by K. L. Slater
Audrey clears her throat and I realise she has been watching me.
‘It’s no big deal for me, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then we can split the bill if you’d prefer,’ she remarks.
I feel my shoulders drop an inch. ‘Yes, let’s do that,’ I say simply, picking up the menu. ‘Thanks for the offer though.’
We choose our food and Audrey orders a big pot of tea for two.
She slips off her tailored jacket, tucks her Gucci handbag under the table and somehow looks suddenly lighter, as if she’s shed a heavy, restrictive second skin.
‘You know, you remind me of myself when I was younger,’ Audrey says suddenly.
‘I do?’ She surprises me. I’m making assumptions, but if I were to hazard a guess, I reckon Audrey probably went to private school and grew up quite pampered. I doubt she’s ever had to worry about money. Plus, the Marsdens obviously have a rather open marriage, it seems, when my union with Lewis meant everything to me at one time.
No matter how I try and engage my imagination, I can’t draw a parallel between us.
‘We’re not similar in terms of our circumstances, of course, they’re very different. I’m just talking about what’s in here.’ She taps her chest. ‘Despite my privileged upbringing, I never felt . . . I don’t know, as if I belonged. I always felt like the imposter, the one who didn’t quite fit in.’
I look up sharply from stirring my tea. She’s hit a nerve.
‘My brother was so clever, you see, I never really matched up to him in my parents’ eyes. In fact, I remember the day my father took me to one side and said the best I could do for myself was settle with a man who was willing to look after me, even if there was no romantic love there.’
‘How awful.’ I’m truly horrified. ‘You’re worth so much more than that, Audrey.’
I wonder if this is why she’s seeking affection from the man she was embracing in the apartment? Maybe Dr Marsden isn’t so hot on the emotional side of things.
For the first time, I notice that those same eyes I thought were so icy and incisive are actually quite twinkly beyond the dark liner and mascara she favours wearing.
Under the thick layer of powder and blusher, Audrey’s skin is clear and she has smile lines around her eyes and mouth that soften the artificial, bold colours she always applies to her face and lips.
She’d look perfectly lovely without any make-up at all, just her real, soft self.
‘I wish I could’ve found it in myself to tell my father where to get off, but of course, I didn’t. Things were a lot different in those days, and young women often had to settle for less.’
Is she saying that is what she settled for? That her marriage to Dr Marsden is one of convenience? My first impression of them as a couple was that they appeared to be so close. He seemed to adore her, but that was before I saw her with the other man.
Audrey has obviously now found affection in other quarters.
I can’t possibly pry by asking, so I simply nod and sip my scalding tea.
‘When I look at you, I see a young woman who knows her own mind, as I wish I’d have done.’
‘I don’t know about that.’ I laugh. ‘Most of the time I feel as if I just plough through life hoping for the best. That’s why Adder House is such a wonderful opportunity for us both, to make our fresh start.’
‘And you must remember that, my dear,’ she says thoughtfully, running a fingertip around the top of her china cup. ‘This is your chance, your time to shine. You mustn’t let anyone stop you.’
32
I would never have believed it, but Audrey and I had a perfectly lovely lunch.
She was right, the omelette was delicious, and actually, the prices weren’t as astronomical at Café Musica as I’d imagined. Once I get back to work, I’ll be able to bring Skye here occasionally for a shared treat of a light lunch.
We chatted and got to know each other like friends who’d just met. I really felt that I’d misjudged her entirely.
When we returned to school, Skye seemed subdued when Miss Perkins brought her through to reception.
‘I think she’s had a good day, haven’t you, Skye?’ Skye gives a faint nod but she won’t meet my eyes.
‘She played outside with the children and made a start on her papier-mâché owl,’ Miss Perkins continues.
‘I can’t wait to see it.’ I ruffle Skye’s hair but she doesn’t react.
When Miss Perkins returns to her class, Audrey says she has to pop over and see the headteacher about some governor business and will meet us outside in five.
‘What’s wrong, poppet?’ I bend down in front of Skye when we get outside. ‘Was everything OK today?’
‘I don’t think anyone likes me here,’ she says in a small voice.
‘I’m sure that’s not the case.’ I stroke her hair and put on a pantomime outraged voice. ‘Who could possibly not like you?’
Her lips turn up very slightly at the edges at my fooling around, but I can see she’s not happy.
‘It’s hard at first when you don’t know anyone, but soon you’ll have oodles of friends, just you wait and see.’
‘I’ve had a good think and I’ve decided I want to go back to Grove Primary, Mummy,’ she says firmly. ‘Even if we have to get two buses, it’s much nicer there than at St Benjamin Monks.’
‘Has someone in class said something to upset you, Skye?’
She looks at me as if she’s deciding whether to answer me.
‘Is everything alright?’ Audrey appears, taking in my worried expression. ‘Did you have a good time today, Skye?’
‘It was OK.’ She shrugs.
‘Why don’t we go back and sit in the garden?’ Audrey says brightly, shooting me a supportive look. ‘I’ve got some homemade lemonade in the fridge . . . and some chocolate peanut cookies.’
‘Sounds delicious!’ I exclaim, but Skye remains silent.
As we walk up the street, Audrey falls quiet, tapping away on her phone as we walk.
After a few minutes, though, she lays her hand on my shoulder.
‘She’ll be fine,’ she whispers. ‘No need to worry. No need at all.’ Easy for her to say.
When we get back to Adder House, Audrey is as good as her word. She insists we stay downstairs and enlists our help. We carry a jug of lemonade, glasses, and a plate full of biscuits out into the garden.
I’m overcome when we walk outside to see balloons and the small group of now-familiar faces who say in unison: ‘Congratulations on your first day at school, Skye!’
Despite her earlier melancholic mood, my daughter’s face breaks out into a wide smile. Susan Woodings rushes forward with a small gift wrapped in brightly coloured paper for Skye, and she asks me how I am, commenting how proud I must be.
I’m truly overwhelmed and Skye is in her element, enjoying all the fuss. Audrey must have arranged this impromptu little gathering via text as we walked back from school.
I glance through the throng and see Miss Brockley appear around the corner of the house, clutching her bag of bird seed. I wave to her, and Audrey, who’s standing next to Skye, follows my gaze.
She unceremoniously plonks her glass down on the grass, turns and stalks over to Miss Brockley. Audrey has her back to me but I watch as Lily’s face drops and she says something as if to defend herself, but Audrey folds her arms, all the time talking and jerking her head and then jabbing her finger, as if to make a point.
I can’t help but wonder what might be being said and I’m concerned for Lily. I know Skye would love her to be part of the celebration.
After a few more obviously tense exchanges with Audrey, Lily shrugs and turns on her heel, disappearing back around the corner.
I push my curiosity aside because I don’t want anything to spoil Skye’s moment.
I know everyone looks happy to be here; there’s just this discomforting feeling I have that niggles me. Something is slightly off, almost as if everyone is playing some kind of a role.
What I really want is for my daughter to have a sense of belonging, to know that she has people around her who care. Not just me. My greatest hope for us both is to have a happy family unit again.
Susan and Matthew Woodings want to know all about what Skye did in class this afternoon and Susan is animated and charming, far from the troubled soul she seemed to be in the garden.
After all this and a spot of hide-and-seek with Dr Marsden, Skye starts repeatedly yawning. After profusely thanking Audrey and the other residents, who’ve shown such thoughtfulness for Skye, we finally head back upstairs to the apartment.
We pass Lily Brockley’s door and I’m tempted to knock, but I think Skye has had enough interaction for today and I don’t want to dampen the mood of excitement for her if Lily seems upset.
Once we get to the top floor, I unlock our apartment door and Skye ambles in before me. When I step inside, my skin prickles and I immediately stop walking and stand stock still for a moment to identify exactly what has spooked me.
The air feels different in here since we left. And there’s a smell – not unpleasant – just different to how it was.
I snap on the light in the dim hallway and look around. There are a few flakes of plaster on the wooden floor and when I look up and see the cause of it, I take a sharp breath. My face feels like it’s on fire.
‘What’s that, Mummy?’ Skye says in a small voice as she follows my stare to up above the doorway.
A small, unobtrusive camera is pointing down the hallway, a tiny red light flashing rhythmically on it like a watchful, blinking eye.
33
I beat back the feelings that are threatening to overwhelm me and settle Skye on the couch with her blanket. I start the latest Boss Baby movie on Netflix and kiss the top of her head.
‘Back in five minutes, sweetie,’ I whisper.
‘Where are you going? Where has that camera come from?’ She sits up on her elbows.
‘I’m just going down to ask Audrey about it now. No need for you to worry, just relax and watch the movie.’
Reluctantly, she lies down again.
Downstairs I hammer on the door of apartment one.
Dr Marsden comes to the door. ‘Freya! Wasn’t that a lovely little gathering in—’
‘Sorry. I’ve had to come straight back down because I’m angry. I’m so angry.’ I’m panting and my voice is trembling.
‘Whatever is wrong?’ Dr Marsden looks genuinely concerned. ‘Is it Skye? Has someone upset her?’
‘Skye’s fine. But there’s a fu—’ I manage to bite back the curse. ‘There is a camera inside our apartment and that is not acceptable. It’s a violation of our privacy.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Dr Marsden frowns. ‘Audrey told me she’d spoken to you about that.’
‘She did speak to me about it and I told her I didn’t like the idea.’ I’m still battling to regulate my breaths. ‘I said I’d let her know but I’ve decided I don’t want it in there.’ I press the soles of my feet down into my shoes to anchor me in the face of Dr Marsden’s silence. ‘I don’t see why you’ve put it there. It’s creepy and I—’
He holds up his hands. ‘No need to say another word, Freya. I shall come up this second and dismantle it myself. We just wanted you to feel safe here but I can understand—’
‘Mummyyyy!!’ I whip round as Skye’s voice screams from the top floor.
‘It’s OK, Skye,’ I yell, my throat tightening so I have to squeeze out the words. ‘I’m coming!’
I turn and belt back upstairs, my heart feeling like it’s about to explode. When I get to the first-floor landing I see that Dr Marsden is rushing upstairs behind me.
I’m nearly on my knees when I reach the top floor. Skye is out on the landing, eyes wide and clutching her blanket to her chest. I shouldn’t have left her alone.
‘What’s wrong, sweetie?’ I pull her to me and I can feel she’s trembling.
‘I think there’s someone in our apartment,’ she whispers to me, looking away as Dr Marsden appears at the top of the stairs. ‘I heard them talking.’
The next morning, I feel a little sluggish after our restless night.
I couldn’t get Skye settled until nearly midnight, and in the end, she slept in my bedroom.
There was nobody in the apartment, of course. I’d obviously rattled her with my reaction to the security camera and then I’d left her to go downstairs and she’d frightened herself silly.
Dr Marsden insisted on checking each and every room himself, and true to his word, in ten minutes, with the help of a stepladder he brought up with him, he unscrewed the camera and the bracket from the wall.
I just don’t know what they were thinking, installing it without my express permission while we were out, but they’ll be under no illusions how I feel about it now.
He was so contrite and apologetic, in true British fashion, I found myself assuring him that there was ‘no harm done’ before he left.
But that wasn’t really a truthful response.
I’ve had rumbles of discontent over various things since we arrived here, but for the first time, as I lie awake in the early hours this morning, I’ve seriously started to consider whether Adder House is the right place for us to stay.
Skye scowls all the way to the ground floor and even resists my attempts to engage her in conversation about her feeding the birds with Lily later on.
I’d prepared her favourite cereal for when she came into the kitchen, sleepy eyed, still in her pyjamas.
‘So, ready to work on your owl today?’ I poured milk into her dish, and when I put it back in the fridge, she still hadn’t answered me. ‘Has Miss Perkins said when you might be able to bring it home? I can’t wait to see it hanging in your bedroom, and I bet Brenna will love it.’
Skye prodded at her cereal with her spoon.
‘Why can’t I go back to Grove Primary?’ she said flatly.
I sighed. ‘We’ve been through all this, poppet. This is our fresh start, remember? Petra can still come over, but Grove is too far to go every day. Besides, St Benjamin Monks is a far better school.’
‘It’s not better,’ she remarked crossly, letting her spoon clatter into the dish. ‘It’s the worst school ever.’
I guess good examination results and varied holiday activities are not top of the priority list for most five-year-olds.
‘Did someone upset you yesterday?’ I touched her arm gently. ‘You must tell me if something happened.’
‘Nothing happened!’ She stood up, her little fists balling. ‘I just don’t want to go. So there!’
She stormed out of the kitchen and I let her go.
‘Five more minutes, then it’s time to get ready,’ I called after her, clearing away her untouched breakfast and picking up a banana for her to eat on the way to school.
When we finally get downstairs, the front door is already wide open and Dr Marsden is talking to a workman on the step.
‘I can take a look now, or I can come back later,’ I hear the workman say gruffly. ‘But if you send me away, it might be tomorrow morning or the next day before I can come back. So it’s your call, mate.’
‘In that case, you’d better come in,’ Dr Marsden says curtly, clearly irritated.
The workman picks up a soft toolbag and steps inside the foyer. The embroidered badge on his overall says ‘The Cable Company’.
Dr Marsden turns with a start when he spots us standing behind him.
‘Freya! Sorry, dear, I had no idea you were waiting there. Good morning, Miss Skye.’
‘Morning,’ Skye mumbles without enthusiasm.
‘So where are you two off to so bright and early?’
Skye plants her feet and folds her arms.
‘Skye is at her new school for the morning and I’m off to the supermarket.’
‘Ahh, I see. Well, have a good day.’ He glances at the open entrance door. ‘Lock up as you leave, will you? I’d better get inside.’ He nods back to his apartm
ent where the workman is currently unattended.
I step outside and I’m about to pull the door closed behind me when the postman appears at the bottom of the steps.
‘Morning,’ he calls cheerily and hands me a stack of mail with an elastic band securing it.
‘Morning . . . and thank you!’ I call as he retreats, heading next door.
I step back inside and walk over to the console table to leave the mail there, which is where everyone picks it up as they pass in and out of the building.
I leaf quickly through the stack and take the two letters belonging to apartment six. I push both letters into my handbag and leave the house, being sure to check that the door is locked securely after me.
Skye is quiet all the way to school. We walk by the church and under the bridge and join the parade of parents and children. I see Skye take in their green-and-red clothing and look down at her own leggings and floral top.
‘Your new uniform will be here next week. I can’t wait to see how smart you’ll look in it,’ I tell her, but she doesn’t react with any interest.
As everything is so new, I don’t leave her in the playground like the other parents do with their children, but take her into reception.
The office manager rings through to the staff room and Miss Perkins comes to collect Skye. She’s bright and bubbly and Skye goes off with her without causing a scene, which I feel eternally grateful for.
Outside, I slip off my cardigan so the sun can kiss my pale arms and I pull out the voucher Audrey gave me. I can just buy something nice for tea and use the discount.
My mouth falls open when I see it’s actually a credit for £25. I look at it, unsure whether to give it back. Yet another gift.
But I know £25 is nothing to Audrey. And I don’t feel like going back to the apartment to do the jobs I should have really already done.
So I carry on walking up the high street to Waitrose.
I saunter up and down the aisles, marvelling at the range and choice of high-quality brands.
Unsurprisingly, I don’t get much for my money. Amongst some staple items to get us through the next few days, I choose stuffed vine leaves and artichokes in oil for myself and some fresh-fruit kebabs and LOL unicorn-themed biscuits for Skye. Not the best use of the available funds, but still, it’s a real treat to shop there.