by Tessa Teevan
Fuck.
I’ve really gotta get out of here.
I plaster on a grin. “Babe, you’ve got Polaroids and a camera full of snaps of me in various stages of undress. I know how good you are with your fingers. You won’t be missin’ out on too many orgasms.” I lean in with a wink. “They just won’t be as gratifying as they would be if they were my fingers. My tongue. My cock.”
A pretty pink flushes her cheeks. “You might find a few surprises in your duffel bag.”
I raise an eyebrow and pick the bag up.
Her arm shoots out and she stops me. “No! Those are for later…when you’re far away from here and missing me.”
“Amelia, you tellin’ me you took dirty pictures of yourself?”
“It was Sunny’s idea. She helped.”
Hell, I love Sunny Mayfield.
I capture her mouth, sliding my tongue between her parted lips. She winds her arms around my neck and we stand there, savoring this, knowing all too well it’s the last time.
And then she unwinds her arms and lowers herself to the ground, giving my biceps one last squeeze before she steps back.
“I’ll miss you, Knox.” Her voice is laced with sincerity.
I think back to that first day, when she was just a girl I wanted to fool around with for the summer. I never could have imagined how much she’d come to mean to me. How ingrained in my soul she’d become.
Nothing could have prepared me for the pain of this moment.
I want to give her one last kiss. One for the road. But I don’t because, if I do, I may not be able to break away.
“I’ll miss you, too, Melia,” I offer, my voice husky and low.
Our eyes lock, and I think Amelia’s about to say something else. But before she can, Mrs. Mayfield’s morning greeting from down the lane breaks our connection.
“It’s that time, I guess,” she says on an exhale.
“Yeah, guess so.”
I pick up my duffel bag and chuck it into the back seat. After closing the door, I lean against it, taking in the sight of Amelia one last time. The very thought makes it hard to breathe.
She doesn’t want me to stay.
I don’t see how I can ever leave.
This was my fault. I put the blockade up, and she built her walls even higher.
Amelia told me at the beginning of the summer she didn’t want anything more. Apparently, she’s sticking to her guns.
What’s she thinking? Feeling? And then, before I can ask, she stands on tiptoes, gives me a kiss on the cheek, then lowers with a, “Thanks for the memories.” The only thing missing is a buddy punch on the shoulder. Which is funny as I feel like I’ve just been sucker-punched.
“Look—if you’re ever in the city, you can find me—”
She cuts me off, putting her fingers to my lips. “Why don’t we leave it up to fate?”
“Right. Fate.”
“And hey, who knows where we’ll both be a year from now, but maybe—if it’s meant to be—we’ll cross paths next summer,” she says, her eyes shining with what I think is hope.
I don’t have the heart to tell her I won’t be here. This was a one-off summer, and as soon as my real estate agent can get out here, the house will be advertised for vacation rentals. I suppose she’ll know soon enough.
“Maybe.”
She lifts onto her toes and swipes my mouth with hers. It’s her farewell. It’s the barest whisper that says so much, and at the same time, it’s not enough.
Without hesitation, I sweep Amelia into my arms, my mouth capturing hers in a kiss so desperate that I can hardly breathe when she retreats.
“Couldn’t help yourself, could you?” she teases, and though my heart’s crushed, I grin down at her.
“Never could with you. Plus, I needed one more for the road.”
Green eyes gaze up at me, the early morning sunlight reflecting in them. “Drive safely, Knox.”
I nod. “Will do. You take care of yourself, Melia.”
“You do the same.”
I start to turn towards my car. Then her voice calling my name stops me.
“Thanks. For everything. I won’t ever forget you.”
I shove my hands into my pockets and try to think of what to say. In this moment—this last, final moment—I feel like a little kid on the playground, kicking dirt and unsure of how to tell his crush how he really feels. Problem is, even if I wanted to, it’s too late for that.
So I do what any dumbass in my situation would do. I answer with a wink and reply, “Then mission accomplished, babe.”
Her cheeks flush pink, a cruel reminder of all those times she got hot and bothered beneath me. “You’re such an ass.”
“You love it.”
Amelia’s eyes dart up into mine, and I inwardly beg her to give me a sign. Anything.
“You wish,” she says.
There’s my answer.
This is it.
The culmination of our summer is awkward banter and a bitter goodbye.
“You better get going. Your family is waiting.”
With one last glance and without waiting for a response, Amelia walks away from me. The thought that this might be the last time I see her hits me like a shot through my heart. If she’d given me one smidge of indication she wanted more, I’d take her with me. But as I watch after her and wait, she never looks back.
So I leave, the whole time misery weighing me down at the thought of just how much I’m leaving behind.
It isn’t until I’m halfway to Nashville that I realize the bitter truth.
Amelia never offered me her last name.
DON’T FALL FOR ME, AMELIA. I don’t have time for it. I only have time for sex.
Well, Fate, you’re a cruel and funny bitch, all right.
He told me not to fall in love. He warned me from the very beginning. I was stupid enough not to listen.
Knox left. Without a second glance back. He hadn’t lied to me. He’d been honest from the very beginning.
So why am I left here alone, brokenhearted, and with no idea what to do with my future?
I’m lying to myself. Knox didn’t leave because he wanted to. He had to. And his tight bond with this family is part of why I like him so much.
Truth is I only have myself to blame. I’m the one who turned around. I’m the one who walked away. I’m the one who didn’t look back, because I knew if I did, I’d either run to him and beg him to stay or be grief-stricken to find him already gone.
Considering I’m still heartbroken, I probably should’ve taken one last look at him, just to know if he felt half as much pain as I did in that moment. As I still feel now.
I pause on the porch, listening as Knox’s car engine fires up. The sound of him backing out and disappearing down the lane that will take him to the main road smashes my heart all over again.
My nose burns, the tears pouring now, and I make it back to my bed in a watery daze, flopping into the mattress and gripping the pillow he’s been sleeping on for the past two months. The scent of him makes me cry harder, until I’m exhausted from my cathartic weeping. It’s unlike me to fall apart so quickly, so I turn the radio on to drown out the noise in my head.
That’s how Sunny finds me. Whimpering into my pillow with Chicago’s “If You Leave Me Now” playing.
What perfect timing. Peter Cetera’s crooning nearly causes me to burst into another fit of tears.
“Rise and shine!” Sunny’s chipper voice wakes me, and I groan at her perkiness.
I tug the covers over my head, hoping she’ll get the message and leave me alone.
Who am I kidding? This is Sunny. She won’t leave until she has every last sordid detail.
“Go away.”
She rips the blanket away and sits next to me on the bed, pushing the hair back from my face. “Meems, you’ve been crying.”
Can’t hide anything from Sunny. I sniff, wiping my swollen eyes. “Allergies.”
“I ran into Knox at the ga
s station as he was on the way out of town.”
“Oh.”
“He told me about his dad. How he had to go. Said he’d miss Crystal Cove. And most of all you.”
Tight knots twist in my belly. I sit up and push myself back until I hit the headboard, eyeing Sunny. “He said that?”
A soft smile curls her lips. “Is that so surprising?”
I swallow hard and offer a small shrug. “I guess not. It just would’ve been nice if he’d told me that.”
She arches an eyebrow. “He didn’t tell you he’d miss you?”
I nibble on my lower lip then decide to be honest with her. “Well, yes. But not much more than that. I didn’t really give him a chance to. It was all ending so quickly and I wanted a clean break. Nothing messy, just like we’d said. No feelings.”
“Oh, Meems,” she sighs. “What’d you do?”
I want to tell her everything. Well, almost everything. I’m keeping the memory of the way Knox held me last night to myself. It was different than any other time we’d been together. Slower, as if he were savoring every single moment the same way I was. And after we’d exhausted ourselves with sex, Knox drew me into his chest and didn’t let me go until the sun peeked through the curtains—our reminder that he had to leave. Instead of getting up from the bed, he rolled me over onto my back and kissed every inch of my skin before he slid into me, giving me the overwhelmingly breathtaking yet agonizing goodbye.
Those memories are just for me. And Knox.
“We stuck to what we said. Just for the summer and then we’d go our separate ways.”
“I don’t get it. I know you both claimed it was just a summer fling, but we all could see that something deeper was happening between you two. Maybe he’ll come back when things are settled with his dad.”
As much as I wish that could be true, I know it’s not happening. Might as well not let Sunny keep up the wishful thinking. Wiping away an errant tear, I glance at my best friend, thankful more than ever that she’s here now. “He’s not coming back, Sunny. I basically told him not to.”
The expression on her face quickly changes from assurance to shock until it settles on confusion. “What? Why the hell would you do that?”
My shoulders lift and fall in a pitiful shrug. “He had to leave eventually. Might as well get used to a life without him rather than him coming back and having to go through it all again. A clean break.” I can tell by Sunny’s exasperated expression that I’m not convincing.
“Oh my gosh, Amelia. I love you, but you’re an idiot.”
I’m unsure of how to respond. Because, well, she’s right.
“You may not want to admit it to yourself, but I know you better than anyone. It’s obvious you’re head-over-heels in love with that man. Why would you just let him go?”
“The plan was to end this after the summer. I wasn’t going to beg him to stay just for him to turn me down.”
“You don’t know that’s what would have happened.”
“And you don’t know that he would’ve stayed. Or wanted to continue anything beyond the summer.”
“Now, we’ll never know.”
I sigh.
“Look, you said it yourself. He’s gone, not coming back. Buck up, Buttercup. There’s nothing you can do, so if you think I’m going to let you wallow in misery, you’ve got another thing comin’, Meems.”
Memories of that first day on the beach flood back in, and tears spring into my eyes. I’ll never read The Princess Bride the same again.
She takes my hands, squeezing lightly. “Promise me you won’t let it ruin the rest of the time you’ll be here. I already lost too much time with you. I don’t want to lose any more.”
I plaster on a fake smile. “You know, this may turn out to be a blessing. I came here to spend more time with you guys and ended up spending most of it with Knox. Now, you’ll have me all to yourself again.”
Sunny plops down beside me on my bed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and giving me a side hug. “That’s the spirit. And hey, it may not be easy, but just forget about him. And no more tears.”
Right.
Something I didn’t consider when this summer with Knox began was that, in making all those memories, they’d be a constant reminder of what I had. And what I lost. Perhaps Sunny’s right. I’ve been an idiot all along. Worse, I was a coward.
She tells me not to cry, but I can’t help it.
There’s a tear every time I blink.
After running into Sunny and seeing the expression on her face at hearing of my leaving, I wanted to turn around and head right back to Amelia, demand she come to Nashville with me. But the thought of my dad lying in a hospital and Mom there at his side kept me on the road.
“Knox, you’re here,” Mom whispers, lifting from the chair beside Dad’s bed and coming towards me with open arms.
“Sorry I wasn’t here earlier. I got a bit of a later start than I planned.”
It’s an opportune time for Clay to walk in. He tosses me a wink. “I’m sure you did.”
Mom glances between us but doesn’t ask. Instead, she fusses over Dad, who insists he’s fine and we all need to get about our lives. We ignore him, and it’s a welcome distraction when Mom starts teasing him with stories from early on in their marriage. Then she turns her attention to Clay and me.
Eventually, a nurse kicks us out, and Mom declares she’s going home to pour a glass of sherry and take a bubble bath. I take Clay up on his offer of meeting at a bar around the corner.
Again, a welcome distraction.
We’re sitting at the bar, me nursing my bourbon and Clay sipping on a dirty martini. All it does is remind me of Amelia and the way she worked those tiny straws between her lips. I pick up my drink and down it one gulp, signaling for another.
I feel Clay’s eyes on me, and I turn towards him.
He gestures to my empty glass. “Something tells me you may have finished the house, but there’s still unfinished business in Crystal Cove.”
“Something like that.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Nope.”
Clay hits me on the shoulder then rises from his stool. “You got it, bro. No talking tonight. Wanna play pool?”
I groan, picturing Amelia leaning over the table at Mickey’s, her pert ass on full display for everyone in the bar.
It’s been less than twelve hours and Amelia’s everywhere.
Clay’s right. She’s unsettled business, and as soon as Dad’s better, I’m going back to Crystal Cove until I can close the deal.
IN THE FEW WEEKS SINCE Knox left, I’ve barely had a moment to myself. If Sunny’s not dragging me to the beach or to Mickey’s, Sam’s stopping by with the latest horror movie to come to VHS. Part of Sam’s job with me is countless movie nights. We just finished The Godfather Parts I & II, in which Sunny claimed Robert DeNiro as her own. Me? I was glad to get a break from Paul Newman.
They’re all irritatingly overbearing in the best way and I love spending more time with my friends, but I’d be lying if I said missing Knox is any less brutal than it was before.
And because I’m clearly a glutton for punishment, I decide to make good on my promise of doing a final deep clean to his lake house.
Except, when I get there, it doesn’t really need it. I don’t know if he’s hired someone or he did a damn good cleaning job after his mom had called, but I’m at a loss without anything to do.
Other than wander through each and every room, where memories wash over me.
It’s odd. All of Knox’s things are gone—there’s no trace of him. Even when I tried to get him to pick out decorations, he wasn’t interested. Claimed he’d do that once the place was fully renovated, because what was the point of cluttering up the area in the meantime. It made sense to me at the time, but now that I’m back here, I’m beginning to realize that perhaps he didn’t want any personal touches on the place.
The realization takes my breath away.
Whe
n I offered that maybe we’d see each other next summer, he knew. He knew all along he had no intention of coming back.
He knew it, and he kept it from me, even when I made a fool of myself by saying we could leave it up to fate.
There will be no fate. No future.
I guess I’m going to have to get used to it.
Sunny’s tending bar when I get to Mickey’s. A cold beer’s already waiting for me when I get to the spot that’s been mine since Knox left. She takes one look at me and leans her elbows on the bar, her eyebrows raised.
“You look chipper.”
“I went to Knox’s place today.”
She frowns. “And that put you in a good mood?”
I hold the tickets up. “Found these. The Journey concert we were supposed to go to together is in two days. And he left the tickets. I figured it’d be a shame if they went to waste. You in?”
Her eyes widen and she glances around the bar until she spots Joe. “Babe! Can you cover me Saturday night? Meems scored us tickets to Journey.”
Joe gives her a thumbs-up and she squeals. He’s so getting lucky tonight.
Sunny’s glee disappears when she turns back to me. “And now you look like someone kicked your vadge.”
I clench my thighs together in phantom pain, my grimace tightening. “I went to Knox’s place today,” I repeat.
“Ah.” She grabs a glass and a bottle then propels the whisky towards me. “You hit me with the good news first.”
“All this time, I’ve pushed the pain back. Because I had hope. I mean, he has a house here. Even if it takes ten months for him to come back, I had hope that he’d do just that. Come back here.”
“And?”
“I realized it’s false hope. Knox may own that home, but it’s an investment property. He’ll rent it out to families and couples vacationing in Crystal Cove like he did with his family as a kid. It was never meant to be actually be his, other than in name. It just took me this long to actually get that.”
Sunny’s eyes soften. “Oh, Meems. You don’t know that.”
“He’s not there, Sunny. I mean, there’s nothing that signifies that it’s his. Plus, he actually told me that was the plan and I didn’t listen.”