning when she opened her eyes.
“So you guys keep Haley when Ben goes out?” Dani continued down her path of torture. Hearing the facts of Ben’s love life would only cause her pain, but she needed to face it. He’d moved on. She hadn’t wanted to believe it, but her trip to the coffee shop had proved otherwise. He’d been unable to take his eyes off the other woman.
“We do.” Gloria’s hands fidgeted in her lap.
Dani opened her mouth to ask how often, and if it was always overnight, but decided at the last minute that she didn’t want to know. That kind of pain she could do without. So instead, she nodded, expertly changed the subject, and the three of them acted as though her heart weren’t bleeding right there in front of them.
Eventually, the conversation turned back to New York. In fact, Dani steered it that way. Time to face the facts.
“I didn’t like New York as much as I expected to,” she confessed.
“What?” Her dad and Gloria spoke at the same time.
Gloria leaned to the edge of her seat. “We thought you loved it.”
“And I thought I would.”
“You didn’t like the job?” her dad asked.
“Actually, I loved the job. And I was really good at it.”
“So, what happened?” He looked as shocked as she’d been when she’d come to the realization that she intended to go home. New York had been her dream. For forever. She was supposed to love it.
Only . . . she loved home more.
“Did you know you can’t see the stars in New York?” she asked. “And the Hudson River is no Flathead Lake.”
Her humor was lost on them, so she stood from her seat.
“I was running away,” she admitted. “New York wasn’t really the dream. I needed to be away from Mom, and it just so happened, New York was the one place I’d visited that gave me something better than I could get here. That’s why I fell in love with it. It’s why I applied to Columbia. It’s why I never let the idea go. I needed the escape. But take everything else out of the picture”—she paused and shook her head—“and I would have regretted being there all this time. I would have missed seeing everyone grow up. And as annoying as they can be, I love my brothers. I’m glad I was here with them.”
“Oh, Dani,” Gloria whispered. She had tears in her eyes. So did Dani’s dad.
“I’ve finally found myself,” Dani told them. “And I don’t need New York to be who I want to be. I just need to be here.”
Her dad nodded in approval. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“What will you do now?” Gloria asked, and Dani couldn’t contain the smile.
“I’ve already put in calls to my old clients. I’ll soon be renting an office in town.”
Gloria came to her then, and gave Dani a hug. She kissed her cheek, and Dani squeezed the woman tight. Her own mother had never showed her as much love as this woman had in this single moment.
“I’m glad I’m home too,” she told both of them. “I’m ready to start the rest of my life.”
“I’ll fix your room up for you,” Gloria told her.
“There’s no need.” Dani’s words stopped her before she made it out of the room. “I’ve got a hotel room for tonight, and tomorrow I’ll start looking for a place of my own.”
“Dani, it’s your room,” Gloria assured her. “Your house. You’re always welcome here.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” Her dad stood. “Because I feel the same way. Or we’ll leave if you want to stay but don’t want us here.”
“Dad.” She swallowed as her emotions threatened to suck her under. “It’s your house. Not mine. And no, you aren’t leaving. But it’s not because of you that I’m not staying. I need my own place. I need my own boundaries.” She touched his arm. “I need to not have the pressure of too many memories in this house,” she finished softly.
He hugged her again, and that time it didn’t feel so much like desperation on either of their parts. It felt like healing. It also reminded her of being a kid. When her mom hadn’t been around.
Her dad had tried so hard to love her back then. She knew that. He just hadn’t always been able to show it.
Standing in his arms now, it occurred to her that she’d once thought her mother had deserved more from her dad, but that hadn’t been the situation at all. Her dad had been the one getting the short end of things.
“You deserved more from her, Dad,” she spoke against his chest. “We all did. But you too. I hope you and Gloria are happy together.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Gloria makes me very happy. But this moment is my favorite.”
Tears fell from both of them, and Gloria hurried off for tissues.
When Dani straightened and made to leave, her father pointed a finger in her direction. ”Don’t ever come through the front door again.”
She agreed. “It’s a deal.”
Gloria stood, her hands at her mouth, seemingly thrilled with the outcome of the visit. “Will we see you before Thursday?” she asked.
“I don’t know yet. I have a lot to do. Getting my business back up and running. Finding a place to live. I’ll be here early Thursday morning, though. I’ll help cook dinner.”
Gloria’s smile widened. “No need. The boys are cooking. All of them. It was their idea.”
Dani’s gaze shot to her dad.
“I got roped into it.” He didn’t sound upset by the fact.
“Who among you all even knows anything about cooking?” she asked.
“To hear Nate tell it,” Gloria began, “he’s quite the chef these days.”
“Nate?” Dani was struck dumb. The most difficult one of them all?
“That’s his story.”
She looked from her dad to his fiancée, and a comfortable smile of her own began. Her brothers—and her father—intended to cook Thanksgiving dinner for them. That was an event she never would have imagined.
But it was also something she found herself very much looking forward to experiencing.
“In fact,” Gloria began, “I’m glad you made it in early. Sadie and I were thinking we’d do it up right. Girls’ night Wednesday night in Missoula, not coming back until Thursday. We’ll stay out of the boys’ way. I hope you’ll join us?”
“Girls’ night?” Dani echoed.
“Your dad’s paying.”
A chuckle slipped past her lips, and she gave her father one last hug. “Then I’m in.”
chapter twenty-eight
The knock came at Dani’s Main Street apartment door just after seven Tuesday evening, and her first thought was that whoever it was had to be looking for someone else. No one knew where she lived. But then, Birch Bay wasn’t that big. Probably anyone who wanted to find her could.
But who would want to find her?
Her next thought was, Ben.
Her pulse sped up as she set her unfinished dinner on the side table and shoved her laptop off her thighs. She hurried to the door, checking herself in a wall mirror as she went—on the off chance that she was right—and pulled herself up short when she reached the door. What if it was Ben?
She hadn’t talked to him since she’d sought him out Friday, and she knew that he had gone out Saturday night. This knowledge came from her dad and Gloria being on babysitter duty. Though thankfully, it hadn’t been overnight.
Still, it probably wasn’t Ben on the other side of her door.
But just in case . . .
She calmed her nerves, said a silent prayer for him to be standing there, and pulled open the door.
“Aunt Dani!”
Jenna lunged into Dani’s arms, and Dani had to admit, that surprise might just be better than if it had been Ben. “Oh, sweetheart.” She hugged her niece tight. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Over Jenna’s head, Dani took in her brother. Tall, dark, and handsome.
And exhausted.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him, as she pulled back and drank in the sight of her niece. Three and a half months, and she’d swear the girl had grown half a foot.
“Jenna didn’t want to go to the house until she saw you.”
Dani smiled broadly. “Well, I’m glad she did. I’m way more fun than Pops and Gloria, anyway.” Jenna giggled as Dani tickled her ribs.
Dani had filled her oldest brother in on her whereabouts when they’d talked a couple of days, she just hadn’t expected him to pay her a visit. Nor had she anticipated them arriving in town this soon.
She moved aside and let him into the small one-bedroom she’d lucked out in finding the first day she’d looked, and peeked behind him as he passed. No Michelle. She’d thought they were all flying in for Thanksgiving.
“Michelle . . .” She let the question fade away.
“Mom didn’t come with us,” Jenna informed her. Dani’s eyes went back to her brother’s.
He lifted a shoulder. “Had a couple friends she wanted to hang with this weekend.”
So, Michelle hadn’t changed. It remained all about her.
“Well, that only means you get to eat more turkey,” Dani teased Jenna. The girl giggled again, causing Dani to do the same. Jenna had yet to let go of her aunt, her thin arms twined around Dani’s neck, and it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. Now that Dani was back for good, she only wished she had her brother and niece permanently there with her, as well.
They settled on the small couch and recliner that had come with the apartment, and when she caught Jenna eyeing her half-eaten burrito, she passed over the plate. “Have at it, kiddo.”
Jenna dug in. “We didn’t get dinner yet.”
Gabe explained that they’d come straight from the airport after more than one delay due to weather. Thunderstorms in California, and early-season snow moving through Idaho.
“You want something to eat?” she asked Gabe. “I could fix something real quick.”
He looked at her tiny connected kitchen before shaking his head. “No, I’m fine.” When he turned back, he asked, “So, you’re really back for good?”
“I am. And along with this spectacular little living arrangement, the office below me is mine, too. The whole setup is for sale if I decide down the road that I want to buy.”
He eyed her peculiarly. “You might buy the building?”
“Who knows? I’ve already reclaimed my previous local client list,
and I’ve been up and running for only two days. I can’t take on work from major companies until the noncompete clause I signed with BA expires, but I have enough work for now. And in the future? Why make it just my thing? I could expand. Hire an assistant and another marketing exec. Create a real business.”
It was something she’d thought about since deciding to come home. She not only had local potential, but long distance as well. She’d made a name for herself in the field, and she intended to expand on it.
She’d bring in a receptionist to start. That way clients would no longer get a recorded message instead of a live person when she was in meetings. She wanted to be official. And professional. She wanted to do it right.
She’d loved running her own business before; but now she intended to make it the dream.
“And this is what you want?” Gabe asked, still sounding stunned. She’d told no one her plans until she’d gotten back. “What happened to New York?”
Ah. It wasn’t just Jenna who’d wanted to stop over and see her. Her brother had had to see for himself that she was okay.
She grinned at him. “I’m good, Gabe. Trust me. Never better.”
He nodded slowly. “I see that.”
“You see a difference in me? After only ten minutes?”
He nudged his chin toward the kitchen. “I don’t think you’ve cleaned up in there all week.”
She laughed at his observation. Mostly because it was true. There were dirty dishes stacked in her sink, as well as on the counter beside it. She’d developed an aversion to cleaning. “I’ve worked really hard on me,” she told him. “I’m ready to live in the future instead of the past.” She winked at him then. “And my future might just include a cleaning service.”
“Dani.” Gabe simply spoke her name as he once again took her in. When he seemed to believe what he saw, he added, “You’re really good.”
She nodded. “I really am.” She’d never been more pleased with herself or her life.
Wonder filled his features as he scanned over the remainder of the tiny space she’d rented for the next six months. Sure, she’d prefer something larger, but at the moment she didn’t need larger. Her focus was her business.