The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

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The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven) Page 9

by Rick Gualtieri


  “Why?”

  Thea sniffed impatiently at that. “Our motivations...”

  “It is quite all right. I believe he can be trusted.” He turned back toward me and said, “Long ago, when I was still able to enjoy the sun on my face, I spoke of peace to my fellow man.”

  I raised an eyebrow and he chuckled. “I will admit to being a very different person back then. That man is long dead, put to death by those who claimed him an insurrectionist then reborn in darkness - turned by those who wished to make a mockery of my teachings. Despite that, I survived. Though I do not live up to the naïve ideals I once upheld, I have never forgotten them. I have always advocated that we live alongside mankind peacefully.”

  “Peacefully?”

  “We are wolves amongst the flock, true, but does not the pack only take what they must to survive? A wolf may consume the rabbit, but he holds no ill will toward its kind. Once sated, he will be content to let the rest go about their lives. Such has been my philosophy.”

  “And the same goes for you?” I asked Thea.

  A sly grin appeared on her face as she momentarily eyed him. I wouldn’t have doubted that he was slipping her the old blood sausage. “Joshua can be quite persuasive. Though I am cut from different cloth, I too enjoy the status quo we have shared with the humans.”

  “So how do you know I won’t rat you both out? I mean, it’s not like you can compel me to keep my mouth shut.”

  “True enough,” Yeho...Joshua said. “But then, one does not typically attempt to escape from their confidants.”

  “We have also heard rumors, Freewill.”

  “Rumors?”

  “Yes. The eyes of our people see far indeed. There are those who question the veracity of the events relayed to us from the Woods of Mourning. Indeed, there are whispers that indicate a distinct lack of enthusiasm for Alexander’s war on your part.”

  Talk about the understatement of the century. That I was apparently being sold to the masses as the poster boy for world domination was a particular sore spot for me. Fuck that. I was no hero. Hell, I wasn’t even a passable foot soldier. All I wanted out of life was to spend some good times with my friends and maybe eventually settle down with...well, the girl who could potentially disintegrate me with a touch.

  Regardless of that, though, I most certainly had no interest in watching the world burn around me. If there was anything I could do to stop it from happening, I would - providing, of course, it didn’t get me horribly killed. Did I mention that I’m no martyr either?

  Unfortunately, I had no way of knowing if these two clowns were playing me or not. Their actions would suggest that they weren’t, but that didn’t mean shit. Vampires that old would no doubt be masters at manipulating others to believe what they wanted. That being said, vamps also tended to be massive suck-ups to those who outranked them. Alex was at the very top of the food chain. He was a cult of personality all unto himself. Showing him anything other than sycophantic worship was practically unheard of for most of our kind.

  That was a possibility...one that could potentially get me beaten to a pulp. Oh well, it was all I had to try.

  “Those rumors would be correct,” I said. “This entire war is because Alex is a giant egomaniacal douchebag. As far as I’m concerned, he can go fuck himself sideways with one of the seers’ hot pokers.”

  I braced myself, first for the shock on their faces, and then for the bigger shock of myself being torn limb from limb. Thankfully, neither came.

  Instead, the slightest look of amusement crossed over Thea’s face. “The rumors also mention that you’ve quite the unique way of expressing yourself.”

  “What can I say? I have a colorful vocabulary.” I was just making small talk, trying to process it all. By rights, I should have been put into chains, then tossed into the back of a truck headed for Chillon Castle - my destination being an even danker dungeon than my previous one. “So where’s that all leave us?”

  “In an ideal world, I would wish to see us return to our former status quo,” Joshua said. “Alas, I fear that the time to avert this war has passed. We are going to battle our ancient enemies whether we wish to or not. The outcome is still undecided, though.”

  “The prophecy,” Thea offered.

  “How are we to know if it means anything?” he countered. “Who is to say the prophecy hasn’t been massaged by Alexander to suit his needs? You heard the seers today. We are sailing upon unknown waters - the Freewill’s powers, the forbidden name, and then their proclamation that the so-called sun walker would be the catalyst...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Mad ramblings, all of it. At this point, I fear they are making little more than guesses.”

  “Huh?”

  “Nothing more than prattle,” he replied. “The seers are able to see the distant shores of time, but I suspect, with destiny looming, they can peer through the immediate mists no better than the rest of us.”

  I was tempted to comment about the general dumbassery of sitting around, making shit up, with the only consolation prize being burning your eyes out every hour, but Joshua wasn’t finished. Considering Thea had already nearly kicked my ass once that day, I opted to keep my opinions to myself.

  “Defeat at our enemies’ hands is an outcome none of us want. However, the victory that Alexander desires is a dark one as well. He was once an emperor. He has tasted unlimited power. Though he claims to do everything with our people’s best interest in mind, I can foresee a time when he craves that title once more. There would be no need for the First, as he would seek to become the One.”

  “Whoa, so you’re thinking he’s gonna pull a Palpatine on you guys?” Their confused looks were, once more, confirmation that elder vamps really needed to turn on the TV once in a fucking blue moon. “I mean, he’s gonna snuff you all?”

  “I would not doubt that.”

  “Then why not take him down first?”

  Something passed through both of their faces. It was quick, barely noticeable, but as someone who’d gotten his ass kicked in high school, I knew it well - fear.

  “Alexander is too powerful,” Thea said. “The bulk of our people are too loyal to him.”

  Her tone faltered and I was tempted to offer a counter-argument. After all, Gan sure as shit hadn’t been bothered by the idea of putting Alex on ice. Then again, she was batshit crazy, so perhaps using her as an example wasn’t the best of ideas.

  “Theodora is correct. Our best bet is to weaken his position. If we can end this war in a stalemate, or perhaps diminish the glory of his victory, then he would have no choice but to stay his hand - accept the wisdom of the First.”

  “So where do I play in all of this drama?”

  “Is it not obvious?” Thea asked.

  Goddamn, I so hated when people asked that. Made me want to slug them in the face. Of course, most couldn’t put you through a cinderblock wall as way of response. “Pretend I’m an idiot.”

  “You are Alexander’s great prize. He has been using you to strengthen his position - even more so since you came to join us.”

  Hmprh, they’d either been fed a plate of bullshit regarding my capture or they had a very loose definition of the word “join.” Even so, I sorta liked where they were going with this. “And if I escaped?”

  “If you were instantly recaptured, nothing. But if you were to return to your coven, make our people aware of your reemergence, he would either be forced to admit to your escape - a great embarrassment for one who holds us all to such a high standard - or proclaim it was meant to be by the seers.”

  “So he couldn’t touch me?”

  “Not openly. Our people are uncertain. If they were to view our leadership as desperate, it would potentially compromise us.”

  “More importantly,” Joshua added, “you would be free to continue along whatever path destiny has in store for you.”

  “You have to be aware that I’ve been trying my damnedest to shit on my destiny
since day one.”

  “Exactly!” He beamed at my response. “Your reputation for being unorthodox has spread. Now that Theodora and I are certain that you are not Alexander’s willing pawn, we know that you will work in your own way to avoid the cataclysm at hand. Though we must all tread carefully in the coming days, perhaps our combined efforts can shift the winds of fate enough so as to not bring us all to ruin.”

  He kept droning on, but I tuned the rest out. It was all just a lot of fate-related bullshit with no real direction. Despite their bluster, I got the distinct impression that neither of these two would truly put their ass on the line if push came to shove. Still, who cared? The main thing that was of interest to me had already been implied.

  I was going home.

  Upgraded Seating

  We approached the gate, beyond which lay the airport’s tarmac. Two guards walked forward to greet us. There could still be trouble if they managed to sound an alarm or...

  Out of the corner of my eye, Thea flashed her fangs. I thought she might be readying to attack, but the two guards immediately snapped to attention, shouted some greeting I couldn’t understand, and then bowed deeply.

  We continued to approach until I was close enough to smell that they were both human. Interesting. Did these guys work for the First, or were they just used to vampires bossing them around?

  One of them produced a printout with a picture of me on it - a wanted poster. Well, that explained it.

  The two guards began to question us...or more precisely, my companions. All I could do was stand there and nod like an idiot, trying to pick up the occasional word or phrase I might understand. Their tone remained respectful, but the tension began to build.

  At last, one of them pulled a walkie-talkie out and raised it to his mouth.

  “THAT WILL BE ENOUGH!!” Joshua compelled them.

  Their eyes glazed over as they awaited whatever came next. Joshua, for his part, looked unfazed. The extra oomph needed to compel humans apparently wasn’t an issue for vamps his age.

  “YOU WILL GIVE US THE INFORMATION WE SEEK, THEN LET US PASS!! NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY HAS OCCURRED HERE!! ONCE THE FLIGHT WE SEEK HAS DEPARTED, YOU WILL BOTH COMPLAIN OF ILLNESS AND RETURN TO YOUR HOMES!!”

  Thea stepped up to him and Joshua turned to her questioningly. She smiled back. “Loose ends, my friend.”

  He bowed his head slightly and bade her to continue.

  “YOU ARE BOTH DEPRESSED!!” she commanded. “YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH THE DIRECTION YOUR LIVES HAVE TAKEN!! She turned to the first. “YOU WILL HANG YOURSELF!!”

  Holy shit! What the fuck was she doing?

  “AND YOU WILL TAKE YOUR FIREARM AND USE IT TO PUT A BULLET INTO YOUR BRAIN!!”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but realized there wasn’t much I could do. A compulsion by a master vampire was nearly impossible for someone like me to undo. I’d have needed to put the bite on one of them first, absorb their power, and then try it. And that all assumed they would let me...probably a losing proposition.

  Holy fuck, talk about a lousy way to go. I’d have almost sooner seen these two assholes just snap the guards’ necks and be done with it.

  It just served as a reminder that, regardless of what they claimed, we weren’t even close to being on the same side. It was something to keep in mind. I had a nasty habit of getting comfortable with people. Fuckers like these, well, I’d be wise not to turn my back on them too readily.

  Joshua consulted with one of the guards - still glassy eyed - at their station, then walked back while the other unlocked the gate.

  “We are in luck,” he said. “There is a flight leaving shortly, bound for your home country. We have just enough time to get you aboard.”

  “Well...”

  “Yes, Freewill?”

  “There’s the little problem of me not having a passport.”

  He smiled broadly at that, letting out a small chuckle. “Trust me. That will not be an issue.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Rather than reenter the terminal, we walked across the tarmac. Once inside, nobody paid us any mind. I had to assume the vamps did this sort of thing often. I briefly turned back toward the gate as we walked. How many humans had been casually tossed to the side like garbage, all because they happened to be at an inconvenient place at the wrong time?

  “There is a problem, Freewill?” Thea asked. “You seem pensive.”

  “It’s just those guards...”

  “My apologies. I should have offered them to you first.”

  “Huh?”

  “I assumed you were sated.”

  “What?”

  She stopped and sniffed. Oh crap. The severed head in my pack could be a difficult one to explain if it was found out.

  “You reek of blood, after all.” She raised an eyebrow. “Your bag, in particular, is heavy with its scent.”

  I’d forgotten about that. Diluted as it was, it was still blood, and I’d gotten pretty doused with it. There was also the fact that the head was wrapped in material soaked through with it. I needed to think fast if I had any hope of covering my ass.

  “Um...I killed a tourist on the way over. Stuffed his liver in here just in case I...got hungry during the flight.”

  “Planning ahead, I see.” The barest tone of admiration entered her voice. “Perhaps your escape was not as amateurish as I had assumed.”

  It was, but there was no need to let her know that. I was too close to take any chances. I’d only breathe a sigh of relief when I was safely buckled into my seat. Now, to only hope that they weren’t stuffing me into coach. There was also the issue of what to do once I got back to the States. I doubted customs back home would be quite as forgiving as that of this bloodsucker paradise.

  Fuck it. I’d worry about that bridge when it came time to cross it. Hell, living in an airport like in that stupid Tom Hanks movie would be preferable to hanging out in the dungeons of Castle Douchula for all eternity.

  “There, Freewill.” Joshua pointed toward a massive 747 with the United logo on it. “We must be quick. They will be loading the storage hold soon.”

  “Wait...storage hold?”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Goddamnit! What is it with other vampires constantly shipping me like I was a fucking piece of luggage? Christ! Sure, I didn’t often buy into the hype, but even so, I was the Freewill their legends spoke of. You’d think that would at least rate a seat in fucking business class. Oh well, at least I wasn’t nailed into a box this time.

  Thea and Joshua used their compulsion voodoo to fuck with the minds of the humans loading the luggage. I tried real hard to not listen, but even so, I had the feeling that the next day would bring with it news of a string of unexplained suicides.

  I understood why they were doing so. Despite the unlikelihood of Alex getting his own hands dirty, there still existed the possibility he would interrogate people to find out my whereabouts. They obviously knew he was strong enough to overcome their own compulsions. It was the ultimate act of covering their tracks. Much like a black ops mission, the only way to ensure there were no dissenting viewpoints was if there were no witnesses.

  Even so, it made me sick. I had little doubt that many lives would be lost in the coming war. As sad as that made me, I couldn’t allow myself to become burdened by the guilt of them all. I mean, shit happened. Still, those people today had been thrown away needlessly just so a few vamps could cover their bloody asses.

  Oh well, I would have plenty of time in the hours ahead to torture myself - assuming, of course, I didn’t freeze or pass out from oxygen deprivation during the flight. Hell, with my luck, we’d suffer a midair collision with some primal god and they’d end up sifting my ashes from the wreckage.

  That kind of positive thinking wasn’t exactly going to make this trip any shorter. I needed to stow it and worry about more important shit - like what the fuck I was going to do if I needed to catch a connecting flight to actually get b
ack home. Hell, even assuming that wasn’t an issue, there was still the problem of slipping out unnoticed once I was back on the ground.

  Pressed with the need to think through my next steps strategically, I opted to pass the time by opening up the luggage around me and going through the other passengers’ shit.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  To help pass the time, I busied myself by pretending a twelve inch pink dildo was a lightsaber - noting with amazement how many I’d found in the surrounding suitcases. After the plane took off, it had been child’s play to snap those sad little luggage locks people use in a futile attempt to keep folks like me out of their stuff. I then settled into a little nest I’d made out of coats and sweaters - keeping myself relatively comfortable in the coolness of the cargo hold.

  With that all done, the boredom of the long flight ahead set in. I rapidly grew tired of fighting off an imaginary Darth Vader with my Jedi vibrator. With nothing better to do, I pulled out my misappropriated phone to see if maybe there were any games loaded. Even if it was in German, Angry Birds still wasn’t all that hard to figure out.

  Oh nasty! Upon opening the photo app, I realized my fat friend and his unattractive wife had made a sex tape. Jeez, it was like watching two hippos fuck.

  On the flipside, it wasn’t like I had much else to do. Screw it. Even shitty porn still had entertainment value.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The snow that fell around us began to mix with the blood and ash of the battle, leaving the rooftop covered in a vile slush. Remington and his men had crashed through our meager fortifications and engaged us. The numbers were on their side, but we’d managed to hold our own for a time. Sadly, it hadn’t lasted.

  I looked around and took in the bleakness of our situation. Ed was down, possibly dying. Christy stood over him defensively. Sally was doing her damnedest to inflict as many casualties as she could, but was slowly being forced back.

  Things got worse from there. Gan was waylaid and driven over the edge. I cried out for her, not believing she was gone. I then watched as Christy collapsed from the strain of the constant battle. That was two of our number down. Surely defeat was near.

 

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