by Kristie Cook
“Yes,” I whispered with my own shame. “I’m sorry.”
He chuckled, but the sound fell flat with the lack of humor in it. “You’re sorry? You can’t help it. Especially with how intense everything was.”
“Then why do you sound angry?”
“I’m not angry at you. I’m frustrated with myself. I should have been able to handle the power, to control it.” He sighed again, and his voice became even quieter. I could hear his disgust increase with each word—disgust with himself. “I never wanted you to know those things about me.”
My heart squeezed with his pain and self-reproach. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I tried to think of the right words to comfort him. I didn’t know what they were, though.
“I know you didn’t,” I finally said. “But you didn’t honestly think I had no clue, did you? I mean, after watching that battle . . . when you left . . . I saw some pretty horrible stuff then, Tristan. By both sides. I had an idea of what you were like, and I’ve had years to imagine all kinds of things.”
“But it couldn’t have been as bad as reality.”
This time I chuckled with no humor. “I’m a writer. My imagination is pretty twisted.”
He didn’t reply. After a while, though, I felt him watching me. “And you still love me?”
I looked up at him with surprise. “What kind of stupid question is that? What I saw doesn’t change who you are now.”
“It changes what you know about me. That must change your perception of me.”
I rolled onto my knees, and his arms fell away from me. A cold shudder consumed me as soon as his warmth was released. But I had to look him in the eye so he would know what I said was not made up to make him feel better, but was the full, heartfelt truth. I placed both of my hands on the sides of his face and held it firmly.
“You know what else I saw tonight? She doesn’t know it, but through Sheree, I saw you in those caves. I saw your pain, your agony at being there. Your desperation of wanting to escape, to get away from them. I saw you fight them. You came back to me, Tristan. You came back to us, the Amadis. You yourself said earlier today that you’re Amadis now. Your memories . . . that’s your past life, remember?”
He closed his eyes, breaking their hold from mine. He opened his mouth to protest. I held my hand over it.
“Nothing can change the way I feel about you,” I continued. “I know there was a time when you were . . . were . . .” I couldn’t say “evil,” not about him. “. . . one of them. But that’s in the past. You are Tristan Knight now. You are my Tristan, and nothing will change that. I love you forever. No matter what. Understand?”
His eyes opened and searched mine, as if trying to find something besides honesty.
“After all this time, if you can’t believe that—” I started, but he didn’t let me finish. His hands embraced my face, and his lips crushed against mine.
“I’m sorry I doubted you,” he said after pulling back.
“You’re forgiven.” I kissed him again. “At least . . . I forgive you. But, Tristan, somehow you need to find within you the ability to forgive yourself. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to completely let go of it all.”
His brows furrowed. “Easier said than done.”
“You’ve asked God for forgiveness, right?”
“Of course. It’s part of converting to Amadis . . . but our Creator is more merciful than I am.” Before I could take the conversation further, he leaned his forehead against mine and changed the subject to one of his favorites—my well-being. “How do you feel?”
I turned and pressed against his side again. My mouth stretched into a wide yawn. “Tired. Really tired.”
“That’s understandable. It’s been a long day.” His hand stroked my hair. “You should sleep.”
“I want to, but I don’t think I can. Not until I know she’s okay.”
“That could be a while.” He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze. “You were great. So strong already.”
I snorted. “I almost killed us all. Or we all almost killed each other . . . or something like that.”
“You held on for a long time, though. As long as you needed to.”
“Barely. If Mom and Rina hadn’t shown up . . . well, it’s a good thing they did. How did they get here so fast anyway? Is it possible to flash off a plane?”
He chuckled. “Yes, but I’m sure they flashed when they landed. You fought it for a couple of hours.”
I rubbed my forehead. “A couple hours? It didn’t feel so long.”
“You were in an alternate state of mind. I think, by the end, we all were. I told you the process is draining.” He yawned, too, as if to emphasize his point.
“That’s not even the entire process. She’s not converted yet.”
“No. It takes a long time. First, you have to remove the demonic energy, and the pain is excruciating. Rina and Sophia are finishing it, but you started it. Next time you’ll be strong enough to finish it, too.”
I shook my head. “There won’t be a next time. I failed her, and I’m never risking that again. I’ll leave it to Mom and Rina from now on.”
His arms around me released their tight hold. He lifted my chin with his fingers and caught my eyes with his. “This is what you’re made to do, ma lykita. Protecting and saving souls is your purpose for existence.”
His eyes held mine, conveying deep meaning to his words. He raised his eyebrows, as if questioning whether I understood. My own brows knit together. Because I didn’t understand.
“I thought my purpose is to write these stories for whatever it is the Amadis have planned. And to have a daughter so the Amadis could continue. And to eventually lead them.”
“Those are all part of your duties, part of your purpose. But your true reason for being here is to save and protect souls. There are only certain people who can convert others. When you have your full powers, you will be one of them.”
I tried to shake my head again, but Tristan held my chin. “If this is what I’m meant to do . . . we’re all in big trouble.”
His lips pushed into a small smile. “You did fine. You just don’t have enough power yet. But you will.”
Not enough Amadis power, anyway. It seemed the Daemoni power in me had been plenty strong . . . almost strong enough. If Mom and Rina hadn’t shown up when they did, either I would have been dead or the Daemoni blood would have won. Then all hell could have broken loose. I would have rather been dead. And nobody knew if I would always have to fight that Daemoni power, even after the Ang’dora. The chance of the evil power winning next time wasn’t worth taking. Sheree’s was the first and last soul I would try to save. They would have to find something different for me to do. Surely there were other roles I could serve.
“How do you feel?” I asked, following Tristan’s lead and switching the focus from me and my shortcomings.
“Hmm . . . not great. But better than I was. Don’t worry about me.”
But I did worry about him. His eyes should have returned to their normal beauty by now, but the gold still sparked and the green remained dark and disturbed, like a murky pond rather than bright emeralds.
“I’m fine, too, in case you were wondering,” Owen piped up. He stood in the kitchen, munching on a handful of crackers.
“Yeah, I can tell,” I said, and I lifted an eyebrow. “But how can you eat?”
“I’m refueling. You guys should eat, too. Food equals goodness.” He grinned, his sapphire eyes shining brightly.
My face twisted in a grimace. Right now, the thought of food equaled sick stomach. When I glanced at the clock on the wall behind Owen, though, his hunger made sense. It was nearly eight o’clock in the evening. We’d completely missed dinner.
Mom slipped inside then and sat on the coffee table in front of Tristan and me. She took each of our hands and pushed more Amadis power into us. After about a minute, I pulled my hand from hers.
“He needs it more. Give it all to him,” I told Mom.
She wrapped both hands around Tristan’s. The sparks in his eyes finally returned to gold flecks. They didn’t shine brightly yet, but he looked better. I still shivered next to him, but not quite as violently.
“That should help until we return,” Mom said.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“We need to get Sheree to a safe house.” She studied my face, but she mistook my fearful expression. “We’ll return as soon as possible. You’ll be okay until then.”
“But why do you have to leave? They’re out there, waiting for you. For any of us,” I said, my voice rising an octave with panic.
“No one’s out there right now, honey. They apparently left when our first soldiers showed up.”
I hadn’t even realized we had fighters out there, I was so consumed with everything else. “So we’re protected?”
“Of course.” She patted my hand, then stood and stepped back to the sliding glass doors to return to Rina and Sheree.
“Mom?”
She turned to look at me.
“Dorian’s okay, right?”
She smiled. “Yes, honey. He’s in the safest place he could possibly be.”
I nodded, then slumped back against Tristan.
“We’ll be back soon. I promise.”
I cringed. The promise sounded too much like the one Tristan had left me with, and things hadn’t turned out so well that time. They’ll be okay. They’re well protected. I found it difficult to convince myself, though. After all, there were real monsters out there, out in the world. And one monster right there with them.
I watched through the glass doors as Rina lifted Sheree and placed her limp form in Mom’s arms. Her heavy weight didn’t affect their graceful movements. They glided toward the stairs and then disappeared out of sight. I said a silent prayer for all of them—for Sheree’s successful conversion and for Mom and Rina’s safe return. I knew I would need them. I just didn’t realize how soon.
Chapter 18
Tristan and I sat on the couch in silence for a while as Owen rummaged around the kitchen. I hadn’t been to the market since the day after I arrived and hadn’t purchased enough to feed me for more than a few days, let alone all of us. When I’d sent Owen the other night, he only bought steak and trimmings. So the cupboards and refrigerator were fairly empty.
“Not much here,” Owen complained.
I still didn’t know how he could be hungry, my own stomach in knots. Of course, he’d probably been through similar situations many times in the past. The experiences were all new and overwhelming to me, and add in the change of the Ang’dora that crept through my body, no wonder I felt so tense. Tristan had apparently recovered, too. He left me in the family room and joined Owen in the kitchen, in search of food.
“Can’t you just conjure something?” I teased Owen as I finally rose from the couch, too.
“Not food, not without something to start with,” he said, as if there was absolutely nothing in the house. I knew better.
“Hmph, a lot of good you are.” Even if I didn’t feel hungry, they obviously needed to be fed. “Watch my magic.”
I started pulling ingredients out of the cabinets and fridge—leftover steak, a can of black beans, salsa, the last of the eggs, cheese, and tortillas. In no time, I whipped up some breakfast burritos, while Tristan sliced a tomato and an apple for us all to share. They dove into their food with enough vigor you’d think they hadn’t eaten for days. The drain of helping Sheree certainly left us feeling as empty as if we hadn’t, but I had to force-feed myself a third of the apple. Even the tiniest bit felt like a boulder in my constricted throat, and my stomach was too tied up to make room. It didn’t feel like it had earlier, as though worms filled it. Now it just felt tight and tiny, as if it had squeezed itself into the size of a walnut, too small for even a slice of apple. But that seemed to be all I needed, anyway.
Renewed energy suddenly overtook my body. Those synapses ticked through my nerves again, making my muscles twitch with the need for exertion. I couldn’t sit still. After cleaning the kitchen, I paced around the living room, wishing I could run. I felt imprisoned inside the house.
“Can we go for a swim?” I asked. “If we stay within the shield?”
I needed to get out, to go. I didn’t care what lurked beyond, as long as I could move. Owen and Tristan exchanged a glance, then Owen shrugged.
“It’s just as safe now as it was this morning. I don’t see why not,” he said.
I rushed into the destroyed Caribbean room and changed into my suit. We raced to the water’s edge, all of us there faster than humanly possible, although they managed to beat me. The water proved to be exactly what I needed. The tension washed off like a coat of grime, and the waves carried it away. After swimming several laps, I lifted my legs and floated on my back, staring at the quarter-moon.
The moon’s phase brought new meaning to me now, knowing Weres roamed the world out there, barely able to control themselves during a full moon. I wondered what they did during those three days each month. Did they hide? Did they go hunting? What did they hunt? I remembered Sheree’s vision of the couple by the lake, and a shudder overcame me.
Then I wondered how she was doing. I didn’t know what came next for her or even how close she was to being converted. It seemed Mom and Rina still had much work ahead of them, removing all of the evil energy. Then what? I didn’t know. Yet. And I didn’t want to think about it. If Tristan was right, if saving souls was my purpose, I would eventually have to learn. But not right now. Thinking about it only reminded me how much I’d failed . . . how close I’d come to ending our lives.
Realizing the space around me had been quiet for some time, I up-righted myself and treaded water, looking around for Tristan and Owen. Water dripped from my hair and into my eyes, and I wiped it away to be sure it wasn’t blinding me. Nope. They were nowhere around. My heart stuttered. I spun around in the water, my throat tightening with each pounding heartbeat. Even in the night’s darkness, I could see almost perfectly, as if the moon shone nearly as brightly as the sun. But I couldn’t see them.
Several thoughts ran through my mind. Protectors are keeping watch out there, so I could call for them, except it’s too quiet for them to be there, so why can’t I see them? Can I just try to find their thoughts, if they’re still here? If I only had control and could make real use of my power . . . The ideas raced too fast to even focus and settle on one as panic began to overwhelm me. Stupid. This was so stupid. Why had I even asked to do this?
Then Owen’s head popped out of the water right next to me, making me squeal.
“Holy shit! You scared the hell out of me,” I shrieked. “Where’s Tristan?”
Owen lifted his hand out of the water and pointed. “Down there.”
The breath whooshed out of me. Of course. He could hold his breath indefinitely.
“I was wondering how long you could go now,” Owen said. “Probably longer than a Norman. Maybe even as long as Tristan.”
I raised an eyebrow. Owen gave me an encouraging grin.
“We’re still safe, right?” I asked.
“I’m not an idiot. You wouldn’t be out here if you weren’t.”
“Okay.” I inhaled a deep breath and plunged downward.
The salt water didn’t bother my eyes at all, and I could see almost as clearly under the water as I could in the moonlight. Owen moved his hands beneath the surface, and his head appeared in front of mine. He held his hands over his mouth for a few seconds, and then he grinned, pointed ahead of us, and led me a little farther out, where Tristan swam along the bottom. Owen must have used some kind of spell for himself, because he stayed under far beyond the minute or two an average human could tolerate.
I could remain under water for a lot longer than humanly possible, as well, but not nearly as long as they could. After about fifteen minutes, I came up for a breath and dove down again. The guys were still at the bottom, wrestling. I rolled my eyes and looked around for any
fish life. Many years ago, Tristan and I had snorkeled here. There hadn’t been a ton of life, but there had been some. More than there seemed to be now. I wondered if fish slept at night.
Then I saw movement farther out. My heart leapt. The figure seemed to be at least as big as a human. But when it came a little closer, a long, rounded nose pointed at me, I realized what it was. I took off after the beautiful dolphin, leaving the guys to their childish antics. I wanted to see how close the animal would let me get. I really wanted to touch it, to feel its skin, but I didn’t expect it to let me. The creature didn’t swim away, though. It seemed just as intrigued with me as I was with it, watching me as I approached. It turned slightly, as though inviting me for a caress, and I reached out my hand to touch its fin.
Water rushed past me. Then cool air, as if I were in a wind tunnel. And then I stood on my feet in the sand, on our little beach. Owen leaned over beside me, his hands on his knees as he gasped for breath. Tristan appeared right next to us.
Followed by a Pop! and then a splash of water way out from the shore. A head emerged from the water, her wet, blond hair shimmering like liquid silver in the moonlight.
“What the hell, Owen?” I demanded. “I thought we were safe!”
“We . . . are,” he panted. “As long as . . . you stay . . . in . . . the shield.”
My hand pressed to my chest. I hadn’t realized I’d swam out so far. Vanessa’s head bobbed on the water at least two football fields away, at the edge of the shield. Which meant I’d swam about a hundred yards in only a few seconds, and Owen had taken less than two to bring me in from where Vanessa was now.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realize . . .”
“It’s my fault,” Owen said, having caught his breath. “I’m supposed to be watching you. Not screwing around.”
“It’s not like you can control my every move.”
“So I’m learning,” he muttered. “Exactly why I should be watching you more closely.”
Tristan took my hand. “Let’s just get back to the house.”
He turned his head toward Vanessa and growled over his shoulder. I laughed under my breath. Petty, I knew, especially because she couldn’t hear us behind the shield, yet still satisfying. Several Pops! sounded across the water, and I turned to watch as Amadis protectors swarmed on her. She disappeared again. The Amadis stayed in the water, ensuring she didn’t come back, as we returned to the house. By the time we climbed the stairs to the balcony, I could barely lift my legs or hold my own weight. My flesh and bones felt as though they’d turned into a leaden gel.