She swallowed down another hot pulse of panic, balling her hands into fists that were damp with sweat. She wasn’t selfish. Edward had said himself that he hadn’t wished for his uncle’s return, and had implied he had chosen her happiness instead.
Some trace of her thoughts must have shown on her face, as with a sudden whip-like flick of his hand Charles seized Selina’s wrist and dragged her towards him, his face twisted into a sneer. Selina felt her eyes grow huge with wordless panic and her breath shortened into shallow pants, as if all the air was being expelled from her lungs in tiny painful bursts as her heart hammered harder than she had ever known it to do before.
‘Listen to me.’ Charles tightened his grip on her arm, fingers biting into the skin. ‘My nephew has no father and his own mother abandoned him. His own mother! I am almost the only family he has left. Now, thanks to you, people are whispering about him, shunning him. He will find himself friendless and alone, and it will all be your fault. If you cared about him at all you would leave and return to where you belong. You have no place here—ruining my nephew’s reputation and that of this great house.’
Selina wrenched her wrist from his hand, cradling it against her chest. The skin was red and sore, but it was the pain in her chest that made searing tears rise up behind her horrified eyes.
Edward’s face as it had looked the night before, when he was telling her his most secret sorrows in a voice so low and pained it had hurt her to hear it, flashed through her mind. He had felt the agony of rejection twice already and it had made him turn away from the world, even to go so far as to choose a wife he had hoped would never love him. The idea of being the cause for him to be cut off again from those he might care about was like a fist in her gut, and Selina felt herself wince as a shard of burning realisation cut through her.
‘Surely you can see the truth of your situation? Edward only married you to secure his inheritance—an unfortunate circumstance forced on him by his father. Do you truly wish for him to pay so dearly for something he couldn’t avoid? To see him humiliated and alone because of your selfishness? Besides...’ He tossed the words at her with casual malice. ‘There has only ever been one woman for whom Edward cared—a beautiful, accomplished, high-born woman—and she betrayed him with another. What makes you think he would risk his heart again for a low creature like you?’
It was the confirmation of all her previous doubts and insecurities, laid out before her in brutal clarity. Edward might have some measure of fondness for her, but would that survive if she was the reason for his downfall and disgrace in the eyes of his people? All her plans for their future lay in ruins at her feet, and as she looked up into Charles’s face through the starburst of her tears Selina thought her heart might break in two.
There was a glimmer of triumph in Charles’s smirk as he sighed and shook his head. ‘Poor, silly creature. Save yourself the grief. Go now—you needn’t see my nephew. He might try to persuade you to stay out of some misguided attempt at gallantry, and it would be pointless to delay the inevitable.’
He reached out a hand and a powerful wave of intense loathing broke over Selina’s trembling body as he placed a finger beneath her chin and jerked her head upwards to meet his cold gaze.
‘Let there be no misunderstanding. Whatever pretty words he may have spoken to you, and whatever hopes you may have had, I have returned to guide Edward in a position that should by all rights be mine, and I have no wish to set eyes on a Roma peasant girl in my home ever again.’
Selina pushed his hand away from her, terror and revulsion clouding the ebony of her eyes. Her legs felt weak with distress and she longed to sink to the ground, but the fear of being unable to get to her feet again held her upright, although she swayed slightly beneath the weight of her horror. Bile rose up in her throat again and she forced it down, the taste burning her tongue.
A person could live without a fortune and be happy—the Romani were proof enough of that. It was the lack of people that led to real misery, and Selina almost flinched at the thought of Edward alone, without anybody to surround him. Would society’s disgust at his actions extend to little Ophelia? Would she be tainted by association and grow to resent her brother for his choice?
The notion of Edward being deprived of the only warmth in his life pained her more than she had ever thought possible, and she knew in that moment what she must do.
To turn her back on the man she mistrusted more than anybody else in the entire world took all of Selina’s willpower, but on unsteady legs she forced herself to push up from the hedge against which she leaned and to stumble away, her feet slipping over the wet gravel with each wavering step. She was sure she heard a satisfied grunt from behind her but didn’t turn to look, instead focusing all her energy on reaching the garden border and the stable yard beyond.
Each one of Charles’s cruel words rang in her ears—spoken proof of her every insecurity and secret fear. He had dragged her lingering doubts from the darkest recesses of her mind and flung them into the light, naming them out loud with harsh triumph. With every word he had shattered the foolish dreams she had clung to, confronting her with the truth.
Ever since she had learned about his mother’s abandonment Selina had not been able to wipe from her mind the image of the young Edward, sitting alone, wondering when his beloved mama would return. It was enough to make her heart ache with sorrow and a lump rise in her throat. He had already suffered abandonment twice at the hands of those supposed to love him. Selina would not allow herself to be the cause of history repeating itself and inflict such suffering on the man she loved: in leaving she would save Edward from himself and his misplaced regard for her.
That was the most she could hope for, and she clung to the thought like a lifeline.
To leave Blackwell never to return, never to see Edward again, was more than Selina thought she could bear. Her chest felt as though it would burst with the ocean of grief she felt welling up within her as she lost her footing and almost fell, but she forced herself onward, down another path and towards the stable gate.
She was only dimly thankful that nobody lingered to witness the anguish she knew must be present on her face, to see her lips twisting in distress with every agonised step she took towards a future she no longer wanted.
Chapter Sixteen
‘Edward, my boy!’
Charles opened the door to the guest suite with a confidence Edward could only wonder at. How was it possible for him to arrive at another man’s home without so much as an invitation and walk around it as though he owned the place?
Edward felt his lips set in a grim line, but he rose from the armchair in which he had waited with growing annoyance for a full hour and extended his hand to his uncle out of ingrained politeness. ‘I was wondering where you had gone, sir. I understood you were waiting for me here, but I found the rooms empty.’
‘Aha.’ Charles moved towards the crystal decanter of port standing on a nearby table and poured himself a generous measure. The fact that the sun was barely up was apparently unimportant, as he drank it down with relish and flashed Edward an expansive smile. ‘You kept me waiting too long. I thought I’d entertain myself with a jaunt about the grounds.’
Edward nodded shortly, knowing his face was rigid with dislike but unable to unlock the tension of his jaw. Seeing his uncle strolling about as though he was a welcome visitor now that Edward knew the consequences of his despicable actions made his pulse skip a little faster, and his disgust and irritation with his unwanted guest were plain to see. Edward could even feel a slight tic in the tight muscle of his jaw—an outward sign of the rising temper he sought to quell beneath icy good manners.
‘An unexpected pleasure, Uncle. How long had you intended to stay?’
Edward’s voice was as polite as ever, but his mind was full of Selina as he waited for his uncle’s reply. He would have to get rid of him quickly; Selina must never be allowed
to feel the overwhelming horror that would surely consume her should she stumble across their unfortunate visitor.
I will not risk her running again. After how far they had come together, and how close they now were to the potential of finding real happiness, Edward felt a sharp dart of anxiety at the notion that anything should threaten their future. It hung in the balance, by the finest of threads—and Charles would not be allowed to ruin this chance of a real future for both him and his wholly opposite wife, to spoil the connection they had forged between them despite all the odds.
‘How long?’ Charles poured himself another drink, a frown of good-humoured confusion on his ruddy face. ‘My dear boy, I’m not here for a short stay. I’m here permanently, of course.’ He tossed back the port, missing the tightening of Edward’s face.
‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible.’ Edward heard the note of barely concealed dislike in his voice but was powerless to restrain it.
I think not, Uncle. This is not your home. There was no chance in hell that he was allowing Charles to stay indefinitely, and even his uncle seemed to realise his nephew’s feelings as he turned to him with a challenging scowl.
‘Come now. Don’t be absurd. I have every right to be here. Why, if you hadn’t so rashly taken a wife the estate would have fallen to me anyway—and quite rightfully so.’
The mention of Selina made the hairs on the back of Edward’s neck stand up like the hackles on an angry cat. The memory of what Charles had done to her and her mother rose up before him, and he shook his head with cold firmness.
‘No, Uncle. You do not have the right. As you said yourself, I have taken a wife—she and I will live here together with no interference from anybody else.’
He saw his uncle’s face flush with temper, his good humour of minutes before evaporating in his indignation.
‘Oh, your wife. I had the pleasure of meeting her only an hour ago in the gardens, while I was waiting for you to finish dressing and attend me.’
His look was scathing, but Edward hardly noticed as the sensation of his heart dropping into his boots hit him hard.
Selina has seen Charles?
It was enough to make his mouth open in horror, but his uncle ploughed on, regardless of his nephew’s blank dismay.
‘That was a shocking and disappointing lapse in judgement on your part, which it fell to me to rectify, and it only serves to prove to me that I am right in returning to guide your hand in the estate. Evidently you cannot be trusted to behave properly.’
Edward’s eyes narrowed in cold suspicion. His pulse had begun to jump in apprehension, and worry loomed ever larger in his mind. ‘What do you mean by rectify?’
The words were almost a growl, quiet with menace. A dawning sense of dread crept over him; he knew instinctively what answer he was about to receive, at the same time hoping—without hope—that he might be wrong.
‘Well, I told her the truth, of course.’
Charles picked at a cuticle, affecting idle unconcern, but Edward caught the flash of hesitation that flickered over the older man’s face.
‘I reminded her that she had no place here and insisted that she leave at once. I’m pleased to say she listened to reason—at least one of you has.’
Edward felt his face freeze into an expression of pure horror. His worst nightmare—the one he had dreaded, that had robbed him of sleep and surely some part of his sanity—had come true. Selina had gone.
The blood in Edward’s veins turned to ice. His uncle’s harsh words had surely obliterated any understanding he and Selina might have reached, and she had run from him just as she had tried to flee on the first day they had met, when he had watched her ride like the wind in front of him and felt admiration for her skill grow with each beat of her horse’s hooves.
That admiration had blossomed into so much more during the strange months of their marriage, and the idea of anyone seeking to destroy it made Edward’s hands ball into fists. That his uncle had been successful in driving Selina away before Edward had been able to speak to her of his true feelings was more than he could stand. He heard his knuckles crack from the pressure of being so tightly clenched, and when he raised his eyes to meet Charles’s he knew they must be burning.
‘She has left?’ Edward lurched towards him, feeling the rage that throbbed inside him begin to beat like a drum. ‘You have driven my wife from her rightful home?’
His uncle’s cheeks flushed puce and he took a small step backwards. ‘Rightful home? If she has left then she has behaved as she ought—eventually. She knows she is not wanted here and has acted accordingly.’
Edward felt his face twist into a grimace of anger, and his voice, when he managed to find a reply, was a low rumble of barely controlled fury. ‘Who do you think you are to decide whether she is wanted?’
A shadow of something dark and wild was growing steadily in Edward’s chest, gripping him with rising rage.
‘Who are you to arrive in our home—hers and mine—and make her feel as though she is the one who is unwelcome?’
It was his father all over again. Charles was trying to assert his control over not only Edward’s estate but also his heart. How dare he try to destroy the tender shoots of Edward’s blossoming happiness? The very idea of it made Edward want to roar.
Instead, he fixed his uncle with an eye so devoid of warmth he could have sworn he saw the other man shudder. ‘You will excuse me, sir. I must beg you to postpone the rest of this discussion until after my return.’
Edward turned away, his mind already swirling with activity. There was nowhere else she would have gone other than back to the Roma camp. If they were going to move on he would have to leave quickly... Talking with his uncle had taken up too much of his time already, and the idea of wasting a single moment more on this man who disgusted him so deeply was enough to make him sick to his stomach.
‘Your return? Where can you mean to go?’ Charles seized his arm, clinging to him like a bad-tempered child. ‘I know you cannot mean to chase after that gypsy woman!’
Edward wrenched himself free and bit down on a snarl. ‘That gypsy woman is my wife. Of course I will go to look for her.’ He gazed down at his uncle, into the hazel eyes that matched his own, and felt the final pieces of his life fall into place like those in a jigsaw puzzle.
He had never sought to love Selina. That had grown inside him slowly, day after day, putting down roots in his heart until it had bloomed in all its beautiful colours, chasing away the sadness he had carried within him since he was a child. Nobody would stand in his way now—he would make sure of it.
‘I expect you to be gone by the time I return. You are not welcome in my home and I never wish to see or hear from you again. You have no place here. Leave.’
Edward’s heart thumped within the cage of his ribs, and his face when he turned towards the door was set. Without another word to his uncle, who watched him with his mouth slack with disbelief, Edward left the suite and marched with long strides from the top of the house to the bottom, into the entrance hall and out through the front doors.
The stable lads scrambled to ready his chestnut mare as Edward stood in the yard, bare-headed and clear-eyed, and inhaled great lungsful of the damp Blackwell air. The scent of snow and wet soil assailed his senses and he almost smiled in bittersweet determination. If there was still a chance for him to win Selina he would take it with both hands. His mind felt clear, like a lake of crystal water. All doubt was washed away, leaving only the true path he knew he must now take.
It would be hard for him to leave the safety of the fortress he had built around himself for all these years—desperately hard, and nothing would ever be the same again. But against all his efforts this Roma woman had forced him to examine the true wishes of his heart, and there could only be but one way ahead.
* * *
Selina heard the buzz of conversation beyond th
e shuttered doors of her vardo, but she lay still in the nest of her bunk and continued to gaze up at the curved ceiling. The chatter was occasionally punctuated by the sharp staccato of Zillah’s voice as she warned away those who strayed too close to the porch on which she sat guard. She had taken one look at her granddaughter upon her unexpected arrival and waved her into the caravan without a word, the agony of Selina’s expression telling her all she needed to know.
At any other time Selina would have been grateful to the old woman for protecting her from the Roma’s endless questions, but now her mind was blank with grief and her head empty of anything other than the image of Edward’s face.
I will never see him again.
The same six words echoed in her ears as she lay immobile, the only movement her fingers blindly stroking the brooch pinned to her chest. She touched the metal and stone as though it were a talisman, the last thread connecting her to Edward, and felt the slow thud of her heart beneath it.
Had the death of her mother not so cruelly taught her otherwise, Selina might have wondered if it were possible to die from the pain that gripped her chest, squeezing the life out of her with every wretched breath. A broken heart couldn’t kill a person—Diamanda’s passing had shown her that—but its agony made her wish it could.
Her eyes were dry now—no tears left to fall. They had coursed down her face in an unrelenting stream to patter onto Djali’s neck as she had ridden from Blackwell to the camp, the ache in her core deepening with each of the horse’s long strides. But sorrow still welled violently within her, and only the undeniable fact that she had helped Edward secure his inheritance, and that by leaving she would spare him future pain, kept her from galloping back in the direction from which she had come.
Her life would never be the same again, she acknowledged dully as her fingers traced the brooch’s golden setting. She would have to continue on, knowing that the man she loved could never be hers, his name the only part of him hers to keep.
The Marriage Rescue Page 23