Jeez! What, did they have a No Bills Club going on down there? Or maybe they were doing that naked cavorting thing that witches were supposedly known for. I really needed to drill myself a peephole at some point.
Whatever the case, it sounded as if they were good with our plan. That was the important thing. In the meantime, let them do whatever voodoo they needed to. They still had a very important spell to figure out for once we were down there.
The main problem, besides forging peace with a group of slobbering troglodytes that hated me, was that we were technically under a state of truce with Alex. We’d agreed to work together to end Calibra, and part of that included an open exchange of intelligence between us.
I didn’t think for one second he took it any more seriously than we did, but he had a lot more clout than us, and I really didn’t look forward to another trial where our treachery would be put on display like a circus sideshow. Besides, my practical side insisted he had a whole freaking army at his disposal. Once we were ready to face Calibra, wouldn’t it make a fuckload more sense to have a platoon of heavily armed shock troops to back us up?
Therein lay the conundrum. How to establish a truce, keep Alex in the dark about it, yet not have to face Calibra by ourselves.
Fuck it. That’s what tomorrows were for.
I, for one, had endured enough surprise revelations for the time being. That we ended the day with far more of a plan than we had started was fucking golden. We’d failed to stop Calibra from transforming Ed into some sort of neo-vamp, but it sounded like he was still safe for the time being, at least until she rejiggered his powers to be more conducive to her liking.
Gan had returned downstairs to her waiting limo, somehow still there and ticket free, to work on rallying those loyal to her cause. That was one plus. She might have been a fucking nutcase, but she was a nutcase with a big following. I wasn’t all too keen on the cult mindset, but fuck it. I could make an exception when that cult was on my side.
I decided to take advantage of the momentary quiet and lie down for a bit before the bad seed could return upstairs and try to weasel her way into my bed. She was one random monster encounter I really didn’t care to have. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to sleep with everything running through my mind, but a little downtime to collect my thoughts didn’t sound like a bad idea. Once on the road, luxuries such as food, sleep, and bathing tended to fall by the wayside. That latter one sucked, but those first two could prove lethal.
Why, oh why, couldn’t the forces of evil muster themselves at a leisurely pace at some tropical vacation resort?
♦ ♦ ♦
Turns out a full stomach trumped a full mind and I ended up conking out for a while anyway. I awoke nice and refreshed some time later ... and thankfully without a pair of crazy green eyes staring down at me. Most importantly, the anger I’d been feeling, the same that I’d let boil over at Sheila, seemed to have receded. Amazing what a little good news and a bit of sleep could do.
I glanced over at my clock in the dark room, but the display was out. Maybe I’d kicked the cord from the socket at some point. Thinking nothing of it, I hopped out of bed and hit the light switch. Darkness remained.
Odd, considering the Apollo what-the-fuck down in the basement. Oh well, maybe it was just the shitty wiring in this place. That I hadn’t woken up in a crater told me that whatever was going on was probably somewhat less than cataclysmic. Besides, what did it matter? I could see in the dark.
The living room was quiet and likewise unlit. The power was out there, too. Unfortunately, it was the same in the kitchen, meaning the refrigerator was off. No problem; I had a backup plan. I quickly moved the blood into our freezer. Thanks to years of neglecting to ever defrost it, the walls were solid ice. Not great for the appliance’s lifespan, but it made for a damn handy emergency icebox during outages.
The blood situation taken care of for the moment, I decided to grab a quick shower. Afterwards, I could meander down and ask Christy when she planned to plug her supernatural generator back in.
On the plus side, the water heater in the building was entirely gas, so my shower wasn’t ball-shriveling cold. Sadly, I wasn’t quite in the mood for any me time. The presence of Sheila and Sally had made for some good stress relief in days past. Angry jerking off wasn’t quite the same as angry sex – or so I had to assume – but it got the job done. But with Gan back in the picture and in close proximity, no fucking way. The very last thing I wanted in this entire world – even less than ending up a slave, destined to kiss Sasquatch ass for all eternity – was to have Gan kick in the door while I had my dick in my hand. No, sir, I did not want that.
As if the thought of Gan wasn’t enough to cause little Dr. Death to go hide in the shadows, I was just finishing up washing my hair when another unwanted guest reared his ugly head. Or skull, in this case.
You dare judge me and then perform this foul heresy?!
I guess Christy had decided to wake up Harry Decker for some reason or other. Just great. Lacking vocal cords, Decker’s sole means of communication was entirely psychic – meaning that walls, doors, or fingers in one’s ears didn’t do shit for keeping him out.
He didn’t have eyes either, but at the same time appeared aware of what was going on around him. Who knew how far that extended? Yep, any happy time was definitely out of the question. Knowing my luck, he’d start in with a play by play for the entire building to hear.
Do you think the great Kala sits on her hands waiting for us? The White marches ever forward, uniting those loyal to her cause.
I so hated getting only half a conversation, especially when that half was from a fucking nutbag.
Sadly, Decker was a necessary evil. His knowledge of magical fuckery was greater than Christy’s, and she needed his help in order to modify the ancient spell we’d discovered into something that could not only stop the Jahabich, but potentially Calibra as well. If he could do that for us, I could deal with his presence for a while longer.
I could always find a convenient landfill on Staten Island to toss him into afterwards.
Despite the power outage, I was in a pretty decent mood. After I was done talking to the witches, maybe I’d stop by the downstairs apartment and check on Sally. I was hoping our new plan had snapped her out of her funk. Maybe we could shoot the shit for a while. Hell, even if she wanted to vent and spend an hour verbally eviscerating me, that would be fine. Though she would never admit it, I had a feeling she needed someone to talk to.
Of course, there was also a chance she might not be alone. That gave me pause. I’d never considered Sheila a potential third wheel. Hell, I still had no idea where my feelings were going lately. Things were definitely more complicated than ever – and not just because we were preparing for an assault against the center of the Earth.
So much for my good mood.
I got dressed and walked out, my mind full of conflicting thoughts ... thoughts I really needed to stow away for a time after the events of Armageddon had played out. Thus, I didn’t immediately think anything of the familiar figure that passed me in the gloomy apartment.
“Hey, Bill.”
“Hey, man,” I replied idly a split second before realization hit and I came to a screeching halt.
I spun just in time to see the bathroom door close behind an impossible sight – that of my roommate.
Maximum Adventure
“Tom?”
For a moment, I was frozen in place, thinking that maybe I was hallucinating. But I hadn’t imagined the door closing. And I definitely wasn’t imagining the shuffling sounds now coming from within the bathroom.
That snapped me out of my funk. I stepped forward and ripped the door open, ignoring the snap of the tumbler as I broke the lock.
“The fuck, dude?!” Tom stood up from the toilet, his pants around his ankles. “In case you hadn't noticed, occupied!”
“You’re...”
“On the shitter? Yes. Lea
rn to fucking knock, oh, and eyes up here. Don’t be thinking that just because the world is fucked, you can go sneaking peeks at my junk."
“But you’re...”
“Seeing if it all still works. It ain’t a spectator sport.”
He kicked the door shut in my face. It refused to latch and slid back open an inch or so. “You fucking broke it, asshole.” The door shut again and I could hear the sound of the trashcan sliding across the floor to brace it.
What the hell was going on?
Sounds from outside my apartment caught my ear – footsteps racing up the stairs and, even more prominently, the sound of voices arguing ... female voices.
I was split between the front door of my apartment and the bathroom, indecision completely freezing me in place as my mind tried to comprehend what I’d just seen – my roommate Tom as he had been before Vehron snapped his neck. He was human again, or maybe a really solid looking ghost. I had no fucking clue.
I was totally gobsmacked. Someone might as well have walked in and showed me a birth certificate that listed Sally as my mother and Sheila my twin sister. I don’t think my reaction would have been any less.
“Go back downstairs.”
“No fucking way.”
“I’m with Meg.”
“I’m the high mentor of this coven and I say...”
“This isn’t the fucking Army, Christy. You can’t pull rank like that, especially since he just got up and waltzed out in the middle of the ceremony.”
Christy and her sisters. The plot thickened.
The argument outside broke the standoff in my mind. There was no other egress from the bathroom, unless one counted the toilet, and if whatever was in there could do that, then I really wanted no fucking part of it. I stalked to the front door and opened it upon the trio of arguing witches. Veronica was the only one of the coven not in sight.
“Can I help you ladies?” I asked pleasantly. “Because the weirdest thing just happened.”
Christy pushed her way past me. “Is he here?”
“Why, whoever do you mean? You wouldn’t happen to be talking about my best friend, the one who only yesterday was still dead and possessing a plastic doll, would you?”
“Action figure!” Tom shouted from the bathroom.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Christy walked over and pounded on the door. “Come out. We need to make sure you’re stable.”
“Hey, babe,” he replied from the other side. “You should get in here. You wouldn’t believe what’s working.”
She glanced back at us, a look of embarrassment on her face, before turning to the door again. “Seriously?” she hissed.
I glanced at Meg and Kelly, both of whom looked extremely uncomfortable. “This isn’t a dream, is it?” Meg gave a single shake of her head. “A hallucination, maybe?”
“It’s hard to explain,” she replied.
“You’re telling me,” Kelly said. “I was down there and I still don’t know what the fuck we were think... oof!” She trailed off abruptly as Meg elbowed her in the side.
The sound of the door opening behind me caught my ear and I turned to see Tom, thankfully with his pants up, step out. Christy grabbed him by the hand and began dragging him toward the door.
“I’m fine, babe. I mean it.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” she snapped. “This is sensitive magic. You can’t just...”
“Leave without explaining what’s going on?” I finished for her. “Yeah, I’d say that’s accurate.”
“Out of the way.”
I instinctively took a half step before catching myself. Sure, she was scary powerful, hormonal, and looking just a wee bit stressed, but I was the goddamned Freewill for fuck’s sake. I’d fucking killed a dude whose last name was “The Destroyer.” I wasn’t chopped liver. And, most of all, this was my fucking apartment.
It was time to grow a set.
And hope it wasn’t immediately blown off.
I crossed my arms and leaned against the front door, blocking it.
“Move,” she said.
“No.”
Our eyes locked and the intensity in hers almost caused me to blink, but then I played the ace up my sleeve. I blackened mine. Not only was it pretty darned intimidating, but it did wonders to make my face unreadable. Score one for vamp powers.
Magical energy flared up around Christy and, for a moment, it looked like those points were about to be erased along with a good chunk of me. But then she took a deep breath and reined it all in. “We need to get him back into the circle. Make sure the glamour is stable.”
“That’s a start.” I stepped to the side. I didn’t want her to think she’d won, so I played it cool, but something about the way she said “stable” told me that maybe I should meet her halfway. “But I’m coming along and you can explain along the way.”
♦ ♦ ♦
I barely recognized the basement. Not only was the human sludge all gone – thank goodness – but the whole place was aglow with sigils of power as if someone had gotten stoned, installed a black light, and then gone nuts with fluorescent paint.
A large pentagram had been quite literally carved into the concrete floor, inside of which lay another circle. Cones of incense burned at all the points. It was a bit overwhelming, but it definitely beat the stench of rotting man goo.
It wasn’t all wonderful, though. Off in one corner, sitting atop a pedestal, lay Harry Decker’s skull. He was still missing his jaw, and a crack remained at the top where he’d been banged around during our encounter with Calibra, but the witches had polished him up a bit. Least heartening was that the purplish light emitting from him was stronger than ever.
This is a sacred place, oaf!
“To the cockroaches, maybe,” I shot back. “But then you’d be right at home with them, wouldn’t you?”
“I’ll explain everything,” Christy said to me, “but, if you’re going to stay, then stay silent.”
Tom walked into the room and tapped a fist on Decker’s noggin. “Want me to skull fuck this asshole, Bill? I can do that. I checked.”
“Maybe later,” I replied.
“The same goes for you,” Christy said to him. “In the circle.”
“But...”
“Now.”
Whatever this new body might be, a backbone apparently wasn’t part of the deal. My friend sheepishly complied. Once he stepped inside, multi-hued color began to flicker around him.
As Christy placed Decker at one point of the pentagram and took a seat at another, I turned to the other witches and made a whip cracking motion with my hand. That at least got a smile from Kelly, although it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
The rest then took seats at the other points.
I opened my mouth, hoping to prompt that explanation Christy had promised, but she held up a hand.
Fine. I could be patient.
Well, not really. I leaned against the wall and began tapping my fingers.
Whatever they were doing was already prepped and ready to go. There was no ceremony or stupid shit like that. They all joined hands – except for Decker, for obvious reasons. However, the witches on either side of him reached over and touched his skull. They had to stretch to do so, but once done, that apparently completed some sort of magical circuit. Power crackled in the room and when Christy opened her mouth to speak an incantation, it sounded as if her voice was coming through a megaphone.
The others joined her, speaking in something that sounded vaguely like Latin.
Thankfully, it didn’t last long. After a few minutes of this, the light pulsing around Tom became steady. Finally, Christy and the others broke contact. A slight sheen of sweat shone on everyone’s brow – again, minus Decker – but that seemed to be about it.
“This time, stay put until I say it’s finished,” Christy ordered.
“But I’m bored.”
Christy fixed Tom with a stare that wou
ld have melted stone and he instantly shut up. Whatever this thing was, he sure acted like my roommate.
I stepped in and offered to help her back to her feet, which she accepted. “So about that glamour thing?”
It is a thing that should not exist!
Christy rounded on Decker. “We’ve already discussed this. Do you want to go back in the box?”
Well, that sounded ominous ... for someone I liked anyway. For Decker, I was kinda hoping he’d go on.
Sadly, he fell silent, the purple light he emanated taking on a sulking sort of quality. I really needed to stop attributing emotions to a stupid light-up skull.
Christy turned to her sisters, but Meg was apparently ready for her.
“I’ll stick around and make sure he stays put until he’s done baking.”
“Baking?” Tom asked.
“Figure of speech.”
Veronica stepped in close to Meg and whispered to her, too low for human ears, “Be careful.”
Now I was really intrigued.
“I’ll explain over coffee,” Christy said to me.
“Might have to be over tap water,” I replied. “The power seems to be out. Did something happen to the glowing thingee?” I glanced over toward the circuit panel, noting the distinct lack of an Apollo’s ballsack anywhere to be seen.
“No, it’s fine.” Christy walked past me to the stairs. “We just had to transplant it.”
“Transplant it?”
“Into the glamour,” she said over her shoulder. “It’s what’s keeping him corporeal.”
The Nose Knows
As the four of us made our way to the ground floor apartment the witches had appropriated, I contemplated how best to say what was going through my mind.
“Are you fucking insane?” Hmm, that had sounded a bit more diplomatic in my head.
Kelly unlocked the door, trying to hide the faint grin on her face.
The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven) Page 134