by M. D. Grimm
I shuddered with need and sheer desire, and there was a very large rock between my legs that was throbbing painfully. I managed to sit up with a wince and watched as Aishe sat up as well, swaying, blinking rapidly.
I knew exactly how he felt. I sort of forgot about that little side effect, which I shouldn't have, considering how awful my own experience had been. In a lesson from my mentor, I had used his magick to heal myself and afterwards I launched myself at him, just as Aishe had to me. I made out with him, and he'd had to shove me off. Once I'd come back to my senses, I really didn't know who had been more embarrassed, me or my mentor. I hadn't been able to look him in the face for about a week. I'd blocked it out, until now.
I suddenly regretted exchanging the power. Not the giving-Aishe-enough-power-to-heal-himself part, but the now-I'm-even-more-linked-to-this-guy part. It was intimacy I didn't want. And, by the Mother, he had felt so good.
"Okay over there?" I asked.
"I think so." His eyes focused and lost their dazed look. "By the Mother, what happened?"
"It was my fault. I forgot to tell you about the, well, desire flood."
"Right." His eyes still burned, but he seemed to have control over himself. I stood up and reached out to help him up, but he flinched. I tried to ignore the pang in my heart, but then he smiled up at me.
"Sorry. Maybe you shouldn't touch me. I'm still a little... you know."
I smiled slightly. "Okay. Good thinking." I stepped back, and he stood up and brushed off his clothes.
"Why don't we go and see if we can find your things?" I suggested, pointing my thumb over my shoulder.
"I would like that." Aishe started walking, and I followed him. My lips still vibrated from the force of his kiss, and the torrent of passion that had crashed over me still made my muscles quiver. And the problem was, I wanted more. I had wanted desperately to continue, to have his body press me down. I have never been ravished before, and that was what had happened, I was sure of it.
***
We retraced Aishe's steps to where the helioon had picked him up. We picked up his things where he had dropped them to rest his shoulders. I could tell he was a little embarrassed at being taken so easily. I said nothing, and we continued walking in the direction the crystal pointed. But we didn't get far before night fell, and we made camp in the field. I could see that Aishe was still shaken from the encounter with the helioon and thought he could use a break. I created a dome around us, which hid us from sight and protected us from the rain that threatened. We didn't talk about our argument, and I didn't intend to bring it up.
I lit the fire and just stood, staring up at the stars. I took a deep, clear breath of the night wind, letting it fill my lungs and calm me, making me think I would sleep well that night. Hopefully. I felt an intense gaze on me and glanced at Aishe, who sat with his cheek resting on his fist. Why he liked to look at me so much was beyond my comprehension, but the look was slightly different than the other times; he had a smile on his face and a satisfied look in his eyes. I frowned and looked at myself and rolled my eyes. I was silhouetted by the moon, and the wind was blowing gently, ruffling my hair. My hands were resting on my hips
-- I looked like I was posing for one of those cheesy heroic portraits.
I shifted and sat down, leaning against the boulder, but Aishe still stared at me with that easy smile.
"Oh, would you stop," I said with irritation. He chuckled and looked at the fire.
"You rescued me," he seemed very pleased about it. "After you left, I tracked you. It wasn't that hard since you left scorch marks on the ground."
I grunted and drew up my knees, resting my forearms on them.
"Then that damned bird came upon me, silent and hungry. Although, if I hadn't been distracted, I would have noticed."
"What distracted you?"
"Thoughts of you. What I would say to you when I found you."
"Really?" I shook my head. "So, what would you have said to me?"
"Hadn't figured that out yet," Aishe said with a sheepish smile. "I have to admit, you are a challenge. I didn't think you would be."
I pinned him with a glare. His conversation with Adella surged to the forefront of my mind. "I get the feeling you knew me before we met in Happy Valley, and I wonder why I don't I remember."
The smile vanished, and he looked a little sad. He shook his head. "I didn't know you. I don't know you."
That was probably the first time he ever lied to me.
"But I want to," he continued. "After this mission, I want to know you. Is that so bad?"
I sighed deeply and stared at the fire. "It's not bad, but you don't want that. You don't want me."
"I think I should know better than you what I feel." There was heat in his voice, and I couldn't even find my own anger. I just felt tired, old, confused.
"We aren't right, Aishe. I don't want anyone, and trust me, once you get to know me, you won't want me either. No one does."
I hadn't meant to add that little sentence to the end, but there it was, hanging out there like a festering corpse.
"What do you mean, no one wants you?" He frowned. "What happened to you?"
Saying nothing, I rolled over and presented my back, curling into myself. "Pleasant dreams, Aishe."
I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep. But memories I had ruthlessly locked away were awakened and chased me in my dreams, haunting and taunting -- painful and all too real. The shouting, the punches, the whipping. The determination of my father to make me a mindless slave with power enough to destroy and conquer on his command.
I remembered him. I dreamt of him telling me I was the seventh son of a seventh son, which meant I would be a powerful and formidable mage, one that would strike terror in the hearts of all other mages and the ones he considered lesser. He told me it was my destiny to, that he knew it when he was born and realized he was a seventh son. He told me he would control me, that I was only alive because he willed it, he planned it all. I belonged to him, and he owned me. The manic gleam in his eyes had always frightened me, his hard fists had pained me, and the whippings I had received when I fought him still stung even now. He called me by the name I was born with, before I had changed it, before I had become something more, something free. In the dream I relived it, all the pain, the degradation, the humiliation. My brothers watching it all go on, some with sympathy, others with the same hungry look as my father. My mother, a weak little slip of a thing, cowered in the background, crying, her hands wringing. She was never much of anything.
I fought in my dream, but in that world I was still a child; my memories trapped me, and I couldn't call my magick. I couldn't unleash it in all its fury onto my father, my demon, my nemesis.
As I fought and was bloodied by the whip, I heard a soft voice call to me. A voice that said my name -- not the one it had been as a child, but the name I used now. The voice was steady, gentle but firm, and the dream began to fade; the battle stopped, and I shuddered, cold and alone and unloved, hated. But warmth suddenly suffused me, like a warm blanket thrown over me. I sank into it gratefully and tried to burrow deeper, wanting to banish the cold, to banish the memories and the dreams that manifested to taunt me. I felt myself wake, just a little, just enough to feel the strength of long arms around me, the feel of another's body pressed to my back and the warm breath of another fanning my cheek. But instead of waking fully, I slipped back into sleep, feeling strangely safe and realizing, with the last moment of wakefulness, that I'd never felt safe before.
***
I woke slowly and felt strangely rested and not as sore as most mornings. I stretched and sat up, noticing the bowl of porridge stuff beside me like the other morning. Aishe was seated not too far away, wearing another tunic; this time the color was a pale lavender, and he was mending his torn one.
"Morning," he said, without looking over.
"Morning yourself," I countered, grabbing the bowl, suddenly famished.
"Sleep well?" he asked.
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"Well enough, I guess." But as I ate, I remembered fragments of the dream and scowled. Damn dreams, I didn't need them. My subconscious could just take a nasty fall off the side of a cliff. As I continued to eat and continued to try and shove aside the dream, a memory gave me pause. It wasn't part of the dream, it couldn't be. It was too warm and gentle, the voice too soft and....
I swallowed the last of the porridge with difficulty and looked at Aishe. He continued to mend, focused on his task. I didn't say a thing, but I must have been thinking damn loudly because he spoke, his voice steady and matter of fact.
"I noticed you were having a bad dream last night." He bit through the thread after tying it off and started on the other sleeve. "You had been thrashing and moaning quite distressingly, and I held you, and you calmed. You fell back asleep, and I continued to hold you, worried that the dreams would come back if I let go."
His matter of fact tone helped me stay calm and stopped me from being too humiliated. Thrashing and moaning? By the Mother, that was weak. I rubbed my temples and shook my head.
"Thanks," I said through gritted teeth.
"You did the same for me not too long ago." Aishe smiled slightly, lightening the tension. "Besides, if you had kept on that way, I would never have gotten any sleep."
I managed to smile because he seemed to need it. I stood up and returned the bowl. "Well, whatever your reasons, thanks. I'll try not to make a habit of it. And no telling anyone about it."
Aishe finally looked at me, and his green eyes were serious. "You have my word. I will say nothing to anyone. But I am curious as to why someone such as you would have bad dreams."
I straightened and crossed my arms over my chest. "Long story. No time now."
"All right. But I should tell you, I am a good listener. I don't judge, and you can trust me."
I eyed him. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Do that. Now, where to?" He got his stuff together as I pulled out the crystal. It still pointed north, and we continued on our way, the dome that hid us from view still around us. I had a feeling that we were getting closer to Kayl, and I didn't want to tip him off.
"What made you choose Happy Valley as your village?" Aishe asked several minutes later.
I shrugged. "It was as far away from my birthplace as I could manage. No other mages were around, except for the ones in the kingdoms, and they were too fat and lazy to give a trul's ass about me."
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Aishe smile. I found a strange delight in making him smile.
"And," I added, "I wanted to fuck with the kingdoms to the north and south of Vorgoroth. They were always battling, trying to claim the land that lay between them. I decided to settle the dispute and take it for myself."
Aishe chuckled. "And I'm sure they graciously relinquished their claims to the land when you did that."
I grinned and looked into his laughing face.
"Fuck no," I said. "They kept sending waves of troops at me. But they've become so depleted in the soldier area after I made martyrs out of all the ones who came before."
"How did Happy Valley survive all those attacks before you got there?"
"That's the strange part. I mean, you've seen the village, right?" I said. "It's paradise in only a few acres. The battles never touched that village, they always managed to stay just outside the blood baths." I paused and rubbed my chin. "Come to think of it, how did they manage that?"
My curiosity at the unnatural prosperity of that village began to well up again. It wasn't a spell, or else I would have felt it. So what could it be?
"Morgorth?"
I snapped out of my musings and glanced at Aishe. "What?"
"I've been meaning to ask you. What does the word 'fuck' mean?" he asked. "I've heard you say it many times, but I've never heard it before."
I snorted and dragged a hand through my hair. Well, that was going to be an interesting lesson. ***
We had just walked across the bridge that was built over the Cychevrun River when I suddenly felt an intense burning sensation along my stomach, like someone was slicing me open with a dull knife. In an instant, I flung up a shield but the burning only intensified, and I doubled over in pain.
"Run. Aishe, run," I gasped.
"What, what's happening?" Panicked, he gripped me to him as I collapsed on the ground and the dome around us vanished.
"Damn it, Aishe! Run, it's him!" I shoved him from me and screamed when my skin was actually cut through. Blood gushed, and I stared down at in horror.
"Morgorth!" Aishe clung to me just as the air began to swirl around us, and I saw the sorcerer come out of the sky and hover before us, just above the ground. He was grinning with the same manic glee I had seen on my father's face, and in his eyes I felt enough hatred that, despite the pain, I made magick stream down my arms to my hands.
"You are no match for me, you little weakling," he said smugly. "You might have defeated the revenai, but I'm glad; now I get to kill you myself. Then I'll destroy that little tribe in the mountains, just because you put so much effort into keeping them safe."
He held Rambujek in his palm and turned his angry eyes towards Aishe, who had dropped his bow before he ran to me and was now defenseless. Another slice appeared on my right bicep, deep and burning, and another on my inner thigh, perilously close to the femoral artery, then another along the heel of my left foot. Blood flooded out of me, soaking the ground where Aishe and I knelt. The dialen pressed a hand over my bleeding arm and the other against my stomach wound, causing me to spasm in agony.
"I enjoyed killing your tribe," he said with a smile full of pleasure and delight. Aishe stared up at him, and I could feel him tremble with fury. "It was so exhilarating. Their blood coating my hands and face, the way the light of life left their eyes. I so enjoyed seeing the lutin tear into them and consume their organs. You did notice that, didn't you? The bodies you buried were nothing but mutilated shells."
He laughed, and I wanted to strangle him for Aishe. "It was intoxicating and made me hungry for more. I see that you miss them, so why don't I return you to them?"
Aishe called him a name in his native tongue that is hard to translate, but suffice it to say, it was ugly, foul, and completely fitting.
"Naughty mouth," Kayl said and clucked his tongue. "But maybe you should save your insults for your brother, Eulun."
"What are you talking about?" Aishe whispered.
Kayl tilted his head, his eyes gleaming. "You don't know? Well, it wasn't just me who killed your tribe. I had to have inside help, didn't I?"
Aishe's arms spasmed around me, and I looked at his face to see that his eyes were stricken.
"You're lying," he choked.
"Am I?" Kayl chuckled. He lifted the hand with the ruby, and I saw some of my hair wrapped around it. Fucking A, that was how he managed to attack me despite all the defenses I had around myself. Even if other mages got a hold of my hair, they couldn't attack me so viciously without that pain coming back onto them threefold. Every mage had magick defenses, like an aura, around them, and it should have prevented him from disemboweling me. But with that ruby, he was able to slip under my defenses, and that told me that he had unlocked even more of its power and that it would be a hell of a task to defeat him. But we would -- we had to. This was my world, and I liked it the way it was.
"I'm not lying, stupid dialen," Kayl continued. "Your brother betrayed his own tribe. And I, in turn, betrayed him. Now you can die, knowing his disgrace."
I fumbled for the crystal that had Kayl's hair tied to it out of my pocket and yanked the hair off the crystal. I also pulled another item, one that would save us, out of the same pocket. I said a word, feeling nauseated and pissed when he aimed his right hand at Aishe. The dialen clung to me hard and actually placed his body over mine, blocking me from the sorcerer's blast. Protecting me.
A feeling washed over me that made me feel like I was as tall and as strong as a mountain. I clenched the hair and the other item in one hand a
nd Aishe's tunic in the other. No one would die for me, especially not him. Never him. I pushed magick into those hairs and stared at the sorcerer as he created one of those sun-like energy balls and lifted it so he could slam it over our heads. I knew the stone would create a good protective barrier around him, so slamming him with magick, like he had done with me, would have been useless and a waste of energy. So I did the next best thing: I got us some soldiers.
Just before he flung the sun globe at us, hundreds of loud shrieks pierced the air. The sky darkened and loud flapping sounds were heard as helioons swooped down at us. While on the back of the helioon who had attacked Aishe, I had managed to grab one of her feathers. Using the sorcerer's hairs and the feather, I cast a bloodline spell, calling all of her brethren to aid us. Of course, they didn't realize they were aiding us, they thought they were attacking a potential threat. The spell would wear off soon though and leave them free to attack Aishe and me, which meant we had to leave quickly.
Aishe pushed me to the ground, and I cried out in pain as the birds swooped over us, attempting to pick Kayl up and snap him in two with their sharp beaks. He screamed in rage and pain and flew away, but the birds were close behind.
"We...need to...leave." I gasped. Aishe grabbed his bow and picked me up. I tried to keep pressure on my stomach but had little strength left. I looked at my hand and mourned the ash that fell from my palm to the ground. The biggest problem with that spell was that it literally destroyed what you used to create it. The vital hair and the feather were now just dust, and we had no way to track the sorcerer. I had seen no other alternative, and I knew the birds would not kill the asshole. They'd just piss him off and keep him away from us for a while. Maybe enough for me to heal.
I was losing too much blood too fast, and I rested my head on Aishe's shoulder, wondering if this was the last sensation I would feel before death. Really, I was supposed to be powerful, right? Well, I felt weak and tired when challenged by a cockface and Rambujek. But I enjoyed lying in Aishe's arms and the feeling of safety he gave me. It wasn't fair that I could never have someone like him in my life.