by E. M. Bernal
“Yes…” Ren echoed but wasn’t visible.
“Stop! I have something to tell you. Appear.”
“Yes?” He smiled in front me as the white smoke cleared.
“I hate when you do that.”
I wanted to hug him, but I stopped myself. I knew I would just go right through him.
“Can I kiss you?” He ignored my commands.
“Yes, but I have something to tell …”
Before I could say anything the energy in the room became staticky, he rushed me, and our tongues met. It seemed to go on forever, and it was addicting but it came to an end like always.
I stepped back.
“Are we playing hard to get?”
“Don’t start and listen.” I ordered.
“Go on a date with me?” Ren asked, exposing he wasn’t listening at all.
“What?”
“Go on a date with me?”
“That’s what I was trying to explain.” I said.
“I can. Like in REAL TIME. I can.”
“What?” Ren questioned with confusion.
“I can have an out of body experience Ren. I can physically make my energy turn into particles likes yours… I think….” I said that, but wasn’t really sure how it worked.
“So, yes, I will go on a date with you!” I continued.
Ren stayed quite for a second.
“You can make your energy into particles? I knew psychics can see and hear me, but I didn’t know that.”
“Yes. I think so. I’m not sure. But, my grandma agreed to train me.” I said with hesitation, while rambling.
The thought was surreal, but maybe these powers are not so bad after all!
TRAINING DAY
Diary 13
If you made it to this part of the diary, I wanted you to know that we all have power within us that needs to be unleashed. You just have to find the time to practice and unleash your courage.
******
It’s been a whirlwind of crazy but I’m ready to bring on my power. I was excited to see what I could do with it. I decided to go to my grandmas for the weekend. It was chilly outside. I put on a comfortable black sweater dress with a patterned scarf, dressed in long gray flat boots. I grabbed my red peacoat, then glanced in the mirror. I felt confident; a feeling that doesn’t possess me much but it’s working today behind the outfit, I guess.
No matter what, it’s time for me to train.
My mom was asleep, so she wouldn’t know which direction I was going in, and to be honest, I didn’t want to tell her. When she text, if she text, I’m going to tell her I’m at Melissa’s, but she never checks up on me anyway. And, I know Unity doesn’t want me to interact with Ren. But this is my life and even if it has to end for him, at least I did it based on what I want, not anyone else’s expectations. Ethical or not. It was going to be a good drive, so I grabbed a red apple and banana with some Tipo Chico club soda just in case.
******
I was nervous the whole drive. Talking and being with Ren was easy, it didn’t take effort, but I know this training is going to introduce me to something I may not be ready for. My life officially has become surreal, full of magical powers, love, and mystery. It sounds romantic, but believe me, it’s not.
When I got to a red light, I was looking down at my phone and a hand appeared covering over it. I was startled.
“Hello…”
“Hey, you scared me!” I tried to punch him in the chest, but my hand went through it and hit the seat instead.
“Do you want me to become solid, so you can do that again?” He joked.
“Not funny Ren. I told you to let me do this alone. You promised.”
“I know, I just wanted to wish you luck and give you a kiss. I will disappear, literally, I promise.” He winked as his energy vibrated for a second to land a kiss on my cheek. I smiled and just like that, he was gone.
Oddly, a text from Robert came in when the smoke cleared. He instantly would text when I was nervous or depressed about something, almost like he knew. And, his texts were always similar in nature.
ROBERT: “Hey, making sure you’re okay. I will be there in a heartbeat if you need me. Please be careful… I love you Veracity.”
I inhaled a deep sigh because I felt really guilty. I didn’t want to respond, but a part of me wanted him to know that I was okay, considering I ignore him so much now.
ME: “Hey, Robert, I’m fine. Thank you for checking in but I am seeing someone, and I don’t want to lead you on. I’m sorry.” I needed to get him to stop. I needed him to let go. Telling the truth was best, even though the truth was strange.
The drive seemed endless, but I was almost there. When I am alone like this, it feels like therapy, well, with the assumption that Ren is not sneaking around somewhere, invisible. But, with therapy comes memories too. I remembered one moment when I was little, about 8 or so, my mom and I were moving to my grandma’s after a big fight with Luke. He almost choked her and when I got in the middle, he yanked me backwards by my hair and threw me across the room. I remembered being so frightened and angry at the same time. But, I ran next door screaming for help. Luckily, the neighbor came out to find out what was going on. He ran inside with me to get Luke off my mother. I was crying hysterically. Luke could not overpower the man, and yelled curse words after breaking the beer bottle on the table that he was drinking from. He then thankfully walked out. The room was silent but full of intense energy. The neighbor tried to help my mom up, but she was drunk and pulled back against the wall asking him to leave. I ran up to hug her, but she pushed me away too.
“It’s my fault Veracity, I shouldn’t have got in his face.” She said with tears running down.
It was always her fault in her mind, and she wanted me to believe that too. That is when I realized I couldn’t trust anything she said anymore. She lied to herself constantly. How could she possibly be honest with me?
The light finally turned green. Keep moving, just like the bell at school tells you to do, I thought to ignore my feelings of thoughts as I always do.
“Grandma, I’m on my way.” I sent a text.
“Okay, my little City, come on through!” She text with excitement because she actually used an emoji, but it was definitely the wrong kind. A purple eggplant came through.
******
If grandma Amelia didn’t live out in the middle of nowhere, I would have lived with her from the beginning. But there was no way for me to get to school way out here, or really socialize. And, I knew deep down, I had to teach myself to socialize. I desperately needed to take my introverted nature and alter it to become a part of society. Being alone too much is not good for me, even though if feels like the only safe zone.
My grandma was rocking in a chair outside on her porch. I could see her smile all the way down the driveway as I got out of my car. I smiled back as I grabbed my stuff from it.
“Well, you finally made it.” Grandma Amelia said with kindness.
“Yes, I think I’m ready to understand what I am capable of.” I responded, walking up to hug her when she got up from the rocking chair.
“Let’s go in dear. Are you hungry? I cooked.”
“Yes, I am. The drive seemed longer this time for some reason.”
“That’s because you think too much my dear. Time to let it out. Come on in.” Grandma Amelia said.
She supposedly couldn’t read my mind but sometimes I think she could.
We sat down and enjoyed some homemade bread and good soup. I loved her cooking. We talked and laughed about the little things. I always liked that she gave me my space. But, this time I didn’t need any.
“Grandma, when did you first discover your powers? At 21?”
“Yes, but the year before your great grandmother, Olivia, told me that something was going to happen to me at 19. Even though she knew it was possible to skip someone, she was sure I was going to get them.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because she s
aid that she knew I was special and that I may develop them early. It’s rare for anyone to develop them early as I have learned, so you my dear are the one I think she knew was coming.”
“Why can’t anything go normal for me? I can even posses’ powers normally.” I said with distress, pushing my back against the chair.
“City, some people come here with a greater purpose than others, and you may not find out until you’re 30 for all we know, but it’s a blessing, I promise.”
I listened to her with trust. I was still scared, but ready to face my fears.
“Come on. It’s time to start.” Grandma Amelia instructed while she cleared the table.
“First we need to teach you how to meditate.” Grandma Amelia said and directed me to the living room.
She instructed me to lay out on the couch.
“You need to learn to relax your body and your mind.” She instructed.
“I can’t think at all?” I asked unsure what to do.
“Yes, you can have thoughts running through, but nothing negative Veracity. If you have to think, try only pleasant thoughts. Eventually you will be able to master it without any thoughts at all.”
“Okay.” I agreed.
“Close your eyes and relax. I going to sing softly say some numbers and see if can tap into your subconscious.”
At first nothing was happening, and I started to feel ridiculous. Then I shook off the thought to try again and again in my head. Relax, Relax, Relax… after about 10 minutes of struggle…
A white light started to emerge in the corner of my eyes even though they were closed, and then a dark blue and gray tunnel was pulsating in fast motion but I was clearly falling. I couldn’t feel my body anymore, but I didn’t feel like I was floating either. It was a sense of peace that I could not explain.
An echoing voice started to emerge.
“Can you hear me Veracity?
“Yes.” I answered in mindful state.
“Ask me something.”
“Why do I have these powers?”
“Your gift is here to help others and to save others.”
“For what, how?” I asked confused but I didn’t know who was answering me.
The voice continued, “To show others how they can survive, so they can help others. It’s the law of our nature. It’s the law of karma.”
“But how?” I asked confused again.
“You can read minds to stop negativity from ruining a person’s soul. You can get into their minds to adjust thoughts. Always remember to use your powers for good, not evil. You’re special Veracity, very special…” The voice faded.
The tunnel became black with white tiny dots and it started to reverse quickly in slow motion. I opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling suddenly. I was out of the trance or whatever it was.
It felt like I was in ther forever, but my grandma said I was only out for 2 minutes. It was a little unsettling at first because I didn’t understand it fully. I knew this was a new beginning for me but what did it mean? What am I supposed to do with my life and what was that voice?
“Did you get some answers Veracity from your spirit guide?” Grandma Amelia asked.
“Yes, grandma but I’m…”
Grandma Amelia interrupted me.
“I can’t give you anymore answers. It will take time, but it will become clearer as time goes by. I want to try telepathy and see if I can get you to travel outside your body. Now that you have touched your subconscious powers abilities, it may be easier. It will take practice but let’s keep going.”
I got up from the sofa feeling drained.
Before I followed her out, I had to ask.
“Grandma, are you upset that I won’t stop seeing Ren?’
“Well, I don’t encourage you to date a ghost, but if that’s what you want, I will accept. Just use your instincts Veracity when you are with him.”
“I want to learn to have an out of body experience.” I encouraged her to teach me first.
“One thing at a time Veracity. It will take time to master that. You will have to do these practices many times before you can really get a hold of it. However, it’s very odd that you developed your powers early, so I’m kind of curious what else you’re capable of.”
“Okay, tell me again... Read minds, out of body experience, and see the dead, right?
“Yes, there are stories that some can teleport the physical body too, but I have never known anyone that could, and neither has your great grandmother. It may be a myth.” My grandma explained.
“Let’s go outside and get some fresh air.” Grandma Amelia suggested after a moment of silence. I followed her from behind, not too far off because she asked me to stand away from her.
“I want to speak to you but from the mind and need you to concentrate like the meditative state you were in.”
“I can do that standing up?”
“Yes.”
I closed my eyes, but nothing happened. We went through several meditative attempts, but I could only mediate laying down. One attempt standing almost made me trip over a rock, and on another I actually fell down. My grandma caught me but nothing else was happening. It was frustrating and it was getting dark and I was getting tired.
“Get some rest my little City. We will try again tomorrow.”
I went to the guest room and laid thinking. Ren didn’t show up or interfere at all. He left me alone as promised. But a text came in before I drifted off.
ROBERT: “Okay, I want you to be happy… But we need to talk.”
The truth was I didn’t want to talk anymore. I made up my mind about Ren, regardless of the undeniable dimension that lied between us. My feelings for him were too strong and Robert needed to get the hint.
A second sound came in from my phone when that last text shifted my thoughts. I was just about to turn it off when I realized it was Unity. I texted her that I was staying at Melissa’s for a few days. She sent the words Ditto back. I didn’t respond. I was still upset that she lied to me about my real father and I just don’t know what to say without being mean.
******
I can hear my grandma yelling for me outside my door.
“Grandma, I’m coming!”
She smiled when I walked into the kitchen.
“You heard me?”
“Well, yeah, you were yelling my name.” I said sarcastically as I stuffed a piece of toast in my mouth.
“No, I wasn’t yelling City, I was calling you from my mind.”
“What?”
“I figured when you were in between the dream state and this world, you might be able to hear me. And, I was right.”
“OMG, you were not speaking out loud?” I questioned with surprise, while trying to grab the bread that started to hang from the side of my mouth in shock.
.
“Eat for now. We’ll start training in a bit.” She smiled with sarcasm.
Grandma handed me a plate with eggs, salsa and potatoes with bacon. I was so excited that I
heard her this morning that food was the last thing I wanted but it smelled so good. It was the
best home cooked breakfast ever made for mankind and I still didn’t taste any of it as it went
down quickly.
After breakfast, she made us head outside again.
I realized that I had powers within. Obviously not human ones, but ones I still had to train to use. Once I started to believe that I had a feeling this was going to get a lot easier.
“Let’s do it!” I put my arms in the arm to smell the breeze, then release them to wrap my favorite coat around me.
We stood across from each other, after walking to the center of the field. The air was fresh with the bright sun shining through the clouds. The trees had some falling leaves, but it made the present more beautiful. It felt like a perfect place to train.
“This time I want you to try to talk to me. Concentrate on the environment around you. Don’t pay attention to the actual effort you are making. Try to ma
ke it effortless.” Grandma Amelia instructed with a smirky smile. I took a deep sigh, not knowing how effortless this would actually be. But, I had to try. I didn’t want to disappointment my grandma or Ren, but most of all myself. I closed my eyes and decided to think of how the tree looked that was next me. After about two minutes, it was brighter as I envisioned it. It almost glowed in a dream like state. My feelings became relaxed and I almost forgot where I was. The color of leaves began to look pastel blue, orange and pink. An echo that sounded like it was crossing in the wind was reverberating around me. But I couldn’t make it out. Then a sudden shift in my vision of the sky illuminated and my eyes opened because I was shifting forward and I almost tripped. My head was tilted back but I don’t remember ever positioning my body. I was disappointed.
“It’s okay, City, we’ll get there.” My grandma said catching me with her hand.
“Learning is going to take time. When things happen fast, you don’t pay attention to the process anyway. Instant satisfaction doesn’t allow the mind to appreciate. Just be patient.”
I nodded okay and told myself to keep going.
“Okay, let’s go again.” The eye of the tiger theme song started to play in my head.