by Kumo Kagyu
“Are you all right?” Goblin Slayer asked Priestess and Dwarf Shaman, who were still gripping the side of the ship.
“Somehow or…other. I’m holding on…!”
“We’ve not got long before we sink straight down!”
Goblin Slayer grunted, ignoring the agitated “What about me?!” from High Elf Archer, who had not been asked about her safety.
“What do you think?”
“Ha-ha-ha, we haven’t much time indeed,” Lizard Priest answered calmly. In fact, he rolled his eyes as if he were enjoying the moment. “They say even an ant can kill if it bites enough times. I thought perhaps that last hit was critical.”
“That—what do you call it…?”
“Sea serpent, I believe.”
“Yes,” Goblin Slayer said, nodding. “Is it a fish? A snake?”
“Now then, I would hate for anyone to think a relation of mine was causing such trouble, but…” Lizard Priest wrapped his tail around the mast for support then stretched out his neck to peer at the prow. The fangs had been ruthless, and water was rushing in noisily.
“…But the bite has not left any poison I can see. I think that means the resemblance is entirely coincidental. It must be a fish.”
“What we cannot do with weapons, let us do with spells.” Goblin Slayer performed some quick mental calculations then set off across the slanted deck. He kept one hand on the railing so as not to slip on the slick surface and slid his way over to Priestess and Dwarf Shaman.
Goblin Slayer grabbed hold of the rope with the help of Dwarf Shaman, and Priestess was quick to hold down the hem of her skirt lest anything be too visible.
“Tell me what your remaining spells and miracles are.”
“I ain’t had my moment to shine yet. I’m full up.”
“Me… Another one or two, maybe.”
“All right,” Goblin Slayer said with a nod. “When the creature appears again, we hit it.”
Then he quickly outlined a strategy; Priestess had no objection. “Leave it to me!”
Dwarf Shaman grinned to see her put on such a brave front despite being completely soaked.
“You heard the lady. ’Fraid I’ll look bad if I don’t keep up with her.”
“We will be counting on you,” Goblin Slayer said.
That was when High Elf Archer, feeling left out, cried, “What about me—?!”
“Shoot some whistling arrows. Draw him out.”
The brusque instructions left High Elf Archer muttering, “Geez,” but she complied. She ran up alongside Lizard Priest, slipping easily past the mast, holding on to the rope to maintain her balance. She drew an arrow from her quiver, putting it in her mouth and biting down on the bud tip. She sent the shaft flying from her spider-silk-strung bow, and the shrill sound could be heard even over the storm.
“When he reappears, use the harpoon.”
Lizard Priest had been listening to the whistling arrow, but he responded happily to Goblin Slayer’s orders. “Very well, very well. I don’t believe anyone has tried such a thing in battle yet.”
The sea serpent took the bait. It rose up as a dark shadow from directly beneath the ship, perhaps hoping to break the bottom of the craft, and then it thrust its head above the waves.
“Hrr, why…you…!” Priestess clutched her cap and scrabbled along the deck as she was nearly tossed free of the vessel. One hand, though, held as always to her staff. She glared at the golden snake and shouted, “O Earth Mother, abounding in mercy, grant your sacred light to we who are lost in darkness!”
Her second miracle.
From the staff Priestess held aloft in the raging storm came a flash of light as bright as the sun. The serpent howled at this luminance, the likes of which it had no doubt never seen in the depths of the sea.
“Eeeeyah! No more than a cousin of the eels, after all…!” Lizard Priest chortled.
There was a rushing hiss, and blood sprayed from the sea serpent’s side after his attack.
“Now!”
“On it!”
Goblin Slayer’s voice cut through the air, greeted by Dwarf Shaman’s answer.
Dwarf Shaman produced a white powder from his catalysts and sprinkled it in the monster’s direction. The instant it touched the water, it began to bubble—the powder was soap.
“Nymphs and sylphs, together spin, earth and sea are nearly kin, so dance away—just don’t fall in!”
Immediately, something changed. The serpent attempted to dive back onto the water, but its head bounced off the surface as if it were solid land.
What’s more, its entire body, so long hidden beneath the waves, was lifted up and exposed.
“MUAAANNADA?!?!” The monster repeatedly opened its mouth as if struggling to breathe and slammed itself against the water again and again.
When the Water Walk spell was cast on a creature with gills, all it could do was suffocate.
“Yikes…” High Elf Archer found herself staring upward, but Goblin Slayer continued to bark out orders.
“It will soon run out of breath. If it looks like it’ll come this way, shoot it. In the eye.”
“Yeah, sure.” High Elf Archer sighed at the serpent, which continued to flail at the water, and readied her bow.
It felt like it would be cruel to leave the snake alive any longer at this point. And elves didn’t have it in them to laugh at the suffering of a doomed creature.
The bow creaked, and the arrow flew true, piercing the eye and continuing on into the brain.
That was the end. The sea serpent collapsed into the water, the effect of the spell fading as the monster sank in a great white spray.
There was no one to stop the snake’s body from slipping back under, and soon the waves had washed away even the last bubbles it had left behind.
“How was that?” Goblin Slayer asked after a long moment—presumably to make sure the creature was dead. “There was no fire, or water, or an explosion.”
“Ahh… Hrm…” High Elf Archer steadied herself with a frown and gave a sort of groan.
Was this a proper adventure? Well, there hadn’t been any explosions, or floods, or cave-ins. That much was true. But…
High Elf Archer’s ears twitched as she wrung out her sopping hair.
“S—” she said in a strained voice. “Six out of ten.”
“I see,” he said, nodding. “…I see.”
“…What, are you upset?”
“No.” Goblin Slayer shook his head slowly from side to side. “I was thinking it would be good if it were so simple to get rid of goblins.”
Priestess giggled at this thoroughly in-character answer. She had been worried for a few moments there, but it looked like the worst was over. She pulled up the hem of her dress, revealing her leg, and squeezed out the water.
He’s getting to me… I thought this was easier than goblins, too.
In any event, it was always good when an adventure went well. When everyone survived. Especially if they completed the quest, too.
Priestess pushed aside the touch of confusion she felt and gave an affirmative little nod.
“We’d better hurry up and fix this boat,” she said. “It’s not far to land, but we don’t want to have to swim the rest of the way, do we?”
“That’s why we brought a dwarf along.”
“Y’could stand to help, yourself. Anvils don’t float, y’know…”
High Elf Archer’s ears flew straight back and she uttered an angry noise, which Dwarf Shaman ignored as he spread out a sail. He licked his finger to check the direction of the wind then grabbed one corner.
“Sylphs, wind-maidens, spare a kiss upon my weathered cheek. And spare my humble sailing ship a fairer wind to seek!”
The Tail Wind spell filled the sail, and Priestess held her hair down against the salty spray.
Before she knew it, the storm was past; the sky was blue and the sea calm.
It was just turning autumn.
Priestess let out a relaxed breath. Y
es, several hours before, she had been the one to suggest they go into battle, but for a few minutes, it had seemed like an awfully close call…
§
“Are you a goblin?”
“I am not! That’s discrimination!” The Innsmouth woman, with the race’s distinctive resemblance to a fish, flapped a flipper in annoyance. Her words—mingled with her breath, which sounded like a rush of bubbles—echoed off the walls of the watery cave. “And I hate how you humans insist on calling us ‘fish-people’! Like you’re confused: are they fish, or are they people?”
“We’re perfect just the way we are!” one of the women exclaimed, and the man facing her simply nodded.
That man was wearing a cheap steel helmet, grimy leather armor, and a sword of a strange length, along with a small, round shield on his arm.
Goblin Slayer was at a loss as to why the gillmen were sometimes called Innsmouth. Some claimed it was related to the term Deep Ones, but no one was sure.
Goblin Slayer, however, had no interest in the matter. These people were not goblins; that was enough.
“…I came because I had heard the fishing grounds were being attacked by sea-goblins.”
“That’s discrimination!”
“I see.”
The Innsmouth looked this way and that around the tide pool deep in the cave. Their bulging eyes showed no emotions; their jaws worked open and shut; they were utterly eerie. He couldn’t tell what they were thinking, but the tips of tridents peeked out in places from below the water…
Are…are we in danger…? Priestess asked herself from where she stood listening to the negotiations at a distance. She kept both hands firmly on her staff.
And understandably so. When they had worked their way into the deepest cavern on the understanding that this was a goblin-hunting quest, they had found themselves surrounded by murderous gillmen. Then the very moment had they started to talk, their party had been met with accusations of discrimination and worse—even Priestess found the entire series of events a little hard to follow.
True, she had heard of some human rulers who so despised elves and dwarves that they levied a “pointy-ears tax.” Whatever the case, this was certainly outside the experience of a typical cleric.
Then again, I guess most clerics have never been goblin slaying, either…
So what was the best way to interpret this? The other three party members surrounded Priestess protectively.
“H-hold on, Orcbolg. Try not to antagonize them…!”
“Well, look who’s a scaredy-cat. I guess elves are lacking in courage…just like they’re lacking in another particular department!”
“…! …!!”
High Elf Archer frowned comically as Dwarf Shaman nudged her with his elbow. She looked like she wanted to shoot something back, but the situation being what it was, she kept her mouth shut. Her twitching ears, though, made her feelings clear.
Any kind of outburst now could be the end of them. Lizard Priest gave a somber sigh.
“Sea-goblins? How rude! You could at least call us Homo piscine!”
“Ah, meaning ‘fish-person.’” Lizard Priest gestured with his jaws in the direction of the gillmen, very interested. “Then were you once fish, who gained lungs and limbs to climb out of the water…?”
“Ugh, what a barbarian.”
Leave it to water-dwellers to offer no safe harbor!
“Our ancestor is the great Octopus Lord who descended from the Sea of Stars!”
“An octopus.”
“Well, maybe a squid.”
“Perhaps… These before us are certainly intelligent enough not to mistake the corpse of a dried squid for one of their kin…” After muttering to himself for a moment, Lizard Priest appeared to come to some kind of conclusion. “Us, we have come here thinking that fish supplies may have dwindled on account of you here, if you will forgive my saying so. Have you any thoughts on this?”
“Oh, for—! It’s not our fault there’s fewer fish than before, arrgh!”
What would we want with your dumb fishing grounds? The fin smacked some water at him.
Frowning at the splash, Priestess nonetheless tilted her head questioningly. “Do you know what is causing the shortage of fish, then?”
“Yes, yes we do. Sheesh, this is why no one likes rustic fishermen!”
Hmm. Priestess put a slim finger to her lips in thought.
They couldn’t just ignore this. Unless somebody did something, it would eventually turn into all-out war between the villagers and the gillmen. In fact, things had already gotten quite bad. Their party’s presence was the proof.
In which case…
“As long as it’s within our power, I think we can try to help you clear your names.”
“Hrmph… Well, how about that? Someone decent.” One of the gillman females blinked her haws. “I can tell you what’s causing it: the sea serpent.”
“Sea serpent?” Dwarf Shaman exclaimed. “Didn’t think you had those around here.
“No?” High Elf Archer asked, surprised.
“Mm-hmm,” Dwarf Shaman replied. “I would have said they were a bit farther offshore. Sometimes a ship traveling the high seas will be attacked by one, sunk, and its crew eaten.”
That, he explained, was why there was so little information about the monsters. Clearly, they were formidable foes, and the gillman leaned anxiously against the rock face. “Yeah, it’s like it was sent here from somewhere. Gah, it’s like nothing is normal on this planet anymore.”
“I see,” Goblin Slayer said, nodding. “The point is, it is not a goblin.”
For him, that meant only one thing.
“…This was not a goblin quest… Shall we go home?”
The rest of the party gave a collective sigh. Priestess and High Elf Archer each raised an eyebrow and looked at the other.
Argh, really. This man.
“We can’t just leave them when they’re clearly in trouble,” Priestess said. “Look, the rest of us will handle this one, okay?”
“Yeah,” High Elf Archer piped up. “I mean, even if it will be super dangerous without anyone on the front row.”
“Hrk…” Goblin Slayer crossed his arms and grunted.
The girls looked at each other and chorused, “Right?” clearly enjoying the moment.
“Forget about ’em, Beard-cutter. That elf may have huge ears, but she won’t listen to a word you say.”
“Ha-ha, they are already well acquainted with milord Goblin Slayer’s disposition.”
The other two men in the party piled on, looking equally pleased.
As for the outcome—well, surely there’s no need to spell it out.
§
“Ahem, the sea-goblin quest, how did it—?”
“They were not goblins.”
“I gather it’s just easier to call them that…”
“They were not goblins.”
“So, the quest…”
“They were not goblins.”
“…was canceled. I understand.”
“Because they were not goblins.”
The Adventurers Guild was lively and bustling, as always.
Guild Girl found her smile ever so slightly strained in the face of Goblin Slayer’s grimy metal helmet. She certainly hadn’t intended to mislead him, or to tell any untruth, but these things happened sometimes. Different regions or races had unorthodox names for things that were difficult to parse. It was no one’s fault.
She looked to her colleague in the next seat for support, but there was no sign of any help forthcoming. Alone and unaided, Guild Girl fell back on the standard Q and A.
“So, was the issue with the sea-goblins—sorry, I mean the gillmen—resolved?”
Rather than sit there and make excuses, she would do her job. She would do her best to salvage her good name and redeem her honor, as if her fitness as a bride was on the line.
“Yes,” Goblin Slayer said with a nod, but then he almost immediately shook his head. “…Act
ually, wait. We ended up hunting a monster called something or other.”
“Then, could you please describe that monster to me in detail?”
“It was long,” he said. Then after a moment’s thought, he added, “It was a fish.”
Guild Girl opened up a worn copy of the Monster Manual and thumbed through the pages. Every time, it was like this; trying to follow his descriptions of monsters was both virtually impossible and part of the fun.
I think that’s what she told me once anyway, thought Priestess, sitting and observing from some distance away in the tavern. She held her sleeve up to her nose and gave it a sniff. “I think it still smells like seawater…”
“You’re not just thinking that— It does,” High Elf Archer whined, her ears drooping dejectedly. These things were harder on the elf, cursed with extra-sharp senses.
“Are you okay?” Priestess asked, even as she took a distracted sniff of her own hair. “I took a bath and changed my clothes…”
“I don’t think it’ll come out for a while,” High Elf Archer said. “And this isn’t helping.”
She looked at a big bag sitting in the middle of the table. The ocean scent it emitted was almost palpable. Dwarf Shaman, seated before it, grinned broadly. “Those gillmen are downright generous, they are!”
Inside the bag were black and white pearls, flame-red corals, translucent tortoiseshell, rainbow-colored spiral shells, and a glistening white helix.
True, it wasn’t money, but it was a heartfelt reward from the fish-people. Even after replacing the ruined boat, which they had originally borrowed from the fishing village, the adventurers still had all this left. It wasn’t precisely a fortune, but it was plenty if they wanted to enjoy themselves for a while.
“Ugh, and you wonder why people call dwarves greedy…”
“Bah, that’s enough out of you. You wouldn’t understand the beauty of this, Long-Ears! You agree, don’t you, Scaly?”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Well, if amassing a fortune is good enough for the nagas, I can hardly turn up my nose.” Lizard Priest raised his tail to call over the waitress and ordered cheese and wine. He was clearly in high spirits, his eyes rolling in his head, as he pulled something largish from the bag. “I myself consider this to be our greatest gain.”