by T Gephart
“So I looked over those projections finance gave you, and something in the numbers looks off. I think you should get a second opinion before signing off on the budget.” I waited for his response, hoping he was done with checking out beach houses in Montauk.
He sat back in his chair, pushing aside his paper. “Look off how?”
“I don’t know exactly, just there is something about the calculations that look weird. Everything is there as far as I can see, but it just . . . I don’t know, accounting was never my strong suit, which is why I think you need a second opinion.”
While my level of involvement and increased authority was largely kept under wraps, I was positive some of the other executives had noticed. Even O’Shea had tried to grill me at his team building dinner, asking me if I thought Garrett was looking to retire soon. So given the rumors were out there, it wouldn’t surprise me that some people were gunning for his departure. After all, Garrett’s exit would create a vacancy, giving people like O’Shea the opportunity to rise to the top.
“Yeah, maybe.” He gave a non-committal shrug. “See if we can organize an independent accountant to look over it. And as always, don’t mention it to anyone.”
They were his usual parting words, asking for my silence in return for an inflated salary. It worked for us, and while I knew eventually he would leave and I’d have someone else to report to, I loved having the free reign I currently enjoyed.
I grabbed the financial report from his desk and carried it back to my office. While Cameron—Lani’s boyfriend—didn’t have the most exciting personality, numbers were definitely his thing.
Being discreet as always, I locked my office door and dialed his number. I didn’t like the idea of asking him to keep something from his girlfriend, but it was business so he shouldn’t have a problem.
“Hey, Kitty, everything okay?” he answered, wrongly assuming I was calling him because I was in some kind of trouble.
I rolled my eyes not bothering to set him straight because I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Just like I thought he was a bore, he thought I was a hot mess, so there was no point arguing. “Yep, everything is great. I was just calling to see if I can hire you in a professional capacity.”
“What do you mean?” He cleared his throat, sounding slightly uncomfortable.
Really?
What did he think I was going to ask him for? To launder drug money for my secret shady business? Or perhaps he thought it was my life’s mission to seduce every man, even though I never had and never would make a move on him.
“I need you to go through some reports for Braxton Hill, see if the numbers add up. You were a forensic accountant the last time I checked.” I pushed away my annoyance and dealt with him like the professional that I was. “And one other thing, I need for it to be done confidentially.”
“Of course, I never discuss clients with anyone,” he affirmed. “And that means Lani too.”
“Good, I’ll have these over to you by this afternoon. If you need any additional information let me know and I can get it to you.”
We said our goodbyes and I slipped the reports into an envelope. While I usually could have organized a courier, I didn’t want to raise any kind of suspicion. Besides, Garrett had asked me to take care of it and that meant I was going to hand deliver them myself.
It was just after lunch when I’d decided to leave. Checking with Garrett first, I faked a headache and got one of the other PAs to fill in for me when I left to go “home.” With the amount of extra hours I worked, no one would bat an eyelid with a few I took for personal time on the company’s dime.
And with a few concerned looks, and some added get-well-soons, I was out the door and making my way to the Financial District where Cameron worked. It was also coincidentally the place I’d be meeting Justin for drinks later, which despite trying to push it out of my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about.
It wasn’t only him and our impending date that had filled my thoughts, the guy I had been avoiding for two days was also in there.
Dallas.
Saturday with him had been the most perfect evening ever. I was almost positive I hadn’t enjoyed myself so much with anyone like that in a long time. Even with friends I’d known longer, with Dallas, I just felt like he understood me.
So after our amazing week, and our amazing dinner, it was only natural that we ended up kissing like sex-starved fiends who’d just escaped from the asylum.
And the sex.
Well, it had been amazing.
But it had to stop.
Not because I didn’t want to. LORD, I couldn’t think of anything else I would have preferred to do. But we were more than just a quick fuck, our friendship going beyond what it had been. And in a couple short weeks, I’d felt closer to him than I’d ever had. I wanted it to continue, to have that one person I could always count on. I’d never had that, not really. Lani and I were friends, but she wasn’t the person I told all my secrets to. And Katy, well, I loved my sister but she would have a fit if she knew all the kinds of things I got up to. Eve was great, but she had a crew of awesome besties. And Josh, well, he was a good man, but he and I would never be close like that. Dallas was the only one, the only friend I’d ever had who I literally couldn’t imagine hiding anything from. Who I knew I could talk to and would get not one raised eyebrow or scowl from. And the thought of losing it when it was just beginning was terrifying.
I’d seen the indecision in his face the morning after, maybe wondering if I was trying to trick him into a relationship and I knew. I knew that he had doubts, and I wouldn’t allow myself to be one of them.
Not us.
We had to be a sure thing.
I didn’t care what Mason said, sex and friendships never worked out for me. And as much as I wanted him in my bed, I wanted him in my life more.
Which was why I told him it had to end.
Somewhere deep inside I had deluded myself, thinking that in a month things would be different, and we could have sex and it not turn into a dumpster fire. But I was going to have to push that aside and let that be a problem to deal with later. Because we hadn’t waited a month, and the sex had been more than it probably should have been. And while I hadn’t changed my mind about us, it wasn’t going to be about only what Dallas wanted, it had to be what was right for me too.
So, even though I was not in a relationship with Dallas or anyone else, and it was unreasonable to believe I was going to give up dating, I still felt guilty about meeting another man.
Like I was cheating.
I’d been so lost in my own thoughts that I had walked the entire way to Cameron’s building. The intention to catch the subway or a cab pushed aside in favor of getting some time alone with my own thoughts.
Not that it had done me much good, I still had a friend I wanted to be in a relationship with, and a date I didn’t really want to go on.
“Hey, Kitty.” Cameron welcomed me to his office once I’d been cleared by his secretary. It was the first time I’d been privileged enough to see his beige-on-beige décor, noting how much it matched his personality.
I settled into a chair—also beige—and pulled out the envelope with the reports. “Thanks so much for doing this, Cameron. I know you’re busy.”
“My pleasure, at least with you I know I’ll get paid. Some of the bigger clients drag it out, make us send three invoices before they’ll cut a check.” He held out his hand and waited for me to hand over the documents. “Any reason to suspect your accounting department isn’t doing their job?” He opened the envelope and flicked through the pages.
“No, not really. But I’ve seen figures come across my desk before, and something about these just seems off.” While accounting made me want to breakout in a cold sweat, I could write a thesis on Excel. And the entries of numbers and formulas Garrett had been given were just messy considering they’d been done by professionals. “I brought an electronic copy too, just in case.” I pulled out a thumb drive and
added it to his pile.
Cameron nodded, his eyes following the lines. “Great. Well I’ll give you a call when I’m done going through it. Not exactly sure how long it’s going to take.”
Of course I didn’t think he was going to be able to look at it and be able to find the problem immediately. That would have been too easy and obvious, especially if someone was trying to do something shady. But not having a timeline made me edgy, especially when Garrett needed to sign off on them by the close of business Friday. It was already Tuesday afternoon and the clock was ticking.
“The sooner the better. I’ll pay you double if you can have it done by Thursday afternoon.” I stood, thinking he’d probably get it done a lot faster if I got out of his hair and left him to it.
His head lifted along with his brow. “I haven’t even told you how much I’m charging yet, and you’re offering to double it?”
“I handle Garrett Brown’s accounts, and trust me when I tell you this is a priority. So whatever it costs, it costs.” Because if there was something amiss and Garrett did sign off, he’d be losing more than just money. Possibly his job. Maybe even mine too.
He nodded giving me the first smile I’d seen that wasn’t directly attributed to his girlfriend or a spreadsheet. “Then consider it done. I’ll call you if I need anything else.”
I showed myself out tempted to remind him to keep it to himself but I didn’t, not wanting to piss him off when he’d already assured me confidentiality. Besides, Lani hated talking about work—both her own and his—when she was out of the office. Other than asking how his day was, she didn’t want to hear it.
Since it was early and I had all kinds of time before returning to the city for my date, I decided to catch the subway home. The rock against the tracks was comforting, getting me to Queens faster than a cab.
But instead of going home and obsessing over what I was going to wear for my date, I found myself somewhere else.
In front of Ink Addiction, the very tattoo shop where Dallas worked.
Like my legs had a mind of their own.
Deciding it would be rude to pass by without saying hello, I pushed open the door, the jingling bells announcing my arrival.
It had been a while since I’d been inside, the splash of colors on the walls reminding me how much I loved it.
“Hey!” Josh stepped out from the hall giving me a smile. “What are you doing here?”
Well wasn’t that the question of the minute. What exactly was I doing there?
“I finished work early and was on my way home. I figured I’d say hi!” I stammered hoping it sounded halfway convincing.
His eyes looked me over, hopefully my work attire corroborating my story. “Well, hi.” He waved casually, not even pretending he bought it.
“Hi,” I repeated, mentally kicking myself for being so awkward.
“You want me to pretend a little longer or can I just go get Dallas?” he asked with a smirk. “As much as I like our friendly hi exchanges, I’ve got someone in my chair.”
Nope, hadn’t been fooled for a second.
“If he’s not busy. I can come back if he’s with a client. I don’t want to be a pain.” The words rushed out making me sound like a moron.
It wasn’t like I assumed he’d be sitting around, having all kinds of time to talk to me when I walked in. But I didn’t want to get Dallas in trouble with Josh either. I probably should have thought it through before I showed up at his work unannounced.
“He’s in between clients, next one is due in about ten. Why don’t you wander back there? I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.” He folded his arms across his chest looking smug.
“Thanks.” I started down the hall before stopping and turning around. “We’re just friends, you know.”
“So I’ve been told.” He laughed, not sounding convinced.
Choosing to ignore him I walked toward Dallas’s room. The door was open, his head was down with his ears covered by a pair of red Beats as he drew.
He didn’t hear me approach, not bothering to look up until I’d almost reached the edge of his desk.
“Kitty!” His grin was freaking amazing, instantly spreading across his face as he pulled his headphones from his ears. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to say hi.” I gave him the same lame excuse I’d given Josh because it had worked out so well for me the first time.
Unlike Josh, he didn’t bother to say hi, instead jumping to his feet, walking around to my side of the desk and wrapping his arms around me in a hug. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I confessed, feeling weird that it had only been two days apart and it had felt like forever. “I had to leave work early and all this shit was going around in my head. And before I knew it, I just ended up here.”
I could never lie to Dallas, and now that I was in front of him, I wouldn’t have wanted to. “I know you only have ten minutes, but do you think we could talk?”
He tipped my chin, inspecting my face before he answered. “Did something happen at work? That O’Shit didn’t give you a hard time, did he?”
“It’s O’Shea,” I laughed. “And I barely even see him at work, he’s Lani’s boss not mine.”
“Still didn’t deny that something happened at work though,” he probed, picking up on my side step.
See, I could never lie to Dallas.
“A guy asked me out,” I blurted out, hoping that the sooner I said it the better I’d feel.
His face hardened as his eyes flashed to the still-open door. “Did he touch you? Try to kiss you?”
“No, he literally just asked me out. On a date. Tonight.”
“Okay, so were you scared to say no?”
“Well, he didn’t really pressure me for an answer. Just told me a place and time and left it up to me on whether I turned up. He didn’t even ask me for my phone number.”
His hand dropped my chin, walking to the door and shutting it before returning back to me. “Is he hideously ugly?”
“No,” I responded, stopping short of mentioning how good-looking he was. “He isn’t hideous.”
There was unsteady quiet in the room, the silence making me edgy. We had never had that before, the lulls in conversation having never felt awkward. But as we stood apart from each other, there was a chill I didn’t understand.
The smile from earlier was gone.
His body was rigid.
And if I didn’t know better, he was holding back.
“So what’s the problem?” he asked when he finally spoke.
“I don’t know if I should go?” Only half admitting what was in my head.
He took a step back, taking a breath. “Then don’t go.”
It was irrational how happy it made me to hear him say that, the words I’d been hoping to hear coming out of his mouth. But something about it was all wrong.
“So you think I should blow him off.” It was a statement more than a question, wanting to know what he was thinking.
“Or not. Maybe you should go.”
I wasn’t sure what I wanted when I’d arrived at the shop but standing in front of Dallas, I knew that I wanted him to tell me not to. To give me some bullshit reason not to go on the stupid date because I wanted him to want me not to go.
Make sense?
Yeah, logic had clearly left the building.
“So I should go then?” I asked again, giving him a chance to change his mind.
It was insanity. We were friends, we had agreed—more me than him—to be friends. And yet I was the one who was conflicted.
It wasn’t fair. I had told him I wouldn’t change him or ask him to be something he wasn’t. Yet there I was, wanting him to be different.
I didn’t get to change my mind like that, he deserved better.
“Kitty, if you don’t want to go, don’t go. But if he isn’t hideous and isn’t an asshole, I can’t see why you wouldn’t want to. Weren’t we supposed to be dating other people? What’s
the point of us trying to work out how to do it better and avoid the crazies if we’re just avoiding it all together?” He laughed.
He laughed.
I swallowed, the sound of him being so glad and sure about being with someone else making my throat tight. Had he already met someone and was just waiting for the chance? I was probably being irrational but I hated the feeling all the same. “Yeah, I guess so. Makes sense.”
What else could I say? That no, it didn’t make sense and that none of it made sense. That maybe I wanted him as more than a friend but I was too scared to admit that—to myself and to him. And that if I did find some kind of courage to say the words, that I hoped he would feel the same way.
Oh.
Shit.
I was such a fucking idiot.
I didn’t just want Dallas as a friend, I wanted him as a boyfriend. The very thing he literally repelled against. Spending time with, getting to know him—it was all leading us to . . . a relationship. Something I had repeatedly told myself I hadn’t wanted until I realized it could be different. That what I’d had with other men in the past wasn’t even close to the connection I’d shared with him. We’d blindly crossed that fucking line without even knowing. And all that bullshit I’d told myself about not wanting the sex to mess it up was because I knew if I slept with him again, I wouldn’t be able to deny it.
That there were feelings.
Real feelings that had nothing to do with sex, but came from a place in my heart.
I was so freaking screwed.
“So you’re going?” He broke what had become another awkward silence, my panic making me too worried to open my mouth. Who knew what I was liable to say?
I nodded knowing there was no way out of it. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll go.”
“Great, sounds good. Did you need anything else, babe?”
I bit my lip stopping myself from asking for things I had no right to ask for.
“No, I’m good. I’ll give you a call tonight?”
Even though I had made my decision, I still wanted his voice to be the one I heard before I went to sleep.