by Maribel Fox
Cold fury washes through me as I march toward the woods, replaying every line, every lie they have fed me. When I reported back before, I did not comprehend the full scope of the matter. I was hesitant to jump to conclusions.
Now though… Now things have changed.
Despite going against everything in my training, when I gave my report to the Commander, something stopped me from revealing I had run into Kushiel. Some voice in my head whispered to me to wait.
If they knew, it would be my wings. The Commander — though like a father to me since I was orphaned at a young age — does not tolerate insubordination of any kind. His word is not to be questioned, even when there is evidence to contradict him.
Somehow, that never struck me as odd before.
I have overlooked so many things, I realize, shaking my head at myself. How could I have been so foolish? I let my loyalty, my devotion to the divine, blind me.
Being a ward of Heaven’s Army is not the childhood that many would dream of, but I was always grateful for the opportunities given me. I may not have had Kushiel’s bloodline, or the respect that inherently comes with it, but I managed to build a reputation for myself as a quick study, a hard worker, a dedicated servant to the Almighty.
Commander Onama took me under his wing. Saw in me something he didn’t see in the others, he said. He personally mentored me, helped mold me into the man I am today. He’s tough, strict, and without hesitation when it comes to meting out punishments, but he also rewards those who serve him and the cause. Loyalty and devotion, allegiance and single-minded adherence to rules and protocol are expected at all times.
I had another partner before Kushiel — Orifiel. We never bonded to the same extent, though I fear now that may have been partially my own doing.
Orifiel was much older than me and had been in the service of ERS for some time already when he was partnered with me. He rarely appreciated my strict interpretations of the ERS guidelines, and we clashed heads more often than not. But it was when Orifiel began an affair with a Fae that I could no longer suffer in silence.
Not knowing where else to turn, I had asked the Commander for advice on how to handle the situation. As usual, he was calm and precise, told me to keep my head up, keep up the good work, and not let another’s indiscretions bring me down.
A few weeks later, I was informed that Orifiel had been reassigned. I knew we hadn’t bonded, but it still struck me as odd that he never said a farewell for the time we spent together.
It was quite a long time after that before I was partnered again — this time with Kushiel. Kushiel and I had both been in the service for approximately the same amount of time, and he had a similar disdain for the rules that Orifiel did, but we managed to get along. More than that, we became close friends. Like brothers.
I have always thought that the disappointment in the Commander’s voice when he informed me of Kushiel’s passing was due to my failure — he paired us hoping I would be a stabilizing influence on Kushiel, something I never managed. When he was lost in action, presumed dead, it was a failure on my part, even if no one would say as much.
All this time, though, all these years — it was a lie, and they knew it was a lie.
They showed their hand when I was in Heaven.
Failing to retrieve the sword, and lacking information of Seamus’s plans, my trip was declared an utter failure. It was when I said I may not be able to continue the mission that everything all came tumbling down.
“I had hoped we could avoid this,” said one of the senior-ranking Angels in attendance.
“Avoid what?” I asked, wary.
The Angel — Tyriel — fluttered his wings out in a display of dominance that was entirely uncalled for.
“Your old partner, Kushiel?” Tyriel began, making Angels on either side of him look uncomfortable. “He did not die or go missing. He in fact disobeyed a direct order and has been punished accordingly. He has been in solitary confinement ever since.”
The effort it took me to keep a straight face was nearly too much. I knew what he was saying was false. Kushiel was not imprisoned, he was at the B&B with Ava and the others.
I was suddenly very grateful I had not revealed that detail, or I may have never discovered their duplicity.
“He’s… Alive?” I managed, feigning surprise best I could. I have never been revered for my acting skills, but the other man’s hubris made him blessedly blind to my poor display.
“He is,” Tyriel sneered. “Thanks be to the mercy of the Almighty. Had his… connections not been a factor, perhaps… Well, never mind,” Tyriel said with false brightness.
“As you can imagine, solitary confinement is no place for a man like Kushiel,” he said, a menacing gleam in his eyes. If I hadn’t known of the deception, I may never have spotted it. Being aware of it, knowing how he was willfully spreading falsehoods, made me delirious with rage.
Somehow, miraculously, thanks to centuries of training, I managed to keep most of the anger bottled up. I snarled, an appropriate response, I felt, but nothing close to the blinding red rage that made me want to rip his wings off with my bare hands.
“However,” Tyriel continued, smiling cruelly, knowing he had all the power. “If you were to succeed in bringing back the sword, we will release him and wipe his record clean.”
“You have kept him imprisoned all this time?” I asked, looking to see how far he’d thought this fable of his through.
“Yes, and if you don’t want to join him, you’ll follow your orders,” Tyriel snapped, making his men shift their eyes nervously. That attitude must wreck morale.
I frowned, folding my arms, scrutinizing the man carefully. Though he was bluffing, I never would have guessed it. I hoped that I’d done my part, shown enough surprise without overplaying what would be my genuine reaction.
I hadn’t expected anyone to admit their fabrication.
“What was the order? The one he refused?” I asked, certain that information would shed some light on the whole thing. Reveal why it was worth banishing Kush and lying to me for decades.
“I am afraid that information is classified,” Tyriel said, wings gleaming in Celestial sunlight. I had no choice, no room to argue or negotiate. Though I knew the deal was flawed from the outset, I had to continue playing along.
“Fine, I agree to your terms,” I said with a nod, for the first time in my life lying about my intentions.
I knew I had to get to the bottom of what happened with Kush. That would help me make an informed decision when Heaven insisted on withholding information. Kushiel was obviously not in solitary confinement if he was on Earth, so there was no doubt that Heaven could no longer be trusted. Leadership has been compromised beyond repair.
I got back from Heaven more determined, only to found out Kushiel is missing — the sword too — my thoughts all lead me to believe Heaven is behind this. They are orchestrating some kind of operation here that defies reason, and I intend to find out what is happening.
It is early in the afternoon when I arrive at the camp, and I am immediately recognized and allowed through. I head straight for the officers’ tent, fury in my veins though I am doing everything within my power to keep it reined in. Showing how affected I am by this, giving any indication that I am questioning my faith, it could spell a recipe for absolute disaster.
I must be careful.
“Micah!” one of the officers greets me pleasantly as I step into the tent. The Angels in here are not ERS. They are standard soldiers and officers. I do not know if that will work in my favor or not. ERS generally outranks other departments, simply by virtue of being a special task force. But the insignia on these uniforms is unfamiliar. This battalion is not one I recognize. That leaves hierarchy here a mystery for now, my only clue that he knows me one sight and I do not recognize him.
“What brings you in?” he asks, face scrunched into a concerned look.
“Curious as to why there is interference with my mission — and in such
force,” I say casually.
The guy’s brows go up and he smiles wide.
“Well, you see, we got wind of a dangerous magic infestation in the area, and we have to clear it out before it spread.”
I firm my jaw, eyes unyielding. “This has nothing to do with my current mission?” I say, making my suspicion evident.
He chuckles warmly. “You know how these things go. Magic here, magic there, like seeks like. I can’t say they’re unrelated, but it’s nothing you should be concerning yourself with, Senior Auditor! We’ll be careful not to harm the locals,” he adds with a wink.
I do not appreciate his levity. What kind of ‘infestation’ have they encountered? I have seen nothing.
“When do you plan to conduct this raid? Perhaps I can be of some assistance,” I say.
“Uh…” He scratches his head and smiles again. “Not so sure about that, sir. We’re waiting for something.”
“What would that be?”
“Classified, sir,” he answers stiffly.
What could they be waiting for? What are they setting up?
Those are questions I cannot ask. Asking those questions would raise too many eyebrows. This kind of information is doled out on a need-to-know basis, and I do not need to know. Not as far as they are concerned.
I must continue to play the part of dedicated servant who blindly follows orders. It is a part I have far too much experience playing, but only now am I beginning to feel uneasy about my role.
I want to ask if they have Kushiel, but that would be foolish as well. It would mean admitting that I knew the deal I agreed to in Heaven was flawed. It would mean everything I said was in bad faith and Heaven could no longer trust me.
For now, I will keep that to myself. I know I cannot trust them, they do not yet know the inverse is also true. That is a small advantage for me.
“Good job on tracking us down,” the officer says. “Good to know you’re keeping a careful eye on the place.”
“Mm,” I nod without saying more.
“Have you made any progress with that sword?”
That makes me pause. All my experience tells me that should also be ‘need-to-know.’ Now why would this officer need to know about the sword if their presence here has nothing to do with my mission?
“What do you know of it?” I ask instead.
He shrugs, smiling in that unconcerned way. For the first time I feel like the power has shifted. All this time I believed I out-ranked this officer and he was answering my questions out of duty. Now I am not so sure. I am unfamiliar with who occupies the ranks these days. I have been all but retired from service until this mission.
“Is it still stuck?” he asks, eyes glittering with knowledge I would rather he didn’t have. “You know, it is significant that that sword got stuck,” he says, probably revealing more than he should in his rush to show-off how much he knows. Even amongst the most devout, pride finds its sinful way in.
“That sword getting stuck is its trigger — Excalibur it used to be called. I wonder who knew that little trick,” he says, stroking his chin, looking at me thoughtfully.
“I do not believe the intention was to get it stuck. It was thrown in a fit of pique.”
“Who would do a dumb thing like that?” one of the other soldiers asks, forgetting himself. To be honest, I had forgotten there were others in the room with the officer and me. Too many thoughts swirling through my head to focus on everything at once; forgetting my surroundings is an exposure I cannot afford. “Was it that Fae we can’t manage to kill?” He laughs, others do too.
I frown. “Pardon?”
“Don’t mind Melek,” says the officer. “He knows less than he thinks,” he adds, glaring at the soldier who spoke out of turn. It is another quick shift in power and mood. Another alarm ringing in my head.
“Best of luck with your crusade,” I say, saluting the officer as I leave the tent, feeling more uncertain than before. I have learned nothing significant about what I came here for, but there is other new information available. More to think about. More to weigh down my mind until I feel I am suffocating under my own thoughts.
Though I am desperate to search the camp for signs of Kushiel, I know I am being watched. Perhaps not overtly, perhaps not where I can see, but nothing will escape notice and I must be cautious. The longer I can keep them in the dark about my loyalties, the better for us all. Especially Ava.
23
Ava
“So what… We still don’t know if they have him or not?” I ask after Micah finishes telling us everything that happened while he was visiting Heaven’s encampment.
Micah gives me an apologetic look. “Believe me, I wish the outcome had been more fruitful.”
I sigh and hang my head. This day has been so long already and it’s only three-thirty. What was I even hoping for? That Micah could go talk to a bunch of angelic soldiers and reason with them? That he could talk sense into them and they’d bring Kush back and we’d all go back to normal and live happily ever after?
Get real, Ava, I scoff at myself. Nothing’s ever that easy.
Also, back to normal? Since when is having four guys involved in my love life normal?
It’s sounding more and more right though, crazy as that seems. I don’t even know how to begin to broach that subject with the guys themselves, but I think right now we have bigger things on our plate. Right now, everything else is on hold while we figure out this Heaven and Kush thing.
Yet again, I’m faced with a decision. The same decision that keeps forcing itself upon me.
On the one hand, I can stick with these guys — now down to Seamus and Micah, who seem to be frostily polite to each other at best — and try to rally them together. Try to figure out some plan to rescue Kush, and probably get us all killed in the process.
Or, there’s the other option. The one where I tell these lunatics to get out in no uncertain terms, and hope beyond all reason that Heaven will follow them, leaving me in peace.
I pull my legs up into the armchair with me, wrapping my arms around my shins, hugging my knees. Why does this have to be so difficult? Why can’t we just have everyone here together, safe, and getting along? Is that so much to ask?
“Ava, do ye remember what we were talkin’ about earlier?” Seamus asks, sitting in the armchair next to me. Micah’s on the couch, and there’s a small fire crackling in the stone fireplace. Every time I look at the rug I remember the other night, me sandwiched between Seamus and Kush…
Then my heart aches for Kush, and I feel guilty because Micah’s here and he wasn’t then…
So I’ve been staring in the fire instead of risking looking at the carpet, or the couch where they slowly seduced me with charm and weed. When I look over to him, my vision’s still dancing with shadows, and I frown.
“Which part?” I ask. There’s been too much talked about today. My brain is overloaded and failing to process it all. It almost seems like it’s impossible it’s only been a day. Surely everything that’s happened today took a week or more to occur.
Seamus doesn’t offer one of his signature smiles. He looks overwrought, too. Definitely more worried than I’ve seen him before, which is concerning for a guy that’s usually so easy-going.
“You’ll be more powerful with a court,” he says. “It’s time to consider defendin’ yerself.”
“Against Heaven?” Micah asks, offended even though he knows as well as any of us that they’re not the good guys here.
“Among others,” Seamus says. “A Queen needs to be able to defend her land—”
“I’m not…” I groan. “Look, I know you have all these grand ideas about me and how I’m going to restore the Fae people, but I never signed up for any of this shit.” Seamus’s face turns dark. Ever since the flaming sword and the realization of what I am, he’s been pushing me, constantly needling me to practice my powers, to learn more about my so-called ‘abilities.’ He’s told me about Underhill and how desperate his kind are for
someone like me to bridge the realms and revive the whole race.
But you know what? I’ve got my own problems without heaping more on. Always have. And as much as I want to help him, as much as it seems like a noble cause, being a Queen — and not just any Queen, but a magical Faerie Queen — is way beyond my capabilities. I can barely keep a bed and breakfast afloat. How the hell does anyone think I can rule a court or whatever?
Yeah right.
And that’s what Seamus doesn’t get. He doesn’t know how bad things got around here before he showed up. Probably because they mysteriously started getting better after he arrived…
Oh my god. I’m an idiot. It’s not a mystery at all.
“Seamus… I want to help, I really do—”
He glowers, a dangerous set to his mouth I’ve never seen before.
“Aye, s’long it’s no inconvenience to ya,” he snaps.
Indignant anger flashes through me and I sit up straighter. “Hey, that’s not fair. I’m still trying to—”
“What’s no’ fair is you having all the bleedin’ power ye’ll ever need, but bein’ too afraid to touch it. Ye have no idea what’s in you Ava, and no idea how maddening it is to sit and watch ye pretend it’s no’ there.” His accent is thick, and almost hard to follow because he’s talking so fast. I’m realizing now that I’ve never seen Seamus truly angry before. I’m not even sure this is the depths of his rage, but I can tell I’m getting a real taste of it now and I don’t like it.
“Ye’re right abou’ one thing, though,” he says, standing to his feet, eyes cutting right through me with their judgment. “You’re not a queen. A queen wouldna run away or shirk her duties. She does what needs doin’ for her folk. You’re too busy being a child to be a proper queen, and what’s not fair is knowin’ yer better than that.”
Seamus stalks off, leaving me speechless and reeling.
Fuck him, is my first response. Fuck him and his judgment. He has no idea what it’s like to find out about magic for the first time at my age and to have all this dumped on top of you. He’s always been magic, he’s had hundreds of years to get used to things and how they work. I’ve had… a week?