With tender, sun-kissed skin and a belly full of Chinese food, Courtney and I relax on the couch, waiting for Ian to get off work. Courtney has on a white tank and a jean skirt, but I’m wearing a grey basketball camp T-shirt and a pair of plaid boxer shorts. The clock nudges toward ten, and I produce an obnoxiously loud yawn. “Where you heading tonight?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Not sure, but Doug always knows where to find a party.”
“Well…have fun.” I say, grabbing the remote off the coffee table.
“You sure you won’t come?”
“Positive.” I pause. “I need to stay home and do laundry.”
“Doug’s not that bad, you know?”
“I’m not interested.”
“’Cause of Ryan?”
“No,” I return evenly.
“Ryan’s good friends with Ian.” She inches closer. “So I could find out if he likes you.” She swings an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her.
My eyes narrow into a dire warning. “Don’t.”
“I’ll be subtle.”
“You don’t know the meaning of subtle.”
Her eyes shift left. “Yeah, I do. It means obvious, blunt…”
The doorbell chimes, and she rushes to answer the door. I trail her with “Don’t say anything, okay? I’m not interested in Ryan. He’s so full of himself. I couldn’t stand being around him for more than five minutes.”
She ignores me as she swings opens the door.
Doug and Ian step inside the tiled foyer, and Ian eyes me. “Aren’t you coming with us?”
I shake my head as Doug slides next to me, his cologne filling the space. “Why not?”
“I’m too tired,” I return with another yawn. “I just want to go to bed.” The words slip out before I can retract them, and Doug slides closer like he’s magnetized by my ill-placed, sexual euphemism. “I meant that I just want to go to sleep…alone,” I correct quickly.
“You can sleep all you want,” he pauses to grin, “tomorrow. Because you’ll need to rest after what I’m gonna’ do to you tonight.”
My face contorts with disbelief. Horny high school guys don’t even talk like this. How does this guy function in society? My hand forms a fist, and I raise it up to show him my utter dislike for his unwelcomed advances.
“Well, Doug,” Courtney begins with a wink at me, “you’re just so subtle.” She kindly pulls Doug out the door and away from punching radius. “Oh, and don’t wait up, Mom.”
“I won’t.” I shut the door and head into the kitchen. I fill a glass with water, still trying to get hydrated after the morning’s game, and then I stroll into the bedroom. I climb under the cool, cotton sheets and turn on my right side, facing the wall. My phone rings on the night stand. I pick it up, noting the caller. “What do you want?”
“Is that any way to talk to your favorite brother?”
“Wait, is this Grant. I’m sorry I thought it was Landon.”
“You’re mad at me, huh?”
“Don’t take offense, Lan. I’m mad at everyone.”
He waits a moment. “Mom’s worried about you.”
“So?”
“So.” He tosses back. “You and mom get into it, and then you rush off to the beach. And now you’re staying with Courtney Valentine. She’s a cool girl and all, but come on, she’s not exactly the best influence on you.”
“Oh, but Mike was.”
“Listen, I don’t condone what Mike did, but it’s not like he—”
“So you’re on his side?” I ask incredulously. “And you’re on Mom’s side. But you’re not on my side.” I keep going. “Big brothers are supposed to watch out for their little sisters, but you’re too busy kissing up to everyone else.”
“Cal, I—”
“Save it, Landon.”
“So you’re just gonna’ stay there and party all week?”
“Yep.”
“If I didn’t have practice in the morning, I’d come and get you myself.”
“Well, that’s just too bad, isn’t?”
He pauses. “Are you at least getting out on the court? Are you practicing at all?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?” He scoffs. “It isn’t some joke, Callie. You got scholarships to think of—you got your future on the line. Don’t screw this up, sis.”
“I don’t need you lecturing me.”
“Well, too bad. Somebody has to do it. Dad checked out years ago, and you left Mom frantic with an apartment to pack all by herself.”
“Like I wanna’ pack up all our stuff, so we can move to Tennessee right before my senior year.”
“It’s for the best, Cal.”
“Not for me, Landon,” my voice quivers. “Not for me.”
“You’ll be up here in another year anyway.”
“Says who? I haven’t given a verbal, you know?”
“It’d be easier on Mom to have us all together.”
“I don’t really care if it’d be easier on Mom. She hasn’t made my life easy.”
“She’s your mother, and she’s really the only parent you have left.”
“Dad still calls.”
“What? To tell you how great his new life is?”
“He’s not that bad, you know?”
“You’ll defend him—the guy that left Mom with a huge mortgage payment and three kids to raise?”
“Well, at least he taught us how to play ball?” I gather up some anger. “What did Mom ever teach us, huh?”
“Everything else.” He pauses. “Everything else, Cal.”
His truth gets to me, but I ignore it. “I don’t care. She’s ruining my life. And I’m so upset about it. I haven’t told anyone. Not Courtney. Not Chloe. No one. You hear me! No one!” I swallow the impulse to cry.
“Your friends will get over it.”
“No, they won’t,” I defend.
“Everything changes after high school,” his voice softens. “You’ll see.”
“You got to finish your senior year here. It’s only fair that I get to do the same!”
“Mom already took the job, Cal.”
“So? She can un-take it.”
“Yeah, right. Just grow up and go home.”
“No!”
“Don’t be a spoiled brat!”
“Then don’t be such a—” I swallow the words, knowing it’ll get us nowhere. Landon and I have been down this road many times. Before the divorce, our parents showed us how to shout hatred at the top of our lungs. It was their lasting legacy.
“What?” he chides.
“Nothing, Landon.”
“Go home,” he urges again.
“I will,” I pause, “when I’m good and ready.”
“That’s not fair to Mom, Cal.”
“Well, life’s not fair,” I say, collapsing on the bed. “And I’m looking out for myself right now. I don’t care about any of you anymore.”
“Really, Cal? You’re acting like a selfish little bi—”
I click the “end” button, thinking he’ll get the message, and then my phone buzzes with a text:
Mike Erickson: u there
I stare at his name, remembering how I used to feel every time he called or texted me. Now I am annoyed, and hurt, and angry. I decide to edit his profile, and therefore, will feel much better the next time he messages me.
Big Fat Colossal Jerk: pick up cal
Big Fat Colossal Jerk: miss u
Big Fat Colossal Jerk: luv u
Now I know when a guy thinks about “luv”: in a moment of desperation. I turn my phone to mute and place it on the end table, knowing a wonderful way to get my mind off Mike, off of everything. And in the same room where I lost my virginity, I shut my eyes and flip over onto my side. I conjure up a gorgeous face with soft green eyes. I imagine him, not talking, just standing shirtless on the beach…
The Secrets We Keep Page 9