by Brina Brady
After Master Jake adjusted Jesse’s tie, he left him alone in the guest room with Charlie.
“Hey, I heard Master Andrew doesn’t have a sub,” Charlie said.
“Have you met him?”
“Yes. He’s gorgeous. He has dark hair and blue eyes. All the subs want him, but he plays with different ones. He hasn’t found the right one yet.”
“Are you sure I’m going to a meeting and not a date? If you two have set me up, I’m not going. I’m not ready for all that. There’s still a chance Master Sam might come back for me.”
“Master Andrew wants to talk to you. He doesn’t even know you. But…”
“But what?” Jesse asked.
“Moving on doesn’t mean that you’ll no longer feel sad about an ending or not have regrets about things. It’s just part of it.”
“You know how I lived all my life, moving from one group home to another before Master Sam. These last four years are the longest I’ve ever lived in one place. I know you understand because it was the same for you,” Jesse said.
“I try to forget my childhood. The only good thing was when I met you in one of the group homes,” Charlie said.
“That’s one of my highlights too, but ending up at the homeless shelter after we aged out wasn’t anything to celebrate.”
“Yes, it was. Not everything about your past is bad. Remember when we used to go to the library during the day and read about BDSM? You researched the BDSM clubs and found Leather Paddles for us. That’s where we met our Doms. And I’m sure you’ll get another one who’s nicer,” Charlie said.
“I don’t want another one. I want Master Sam…I think.” Jesse hesitated when he thought about taking Master Sam back. If he didn’t have a good reason for hurting him like this, he wouldn’t go back.
Charlie climbed onto the bed and hugged him.
“Do you remember when we got into trouble at Clayton’s group home?” Charlie asked.
“We were stupid back then, so damn stupid,” Jesse said
“I still think about the special moment we had,” Charlie said.
“It wasn’t fun when we got kicked out because of our special moment. I didn’t like being separated from you,” Jesse said. The pain of that separation in their past made him grateful Charlie was still in his life. He was the only one he could trust enough to love. Charlie meant the world to him, and sometimes he needed Charlie to break through his depression. He still had Charlie, and he was forever grateful for that. He’d thought he could trust and love Master Sam, but he was so wrong when he allowed his Dom into his heart.
“But we weren’t separated for very long.”
“You’re all I have in this world. I think about our special moment too. I wish we were real brothers,” Jesse said.
Master Jake interrupted their conversation. “Jesse, Master Andrew is here. Are you ready?”
Jesse nodded and followed Master Jake to the living room. He was shocked, lost for words. He could only stare, barely breathing properly. Master Andrew was the most handsome man he had ever seen. He looked more like a cover model of GQ magazine than the owner of a BDSM club. They exchanged glances before Master Andrew walked up to him, with his hand outstretched “Hi, there, I’m Master Andrew.”
Jesse took his hand. “I’m Jesse Reid, Sir.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” His voice was deep and strong like he’d expected from a Dom.
Everything blurred for a moment. Without any warning, Jesse experienced a high that was second to none. All Jesse’s feelings of pain and loss dulled.
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Are you ready?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Don’t keep him out all night. He has an early class tomorrow,” Master Jake said with a friendly smile.
“I won’t,” Master Andrew said.
They walked in silence to his black BMW. Why did he have to have the same car as Master Sam? It would be difficult when the sole purpose of their dinner was to discuss Master Sam. Once they buckled their seatbelts, Master Andrew adjusted his aviator sunglasses. The faint smell of his expensive cologne enticed Jesse. He shouldn’t like anything about Master Andrew. No, he’d never cheat on Master Sam, so why did it feel like he was by liking Master Andrew. Enough. Don’t think about him.
“The shirt and tie you picked tonight complements your dark blue eyes. Good choice.”
“Thank you.” Jesse’s face warmed. No one had ever praised him much, and he didn’t quite know how to respond.
“You’re not at all what I thought you’d look like.”
“What did you think I’d look like?”
“I know Sam, and I figured he’d match up with someone more like himself, but you’re very handsome.”
“Do you hate him as much as Master Jake does?” Jesse asked.
“Let’s say I never trusted him. But I don’t know him the way you do, so I won’t say anything negative about him.”
“I trusted him for four years and look where it got me.” Jesse leaned his head against the window.
CHAPTER FOUR
Jesse
Once they went inside the restaurant, the server seated them at a table with an umbrella on the patio overlooking the Pacific Ocean and handed them menus. The cute server asked what they wanted to drink, and both ordered beers. Master Sam had taken Jesse to the Beachcomber Restaurant many times, and he wished he could erase all his memories with Master Sam; some were good while others were painful. The sense of loss returned as he stared at the waves beating against the sand.
“What do you do during the day?” Master Andrew asked, breaking the silence.
“I attend college and work at the school library.”
“When do you study?” Master Andrew asked.
“I study after I’m done at the library.”
“I hope you plan to continue.” Master Andrew’s eyes sparkled.
“Nothing will stop me from finishing school. Master Sam has paid for my tuition to the end of the year, and I saved enough for next year.”
“What’s your major?” Master Andrew’s smile was as intimate as a kiss.
“Computer Criminology.”
“I have my Doctorate in Criminology. I was an FBI agent for a couple of years.”
“Didn’t you like working for the FBI?” Jesse asked.
“I loved it, but my partner, Brett, was killed on the job. He wasn’t just my working partner. Brett was also my husband and sub. I was supposed to take care of him. After his death, I couldn’t do my job anymore. That’s why I changed my career. I wanted to forget,” Master Andrew said.
The shine in Master Andrew’s eyes disappeared. Instantly, he turned into a stiff soldier with his eyes resting in a distant daze. It was as if he had left Jesse alone at the table. Jesse’s abandonment issues kicked in, and he fought not to give into the feeling of isolation.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“It happened five years ago.”
“Did it help when you changed your job?” Jesse asked.
“It did after a while. Like everything else, it takes time.”
“I’d like to do something different to forget Master Sam. Nothing is working for me,” Jesse said.
“You’re still raw. You need more time.”
“I guess I do.”
The server placed their beers in front of them and took their dinner orders of the steak platter.
“Thank you for coming to dinner. Although I’m sure you came because you wanted to please Master Jake and not because you wanted to,” Master Andrew said.
“I didn’t want to come at first because I wanted to stay in bed. But after talking to you, I’m glad I didn’t stay home. I feel safe around you.”
“To be honest, I haven’t been out to dinner with anyone in a long time, but I’m pleased you came.”
They stopped talking when the server delivered their dinners.
“What do you want to do after you graduate?” Master Andrew asked as he cut a piec
e off his steak.
“I’m going to get my master’s degree, but I might need to go part time and find a better job.”
“You could get a student loan,” Master Andrew said.
“I don’t borrow money.”
“What kind of work are you looking for?”
“I want to be in charge of group home placements,” Jesse said as he added butter to his baked potato.
“Some of the group homes are messed up and should be shut down.”
“How do you know that?” Jesse asked.
“I was raised in a few of them when my parents threw me out. I ran away from placement, but the cops picked me up because I was only fourteen. I stayed in different group homes until I aged out at eighteen.”
“Then you know. I lived with my grandfather until I was ten. When he passed away, the state sent me to a group home, but I spent more time in and out of different group homes.”
“I’m sorry you had to spend so much time there.”
“No one wanted to adopt me.” Jesse paused, pushing his tears back. “How did you become the owner of Leather Paddles?”
“I bought Leather Paddles from a friend for a good price.”
“I don’t remember ever seeing you there,” Jesse said. There was something familiar about Master Andrew, but he couldn’t place him.
“When was the last time you’ve been there?”
“Last year.” Jesse was sad that Master Sam had stopped taking him there, and when he had asked why, he hadn’t given a reason.
“Didn’t you like it?” Master Andrew asked.
“I loved Leather Paddles. I always had so much fun there,” Jesse said.
“Tell me why you think Sam left you?”
“I really don’t know, but in the last six months, things had changed. He didn’t like my body anymore.” Jesse had said more than he should have. He had left himself open for criticism by another Dom. He wanted Master Andrew to like him, not to find any faults in him. He certainly didn’t want a repeat of what he’d been through.
“There’s nothing wrong with your body. What exactly did he say about it?”
“That I’m too skinny. The thing is I weigh the same as when we met, plus I work out.”
“You’re perfect as you are. It sounds like he created a reason to distance himself from you. I don’t know what his reason was, but I’m going to look for him and ask him why the hell he did this to you. He broke the club’s agreement. Doms don’t dump subs without officially breaking up and making sure their sub isn’t left homeless or without money.”
“If you find him, would you tell me where he is?”
“If that’s what you want, I will. So far, I haven’t located him, but I’m looking.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. Master Jake doesn’t even want me to talk about him. He wants me to forget the last four years, but I don’t know how to do that. I mean, I deserve to know why he left the way he did.”
“Jake means well, and he cares about you. He doesn’t want you to hurt over Sam anymore, but I know no one can push you through grieving until you process it. So if you need someone to discuss Sam with, I’m available. Call me anytime.” He handed a gold-plated card to Jesse. “If I don’t answer, leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Jesse noticed the two leather paddles on the card as he slipped it into his pocket.
“I’d like to see you again. Are you okay with that?” Master Andrew asked.
“I don’t know.” Jesse hesitated.
“I like you, and I want to get to know you.”
“I guess it’d be okay.” Jesse hoped he wasn’t pushing himself ahead of his feelings. Master Andrew knew he still cared about Master Sam, but he didn’t seem to mind. He liked Master Andrew, but he wasn’t Master Sam. No one would ever be able to take his place.
After Master Andrew paid the bill, they took a walk on the beach.
“What part of BDSM do you like?” Master Andrew asked.
“Pleasing my Dom. Whatever he wants, I want.”
“When you were with Sam, did he have you fill out a sheet with your likes and dislikes after each year?”
“No, only once at the club before my collaring. I had to give him my safeword; that was it.”
“Did you like everything he did to you?”
“No. Many things I didn’t enjoy, but I did them to please him. I really hated when he refused to have sex with me for a month.” Jesse lowered his head, avoiding Master Andrew’s eyes, too embarrassed to look at him.
Master Andrew placed a finger under Jesse’s chin and tilted his head. “Jesse, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I’m so sorry you went through this. I wish I’d known about it. I bet that’s why he didn’t take you to the club anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“When subs are mistreated or abused, they usually talk to other subs. They compare notes.”
“Your reason for Master Sam not taking me to the club implies he went there without me. Did he?”
“I haven’t seen Sam there with or without you,” Master Andrew said.
“I wonder if he found someone better. I can’t help but think that.”
“You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I don’t know you, but when I look at you, I see someone I want. The way you talk, the way you move, and your voice. I can’t understand what Sam was thinking.”
“Are you sure you’re talking about me?”
“I am.”
Master Andrew inched closer to Jesse. He thought about stepping back, but when he saw Master Andrew’s smiling face, he changed his mind.
“Don’t move. This is about you,” Master Andrew said.
Jesse’s heart pounded in his ears. He stood there, feeling desire run from his heart to his chest and down toward his cock.
Master Andrew touched his neck, and as he fingered his hair, it nearly gave Jesse the chills. His hands stroked from his neck, over his shoulders, down to his hands. He grabbed Jesse’s hands firmly, then held them in front of him and paused. Jesse felt safe, but he didn’t speak. His heart was about to beat out of his chest. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Should he be feeling like this?
Then Master Andrew’s lips kissed his cheek, brushing it lightly—and still, that light touch sent shivers through his body, shivers that made his whole body tremble and desire more.
“If you want me to stop, tell me now,” Master Andrew whispered.
When Jesse said nothing, Master Andrew scraped his mouth against the hollow of his temple. “Or now?”
He traced the line of Jesse’s cheekbone. “Or now?”
His lips were against Jesse’s.
“Or now?’
He kissed Jesse gently, carefully, but it wasn’t gentleness he had wanted; not now, not after all this time. Jesse knotted his fists against his slacks while Master Andrew pulled him closer. Master Andrew groaned softly, low in his throat, and then his arms circled around him, gathering Jesse against him.
He kissed Jesse’s shoulder and ran his lips along his neck. Jesse tilted his head, and after Master Andrew took a deep breath, he bit Jesse’s neck gently. It didn’t hurt; it only made Jesse want more.
Master Andrew stared into his eyes and smiled again. His two large hands grabbed Jesse’s left hand, and he placed his open palm on his heart, and he held it there. Master Andrew’s eyes emanated love, protection, security, safety, patience, and respect. Jesse smiled, and Master Andrew let go of his hand. With one hand, he ran his fingers through Jesse’s hair and gently guided his face closer to his, eventually leaning Jesse’s head on his chest. His other arm wrapped around him, and Jesse hoped he’d never let go. He was safe in his embrace.
While in that moment against his chest, Jesse thought about what he could do to make Master Andrew’s heart pound. He leaned in as if to kiss Jesse, but he hesitated for a moment, then he pressed his lips to Jesse’s. Their soft moans outdid t
he crashing of the waves.
“Why did you kiss me?” Jesse asked.
“I wanted to kiss you the moment I first saw you at Jake’s.”
“I wanted you to kiss me, but I felt like I was doing something wrong.”
“You could have said no to me. I wouldn’t have kissed you if you didn’t want me to. No is an acceptable answer.”
“Maybe I wanted you to kiss me. It’s just that I don’t know how I feel about Master Sam’s disappearance. I have mixed emotions, ranging from love to hate.”
“I know your feelings are all over the place, but I’m willing to take a chance. Do you think people who disappear would take all their possessions?”
“No. I guess he wouldn’t, so he left because he didn’t want me anymore.”
“When a person moves, they don’t usually shut down all their phone numbers either.”
Jesse tensed. He hadn’t known that Master Sam had other phone numbers than the one he’d given Jesse. The thought hurt like a deep knife wound. He looked down at the sand, wishing things were different.
“Did I say something to upset you?” Master Andrew asked.
“You did, but it’s not your fault. I only have one phone number for Master Sam.”
“Later tonight, I’ll text you all the numbers I have for Sam, but I need your phone number.”
“I’ll put it in your phone.”
Master Andrew handed Jesse his phone.
“I like you, Jesse. Do you know why I like you?” Master Andrew asked with a satisfied smile on his face.
“I have no idea, Sir.” Jesse hadn’t expected this handsome man to like him.
“Because you’re strong. You don’t tell me what I want to hear; rather you share what you feel. I agree with Master Jake that Sam didn’t deserve you. You’re too good for him.”
“Thank you, Sir, but I think it’s the other way around. I must not have been good enough for Master Sam; otherwise, he wouldn’t have left me.”
“Let my BDSM experience speak for my opinion.”
“But I still need to know what I did wrong, so I won’t do it again. I want to fix my mistakes. That was my other reason for attending dinner with you. I’m hoping you can help me, Sir.”