“Which is not an answer.” She sighed, shaking her head again, rubbing her hands over her arms. “I can’t bury anything anymore. I buried myself for so long. And now that I’ve tasted freedom again, I can’t go back to the way I used to be.” She moved closer, without the usual warmth he felt from her. “You’re the reason I’m seeing things so clearly now. And for that, I’ll always be grateful. But I can see that I’m going to be just like Colette. I’m going to want your time. I’m going to want to see you at night. I’m going to want you to declare you care about me and show me that you do. And I don’t want to have to give you an ultimatum, because you don’t deserve that.”
“Olivia,” he said, reaching for her.
She glanced at his hand holding hers. “I’m sorry, but I can’t keep doing this. I know I’m ending the arrangement early, but I know how this will turn out. Me wanting you.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Why is wanting me a bad thing?”
“Because for so long I didn’t think, I just went with the flow. That’s how I got into trouble. Being with you made me open my eyes again. I know now that I lost myself with Cameron somewhere along the line. I can’t let that happen again.” Her voice shook when she pulled her hand away. “I’m grateful, Noah, I am. I’m grateful for all that you’ve given me this week. But at end of the day, what we had was a fantasy, and that’s all it can be.” She gestured back at the hallway. “But this…what’s happened right now…I can’t be the reason the world falls apart around you.”
“Olivia.” He reached out again.
She stepped farther back, moving closer to the door. “I can’t float through life anymore. I also can’t be blind to the truth. And the thing is…” She drew in a deep breath and choked out, “I have no doubt how easy it would be to fall in love with you.” She paused for another deep shaky breath. “And that scares me.”
“I don’t want you to be scared,” he managed, shoving his hands into his pockets, trying to respect her wishes.
“I know that, and maybe that’s what makes you so wonderful,” she said with a sweet smile. “But at the same time, there is a risk to being with you because you don’t like commitments. You give a little of yourself and that’s okay. You have a right to want relationships the way you want them, but I’m simply not a person who can live without a commitment. So where would that get us two months from now?”
A frown tugged on his mouth.
“Exactly,” she agreed with a soft nod. “Me wanting something from you that you told me upfront you could not give me. In the end, it will leave me with another broken heart…only this time, I actually think it might be worse.”
“Relationships.” He sighed. They were not his strength. “Why can’t what we have be enough?”
She paused. Those gorgeous eyes searching his. “Because I deserve the life my heart needs.” She strode forward and quickly planted a kiss on his cheek. “And you were the one who showed me that.”
He parted his lips to respond but then fell short on coming up with an answer. She was right—she deserved happiness. And yet, the words he wanted to say to stop her would not come out either. Because she was right about something else too—he could not give her the life she would want. The boyfriend who was home; he traveled so much. The man who would choose her above all else; being a senator always came first.
No matter what, he would not do what his father had done to his mother. He would not repeat his father’s mistakes. They had obstacles in their way. Big obstacles. And to keep her for himself, because it felt good being around her, because she made him happy, would only be selfish.
He was a dominant, a man who prided himself on not being selfish.
He sighed again, closed the final distance between them, and slid his hand across her cheek. “I wish I could be the man you need.”
“You were exactly the man I needed and more.” She smiled, placing her hand over his. “We had a moment. It was an amazing moment.” She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. “And I’m grateful for it.”
One look at her smile told him the right thing was to let her walk away. But as she left the room, coldness sank into the air. Noah shut his eyes and forced himself to stay put. Because he knew this mess was only going to get worse, and she deserved none of it, as much as she had not deserved what Cameron had done to her.
* * *
—
SENATOR GRANT BRAWLS ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK CITY.
Olivia cringed from her spot on her parents’ couch in the Country Club section of the Bronx, which was located right on the edge of Pelham Bay Park. The modest redbrick, two-story house set back from the street had not changed over the years, with the exception of the restored stained glass windows along the front. The oak furniture scattered throughout the house had been there for as long as Olivia could remember. Though the cream-colored cotton couch was new. The rest of the country décor, from the horse painting above the fireplace mantel to the metal vase with fake greenery, had been there for years. Mom loved all things country. And Olivia loved her.
However, what wasn’t normal was seeing Cameron’s name splashed across the headlines. The only good sign was her name was nowhere in sight. Which meant that neither Noah nor Cameron had told the media of her involvement in all this, and for that she was grateful. For those watching the video, she looked like a pedestrian staring on in horror. “This is bad,” she finally announced to Paige sitting next to her.
Sitting in his La-Z-Boy recliner in the corner of the living room, Gerry Watts, her father, slowly turned his head. His eyes—the same color as hers—were wide with surprise. “You’re dating the senator, Noah Grant?” He had been stuck on that for a half an hour now.
Olivia sighed. “For like a blip in time.”
Her dad pointed to the television screen, which had been showing the fight between Noah and Cameron on repeat. “That doesn’t look like a man who dated you for a blip in time. That looks like a man defending your honor.”
“That’s what I told her,” said Paige.
Olivia sighed at her now. “You’re not helping.”
Paige shrugged.
Helen, her mother, entered the room and offered Olivia a mug of hot tea then took a seat on the couch next to her. Her light brown bob was longer than usual, and her old flowered apron hugged her curvy figure. “What made them fight, Livvie?”
Olivia took a sip from her mug, relishing the warmth and sugar. “Cameron said something not so nice to me and Noah obviously didn’t like that.”
Her mom scoffed, placing her hands on her hips. “I can’t believe that Cameron. First, he does despicable things. Then to say something bad about you. What’s wrong with him?”
“Good question,” Olivia commented.
“He’s an asshole,” Paige offered.
“Hear, hear.” Her dad raised his beer.
The reporter on the news station began talking about Cameron, giving backstory on who he was and where he worked. “God, this is awful.” She grabbed the controller then turned off the television.
“Baby girl, death is awful.” Her dad rose and kissed the top of her head. “This isn’t awful. It’s a moment. Maybe not a good moment, but a moment you’ll look back on one day and see far differently than you see it now.”
She smiled softly. “Okay, yeah, let’s go with that.”
He nodded and smiled. “Steak good for tonight?”
“Sounds perfect.”
“I’ll get the grill fired up,” he said before vanishing into the kitchen.
Her mom gave one of her “mom” smiles. “I’ll make your favorite, those cream cheese potatoes.” Which was a combination of potatoes, sour cream, and cream cheese. Perfect comfort food.
“Thanks.” She smiled again, even though this time it felt a little forced.
When she disappeared into the
kitchen too, Paige snuggled into Olivia’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be okay, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” Olivia said, somehow knowing that was true but feeling shitty anyway.
“Has Noah called at all?”
“I don’t know. I left my cell in the car.” Maybe a cowardly move, but she was not ready to talk to him. In all this, after the shock of the fight had faded, she knew she had fallen back to her old ways of doing the right thing instead of listening to her heart. She had run when things had gotten tough. But Noah had let her go too. She couldn’t help but wonder what she would have done if he had fought for her to stay.
Hell, she knew—she’d be there, probably in his bed. And if she was honest with herself that’s exactly where she wanted to be. She dropped her cheek on Paige’s head and heaved the longest sigh yet. When would life get easy again?
Paige was quiet for a long moment before she broke the silence. “Noah might be worried about you.”
“Yeah, I should probably check.” Also, because thinking of him again had her wondering if he had been thinking about her too. She pushed off the couch and headed out the front door toward her car in the driveway. She reached in through the open window, grabbing her phone off the seat. Instantly, she felt the sink of disappointment.
No texts. No calls.
Before she could reconcile how she truly felt about that, a soft voice at the end of the driveway said, “Livvie.”
Her already conflicted heart promptly landed in her stomach. She forced herself to look up and stare into the eyes of the last person she had expected to see today. But Lacie’s parents still lived next door. Perhaps it should not have been such a surprise to see her old friend there.
“I’ve been wanting to call you.” Lacie approached slowly with watery eyes.
Speechless, Olivia stared at a friend she thought had loved her. She had not seen Lacie since that day, and her hands began to tremble. Anger. Sadness. It was all there ready to unleash itself in a scream. Needing support, Olivia leaned against the hood of her car.
Lacie’s voice got small. “I’m in therapy, you know.”
Olivia wondered how to respond but fell short. “Okay,” she said, thinking that was as good an answer as any.
Lacie averted her gaze then tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t know why I hurt you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that would make me do that to you.”
Of all the things Olivia had thought Lacie would say, that had not been it. It seemed so honest and so lost, just as Olivia had been. And suddenly the anger that Olivia had felt that day when she walked into her bedroom washed away to only sadness. Deep sadness that started in her soul where her friendship with Lacie began. When they were children with no worries and had their whole life ahead of them.
“That’s why I’m in therapy,” Lacie continued. “Because I know what I did was more than terrible. That it was absolutely unforgiveable. I know I ruined your life. I know our friendship is over because of me. And I don’t know why I did that.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Paige growled. She sidled up to Olivia and said, “You were taking too long. I thought a reporter got you.” To Lacie, Paige glared and said through gritted teeth, “You’ve got some nerve talking to her, no matter that your parents live next door. Have you come by so I can sprinkle some water on you, so you shrivel up and die?”
An unexpected laugh fell from Olivia’s mouth. Here was Paige to the rescue. Oddly enough, it was in that moment Olivia saw a difference between Lacie and Paige. Maybe a strength that Paige had that Lacie did not. A similar strength that Noah had—one that was kind and good. But she saw something else too. A deep and abiding love. Paige would go to the ends of the world to defend her, just like Noah had done.
Somehow knowing she needed to have this talk with Lacie, she turned to Paige. “It’s okay. I’ll meet you inside in a few.”
“You sure?” Paige asked without any of the venom she had thrown Lacie’s way.
Olivia nodded. “I’m sure.”
Paige set her icy glare back on Lacie. “You make her cry, I make you bleed.” She turned, flicking her hair over her shoulder, and marched her way back inside the house.
Lacie sighed. “I see she hasn’t changed.”
“She never will.” That’s what made Paige such a good friend. Her loyalty had never wavered. Her strength had always been there. Even her humor—inappropriate at times—all these were things that Olivia had leaned on lately.
Though somewhere in all that reverie, Olivia’s heart suddenly sank into her stomach. She would never have a friendship with Lacie again. They had been best friends for so long. Livvie and Lacie, they had matched perfectly. Something in her heart—something new and undiscovered—made what she said next all too easy. “I think it’s really good that you’re in therapy. And you’re right—our friendship ended that day. But…” She drew in a deep breath and admitted something she doubted she could have before Noah. “But to be honest, I actually think you might have done me a favor.”
Lacie’s eyebrows wrinkled in surprise.
Hell, Olivia was surprised too. “For a month, I cried over you and Cameron. I hated you both. I guess now I’m not so angry anymore, and I see that I had changed along the way, conforming to what I thought Cameron wanted. Which he apparently didn’t want at all.”
Ready to put this all behind her, she pushed away from the car. To the woman she grew up with, shared so many happy memories with, she said, “Be happy, Lacie.”
Done with Cameron. Done with Lacie. Done with the pain. Olivia turned away and strode toward the house.
“Olivia,” Lacie called.
She had her hand on the door handle when she looked back. Tears rushed down Lacie’s cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.” Sorry it ever had to happen. Sorry that their close friendship had been shattered by betrayal. Sorry that no matter how many good memories they had, there would always be this shadow of pain around them that could never go away.
With everything said, she walked inside and shut the door of the house…and on her past.
Chapter 14
In midtown Manhattan, Noah sat behind his desk, staring out at the high rise across the street. The last few days had been an exhausting shitshow, with Olivia never far from his mind. But this was also a reminder of why he never got emotional. The connection had created unnecessary problems. Drama that he could certainly avoid.
The fixers were on top of the situation, handling the media with the efficiency he had expected of them. By all accounts, this entire scandal would smooth over. And yet none of that brought any peace.
He missed Olivia. He missed her voice, her laugh, and the way she saw the world.
A sudden knock on the door had him spinning around in his chair. He snorted at his mother who stood in the doorway. “I’m surprised you haven’t shown up here sooner.”
She smiled softly and entered his modest office. “I wanted you to have a few days to cool off.” She knew him well.
Before she took her seat in the client chair, he rose and leaned over his desk to kiss her cheek. “You’ve seen the video?”
Audra inclined her head and lowered into the chair. “Everyone has seen the video, Noah.”
He returned to his seat and rubbed his hands over his face. “What does Father have to say?”
“He’s as curious as I am about what happened. Was this about Olivia?”
“The man is her ex-fiancé,” Noah explained, lowering his hands, staring at the one person in his life who had always been there. “It’s not so much about her, but about the man who is an asshole and deserved what I gave him.”
“Which, from what the news reports say, is two black eyes and a broken nose.” She searched his face, a small smile curving her mouth. “You look unscathed beyond that shadow under your eye.�
�
He arched an eyebrow. “Did you have any doubt?”
Audra sighed, placed her hands on her lap, and studied him. “No, but you also look miserable.”
“I feel miserable.”
Another knock came at his door. His administrative assistant, Ken, said, “Sorry to interrupt, but have you made a decision about holding a press conference for a statement?”
“Soon,” Noah said, giving the same answer he had given for days.
“Again, Noah, we shouldn’t wait much longer on this,” Ken said before vanishing down the hallway.
At that, Audra cocked her head. “Why put off making a statement? You’re letting the media make the narrative.”
He rubbed his tired eyes, sure he had never felt this conflicted before. “Waiting to find the right thing to say.”
Audra’s lips pursed as he lowered his hands back to his desk. She scooted to the end of her chair and took his hand. “You’re not behaving like yourself. Help me understand why you’re not doing more to fix this.”
He frowned. “You think I haven’t done enough?”
“Not nearly enough,” she rebuked. “You should have gotten ahead of this story and yet you’re sitting behind it. Why? And why is Olivia not here with you?”
“This is a lot for her.”
Audra leaned back in her chair again and tilted her head to the side. “It may be a lot for anyone not used to being in the media, but Olivia seemed like a very strong woman when I spoke with her at the party.”
He inclined his head in agreement. “She is a strong woman.”
“Then what exactly is the problem?”
He rose from his chair and moved to the window to stare out at the city below. “She’s a month out of a very serious relationship that went incredibly wrong. What we had was supposed to be fun and light. This shit is not fun.”
“Relationships are never easy.”
Perfectly Inappropriate Page 17