Some of them actually tried to talk to me on occasion like they were trying to stepdad me or some shit. Mostly the regulars. One in particular had convinced himself he was in a relationship with my mom even when he had to say hi to the last guy who'd just been inside her on his way into the house.
I treated them all the same when they tried to make pleasantries, giving them the face that said you're-paying-to-fuck-my-mom-so-leave-the-cash-and-piss-off-back-to-creepsville. That worked on ninety percent of them. And to be honest, the talkers weren't the worst of it. There were the nasty fuckers who paid bigger bucks for 'special services'. Services that usually left bruises on my mom and made her walk funny after. I didn't like those guys. But if I said anything to Mom she just brushed it off like it was nothing. I couldn't imagine any kind of sex being nothing. It seemed like a whole world of something to me. But maybe that was just because I was still a virgin and didn't know a clitoris from an ovary.
Rogue curled up, moving back against me so her body nestled against mine and fuck that felt good. Chase was soon full and laid down on her other side, squashing her between us so all I could hear were their soft breaths and the sea crashing against the shore somewhere below us.
Despite my failed kiss attempt and this night being one hell of a mindfuck, I found peace with my friends. Two of the four people I cared most about in the world. And sleep stole me away to where all the possibilities of the future awaited me. Where I'd be big, strong, rich. And a man who'd be able to kiss Rogue right.
I couldn't sleep. There was far too much shit running through my head for me to just crash. So I sat up and took another cigarette from the box, frowning at the sight of the final three I had in there. I'd been stealing smokes off of my momma since I could remember. But never Dad. I wasn't suicidal. Didn't matter if he was blind drunk or hanging out his ass, he knew how many he had right down to the tobacco leaf.
I pushed to my feet, sweeping my dark curls away from my face and glancing down at Rogue in JJ's arms. My heart ripped open at the seams and I found myself just staring, wondering what Maverick had that I didn't. I supposed the answer was pretty obvious when I thought about it. Maverick was Luther's prodigy, even if he wasn't meant to rule the Harlequins, it was clear he was being groomed to hold power in this town. I envied that on a deep fucking level. Him and Fox were destined to be something. Someone. The closest I was ever gonna get to a crown was mostly likely working at Burger King. Of course, I was well aware Luther had his eye on me and JJ too for his gang. I didn't like being told what to do, so the idea of being in a position where my friend's dad bossed me around rather than my own wasn’t exactly appealing, but I was willing to give it a shot. Because anything had to be better than living under Dad’s orders. I just wished there was a chance for me to do something important with my life too. Maybe in prison, now that I was an accessory to murder. Not that I was complaining. I might have been hurt by learning Rogue's real desires tonight when it came to all of us, but that didn't change how I felt about her. Even if she'd torn my heart from my chest with her fingernails, it would still belong to her. No matter how deeply she ever wronged me.
I headed through the arcade and opened the door, stepping outside into the balmy night air, dragging down a lungful of it before lighting up a smoke and sucking down some poison. I'd watched a nature doc once about a lion who'd ruled his pride, become a king among beasts. He'd been everything a lion could be, strong, ruthless, unshakeable. And then one day he'd pissed off the wrong buffalo, taken a horn to the gut and that was that. It was a reminder of how much of a bitch life really was. It didn't matter how strong you were, didn't matter if you were a king of your kind, fate could twist on you at any moment and it would be game over. So who cared if I smoked, or drank or jumped off the end of the pier whenever I felt like it? I was gonna suck every drop of goodness out of life, because one day I was gonna meet my own buffalo. And I was determined to have really lived before then.
I walked to my favourite spot on the pier, past the amusement rides to the very end where an old fortune teller machine stood. The creepy ass mannequin inside had paint flaking off its face and someone had carved a hairy dick into its forehead. Someone who may or may not have been me. We'd busted it open a long time ago, but left the fortune cards we'd found in there tucked into the slot at the front where they used to be dispensed. Whenever we came here, we each picked one out and tossed it into the ocean as a little fuck you to destiny. It had become a tradition of ours, but we were gonna run out of cards soon enough. There could only have been ten left by the looks of the pile.
I tucked the cigarette in the corner of my mouth, reaching for the top card and picking it up.
"What's it say?" Rogue's voice sounded behind me and I turned to her, arching a brow.
"Does it matter, little one?" I asked, my voice hardening as I tried not to think of her standing half naked in front of Maverick, offering him everything I could never have. But it was impossible. It was all I could think of. And my heart wouldn't quit with its breaking.
She shook her head. "Nope, but I always like to read them before they're tossed." She moved forward, snatching the smoke out of my mouth with a teasing grin before toking on it.
My gaze automatically moved to her tanned legs as she walked past me, climbing onto the wooden fence that overlooked the dark ocean. She’d clearly taken Fox’s sweatpants off at some point and it was seriously weird to see her wearing a pair of his boxers. The moonlight was filtering through the clouds, just highlighting the waves as they lapped beneath us. Somewhere out there was a dead guy because of us. And I hoped the fishes were picking his bones clean right about now, putting him right where he deserved back at the bottom of the food chain, just pond scum for the lowest creatures to munch on.
Smoke billowed out around Rogue in the wind and I moved to stand beside her, stepping up onto the bottom rung of the fence and it creaked under my weight.
"Read it out, Ace," she encouraged and I snatched my cigarette back from her before twisting the card over in my fingers.
"In the dark you'll meet, in the storm you'll wait, in the end you'll fly," I read it, rolling my eyes then flicking it out toward the ocean and it fluttered down into the water.
"I could write better fortunes than that shit," Rogue said, turning to grin at me.
"Go on then, write me a fortune," I urged, toking on my cigarette so the cherry lit up her beautiful face. And goddammit, it was such a beautiful face. I remembered when she'd been just a little girl with sandy feet and tie-dye dresses that were far too big for her. It was why I called her little one. She'd always been so fucking tiny. She was getting taller now, but I didn't think she'd ever be eye to eye with me.
"Alright, but I need to get a read on you." She shuffled closer then reached out, pressing her hand to my forehead and closing her eyes. "Ohmmm," she hummed dramatically and I snorted a laugh. "Shh, don't throw off my process - ohmmmm."
My eyes roamed over her face as her dark hair fluttered around her, caressing her cheeks like I so badly wanted to. But she was Rick's now, right? I'd seen what I'd seen. Nothing could change that. But her hands on me still made my heart pound and my breaths come heavier. I just wished...fuck, it didn't matter what I wished now I guessed.
"I see a crab in my mind's eye," she said in a deep voice as she did some weird ass impression of a man. Shit, I just couldn't help but grin. "I see this crab doing an enchanting dance for you that will be of great significance in your life."
She dropped her hand, opening her eyes slowly and pretending she was coming out of a trance.
"Where's this crab then, little one?" I played along.
She leapt off of the fence and dropped down into a squat, waving her hands and snapping her fingers together like pincers as she shuffled along sideways then back the other way. I fought a laugh for as long as I could, staring at this mad girl and trying not to love her. But it was impossible on both parts. My laughter filled the air and she snatched my hand, pulling me down
beside her as she tried to get me to crab dance with her, bumping her hip against mine.
"Come on, Ace," she begged as I refused to join in, folding my arms as I finished up my cigarette. "I'm trying to forget what happened tonight and I need you to squat and crab dance with me."
"You're not gonna get me acting like a crab," I said, flicking my butt over the edge of the pier and pursing my lips at her.
"Too late for that, you've been Mr Crabs all night," she said, snapping her finger/pincers at me.
"I'm not Mr Crabs," I muttered, frowning.
She stood upright at last, moving forward and reaching up to smooth the crease out of my brow before trailing her fingers down to the bruise on my jaw. "Is this why?"
I tried to push down the lump in my throat as I shook my head stiffly.
"Then what?" she breathed, a V forming between her eyes. "Is it because of...what you did for me?"
"No," I growled, capturing her hand and immediately kissing the tips of her fingers without thinking that move through. But I didn't regret it, because regardless of Maverick and her, and however that shit made me feel, I would never have taken back what I'd done for her tonight. "I'd cast a hundred bodies into the ocean for you, little one."
"You can tell me whatever it is," she swore. "There's nothing in the world we can't share with each other. Remember when I thought I was dying because I got my first period? And you took me to the clinic and brought those maxi pad pee catcher thingys your mom uses and I put like four in my panties?"
I snorted. "Yeah, that was a weird day."
"Totally weird," she agreed, her cheeks colouring a little as she giggled. "And we shall never speak of it again. But I swear I can handle any shit you're going through. Is it a dick thing? I definitely don't have much peen-formation to go on, but I am all ears and zero judgement."
I shook my head, breathing another laugh as she caught my hand and squeezed it. I could feel the words welling up in my throat. Part of me wanted to confront her, to hear her confirm that she'd chosen Maverick once and for all. But I also knew it would be more painful than seeing it with my own eyes. And maybe I wanted to hold onto the peace in our group just a little longer. Until the truth came spilling out like oil and polluted everything we'd built together.
I'd known this day had been coming, but I just hadn't been ready for her to choose anyone other than me. Fuck, should I have acted sooner? Should I have tried to tell her how I felt, shown her how much I cared before Maverick had staked his claim? I'd considered it a thousand times, but I always came back to the same fear. I didn't have shit to offer Rogue. I couldn't buy her flowers or take her to nice places. She was the sort of girl who deserved the good stuff. And I'd hoped that maybe one day I'd have enough in my pocket to treat her right. That maybe I'd have had time to become someone before I lost her. But now it was all fucked and I was out of the running before I'd even had a couple of dollars to rub together. I wanted to hate her for that. But I didn't. I loved her like I loved nothing and no one else. I would've done anything just to fucking...
I pulled her closer, tugging hard enough to make her stumble and cursing myself internally, but testosterone was raging in me and demanding I do something. Anything to just make her see how much she meant to me.
"Woah, watch it Hulk, you're stronger than you realise these days," she teased.
"Do you like that?" I blurted and I swear a fire literally started on the back of my neck. Fuck. My. Life.
"What?" she snorted. "The Hulk? I'm more of a Batman girl myself."
"They're not even the same world. Batman's DC and Hulk's Marvel." Why am I talking about superheroes right now??
"You just spoke Latin to me, dude," she said with a smirk. "So, what's the Green Power Ranger? Is he Marvel or DC?"
"What?" I shook my head, totally losing my line of thought. "He's not either of those fucking things," I snapped, getting angry as I couldn't manage to align my thoughts and say what I really wanted to say. What was I planning anyway, to bear my heart like some soppy twat and let her watch as she broke it?
"Woah, did I touch a nerve? Are the Power Rangers like, blasphemous to Batman or something? They could totally beat him though by the way. Sorry not sorry."
"I don't wanna talk about the fucking Power Rangers," I snarled.
She bit her lip, smothering a laugh. "Shit, I so did not realise how much of a comic geek you are and how much you hate the Power Rangers."
"I don't hate the -" I stopped myself mid sentence, turning sharply away from her, taking out my pack of smokes and lighting up another one. "Forget it."
"Chase." She moved to my side, rubbing shoulders with me. "I know what this is about."
"You do?" I asked, my heart rising into my throat to just beat there like a fleshy lump of meat that I couldn't swallow properly.
"Yeah." She looked at me seriously, her eyes large and open, reminding me of a dawn sky that was full of a million possibilities. "It's because I never gave your mom's pee pads back, isn't it?"
I roared a laugh, shaking my head at her and dropping my arm over her shoulders, glad for an excuse to just forget about the pain in my heart for now. "Yeah, little one. It's been killing me ever since. I gave you a whole pack. You can't have used them all."
"I stuck the last of them to Rosie's forehead and cheeks while she was sleeping. Put two on the soles of her feet too. She fell right on her ass when she leapt out of bed the next morning. Ka-donk. I wish I'd thought to keep one for myself too, because I about pissed myself laughing."
I chuckled, holding her tighter, wishing I never had to let go as I leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "You wanna know a secret?"
"Always," she said, nodding firmly.
"I stole another pack from my momma after that day I took you to the clinic and carried them around in my bag for like three months 'cause I thought you might bleed out on me if I didn't have them."
She threw her head back as she laughed and I grinned at her. "You're too cute, Chase Cohen."
"I think stupid is the word you're looking for." Not that I knew a whole lot more about periods and wombs and all that mysterious girl stuff that went on between their legs. But Google had given me a few clues since then. Though whenever I searched terms like how do vaginas work, or what's a vulva, I inevitably ended up on porn sites and well...that only ever ended one way.
"Hmm...." She smiled at me and for a single, fleeting moment that smile lit up all the shadows inside me and made me forget she'd chosen my friend over me. "Let's settle on stupidly cute and leave it at that."
I released a breath of amusement as we headed past the fortune teller. "So are you gonna throw away your fortune tonight too?"
"Nah." She snuggled in close under my arm and it felt so right that it somehow fractured my heart even deeper. Please don't leave me. "I don't wanna piss off any kind of higher power right now."
"Come on, you don't really believe in that shit, do you?" I cocked a brow at her and she shrugged.
"Better to be safe than sorry tonight."
"I suppose, but there's not much I can do either way. If there's a hell, I'm pretty sure my daddy bought me a ticket the day I was born," I joked, but she didn't laugh.
"Don't worry, Ace, if there's a heaven, I'll steal us all a ticket. And if that doesn't work, we'll sneak in the back. Just like always."
"I'll hold you to that," I teased.
"Good. Because wherever I go, you all go too."
I nodded, but my heart ached as we walked back to the arcade. Because I already knew she couldn't keep that promise. And soon enough, our perfect little world was going to crumble. Maverick was the only one who'd be walking away with Rogue at his side. I just wished I could figure out a way to stop time before then. Or better yet, go back long before she'd made that choice and ensure she made a different one. But time always just kept moving in one direction, and I knew for sure that fate and destiny were bullshit. Because my fortune card had said in the end I'd fly, but I was already falling.
And it looked like it was a long fucking way down with nothing but rocks at the bottom.
I headed down to the kitchen for breakfast, checking my phone as I shot a few texts to Rogue to check she was good, but I guessed they were all still sleeping because the group chat was dead.
Fox was in the kitchen in his boxers, eating cereal as he sat at the island and he looked up as I entered, pushing the box of Lucky Charms towards me. Fuck, I loved a bowl of Charms. I grabbed a bowl and some milk then sat beside him, eating the sugary goodness with large bites. The thing about dumping a dead guy in the water who'd harmed Rogue was that it should have been traumatising. But to me, it had been kind of invigorating. All that blood had been fucking exciting, especially when it had come from the head of a guy who'd tried to hurt my girl. I kind of wished I'd kept the poker. Was that weird? Seemed like it was okay to me, but maybe the guy who wasn’t bothered about dumping a dead body didn’t have it all together to decide on the weirdness of that.
"Wanna head to Sinners’ Playground soon?" I asked and Fox nodded quickly.
I pushed a hand into my hair, wondering if I should wash it before we left, but that thought died as Luther strode into the kitchen and stole all of my attention. He had a leather jacket and jeans on, his blonde hair pushed back away from his face and tattoos crawling up his neck.
"Morning, boys," he said crisply, his dark green eyes falling on his real son first then shifting to me.
I was grateful and all for him taking me in when I was a kid, but now I knew I wasn’t family it made a whole lot of sense. Fox was the only one of the Harlequins who treated me like I was his real brother, but I’d always gotten the feeling that Luther didn’t see me that way. I knew he thought I was worth less than him and for the most part I didn't give a shit. I’d stopped calling Luther ‘Dad’ the moment he’d told me I was adopted, even though he’d fought me hard over it. He’d taken me in when I was two years old after one of his men had died and I’d been left orphaned. If there were pictures of my real dad, I never got to see them. And I guessed I resented that on some level. The more Luther tried to make me a Harlequin, the more I resisted. And my nature meant I naturally butted heads with Fox which Luther didn't like so much. He liked to remind me where I was supposed to stand in the pecking order. Which, as far as I could tell, was firmly beneath the boots of him and his son.
Devil's Pass Page 7