The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

“A purified strain.” Sally rolled the words over her tongue for a moment. “Of vampire?”

  “And what were you doing while all of this was happening?” Christy asked.

  “Obeying as I had been compelled to, witch. Ib’s mind is like no other I have ever encountered. My father used to compel me often so that I might learn to resist the wishes of my elders. I dare say, even the Wanderer might find himself hard pressed to command me. Not that he would dare.”

  “Focus, Gan.”

  “I am quite focused, my love, I can assure you. Ib’s power, however, is immense. I could not even begin to fight her control. I suspect the same was true of any she had abducted. We were slaves to her will. But, slave or not, I was never compelled to forget and so have full recollection of all the events that transpired.”

  “Okay,” Sheila said, her voice somewhat muffled from her place outside of the magical barrier. “Let’s focus on the important part. Ed is still alive, in a manner of speaking. No offense.”

  “None taken,” I replied. “I assume he’s one of Ib’s slaves now, too?”

  “You assume incorrect, Dr. Death,” Gan said. “Your friend may not be the most impressive specimen of our kind I have ever seen, but he remains quite immune to Ib’s compulsions.”

  “He’s still immune?” I asked, amazed. Following his miraculous, and somewhat confusing, resurrection at Sheila’s hands, Ed had changed. On the outside, he was still the same disaffected guy he’d always been, but there’d been two little tidbits that stood out. His blood had somehow been infused with faith magic, making it deadly to vampires. Secondly, he seemed not only unaffected by vampiric compulsions, but pretty oblivious to them. Wish I could have said the same. Though I couldn’t be controlled, they were like a sonic boom going off in my head.

  “It was as if he did not even hear her commands,” Gan confirmed.

  “Sweet. So if she couldn’t control him, then why didn’t he...?”

  “I did not say she could not control him. Though unique, once the change was complete, your friend appeared to have no more power than any other of the freshly turned. Surrounded by enemies, in the presence of our progenitor and trapped far below ground, where was he to go? No, Ib was not so easily thwarted. The best your friend seemed able to do was utilize his somewhat colorful knowledge of metaphor. Tell me, my love, what is a twat-waffle?”

  “Um, it’s an American breakfast specialty.”

  Exasperated sighs from around the room met my lame answer.

  “Though I need no sustenance other than blood, if you enjoy these twat-waffles, then I would be pleased to sample them, beloved.”

  “Uh, sure. After we’re done, I’ll grill some right up.”

  “Much as I’d love to continue discussing the breakfast habits of the sad and pathetic, can we please keep some focus here?” Sally asked. “I didn’t get nearly enough beauty sleep today for tangents.”

  “On that I would agree, whore,” Gan casually remarked.

  One of my kitchen chairs sailed across the room to shatter harmlessly against the magical barrier surrounding Gan. The little freak, for her part, didn’t even blink.

  “Hey!” I cried. “Can we not do that to my furniture? Do you know how hard it is to find matching replacements?”

  “Have you tried the bargain bin at IKEA?” Sally asked contemptuously.

  “Where do you think we got it to begin with?” Tom answered.

  We so needed to find a different gathering place than my apartment. It was surely easier than investing in cast iron furniture.

  “Okay, so Ed was turned into some sort of vampire that can’t be controlled, but this Ib chick had her goons to keep him in line anyway,” Meg said, ignoring all of the inane chatter and, thankfully, steering us back on course. “How does this explain you? I haven’t been dealing with vamps for too long, but one thing I do know for certain is that sunlight seriously fucks with their day.”

  Gan’s eyes barely twitched in her direction. “Up until recently, I might have considered agreeing with you, witch. I am quite learned in our history, and for as long as our kind have existed, we have been a species consigned to the darkness. So far as I am aware, The Destroyer was the only one of our kind with any sort of natural tolerance and he, being a Freewill, was obviously a unique specimen. Those he sired did not inherit this ability.”

  “Sucks to be them,” I commented.

  “Once, long ago, it was considered the highest honor to be turned by a Freewill, my love.”

  “And then Bill arrived,” Sally added.

  I casually flipped a middle finger her way, then turned my focus back to Gan. “So, Ed; can he...?”

  “I do not know. As I believe I have already mentioned, we were deep underground in the Jahabich lair. Though she appeared interested in the limits of your friend’s power, at no point that I am aware of did she bring him up to the surface. I have little doubt she realized the risk in doing so.”

  I glanced around the room and saw the same knowing look being returned. Much as I hated to admit it, Gan was right. Taking Ed out of her personal Fortress of Solitude would have been just the move we needed to locate and confront her, a move she’d denied us. Calibra was old beyond imagining, and one didn’t get that old by being stupid. “So where do you come into all of this?”

  “Ib wasted no time in testing your friend’s new abilities, including his viability as a sire. She had no shortage of human thralls to pick from, but she also wished to test against one who was already of our kind.”

  “But why you?” Sheila asked.

  “I am not privy to her thoughts on the matter, but if I were in her position, I would have chosen a vampire of advanced, but not extreme age. Such a test subject would potentially yield a more powerful convert, but if the experiment failed, it would not have wasted her most potent troops.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “Additionally,” Gan continued, turning toward me, “her position within the Boston Prefecture no doubt gave her access to all of their considerable intelligence. She would most likely know of our mutual fondness for one another, beloved.”

  “Uh, yeah. About the definition of mutual...”

  “She would know that an emotion as strong as love is a potential factor in overcoming a compulsion.” I was starting to fidget uncomfortably now. “In addition, you have proven yourself a thorn in her side. Those factors combined, I could see how she might think I would be more expendable than some of the others under her control. If her experiment failed, then you would be injured. If it succeeded, she could command me to infiltrate your forces.”

  “And yet here you are,” Christy said, an edge working its way into her voice.

  “Indeed,” Gan replied with an increasingly creepy smile. “And Ib would have certainly foreseen the use of these precautions, as you might call them, thus rendering them impotent to one sent to act as spy ... or assassin.”

  She lifted her hands and began to press against the purple energy around her, causing sparks to fly. “Of course, she would have chosen the latter, for there is no need to have eyes and ears amongst your foes when they are already dead.”

  Pint-Sized Problems

  “Fortunately, that did not come to pass,” Gan finished, lowering her now charred hands back to her side.

  There was a momentary beat of stunned silence in the room. If that was Gan’s idea of a joke, then her sense of humor needed serious work. I could very well imagine Christy and her friends deciding to incinerate her on her poor sense of drama alone.

  “What happened?” I quickly asked.

  “Ib chose me and a human thrall. Your roommate was forced to feed upon us both. I remember there being pain, much worse than I am accustomed to, almost as if fire had been injected into my veins. As this was occurring, Ib commanded me to return to her once I awakened.”

  “Then what?”

  “Then, beloved, I died for the second time in my long life.”

&nbs
p; “Wait. What do you mean?”

  “Shh,” Sally hissed. “Shut up. This is the good part. Go on, Gan. Tell us about you being dead. Gives us all something to strive for.”

  Gan raised an eyebrow toward her but simply said, “For a time, I knew nothing. It was disconcerting, not at all pleasant.” She then looked my way again, her eyes gleaming. “But I held on to my memory of you. So long as you walk this earth, I knew I would find my way back to you.”

  “Awww, that’s sweet,” Veronica replied.

  “Yeah, if this were a Harlequin Romance, maybe,” I groused, “and I was someone else.”

  “I awoke to a strange warmth,” Gan continued, ignoring us. “At first, I thought a fire must have been set nearby, but as I gradually came to, I saw the light beyond my closed eyelids. I realized it was the sun shining down upon me, such a long forgotten memory.”

  “Bet that freaked you the fuck out,” Tom said.

  “Should the time of my death arrive, I shall face it with the dignity of one of my lineage. I accepted my fate and calmly waited to be consumed. But, as I believe is testament to my being here, that did not happen.”

  “So what did?” Sally asked, a note of impatience in her voice. It seemed the good part was over for her.

  “I sat up to find myself and the human thrall on a hillside clearing just beyond a cave entrance. It was apparent that while we slumbered, we’d been carried up to the surface and left there.”

  “Harsh,” Tom said.

  “And ultimately foolish,” Gan replied. “Perhaps Ib’s first real mistake. Not only were we still alive under the glare of the sun, but her voice was gone from my mind. Her compulsion was erased. My will was my own again. I have no doubt it was a side effect she did not anticipate.”

  “So you and the thrall decided to hightail it outta there?”

  “I am uncertain what ‘hightail’ means, beloved, but I alone sought to make contact with those loyal to me so as to find you. As for the thrall, I dispatched him.”

  “Wait, why?”

  “Though free of Ib’s compulsion, he’d no doubt been conditioned by her much longer. There was a fair chance his will was still subservient to hers. Rather than test that resolve, I thought it best to eliminate the potential loose end. Fortunately, I still retained the power of one my age, whereas he possessed strength commensurate to his own. It was over within seconds.”

  Somehow, I didn’t find that surprising. I was more of a live and let live type of guy. She leaned more toward dusting anyone who didn’t have immediate use to her. In this case, though, perhaps it was the smarter choice. “So Calibra doesn’t know what happened?”

  “At the time, mayhap. However, I would consider it a near certainty for her to try the experiment again, perhaps with greater precautions.”

  Sally leaned forward, seemingly interested again. “So you can’t be compelled?”

  Before Gan could answer, though, I jumped ahead of the queue. “Alex and the Draculas – do they know?”

  Gan laughed, the sound high and musical as if she found my question genuinely amusing. “Do you think for even a moment that he would tolerate my existence – a vampire he cannot control? Even if he did, I would still be tainted in his eyes from my time with Ib. He would no doubt think I was still under her control and thus incapable of being trusted.”

  “Oh, so you came straight here from...”

  “How do we know you’re not under her control?” Christy asked bluntly.

  “What do you mean?” Kelly replied, but I already knew the answer.

  Calibra was the first vampire and thus the oldest. The thing was, I didn’t even have scale to know what that meant. Alex was previously the oldest vamp I was aware of, over two millennia in age. However, the Humbaba Accord – the pact that once held the fragile peace between the vampire nation and the Feet – dated back about five thousand years. Who the fuck knew how long our first war with them had gone on for or what happened before that? Best-case scenario, Calibra was over twice Alex’s age.

  I’d just barely been able to snap Sally out of Alex’s thrall and only after I’d gone all Hulk Smash on everyone’s shit. To be able to do the same to one of Calibra’s compulsions, I’d probably have to line up elder vamps around the block. Which meant that if everything Gan was saying was bullshit, the chances of snapping her out of it were slim and none.

  And slim was on the first bus out of town.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “An astute observation, witch,” Gan said. “Alas, all I can offer you is my word that my will is mine and mine alone.” She then proceeded to tell the group pretty much what I’d been thinking.

  “And if she did that much,” Sally replied, “then it’s safe to say she would have been smart enough to insulate you from the compulsions of others, up to and including Alexander.”

  “Yeah,” I concurred, “and unfortunately, I don’t know five thousand years’ worth of vampires willing to both let me bite them and keep their fucking mouths shut about Gan’s ability to tan.”

  “I could enter her mind,” Christy offered. “When Sally was compelled by Alex, I worked with her on that, helping to unravel the strands. At the very least, I know what to look for now.”

  “Unacceptable,” Gan replied.

  “It won’t be a walk in the park for me either; trust me on that.”

  “While the whore might have been content to allow you access to her deepest thoughts, I am not. I dare say you might find my mind somewhat more complex. Regardless, I shall not allow...”

  An empty glass hit the force field surrounding Gan, where it shattered into multiple molten pieces. “Fuck you,” Sally spat. “Sorry to break it to you, Pippi Shortstocking, but there’s nothing overly complex about having memorized the season schedule of SpongeBob.”

  Her outburst gave me an idea, and not just on how to keep her from breaking all my stuff. “Wait, what about extreme emotions? Those worked with you, Sally.”

  Her left eye twitched ever so slightly. Needless to say, reminding her of her time as Alex’s slave was probably gonna be a sore spot for a while to come. “It worked partially,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “Doesn’t matter. It was enough to snap you out of it at least part way. Think about it.” I turned to address the whole room. “Even if it doesn’t work the same, it might at least tell us if she’s under Calibra’s control or not.”

  “Extreme emotion?” Gan asked curiously.

  “Yeah. Anger, pain, massively spiteful shit. Stuff like that.”

  “While I will admit to looking forward to the end of this interrogation, I must confess I am feeling none of those things, my darling. Your presence calms me and even if you were not here, unlike your whore, I am in full control of my emotions.”

  Yeah, right. So sayeth the evil munchkin who once ordered a man to commit suicide because he fired one extra arrow.

  “We could try pain,” Christy offered.

  “I think we are both aware that my tolerance exceeds anyone’s in this room by a fair margin.” From the tone of Gan’s challenge, I had little doubt she was reminding Christy of their first (nearly disastrous) meeting.

  “Everyone has a limit,” Christy replied frostily. “I think you’ll find my sisters and me more than adept at testing those limits.”

  Veronica and Kelly looked somewhat uncomfortable with the offer. Meg, well, she just shrugged as if to say she’d try anything once.

  That set off a round of bickering between Gan and Christy, pretty much centering on who could dish it out and who could take it.

  “Blast her good, babe!” Tom added, doing his best to make the situation even worse.

  “I think we should let her try,” Sally casually remarked to me.

  Sheila said something from behind us, but the energy barrier muffled it and I was too distracted to pay attention.

  “Not you too,” I replied absently. As much as it amazed me to be the voice of reason, I
didn’t want us to get caught up in some crazed torture porn – no matter how amusing it might be – not with Ed in need of saving. Still, if she was compromised, then we were in even deeper shit than we thought. Hell, if that were the case, what was to stop Calibra from sending James here next? With them as day-walkers, we would be fucked worse than a greased pig at a hillbilly hoedown.

  “Listen everyone,” I said, raising my voice almost to a shout. “Even if she is Calibra’s thrall, there’s no way to...”

  My voice trailed off as the outer barrier of magic flashed in intensity and winked out of existence.

  I spun to find that Sheila had stepped forward.

  Her aura sprang to life around her, a blaze of white fire that cancelled out magic and did even worse things to vampires. “She’s not Calibra’s thrall.”

  “And you know this how?” I asked, confused.

  “It’s simple. Because I am.”

  You Only Hurt the Ones...

  Before I could so much as open my mouth to ask what the fuck she was talking about, Sheila slammed a shoulder into my mid-section. The blow itself would have barely budged me under different circumstances, but then most people didn’t have an anti-vamp energy field around them. The faith magic added the force of a runaway truck to her attack. Lucky me.

  Tom flew out of my hand with a curse as I sailed backward and slammed into the far wall, denting the plaster good and proper.

  Sheila didn’t give me a moment to breathe. She raced forward, grabbed hold of my collar, and drew me close. Her lips moved, but no sound issued forth. For a second, I thought maybe my ears had been roasted off, but then I realized I could still hear numerous protests of the “What the fuck?!” variety from the others in the room.

  “Huh?” I asked, still dazed.

  “By the glory of Ib, you have to die,” she snarled, this time loud and clear. “Your destiny ends now!” Her fist connected with my jaw. Ouch!

  “I don’t know what she did to you, but you need to...”

  She spun and kicked my legs out from under me. I went down and she jumped on top. Under different circumstances, I’d have been sporting major wood, but the only wood I felt was my head clonking against the floor as she struck me again.