by Natasha West
‘I might have been asking for baking tips,’ Robyn said sullenly, crossing her arms.
‘Bad cover story. You’d never take them from me,’ Jodie said with a sour smile.
‘Of course I wouldn’t,’ Robyn said, her own frown starting to melt slightly. ‘What was it you were banging on about last week, someone sabotaging us? Might have been a double bluff. It might be you.’
Jodie snickered. ‘Robyn, I might want to wreck you. But not like that.’ She grabbed Robyn at last and kissed her ferociously. Robyn would never have admitted it, but she’d been waiting for this all week. It was just that this was the first time she could really admit it to herself.
***
‘I need water, hang on,’ Jodie said, reaching for her bedside table.
‘Dehydrated?’ Robyn asked, mockingly. Truth be told, she could have done with some refreshment herself, she just didn’t want to admit it first. They’d only been going at it for half an hour, but it had been an athletic thirty minutes. Robyn didn’t really know if she could keep it up much longer. But she didn’t want to stop.
Jodie glugged the water and then turned to Robyn. ‘So you don’t want any?’
Robyn rolled her eyes. ‘Fine. Hand it over.’
Jodie held out the bottle. Then snatched it away when Robyn reached for it. ‘I don’t know that I want to share, actually. It’s a bit coupley, sharing water.’
Robyn leaned in, as though for a kiss. Jodie watched her come closer, her arm going slack, the water forgotten. Robyn got even closer. And snatched the water from Jodie’s hand. She let it go without much of a fight. Robyn lay back on the bed, taking a swig. ‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to mistake you for a girlfriend because we had sex twice.’
Jodie lay down on the bed. ‘Glad to hear it.’
Robyn handed the water back. ‘Even if you are a bit nicer than you let on.’
Jodie turned her eyes away from Robyn. ‘Don’t know what you’re on about.’
Robyn watched Jodie carefully. Maybe this wasn’t the best road to go down. But some part of her wanted to take a little toddle down it. ‘What you did today.’
Jodie tutted dismissively. ‘Oh, the swearing. I told you. Tourette’s.’
‘You don’t have Tourette’s,’ Robyn said wanly. ‘And if you do, I don’t think it’s fixed by a glass of water.’
‘No?’ Jodie took a pull from the water bottle, giving Robyn a sideways glance. ‘Just in case.’
‘You did something nice today. Admit it,’ Robyn said. She didn’t know why she was pushing this. If Jodie wanted to pretend she was worse than she was, what was it to Robyn?
‘It wasn’t a big deal,’ Jodie shrugged.
‘It was to me,’ Robyn admitted, sitting up in bed, wrapping a blanket around her nudity.
Jodie looked at her directly for the first time in the conversation, frowning. ‘Look, I don’t… It wasn’t…’
‘Why did you do it?’ Robyn asked.
Jodie sighed. ‘Why are you asking? We talked about this, didn’t we?’
‘About what?’ Robyn asked.
‘This. Us.’
‘I know, I know. We have to encourage our natural tendency not to get on for the sake of… well…’
‘Great sex,’ Jodie completed.
‘Great?’ Robyn repeated, pleased as punch but trying to hide it.
‘You’re in my top five,’ Jodie said quickly. ‘Maybe top ten,’ she added dryly.
‘Great. Low ranking, as ever,’ Robyn said dryly.
Jodie arched an eyebrow. ‘If you’re talking about Adam, he’s full of shit. I tried the pies. You weren’t bottom by any stretch.’
Robyn was flabbergasted. ‘What?’
‘Yeah. Your pie was as good as mine. Practically.’
‘No, I’m shit at pie,’ Robyn explained. ‘He was right.’
‘Bollocks. It was decent.’
Robyn smiled slowly. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah. Your crust could do with a slight tweak, but I actually think I know what your problem was,’ Jodie said with slight reticence.
‘Is it not fridge-ing my dough long enough?’ Robyn asked, interested.
‘Nope, but close. I watched you today. The only thing you could have done differently was that you didn’t use butter right from the fridge when you mixed the dough in the first place. It’s gotta be cold.’
Robyn could have slapped her forehead. ‘That’s it? For crying out loud. How did I not know that?’
Jodie shrugged. ‘You're great at everything else. Don’t sweat it.’
‘Yeah, well, you’re better,’ Robyn admitted.
‘Fuck off,’ Jodie laughed.
‘Nope. It’s true.’
Robyn and Jodie looked at each other and realised what was happening. Precisely what was not meant to be. They were being nice to each other.
Robyn stood quickly. ‘I better…’
‘Sure,’ Jodie nodded. ‘Places to be.’
Robyn got dressed quickly. She turned at the door. ‘Err…’
Jodie looked expectantly at her. Robyn didn’t know what she’d been going to say. But she had this awful feeling that whatever it was wouldn’t be appropriate. She needed to get out of this room, stat. ‘Bye!’ she said with far too much volume and cheerfulness. She ran out of the room. She got two steps before her wobbly chest told her what she’d forgotten.
She turned to the door. It opened before she could knock, and a robed Jodie held out Robyn’s bra to her.
‘Thanks,’ Robyn said, snatching the bra and shoving it into her pocket.
‘Don’t mention it,’ Jodie said.
‘Thanks for the butter tip too. Gonna use that tomorrow,’ Robyn rambled.
‘Go ahead,’ Jodie told her. ‘I’m not worried if you do.’
‘Why would you worry? You won today. You’ll probably get top baker again,’ said her mouth while her brain said, Robyn, shut the hell up.
‘You never know how it’s gonna go on day two,’ Jodie said evenly. ‘Depends what’s on the table.’
‘I guess so,’ Robyn said with a dorky nod. ‘Well… bye again,’ she said and scuttled down the hallway before she could say any other nice things to her mortal enemy who she was sleeping with and who had saved her hide today and gotten her out of a toxic relationship…
Oh no.
As Robyn raced to her room, the truth presented itself to her. Plain as day. Robyn wanted more than sex from Jodie. The ice queen, the bitch, the made-of-steel baker, had slipped inside Robyn’s feelings without her noticing. Robyn realised with horror that she was into Jodie Jacobs.
That wouldn’t do at all. Sex with Jodie was just about the only purely pleasurable thing in her life right now. Even baking had been ruined by the pressure of doing it competitively. This would be ruined too if Jodie got wind of any feelings. She’d cut her off. Plus, Robyn didn’t have it in her to get into yet another doomed situation. Alex had left a bitter taste in her mouth, even though Robyn had been lukewarm on her at best. Someone like Jodie would burn her to the ground if she tried to get close to her.
Right? Right.
Twenty-Four
Jodie closed the door and listened to Robyn’s footsteps fade away, a stone making an appearance in the pit of her stomach. Something had gone wrong. She could feel it. Right at the end there, they hadn’t been like they usually were. Things had gotten… nice.
Jodie couldn’t have that. She couldn’t have things getting complicated. It had been hard enough trying to understand why she wanted to have sex with someone she didn’t like. So she had stopped trying and just enjoyed it for what it was. A collision of hatred and sex. Strange, but in its way, simple enough when you stopped overthinking.
Only, the last ten minutes were not on-brand for Jodie and Robyn. Jodie didn’t know whose fault it was. Who had started it? She wanted to think it was Robyn, that she’d started being her essential self, needing polite chitchat and social normality.
But what if it wasn’t Robyn
’s fault? What if Jodie had been the one to muck it up? What if that business today had been the start of a dreadful drift in the wrong direction? Had Jodie unmoored herself by chanting the word ‘Fuck’ today? She’d had some dark suspicions after she’d done it, but she’d tried to stamp them down by taking Robyn to bed for round two.
But maybe she’d only succeeded in making it worse. Maybe while they were giving each other ridiculous orgasms, they’d accidentally gotten closer than they’d meant to.
Oh, for fuck’s sake, no. This could not be happening. She could not be such a sappy clown that she couldn’t have sex with Robyn without developing bloody feelings, could she? That wasn’t who Jodie was. She could have given a Ted Talk on the compartmentalising of feelings. She was removed with women, always had been. If she didn’t want to get involved, she didn’t. Simple as that.
Only thing was, just now, as Robyn had jumped up and done the hundred-yard dash, Jodie had felt more disappointed than she knew what to do with. And it wasn’t just about them cutting short the physical stuff. They’d talked for a minute, and Jodie had forgotten to put a wall up, and it had felt good. Before it felt bad.
Jodie walked over to the bed, picked up a pillow, pressed it to her face, and screamed into it.
The phone rang. She took the pillow away and went to see who it was. It was Billy. ‘Everything OK?’ she asked him, her habitual greeting to him.
‘Yeah, of course. I was just calling to see how your pie went.’
‘Good. Top pie of the day,’ Jodie told him distractedly.
‘Really? Then why do you sound like you accidentally poisoned Adam Silton?’
‘There’s a thought,’ she quipped. ‘That prick is working my last nerve.’
‘So it’s not an act, that whole tough bastard thing?’
‘Nope. He’s just a dick.’
‘What is it, week five? You make any friends yet?’ Billy asked in a parental voice.
‘Oh, yeah. You know me, buddies with everyone. Actually, I was voted Miss Congeniality.’
‘I bet,’ he said, laughing. He sounded like he was eating. ‘Did you rub them the wrong way?’
Jodie raised an eyebrow. ‘You could say that.’
‘You sound weird.’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Jodie replied.
‘I dunno,’ Billy muttered. Jodie could hear his brain whirring down the phone line. She hoped he wasn’t gonna keep pressing. Yes, something was weird. No, she didn’t want to talk about it.
‘Anyway, you burn down the flat while I’ve been gone?’
‘Nah. There was a small fire, but I put it out pretty quickly.’
‘Is that a joke?’ Jodie frowned.
‘Of course it is, you bellend.’
‘You did go through a pyro phase when you were younger,’ Jodie reminded him.
‘Oh my god, I was eleven! Can you stop bringin’ that up?’
‘You set a sofa on fire, Billy. An entire sofa. All that was left was a few springs and some scorched wood.’
‘It was just sitting out on the street. No one wanted it,’ Billy argued languidly.
‘You’re just lucky it didn’t spread. You could be calling me from prison right now.’
‘Oh, for fuck…’ Billy started irritably. And then he stopped dead. Suspicion entered his voice. ‘Wait.’
‘Wait, what?’
‘I just… Yeah. I just put something together. You always bring up the pyro thing when you’re trying to change the subject.’
Oh, man. What a time for him to figure that out. ‘No, I don’t,’ Jodie said quickly.
‘What the hell is going on down there?’ Billy asked.
‘I just told you, you little shit, nothing!’ Jodie swore at her brother.
‘Oh, wow, I’m really onto something here. You’re actually angry right now.’
‘You think I don’t get angry?’
‘Yeah, I think you get angry. You just don’t often show it.’
‘I’m not angry, Billy!’ Jodie snapped. She took a breath and tried again. ‘I’m not angry.’
Billy stopped sounding quite so facetious. ‘Seriously. What the fuck is up with you?’
Jodie sat down on the bed and pressed a hand to her temple. ‘Nothing. I just… I got… I’ve been kind of… There’s a… There’s someone…’ she stopped there, feeling sick. ‘Never mind.’
‘Are you trying to tell me you met someone?’ Billy asked. ‘Fucking hell, you had me worried for a minute. What’s the big deal about that?’
‘Nothing. Because I haven’t. Not really.’
Billy was awed. ‘Who is this person that’s getting you so riled up?’
‘I’m not riled,’ Jodie interjected.
But Billy wasn’t listening. ‘Because I’ve seen you with women. You’re like…’ He made his voice dry and unfeeling. ‘Oh, you’re in love with me? How nice. Anyway, I think I want to see other people.’
Jodie laughed. ‘I’m not that bad.’
‘Sweet Jesus, that one, what was her name? Cindy? She literally wept on my shoulder ‘til two in the morning when you stood her up. Why is she like this, etc.’
‘I didn’t stand her up. I told her I was busy.’
‘You didn’t just tell her you were busy, though. Did you? She told me what happened. She said she wanted you to meet her friends, and you fucked her off, sharpish. And then you went on the pull, leaving me to open the door to a mess who wanted me to tell her the secret to unlocking your cold, dead soul.’
Jodie rolled her eyes. ‘Look, I put my profile to casual. I don’t know what more I can do,’ she complained. ‘I’m pretty clear about not wanting a girlfriend. You swipe on me, you’re accepting that. You can’t just change the terms when you feel like it.’
‘And yet, someone’s got you in a tizzy,’ Billy smirked.
‘Fuck you, Billy. I don’t do tizzies. OK? I just… I’ve been casually, well…’ She left that hanging. She didn’t want to say, ‘Banging like a screen door in a hurricane,’ to her brother, though it was the phrase that came to mind.
‘Right, yes, I think I get it,’ Billy said, no keener to hear it than she was to say it.
‘Only, we kind of… We don’t get on.’
‘Okaaayyy…’ Billy said, confused.
‘Or I don’t think we do,’ Jodie went on, arguing with herself now more than her brother.
‘I don’t think I get the situation,’ Billy said.
‘Me neither. You know what? Don’t worry about it. I’m just gonna shut it down.’
‘Of course you are,’ Billy muttered.
‘What’s that mean?’
‘Dunno, nothing,’ he said quickly.
‘No, come on. You started to say something, be a big boy and finish your thought,’ Jodie said provocatively. She could hear Billy fuming down the phone before he even spoke. ‘You know what it is? You can’t talk to women.’
‘What?’ Jodie laughed. ‘What are you on about? I get lai… I get dates all the time.’
‘I know, but I don’t think it has anything to do with your ability to communicate.’
Jodie gripped the phone a bit tighter. ‘Yes, and?’
‘I just think it sounds a bit… I dunno, hollow, I guess.’
‘Not all of us find our soulmate when we’re a fetus,’ Jodie said scornfully. ‘Say hi to Sasha, by the way.’
Billy paused. ‘She’s not here.’
‘Don’t mug me off,’ Jodie said.
She heard her brother put his hand over what he thought was the receiver and say, ‘She knows.’
‘Hi, Jodie!’ Sasha yelled from the background.
‘Send my regards,’ Jodie told her brother. She remembered she’d been mad about something a minute ago, and she dug back into the conversation to think what it was. ‘Anyway, what do you mean I can’t talk to women? You think I’m just mute on dates?’
‘No, I know you physically say words. You just don’t really talk.’
‘Talk like
how?’
‘I dunno, like you talk to me.’
‘You want me to call my dates ‘fucknugget’ and punch them in the arm?’ Jodie asked him, picking a thread off her robe.