by Kim Redford
“It’s not just a visit. You’ve come to stay.”
“I told you—”
“Do you remember the last thing you promised me on Lovers Leap?”
She abruptly stood up, eyes wide in wonder.
“Do you remember your promise?”
She turned away, paced across the room, and stood with her back to him.
“I waited.” He walked closer to her.
“We were young. We didn’t mean—”
“I promised I’d wait.”
“That’s why you didn’t marry?” She whirled around, searching every feature of his face with her wide blue eyes.
“I’ve had your ring for years.”
“My ring?”
“You showed me one you liked in a magazine.”
She put a hand over her mouth, blinking back tears.
He didn’t let her emotions stop or slow him. He had to be ruthless—for both of them. “We could go to Vegas, but I bet Wildcat Bluff would like to see a big, fancy wedding. Summer ought to be about right.”
“Wedding?” She stepped back, keeping her hand over her mouth as if to retain words or emotions.
“That’s what you promised me.”
“When I got back?”
“You told me you loved me and you’d be back to marry me.”
“I’m not comfortable with the L word or marriage anymore.”
“I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will always love you.” He reached up and gently brushed a tear from her cheek. “I know you love me, too.”
She closed her eyes, bowed her head, and then looked back at him. “I tried not to love you. It hurt too much being separated from you. I figured you’d moved on with life. I’ve tried not to love you since I got back.”
“Didn’t work, did it?” He felt a small frisson of hope, but he knew he wasn’t out of the woods yet.
“No.” She straightened her shoulders and stood taller. “But it doesn’t matter.”
“How can it not matter?” He felt his hope plummet again.
“If I married you, we’d both always wonder if I did it just so I’d have a home on the Rocky T, someplace where I’d feel safe and secure, someplace where I could build KWCB without worrying about losing it.”
“Stop right there. We’ve always loved each other. Marriage has nothing to do with what happened to you in LA. Once you get back on your feet, you won’t feel vulnerable anymore.”
She reached up and stroked his face with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I love you, but I’m leaving you.”
He simply pulled her against his chest, cradling her like he’d done when they were young and she’d stubbed her toe or fallen out of a tree. If she was hurting, he was hurting. Right now, they were both hurting.
She eased back from him and brushed her tears away. “I need to go home.”
“You can’t go back to Clem’s place. It’s not safe.”
“But I want—”
“You know it’s not safe.” He put his arm around her shoulders and tugged her against him. “You’ll stay here and get a good night’s sleep. Everything will look better after you’re rested in the morning.”
“I guess you’re right. It’s not safe. But I’ll sleep here in my room.”
“That bed’s too small for me.”
“I’ll sleep alone.”
“We’ll sleep in my room.” He guided her in that direction. “If I can’t watch over you to make sure you’re safe, I won’t sleep a wink.”
She gave a little huff, frowning. “But I’m not sure—”
“And if we both can’t get to sleep, we can make wedding plans,” he said with a chuckle to ease the tension, but he meant every word of it.
Chapter 30
Eden knew she was all about sound. Maybe she’d been born with that instinct or maybe she’d been bred that way. Maybe both. In any case, when she needed answers or comfort or understanding, she reached for sound to help enlighten her. Now, she needed monumental help.
She listened to the sound of Shane sleeping next to her—soft exhales that marked deep sleep. She listened to the sound of the house—cracks and pops from the heater and hums of the refrigerator. She listened to the sounds outside—birdsong announcing the arrival of dawn, the rustle of leaves responding to a slight breeze, a truck’s engine rumbling out on Wildcat Road.
What did she learn? Everything sounded perfectly normal for an everyday work week in the county. Folks would soon be up and about, feeling happy with their lives as they went about their daily routine. She turned her head to look at Shane. He appeared totally relaxed and content after their confrontation.
She was not content or relaxed or at peace. She was embarrassed by her overreaction last night. She had excuses. She’d been stressed and exhausted from the fire. She was in protective mode after her disaster of a marriage and Graham’s harassment. She’d been desperately trying to save KWCB. And maybe she was just flat-out exhausted and felt terribly vulnerable.
And then Shane came along, knowing her trigger buttons and pushing every one of them. He’d made her cry when she’d dried all her tears long ago. He’d made her love when she’d stopping loving long ago. He’d made her remember their promises when she’d forgotten long ago.
All those realizations made her want to cry again because he’d also made her realize the truth about herself. She understood now that she’d thought if she ran long enough, fast enough, far enough, she could outrun all the heartache, all the loss, all the pain. But she hadn’t counted on running straight into a man’s arms—a down-to-earth cowboy who wouldn’t let her turn away from the truth any more than he would turn away from it.
And the truth was she loved him. She’d always loved him. And this morning, she even remembered that she had proof of what he’d always meant to her. She wanted to give it to him to show that he wasn’t the only one who’d treasured what they’d always meant to each other. But she needed to go to her place to get it.
She slipped out of bed, picked up her T-shirt and jeans, and walked quietly out of his suite. She carried her clothes to her old bedroom, put them on, and slipped into her boots. She hurried down to the kitchen, where there’d always been a magnetic notepad with attached pen on the refrigerator. She scrawled a quick note to Shane, telling him that she was going down to her home to pick up something and she’d be back soon. She placed the note on the dining table, so he would see it when he got up and came looking for coffee.
Outside, she found Betty’s key under the planter. She sat down in the Bug, started the engine, and heard it backfire several times before settling down. She took off down the lane, watching the white fences zip past in a blur until she turned onto KWCB property. She popped out of Betty, started to walk away, then remembered to lock up. She fitted the VW key into the driver’s side door lock and turned it. If some cowboy or other walking muscle mass didn’t simply pick up Betty and stroll away with her, the bug was safe.
She paced around the area, taking inventory. If she owned land, the station building and Quonset huts could be moved to a new location. If she had money, the buildings could be set up with new wiring and new everything. If she did all that, maybe she should start with new buildings anyway. She walked toward the lane, saw a long shadow, and glanced up. She’d forgotten the transmission tower. It was like a silver-colored metal sculpture reaching high into the sky. How could she ever move it? Maybe there was new technology that made a tower unnecessary. Anyway, this was KWCB. If she moved the Den’s home, would it still be her family’s radio station?
Yet she wasn’t here to think about the Den. She walked back, knocking loose rocks aside, scuffing an errant yellow dandelion. She felt a deep peace and relaxation here that comforted her. She unlocked the front door, slipped inside, and locked the door behind her.
Home sweet home. She tossed her keys on top of t
he bar as she glanced around her cozy, little place that made her feel as if she were wrapped in the comforting safety of her uncle’s arms. If not for Graham, she could be happy here. She could slowly heal her wounds. She could rebuild her life. With Shane.
She walked over to the bookshelf, reached to the top, and selected a rock from the assortment of keepsakes there. It wasn’t big. It didn’t look special. But it meant the world to her. She’d found it on her last ride with Shane to the large sandstone rock where they’d frequently climbed to the top, so they could look out over the pastures. She’d saved the rock to remind her of that special time. Uncle Clem had understood and kept it for her. After all these years, she wanted to share the memory it represented with Shane.
She felt so much at peace that she wanted to savor the moment. She set the rock on the bar, then went into the kitchen and washed her hands at the sink. She pulled out the coffeemaker, put in a filter, added coffee, and poured in water. It was such a comfortable-routine type of activity that she couldn’t keep from smiling in pleasure. She was in her own home. Truly.
She stopped in her tracks. That’s what she’d been missing in her life. Generosity from Wildcat Bluff County or Shane or Morning Glory or Hedy or any number of local folks was wonderful and helpful. Love and friendship were icing on the cake of life, but somebody had to bake the cake first. And that had to be her. If she was going to take back her self-esteem, self-respect, and self-confidence, she had to salvage her own life first. She didn’t just owe it to herself. She owed it to Shane, too.
Now was the time to start fresh, with the dawning of a new day. Most of her clothes were here, so she’d just get cleaned up before going back to the ranch house. She took a quick shower and changed into clean jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt. She tossed her old T-shirt and jeans that smelled of smoke into the washer for later attention.
She poured a cup of coffee, unlocked the front door, walked barefoot onto the outside deck, and sat down in a chair. She set her cup on the small table and simply enjoyed the warm blush of color on the horizon that heralded a new day. She had more blessings than she could count on two hands.
In a moment, she’d call Shane and see if he wanted to join her here, but for now, she simply savored the moment. As she sipped her coffee, she heard his pickup head down from the ranch house. When he parked beside Betty, she gave a little wave and beckoned him over.
He stepped down from his truck, wearing boots, jeans, shirt, and jean jacket and looking every bit the strong cowboy. He reached back inside and came out with a huge crystal vase containing two dozen yellow roses. He turned toward her with a mischievous smile.
She stood up, feeling happiness race through her at the sight of him.
He stepped up on the deck and held out the flowers. “These are for you.”
“They’re gorgeous.” She clasped the heavy vase with both hands, stuck her nose in the bright blooms, and inhaled rose fragrance. “But where did you get them this early in the morning?”
“I bought them last night and planned to surprise you with them this morning, while I served you breakfast at the ranch house, but this is a good place, too.”
“Thank you.”
“I missed waking up with you beside me.” He studied her face as if she might have changed in a couple of hours. “Are you okay?”
“I just decided to get a jump on the day.” She opened the front door. “Want coffee?”
“Thanks. That’d be good.”
She led the way inside and set the roses in the center of the table. “They’re perfect. I’ll enjoy them.”
“Good. They suit you.”
She poured him a mug of coffee. “I have something for you, too.” She pointed toward the rock on the bar.
“What’s this?” He picked up the rock and turned it over and over in his hands.
“Remember our last ride up to the big rock?”
“How could I forget it? That’s when we carved our initials inside a heart deep in the soft sandstone.”
“I picked up this rock that day as a memento.”
“And you kept it all this time?” He glanced at her with a warm smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes.
“Uncle Clem kept it for me.” She reached out and closed her palms around his hands holding the rock. “If you want, I’d like you to have it now.”
“Thanks. I’d like nothing better.” He leaned down and placed a warm kiss on her lips. “You were thinking about me.”
“Always.”
“Good.” He glanced around as he slipped the rock into a pocket and picked up his mug of coffee. “I can see why you like it here. It’s cozy and perfect for one.”
“Thank you. I think so, too.” She’d left her cup outside, so she quickly grabbed a new mug and poured coffee.
“But it won’t do for more than one.”
“No, I suspect not. But I’m only one.”
“I thought we settled that last night.”
“Settled what?” She didn’t think they’d settled anything.
“You’re not one anymore. You’re two. And later, hopefully more.”
“Shane, not now.” She set down her mug, feeling her stomach churn with restrained emotion.
“I know you think you’re not ready. You made that clear last night.” He sighed as he cradled his mug in both hands. “I want to give you something. Maybe it’ll make a difference. You can throw it out if you don’t want it. That’s okay. It’s yours. It’s always been yours.”
She backed up a step, feeling uneasy about his gift.
He set down his mug, reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, pulled out a small white box, and set it down on the bar between them.
She took another step back. It looked suspiciously like a ring box.
He flipped up the lid. “Star sapphire. Diamond accents. Platinum.”
“You found the exact one?”
“Yes.” He gave her a warm smile. “I like it because when the light’s just right, your eyes look like star sapphires.”
She trembled with emotion as she repressed her sudden desire to cry with happiness. He’d chosen a ring that he knew she liked. He’d chosen a ring that revealed the depth of his emotions for her. He’d chosen a ring that reminded him of her. She wanted nothing so much as to throw her arms around his neck and give him anything he wanted—especially marriage. And yet, until she could come to him with her life in order and everything to offer, she couldn’t accept his ring. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair to him.
“Say something.” He tapped the top of the box. “You love it? You hate it? I can get any ring you want. Just tell me.”
“It’s gorgeous. It’s perfect.”
“That’s a relief.” He smiled, eyes twinkling with pleasure.
“But still—”
He picked up the box, fumbled with it because his hands were so large, and finally removed the ring, which looked tiny between his fingers. “Will you let me slip this on your finger? I think it’ll fit.”
She put her hands behind her back and gripped them together.
“Eden, what is it?” He stopped mid-motion as he held out the ring.
“I can’t wear it.” She almost choked on the words.
“Why not?” He looked hurt and confused and angry. “I love you. You love me. It’s not rocket science.”
“Maybe it is.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He dropped the ring on top of the bar.
“It’s me. I just can’t commit to marriage now.”
“You already promised me years ago.”
“That was then. This is now.”
He rolled his broad shoulders as if trying to release tension. “Are you saying you don’t want me? If you are, I’m not getting that message.”
She felt terrible. She was hurting him, and it was the last thing
she wanted to do. “I do want you. I want every little bit of you.” She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him hard.
He gently set her back from him. “Tell me what’s going on before this gets completely out of hand.”
“My life is a mess.”
“You’re putting it back together.”
“It’s not there yet.”
“Takes time.”
“I want to be standing firmly on my own two feet before I wear your ring.”
“Why? You’re already a strong woman.”
“If I accept now, neither of us will ever know for sure if I’m just marrying you as a port in a storm or if—”
“Stop right there.” He pushed the ring toward her. “I can see that living in LA got your mind twisted around, so you’re not thinking straight about us. We were a team before you left, and we’re a team now that you’re back. Like a team of horses, sometimes one pulls a little more weight and sometimes the other one does. That’s where we are right now. But in the end, it all evens out.”
She smiled, nodding. He did have a way of simplifying things.
“Okay. I got it. You’re not ready for that final step of joining us for the rest of our lives. I can wait. I’m a patient man for something I want as badly as I want you.”
“But—”
“We go on like we’ve been going, I can live with it.” He pushed the ring toward her again. “That’s your ring. When I see you wear it, I’ll know you’re ready to marry me.”
“But—”
“Let’s get to work. I’ll talk to Max about running the ranch, then I’ll be back here to help you get KWCB on its feet.”
And then he was gone, out the door, back to his truck.
She was left wondering how she’d gotten so lucky.
Chapter 31
Hours later, Eden closed her laptop on KWCB’s reception desk and leaned back in her chair, hearing its usual squeak of protest. Like most everything else in the Den, the chair needed a little work if not outright replacement.