CHAPTER VI
DESCRIBES CERTAIN LIVELY HAPPENINGS AT THE "JOLLY WAGGONER" INN
We had gone thus no great distance when we heard a sound of hoofs andwheels and perceived an open travelling chaise coming up behind us.The lane was narrow and rutted and thus the vehicle was progressing atan inconsiderable pace, and as it passed us where we stood in thehedge, I saw it contained a man and a woman. This man was richlydressed, and handsome in a big, plethoric fashion, but beholding hisface, the small eyes, heavy jowls and fleshy nose, I took an instantaversion to him.
"Did you notice that fellow?" I enquired, brushing the dust from me.
"Did you see--her?" exclaimed Anthony.
"A fleshly brute if ever there was one!" said I.
"Such glorious eyes and hair--a sweet angelic creature, Perry. Hereyes seemed so big and appealing. Oh, curse it, why must women havesuch eyes. Damn everything!"
"It will be a beautiful night!" said I, staring up at the purple vaultwhere stars began to wink.
"She looked--miserable--almost like one afraid."
"I wonder where we shall sleep, Anthony?"
"Oh, anywhere, in some barn, under a hedge, in a rick--what matter?Why should she look afraid, I wonder?"
I made no answer, for truth to tell my mind yearned and my bodyhungered for the sweet, cool luxury of lavender sheets; the thought ofa draughty barn or comfortless ditch appalled me, but I held my peace,only I scanned the dim road before me with eager eyes for some sign oftavern or inn.
And presently from the loom of trees I espied a twinkling light thatupon our nearer approach I saw proceeded from a wayside inn with agreat trough of water before it and a signboard whereon, thoughevening was falling apace, I could make out the legend--
THE JOLLY WAGGONER
and above this the dim semblance of a man in gaiters and smock,bearing a whip in one hand while in the other he upheld a foamingbeaker--but never in nature did ale or beer ever so foam, froth,bubble and seethe as did this painted waggoner's painted beer.
"What now?" enquired my companion, for I had halted. "What is it,Peregrine?"
"The beer!" said I.
"Where, man, where?"
"Yonder!" and I pointed to the sign. "Did ever eyes behold beer sopreternaturally frothy?"
"Of course not, Perry my lad, because reality is never so perfect asthe dream! The cove who painted that was damnably dry, perishing of anoble thirst, not a doubt of it, and being a true artist he painted itall in--egad, there's thirst in every inch of that foam--it's amasterpiece!"
"It's a daub--and a bad one!" said I. "Indeed, on closer inspectionthe foam looks very like cheese!"
"Excellent--the poor painting-cove was hungry also, and there you are!I'd hang that thing in my dining room (supposing I had one) to get mean appetite--it's made me hungry already and as for the thirst--Oh,confound it--come on--"
"By no means!" said I resolutely. "Here is a cosy inn; here will weeat and sleep--"
"At your expense? Curse me, no, Peregrine."
"Damme, yes, Anthony."
"I say positively I'll not--"
"Look at that cheese-like foam, Anthony!"
"Curse your pitiful eighteen pounds!"
"A dinner, a glass and a downy bed with sheets, Anthony!"
"Remember I'm a man of astonishing determination, Peregrine!"
"Forget your ridiculous pride, Anthony!"
"Ha--ridiculous, d'ye say, sir?"
"And utterly preposterous, sir!"
"Preposterous! By heaven!" he exclaimed, cocking the battered hat veryferociously over one eye. "Were you a little nearer my weight andsize, sir--"
"Sir," quoth I, nettled by the allusion, "does my size offend you--"
"Rather say lack of size, sir--"
"Sir?"
"Sir!"
Now while we stood glaring upon each other in this very ridiculousmanner, we were startled by a clatter of hoofs from the inn yard, andthe snorting squeal of a horse in pain.
"By heaven, Perry!" he exclaimed, forgetting his ferocity and settlinghis hat more firmly with a blow of his fist, "I believe some damnedscoundrel is kicking a horse!" And away he strode forthwith and Ihastened after him. Reaching the yard behind the inn we perceived anostler and a postboy who cherished a trembling horse between them,talking together in hushed but sullen tones.
"Who's been savaging the horse, my lads?" demanded Anthony, running ahand over the sweating animal with the caressing touch of a truehorseman. "Come, speak up and no mumbling!"
"'T were the genelman in the blue spencer as druv up 'ere a while agocursing 'orrid, an' 'im wi' a young fe-male. A bad 'un by 'is looksan' ways, I think, an' I don't care if 'e 'ears me say it."
"Ah--with a lady, was he?"
"'E were!"
"A very beautiful lady--young, with hair--eyes--"
"W'y, she may 'ave 'ad heyes an' she might 'ave 'ad 'air--likewise shemay not--she may ha' been as bald as a coot an' as blind as a mole forall I see--"
"That'll do, my lad, that'll do! But she was young, wasn't she?"
"'Ow should I know?" exclaimed the ostler, his manner losing allrespect as he observed Anthony's general down-at-heel appearance. "Ididn't think to open 'er mouth nor yet ob-serve 'er teeth--"
"That'll do, my lad, that'll do--"
"Oh, will it an' all--why then, git out o' this yere yard. Who are yout' ax questions--out wi' ye an' quick's the word!" Saying which, thetall ostler approached in a very dangerous and threatening fashion;but even as he moved, so moved Anthony, only infinitely quicker, andlo! in place of large, scowling visage were two large hobnailed shoesthat wavered uncertainly aloft in air while their owner rolled upon apile of stable sweepings.
"That was what Natty Bell would call 'one to go on with!'"
"Lorramity!" gasped the ostler, sitting up and glancing about in dazedfashion. "Lorramity--that's done it, that 'as!"
"If it hasn't, we'll try another!" suggested Anthony in cheery tone.
"By cripes!" exclaimed the ostler, taking up a handful of stablesweepings in an aimless sort of manner. "That was a one-er, that was!"
"I believe you!" quoth the postboy. "It were a leveller as you was afair askin' an' a-pleading for, an' you got it!"
"Is the lady stopping here to-night?" enquired Anthony.
"She are, sir!" answered the postboy.
"She am, sir!" answered the other, "an' because why, sir--I'll tell yetrue, if you won't go a-landin' me no more o' them one-er's--"
"Because 'is near 'orse cast a shoe, sir," explained the postboy.
"An' no smith nigher than Sevenoaks, which is seven miles away."
"Peregrine," said my companion, turning towards the inn, "rememberingthe foam and your magnanimous offer we will reconsider our decision.This way!" And pushing open a door, we found ourselves in acomfortable chamber, half bar, half kitchen, where was a woman oflarge and heroic proportions who, beholding Anthony's draggledexterior, frowned, but the sight of my silver buttons and tasseledHessians seemed to reassure her, for she smiled and bobbed a curtseyto them and asked my pleasure. At my suggestion of supper and beds fortwo, she turned to frown at Anthony's attire again and called,"Susie!"
In answer to which summons presently appeared a trim maid who, at hermistress's bidding, forthwith brought us to a small chamber none toocomfortable, and there left us to kick our heels.
"As lovely a pair of eyes that ever eyes looked into, Perry!"
"Why, she's a fine, plump, buxom kind of creature," said I, "but Ithink she squints a little--"
"Squints!" cried Anthony, turning with a kind of leap--"I'll be damnedif she does--"
"Well, then, take notice when she comes to lay the table--"
"What table? Who?"
"Why, the maid--"
"Ass! I meant the Lady of the Chaise! And she was frightened,Perry--and no wonder--a man who would kick a horse would savage awoman--by heaven, there are times when murder is a virtue!" Here herose suddenly as a heavy, trampling footstep s
hook the ceiling aboveus. "Peregrine," said he, tossing his hat into a corner, "while youremain here to observe the squint-eyed maid, I will forthwithinvestigate."
Left alone, I sat impatiently enough, twiddling my thumbs; but as timepassed and brought neither Anthony nor the maid with supper, myimpatience redoubled, so that I rose and, opening a door, found myselfin a passage wherein were other doors, from behind one of which camethe dull, low sound of a woman's passionate weeping. Inexpressiblymoved by this, I hastened forward impulsively and, opening this door,stepped into the room beyond.
She was crouching at the table, a slender, desolate figure, her facehidden in her arms, but hearing my footstep, she lifted her head witha weary gesture and, looking into the beauty of this pale, tear-wetface, I read there a hopeless terror that went far beyond fear.
At sight of me she half rose, then sank down again, as from an innerchamber strode a tall, heavily built man in whom I instantlyrecognised the gentleman of the chaise. Beholding me, he haltedsuddenly and stood a minute like one utterly amazed, then his face wasconvulsed with sudden fury, his full lips curled back from strong,white teeth, and uttering a snarling, inarticulate sound, he caught upa heavy walking cane and strode towards me, whereupon I retreated soprecipitately that my heel catching in the worn floor-covering, Itripped and fell; then, or ever I could rise, he stooped and catchingme in merciless hands, shook me like the savage monster he was anddragging me across the floor, hurled me into the passage; lyingbreathless and half-stunned, I heard the slam of the door, the rattleof a bolt and thereafter the sound of his voice, hoarse and muffledand very evil to be heard. I was upon my knees and groping for my hatwhen powerful arms caught me and lifted me to my feet.
"Why, Perry--curse and confound it!" exclaimed Anthony. "What in thename of--"
He broke off suddenly and I felt the arm about me grow tense and rigidas from beyond the bolted door the harsh voice reached us, fiercer,louder than before.
"Let you go back--and be laughed at for a fool? Not I! Little fool....No, by God ... weep your eyes out ... we're as good as married ...to-morrow morning ... come here ... obey me--"
"God!" exclaimed Anthony between shut teeth.
"And the door is bolted!" said I.
"No matter! Out o' my way!"
I saw him leap, saw his foot shoot out, heard a rending crash and nextmoment he was in the room and I behind him. The man in the bluespencer was in the act of locking the door of the inner room andstood, his hand upon the key, glaring at us beneath drawn brows.
"What the devil!" quoth he, and snatching the stick where it lay onthe table, turned upon Anthony with the weapon quivering in his bigfist. "Out of this!" he snarled. "Back to the mud that bred you--d'yehear!"
"One moment!" said Anthony, his grey eyes very wide and bright. "Thereis a lady in the room yonder and the doors are devilish flimsy,otherwise I should endeavour to describe the kind of thing you are--Iintend very shortly to tread on you, but first--"
I saw the heavy stick whirl high, to fall whistling on empty air asAnthony, timing the blow, sprang lightly aside, then leapt heavily inwith stiffened arm and fist that smote the scowling face reeling backto the wall. And now rose sounds evil to hear, fierce-panted oaths,the trampling of quick, purposeful feet, and a dust wherein theyswayed and smote each other in desperate, murderous fashion; sickenedby this beastly spectacle I shrank away, then ran to catch up theflickering lamp and with this grasped in tremulous hands, waited forthe end. They were down at last, rolling upon the floor; then I sawthe shabby, weather-beaten figure was uppermost, saw this figure reachfor and grasp the heavy cane, saw the long arm rise and fall, heard amuffled groan, a sharp cry, a shout of agony; but the long arm roseand fell untiring, merciless, until all sounds were hushed save for adull moaning and the monotonous sound of blows.
"Anthony--for God's sake--don't kill him!" I cried.
"Murder--sometimes--virtue!" he gasped. At this I set down the lamp ina safe place and, running in, caught that merciless arm, commandingand beseeching in turn. "Right, Peregrine--loose my arm--he's hadabout--enough--besides, I'm devilish blown!"
So I loosed him and, standing back, saw beyond the door a throng ofpale, fearful faces, that parted suddenly to make way for a short,squat man who carried a blunderbuss. Anthony saw him too, for in amoment he was up and, thrusting hand into his bosom, drew thence asmall pistol.
"Put down that blunderbuss!" he commanded; whereupon, after amomentary hesitation, the squat fellow stepped forward and laid itsulkily upon the table. "Here, Peregrine," said Anthony, "take thispistol and keep 'em quiet while I walk on this scoundrel a little!"Unwillingly enough, I took the weapon, while Anthony forthwith stoodupon his prostrate antagonist and proceeded very deliberately to wipehis villainous-looking boots upon the gentleman's fine blue spencer;this done, he stepped down and beckoned the squat man to approach, whocame in, though very unwillingly, and closely followed by the ostlerand postillion.
"'Ave ye killed the pore soul?" questioned the squat fellow, eyeingthe prostrate man very much askance.
"Alas, no--so I will ask you and these good fellows to carry him outand lay him in the horse-trough--"
"'Orse-trough?" exclaimed the landlord.
"Horse-trough!" nodded Anthony.
"Not us!" answered the landlord.
"Think again!" said Anthony, taking up the blunderbuss.
"Ye mean t' say--" began the landlord.
"Horse-trough!" said Anthony, levelling the ungainly weapon.
"Come on, master," quoth the ostler, "'e du be a mortal desp'rit covefor sure! An' what's a little water; 't will du un good!" So in theend they raised the groaning man and bore him forth, followed byAnthony with the blunderbuss across his arm. And presently fromwithout came a splash, a fierce sputtering and a furious torrent ofgasping oaths, which last sound greatly relieved me; and now, whatwith this and the excitement of the whole affair, I sank down in achair, trembling from head to foot and my head bowed upon my hands.But hearing a light footstep, I looked up to behold the lady, abewitching vision despite red eyes and pallid cheeks, where she stoodsurveying me--then all at once she came forward, impetuous, her handsclasped.
"Oh, sir, how can I ever thank you--and my nose so red and my eyes sodreadfully bleared!"
And in the extremity of her gratitude I believe this beautiful youngcreature would have knelt to me but that I caught and held her handsin mine; and it was at this moment that Anthony strode in, still alittle breathless by reason of his late exertions.
"Oh, Peregrine--" he began and stopped, for at sight of him the ladyshrank closer to me, viewing him with terrified eyes, as indeed wellshe might, for now, in addition to the woeful misery of his garmentsand stubble of beard, his wild and desperate appearance was heightenedby a smear of blood across his pallid cheek. "Ah!" said he, beholdingher instinctive gesture of aversion. "Pray assure madam that in spiteof my looks she has nothing to fear!" and with one of his grandobeisances he turned to go, but in that moment I had him by thesleeve.
"Madam," said I, bowing to her as she stood viewing us with startledeyes, "I have the honour to present your deliverer and my friend, Mr.Anthony Vere-Manville!" And now I saw that her eyes indeed were verybeautiful. So I turned away and left them together.
Peregrine's Progress Page 8