Ty tapped a finger on the man’s chair. “Okay, that’s the last one, Steve.”
The gravy man was Steve. “This one reminds me of a bulldog mix I had when I was a kid. You can come back any time you want, Bella.” I licked his fingers.
Ty shrugged. “Not sure about that. Dr. Gann learns about Bella being here he’s going to throw a fit.”
“Let him.” Steve’s voice was harsh, and his hand clenched my fur. I looked up at him, not sure what was happening. “He’s got no idea what we’re going through.”
Ty reached out to stroke my head. “No, listen, he’s a good man, Steve. He’s just got a lot on his plate and a lot of rules coming down on him all the time.”
Steve relaxed his grip. “Sure. Fine. Then I say, don’t tell him.”
“Huh.” Ty rubbed his chin.
“One more spoonful.” Steve turned in his chair and picked up his spoon and I focused on him without blinking.
“No. We gotta go.” Ty pulled on my leash and I reluctantly followed him, glancing mournfully back at Steve. “You’re a good dog, Bella. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
Ty led me over to where a man sat in a big, wide chair by a window. His name was Mack. He had no hair on his head and his hands were soft when he ran them over my ears. His skin was very dark and his fingers smelled mostly of soap and faintly of bacon.
Mack was sad, sad in the way Mom was sometimes sad—an ache tinged with fear and despair. I remembered lying next to Mom to provide comfort when she felt like this, so I put my front paws on Mack’s chair and then climbed up to be with him.
“Whoa!” Ty laughed.
Dust rose from the cushions and I inhaled it deeply. Mack hugged me long and hard.
“How you doing, Mack? Holding it together?”
“Yeah,” Mack said. It was the only word he spoke. As he clutched me, though, I could feel the pain loosen its grip on him. I was a good dog, doing my job and providing comfort to Mack. I felt sure Lucas would approve.
Eventually Mom came into the room. She hugged several of the people.
“You need to bring Bella back here. She’s a big hit,” Ty told her.
“Well … we’ll see,” Mom said.
“I mean it, Terri. You should have seen Mack perk up.”
“Mack? Really?”
“Talk to you for a minute?” Ty asked her softly.
Mom and Ty went to a corner so they could be alone with me.
“You know why most of these guys are here every day?” Ty asked.
Mom looked at the people sitting in their chairs. “To hang out with people like themselves.”
“Sure, yeah, that’s part of it. Also, they don’t really have any other place to go. They’re not like you, they don’t have a son to take care of.”
“Take care of,” Mom replied slowly. “I’m not sure that’s how I would define it. More like the other way around.”
“Copy that. I’m just saying that when they found out you smuggled the dog in here, it gave them a real sense of purpose. You know? Let them win at something. They’re warriors, it feels good to be back in a fight, even if all we’re doing is rebelling against a dumb dog rule. Why don’t you bring her back tomorrow?”
“Oh. I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ty. If Dr. Gann finds out, Lucas’s position would be—”
“Dr. Gann won’t find out,” Ty interrupted. “We’ll hide Bella from him and anybody else who might care. Okay? Let’s do this, Terri.”
* * *
The next day, when Lucas left to do Go to Work, Mom and I went with him! I was taken back to see my friends in the big room with the chairs, and Mom sat there and talked to people, too. Everyone was happy to see me.
The man named Steve did not have any astoundingly sweet gravy. “Want some cake?”
It was wonderful. I liked Steve. I liked Marty, who got on the floor to wrestle with me. I liked Drew, who did not have any legs but who took me for a car ride in his chair. I sat in his lap and wagged as people laughed. Though the smells were different from a real car ride, I liked being able to press up against Drew as he drove. I wondered if for my next car ride Lucas would let me sit in his lap.
It was a wonderful day. Everyone cuddled me and fed me treats and love.
I was doing Sit for Jordan, who was feeding me little pieces of hamburger a morsel at a time, when Layla said, “Dr. Gann is coming!” and then Ty picked me up and ran me over to sit on a couch with Mack.
“Lie down, Bella!” Ty told me. Mack reached out with his hands and held me and I lay against him to provide comfort. Someone covered me with a blanket. I did not understand the game, but when I moved even a little, Mack put his hand on me and held me still. His heart was pounding.
“Dr. Gann!” I heard Ty boom. “Can we talk about getting some cable in here besides The Weather Channel?”
There were other voices. I lay still against Mack. “Good dog,” he praised in a voice so quiet I almost couldn’t hear him.
When the blanket was lifted off of me people clapped and told me good dog and I wagged in joyous excitement.
Later I learned the woman from the closet was called Olivia. She came to see me and gave me small snacks and then stood and talked to Mom.
That night Mom said her name a couple of times.
“Why don’t you ask her out?” Mom asked Lucas.
I had brought the ball out and was staring at it now, hoping Lucas would roll it across the floor.
“Oh, I don’t know. Because she hates me?”
“If she hated you she would ignore you instead of taunting you.”
“She’s not taunting me. We’re just different people. She’s sort of Goth. She calls me White Bread Boy and says I’m a cure for her insomnia.”
Mom was silent for a moment. “It’s not because of me, is it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t watch me all the time, and even if you could, I would hate that. Being a burden to your child is the worst thing for a mother. If you put everything on hold because of me it means my life has all been for nothing.”
“Don’t talk like that!”
“No, I’m not having dark thoughts, I’m speaking the truth. You know there’s nothing I regret more than the times I abandoned you. I abandoned you when I joined the army and I nearly abandoned you when I tried to take my life. But I am past that now, Lucas. I won’t leave you, and want only for you to have a future. Please believe me—nothing is more important.”
“Okay, then believe me, Mom. I do have a future. I have a great future. I promise I won’t let anything get in the way of that.”
A little later Mom left and Lucas and I went to feed the cats. Instead of going to the den, Lucas led me around to the back, where a rut was dug under the base of the fence. The dirt and the fence there smelled of several felines, and I knew that even more of them were living in the den now. I could tell that Mother Cat was in there, too. Lucas poured food from a bag into a bowl and then shoved it under the fence. “That will have to do it,” he said resignedly. “I can’t get any closer.” I waited for Lucas to push open the fence, but he did not. Instead, he walked me around to the front and then stood with his hand on his hips, staring at something white on the dark fabric covering the fence.
“It’s a notice of demolition, Bella. I guess he got his permit.”
I sensed Lucas’s distress and looked at him curiously. We ran back to our door and went inside. Mom was not home. Lucas went to his closet and pulled out the thin, cat-smelling blankets with the wood blocks in the corners. Then he grabbed his phone and my leash.
“Ready, Bella?”
We ran back across the street. “Huh,” Lucas said. “This isn’t going to work. Even if I could climb up there holding onto you, I don’t know how I would get you down the other side without hurting you.” He petted my head. “Okay. Let’s do this, instead.” He unclipped my leash from my collar. I wagged. “Good practice. Ready? Go Home, Bella!”
I knew what
to do. I dashed across the street and then curled up in the right spot. This was fun!
I heard Lucas banging on something. I lifted my head, knowing I should be doing Go Home but unable to help myself. Lucas was on top of the fence, wobbling, and as I watched he vanished on the other side.
We had never done this as part of Go Home before. Normally, he came to me and gave me a treat, or Mom opened the door and gave me a treat. The point of Go Home was for someone to give me a treat.
I whined. I did not understand.
And then Mother Cat came dashing from around the corner! She ran down the street. This was entirely new and seemed to mean Go Home no longer applied.
My mother had vanished into the shadows, but I could easily track her scent.
I joyously ran after her.
Seven
I tracked Mother Cat up a slope to where a row of houses all had wooden decks jutting out over the lip of the hill. I found her presence strongest under one of these decks—way in the back, where the dirt rose up to meet the boards, she had found a place to hide. I was only able to squirm a little way under the deck before the gap was too narrow for me to fit. I thrust my nose forward and breathed her in. Did she know I was there? Would she come out?
After a moment her scent strengthened and then I saw her. She regarded me for a moment with unblinking eyes. I pulled my head back, crawling to where I could stand up, and she followed and rubbed her head against my neck, purring.
Mother. When I was little, I roughhoused with her, wrestling and tumbling in the den, and even though this place, with its low, wooden ceiling, was so similar to where I was born, I did not feel that trying to play would be the right thing now. I was too big and she was too frail.
Mother Cat was from a time before Lucas. Smelling her, I was reminded of when my world contained no people and no dogs but many cats. I now only dimly remembered what life was like in the den, but her purring now made me feel safe and protected. The scents and sounds came back to me as strongly as if I were nestled up to her side, my kitten brothers and sisters lying next to me.
On her breath I could smell the food that Lucas had been providing her. I understood this, that Lucas did Feed the Cats and gave her food that was not for me. Lucas took care of Mother Cat. Caring for cats was our job.
Mother Cat did not understand how wonderful life could be with a person like Lucas. She was afraid of humans. I knew that even if I tried I could not provide her enough comfort to make her trust his hand, even when he brought food. Cats are different from dogs.
Thinking of Lucas made me feel a bit like a bad dog. I had run off without him, instead of remaining in my spot next to the wall, though it was true that he had changed everything by scaling the fence.
I decided I needed to do Go Home, that if I did Go Home I would be a good dog. I hesitated to leave Mother Cat, because if she remained here I did not know how Lucas would find her to feed her. I wanted her to follow me, but as I turned away from her I knew she would not. I went down the hill and then looked up at her. She was watching me from the crest of the slope, her tail up and lazily twitching.
I wondered if I would ever see my mother again.
* * *
I did Go Home. Lucas opened the door when I curled up in my special spot. I ran to him, elated, jumping up to be loved, but he was stern with me and called me a bad dog. I did not know what I had done, but I could tell he was very angry with me.
“You can never run off, Bella! You must always Go Home.”
I heard my name and knew I had done the right thing to do Go Home, but he was still angry, for some reason. I went to my dog bed and flopped down there, aching inside because I had made Lucas unhappy.
When Mom came home I jumped up and wagged and she told me I was a good dog, so I figured whatever had happened was past and everyone loved me now.
“How was group?” Lucas asked her.
“Good. Good group tonight. Everyone asked me about Bella—she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to that place. She seems to have formed a special relationship with every single person. What happened with the cats?”
“I didn’t catch any except on video. I also took a shot of the demolition permit and sent it to Audrey at the rescue.”
“Good idea. Maybe she can do something with it.”
“Maybe.”
“Would you e-mail me a copy?”
“Sure. Oh, and Bella ran away.”
I looked up at my name.
“She did?” Mom gasped. “Bella, you ran away?”
I lowered my eyes. Now I felt like a bad dog again, though I had no idea what I had just done.
“I thought it would be a good idea to have her go home and hide on the front porch while I scaled the fence. I was anxious to get started trying to net a cat and didn’t take the time to bring her home first. It was my fault. When I finally gave up on trying to corral the cats in the crawl space and came home, she was nowhere to be found.”
“Where did you go, Bella?” Mom asked.
I wagged. Was I forgiven? It didn’t sound like Mom was angry anymore. I went to her and pushed my head under her hand and she stroked it. Yes!
“I’ll try again tomorrow,” Lucas said. I went to him and he petted me. There was no better feeling in the world than being a good dog to Mom and Lucas. I ran and got the ball and brought it to him to celebrate.
That night, just before bed, we did Tiny Piece of Cheese. I trembled with concentration, watching the treat, until finally he laughed and gave it to me.
I was a good dog.
The next time we did Go to Work, the ground was covered in cold, wet, wonderful stuff. “Snow!” Lucas told me. “It’s snow, Bella!”
I thought snow was the most amazing thing I’d encountered since Tiny Piece of Cheese and also probably bacon. I was still wet with it when Lucas was met at the big building by Ty, who took my leash and led me to the room with the chairs so I could see all my friends. Mack reached for me and I jumped up on the couch next to him and slept pressed up against him for a little while. Mack was the saddest man I had ever met, but he always seemed happier when I saw him. I was doing my job, fulfilling my purpose, providing comfort.
Ty guided me to a room where people were sitting in chairs in a circle. One of them was my friend Drew and he did not take me for a ride, though he did tell me good dog.
Ty gently pulled my leash so we were both in the middle of the circle so that anyone who wanted to see a dog could do so. “Listen up. Anybody got a problem with Bella, you’re allergic or something, tell me now. Otherwise, she’s here to help. She’s got this way of knowing when you’re struggling to find words, you know? She’ll come right over to you. Oh, and last thing before we get started—Bella’s visits to the VA are unauthorized. Everybody copy?”
We spent a long time in the room, just sitting with no treats. One man cried, pressing his face into his palms, and I put my head in his lap, trying to help, doing my job the same way I helped Mom. These were my friends and I wanted them to know they shouldn’t be sad because there was a dog here to give comfort.
Later, Lucas came to visit my friends and call me good dog. As he and I were leaving, Olivia came over to see me. She had a small piece of chicken in her hand that she gave me. I really liked Olivia.
“Want to walk home with us?” Lucas asked her.
“I’ll walk home with Bella. You can come along, I guess,” she replied.
We slipped out the side door. Snow! I jumped in it, lying on my back with my legs in the air.
“You are so silly, Bella,” Olivia told me.
Lucas pulled gently on the leash. “Okay, enough. Let’s go, Bella.” I got to my feet, shaking the water from my fur.
“How is it going with hiding Bella from Dr. Gann?” Olivia asked. I looked at her, hoping that the reason she said my name was that she was going to feed me more chicken, even though I could smell that she didn’t have any in her pockets. Humans can always find chicken and cookies and fish, if they
want.
“Ty has got a whole operation. When they have their twelve-step meeting, she stays with them. When Bella’s on the floor with the patients, Ty posts lookouts. They run it like it’s a POW camp and they’re fooling the guards. I think the nurses know but the doctors are clueless. Ty says if Bella gets caught, he’ll say she’s his dog. They’re not going to kick out Ty; all the vets look up to him and he kind of runs the group therapy they have in the evenings.”
As we walked we found a squirrel! It lay flattened on the pavement and gave off amazing odors. The snow around it had melted. I inhaled carefully. It was dead. I knew death; it was a knowledge I had somehow acquired without ever encountering it, the way I knew to lick Lucas when he bent down to talk to me, or the way I knew that what I should do now was roll my shoulder into the squirrel.
“Bella! No!” Lucas yanked on my leash. I looked at him, startled. No? What had I done?
“You don’t want that yucky smell on you, Bella,” Olivia told me. We walked away and I glanced back in regret, wanting that perfume on my fur.
“Things still dicey with the landlord?” Olivia asked.
“Honestly I think they are doing a don’t-ask, don’t-tell. As long as Bella doesn’t bark, no one is going to complain, and we have a system where I check left and right and then take her right to the street. If none of the other tenants officially notifies them, I think we’re okay. Bella does a good job of No Barks.”
I glanced up, startled. No Barks? What did that mean in this context?
“So, I had fun the other night,” Olivia observed after a moment.
Lucas smiled. “Me, too. It was like a date, with insults.”
“You’re the one who made fun of my driving.”
“I didn’t make fun of it, I just noted that I didn’t expect to run over so many pedestrians.”
“You know, this is America. You could buy a car and then I could sit in the passenger seat and scream while you drive.”
A Dog's Way Home Page 7