by Fiona Murphy
“I don’t doubt it. Even while I fought what I felt for Alicia, I knew it was because once I had her I’d never let her go. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, could be what she deserved.”
Nodding, I laugh. “Bethany is as much of a pain in the ass as I am. We’re exactly what we both deserve. The last six weeks have been smooth as ice; sometimes I wonder when the other shoe is going to drop and she’s going to do something to annoy me or vice versa, but so far nothing. I mean, it’s only six weeks, but if we were going to have problems I would think they’d have shown up by now.”
“That’s awesome, but don’t get smug or too complacent. Nothing is guaranteed to hurt your relationship faster. I did, started taking how good we were for granted. Alicia checked my ass fast, and I’m glad she did.”
“Noted. I can’t see Bethany letting me get away with anything, but I’ll try not to go there in the first place. Tomorrow I’ll be out of the office to get Bethany to the doctor. How soon before we know if it’s a girl?”
Che laughs. “A few more months.”
***
Bethany
“Alicia, I have to get back to work. My lunch is over in two minutes and I still need to call Dante.”
“You can’t go yet, it’s still sinking in. How far along do you think you are? When are you going to the doctor? I have the best OB/GYN in the city, I’ll text you her number. Oh god, I hope it’s a girl so she and Sophia can play together.”
“Ah, you’re going with Sophia? I love it. I changed my mind, I want a mini-Dante.” My phone beeps. “That’s Dante, I have to go.” I hang up without any guilt—I warned her. “Hi, honey, I’m so sorry I haven’t called you. I took lunch a little late, then Alicia wouldn’t let me off the phone.”
“It’s fine. I was just worried. How is today going? You got to at least get lunch.”
“So much better. I love Dr. Murphy, Harriet, she knows her shit and she has everything running like it’s been going for months. We’re busy but it’s not crazy like yesterday.”
“Good, I’m glad. I’ll let you go. Five thirty tonight?”
“Yep.”
“See you then.”
“Bye.” I bite my tongue as I hang up. I almost said it. Why didn’t I? Why hasn’t he? This morning I was waiting for the words. Everything else he said and did was perfect, including this ridiculous ass ring he bought less than three weeks after the day he met me. Running a finger over the halo of diamonds, I sigh. He does love me, I know he does. I’m being silly for feeling hurt he hasn’t said the words. Don’t look for problems where there aren’t any, Bethany. Stop it.
***
Bethany
When the limo pulls up I’m at first excited at the idea of Enzo joining us, then my happiness dims. I hope Sheila isn’t coming. She is such a bitch. I cannot for the life of me understand what the hell Enzo is doing picking her, unless he’s trying to make sure he doesn’t fall in love with the woman he marries. Dante said Enzo’s holding firm on the whole not marrying for love thing. All Enzo cares about is his wife wants three children and is willing to have them in the first five years of their marriage. Sheila even took a medical exam to ensure she could have children. The whole thing freaked me out a little, and I admitted it to Dante. All Dante said was, it was the solder’s brain in him at work. When I told my therapist, she told me to give Enzo her card. My therapist is hilarious. Boy, do we have a lot to discuss this week.
Dante gets out and his expression is clear, Sheila is in the car. Dang it, this was supposed to be a happy family celebration night. His arm goes around me to hug me close, as he whispers in my ear. “Sorry, Enzo said she was excited to come.”
“Not your fault. It’s too bad I’m done with alcohol for a while.”
“I’ll drink enough for the both of us. She has the most annoying fake laugh.”
I slide into the backseat. “Hey, Enzo, hello Sheila. I’m glad you guys could join us tonight.”
Enzo smiles wide. “I’m already pretty sure I know what it is, but I don’t want to miss anything.”
“Look at you in your nurse outfit. How cute you are. I was telling Enzo how great it is you working— Oh my god, your ring is huge.” I’m a bitch for loving the jealousy that flashes across her face. My eyes go to her ring, a nothing to sneeze at but kind of boring three-carat round solitaire diamond.
“I knew it. You guys aren’t wasting any time.” Enzo laughs.
“Actually, since Alicia and Che already know, in addition to getting married, Bethany is pregnant.”
Enzo’s eyes go big, and Sheila goes white. “Are you serious? I’m so happy for you guys. This is great, all of our kids are going to grow up together.”
“That’s what Dante is saying about wanting a girl to go with baby Sophia, but I’m wanting a boy.”
“Sophia?” both men say in stereo.
“Sophia was our grandmother’s name. I like it better than Che’s idea of Loretta.”
“Me too. Loretta is a fifty-year-old lady who chain smokes and calls everybody dear. But I wasn’t going to say anything. I’m thankful Alicia has better taste than Che.” Dante laughs.
Eyes wide, I look up at Dante. “I love the name Loretta.” Dante’s forehead crinkles as he goes red. I can’t hold the expression for long. “I’m kidding. I hate it too.”
“You think you’re so funny.”
“I’m hilarious.” I laugh as I lean into him.
“Congratulations,” Sheila says a few decibels louder than all of us, even though she looks like she’s sucking on a lemon.
Dante’s eyes meet mine in question. We both avoid looking at Enzo. I mouth a thank-you, but no one else says anything until we get to the house.
The minute I step out of the car Alicia has me in a bear hug as she squeals in happiness. I hug her back, we’re laughing and talking over each other then somehow we’re crying. Dante pulls me away from Alicia and Cesare has his arms around her.
What feels like an hour later, we’re in the family room on the couch with Matteo upset because me and Alicia are still loud and crying and talking over each other. Alicia is adamant Dante and I have to move out to the ’burbs and is telling Cesare to look for houses around them tomorrow, and I’m telling her it’s not happening. After a little while Cesare takes Matteo and the three guys leave to go put Matteo down for bed.
We’re all sitting down for dinner, and Alicia is listing the benefits of living in the ’burbs. Dante is wondering if he should take his paternity leave when the baby comes or wait for me to go off maternity leave then take his, and I love him even more to hear him ask the question.
17
Bethany
I’m in the softest, nicest examination gown ever. I’m not really surprised though, there’s a freaking Matisse in the waiting room. My bad, it’s called a lounge and looks more like the lobby of a five-star hotel than a doctor’s office. There’s a refreshment station with coffee, teas, and even hot chocolate I was dying to try but too embarrassed to do more than stare at.
Dante is pacing the length of the exam room as we wait. I wanted him outside, but he flashed his dimples and big brown eyes and I gave in. I’m wondering if I should have, though, after he barked at the nurse for hurting me when she took my blood. He didn’t like it when I made him apologize, but he gave in.
There’s a brief knock before the door opens. Dang, she’s pretty is my first thought, and I tense up until she smiles and instantly I’m calmer. “Hi, nice to meet you, Dante and Bethany. Please, call me Whitney. I was going over your labs. Congratulations, everything looks good. Between your hCG levels and the date of your last period, it looks like you are at five weeks along. Let’s do an ultrasound to confirm, okay?”
I nod as I lean back. I’m surprised at her saying only five weeks. I took it for granted I conceived in Madrid. The gel is cool as she rubs it on my stomach. It takes her a few minutes to find it; anxiety begins to inch up in me until she finally smiles. “There we go. Found him.”
; She presses a few buttons and grainy pictures come out immediately. “Hmm, hCG levels were a bit off, it looks like. You’re at seven weeks.”
My stomach plummets. I open my mouth, but Dante asks the question first. “What does that mean? Her hCG levels being low?”
Her smile is reassuring. “Not a thing, hCG levels bounce up and down day to day. If they were exceptionally low, then there would be a cause for concern, but they are still well within a normal parameter.”
Dante’s hand goes around mine, and I cling to him to help me sit up. Whitney hands him the pictures. “Here you go. Bethany, you are a little low on iron. I’m going to include a separate iron supplement, I want you to take it every other day. You’re going to get a pill dispenser, use it, it’s too easy to forget if you took your vitamins or not.”
She writes out two prescriptions, and Dante takes them with a nod. “Any questions for me? Feel free to call me if you have any concerns. I’m going to see you again in a month, then we’ll go from there.”
My eyes are glued to the picture as Dante asks her questions. I can’t shake my unease at the difference from her estimate with the hCG levels to her measuring based off the sonogram.
“Bethany? Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
I force down my fear, “Nothing. I can’t believe how tiny it is. It’s the size of a grape right now.”
“Are you sure we can’t find out if it’s a boy or girl?”
Laughing, I shake my head. “Not yet. You’ll have to wait until we hit five months.”
“Fine, does this mean we’ll go with some gender-neutral mint green color in the nursery?”
Fear clogs my throat; I swallow it down. “Do you know in the Jewish culture you don’t buy furniture or decorate or buy clothes until the baby is born?”
“That’s crazy. Where do you put the baby when you bring her home? Do you know how long it’s going to take to put a nursery together?”
“I don’t think it’s a horrible idea. I also know how rich you are, and it will take an hour to buy everything the baby will need and another for it to be delivered. The baby doesn’t need one of those tricked-out nurseries.”
He sighs as he opens the door for me to get into the car. “Sweetheart, stop looking for trouble when there isn’t any. The doctor said—"
“Things happen, miscarriages are more frequent than anyone wants to talk about. I’m just asking you to give it a few months, even a few weeks until we’re out of the first trimester before we start buying stuff and painting rooms.”
“What good does waiting do?”
“What does it hurt? If something does happen we have an empty room decorated for a baby who isn’t coming home.”
“Bethany, it’s silly to let fear prevent you from doing what we need to do to prepare for the baby.”
“So my valid concern is silly? My request for you to respect my concern is silly?” The car stops, we’re at the mobile clinic. I’m so angry and frustrated with Dante I slam out of the car, ignoring him calling after me.
At work I try to focus, but I keep going over the argument in my head. I can’t believe Dante. By the time lunch comes I’m dialing Alicia before I even think of getting food.
“Hey, how did the doctor’s visit go? Everything okay?”
“I don’t know. I’m a little worried. My hCG levels are pretty low from where they should be, from my levels she thought I was only five weeks but by my sonogram it’s seven weeks. Then it took forever for her to find it on the sonogram.”
“Deep breath, hCG levels are all over the place those first few weeks. Mine were—it’s why they do the sonogram to know for sure. It always feels like forever before they find the baby. I also thought she was pressing way too hard the first time.”
“Stop making sense. I’m really angry with Dante right now. He’s—”
“Hold on, wait, stop. One question first. Is whatever he’s doing mentally, physically or emotionally mean or cruel or hurtful?”
“What? Of course not. Why would you ask that?”
“Because pretty much that’s only the reason you should be telling me what’s going on in your relationship. I love you, but what happens in your relationship, all the little things he does to make you crazy, all the petty arguments and disagreements are between you two. Do not take it out to others, except your therapist, and she’ll make the call to bring him in or not.”
I gasp at her order. “Alicia.”
“Don’t Alicia me. Didn’t you read the book I recommended? Do you have any idea how hard it is for the people who love and care about you not to take your side in an argument, but did you really give both sides, and is it really as bad as you think it is? Even if it is, unless it’s really bad and a continuous thing, which is why you should share it with your therapist, don’t drag friends and family into your relationship. Just don’t.”
Damn it. “Fine, whatever.” I hang up on her, pissed at her unwillingness to let me vent and tell me I’m right. Therapy isn’t until tomorrow, and I don’t want to argue with Dante any more. A text comes through from Dante, I ignore it. Even if he’s apologizing I’m not ready to let it go so quickly, and if it’s worse and he’s not apologizing, then I don’t want to get more pissed off at work.
***
Dante
Damn it, she’s not reading my text.
“What’s the matter?”
I shake my head. “Bethany. We went to the doctor today and Bethany is spooked. She’s not wanting to decorate a nursery or buy anything for the baby yet.”
“Why is she spooked?”
“Her hCG levels were kind of low but the doctor said it happens, they fluctuate. I looked it up and found the same answer. I told her it was silly to let her fear stop her from planning for what we need to do for the baby.”
I never see the fist come at me, until it slams into my chest. Ow, motherfucker, I choke for air. “Fuck you, Che, what the fuck?”
“You dumbfuck, one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. As a health professional and a woman, Bethany has to know that. Alicia had a miscarriage before she got pregnant with Sophia.”
“What? Why didn’t you guys say anything?”
“Because we weren’t even aware she was pregnant. She thought it was a heavy period, but her pain got intense and she had a fever. The minute I felt she was hot I took her into the emergency room, they diagnosed it then. With the fever they thought it best to do a D&C to make sure there was nothing left behind that could cause or might be causing an infection. It was awful. There were a lot of late nights spent holding her while she cried. As bad as it was, it would have been ten times worse if we had known. God forbid if we had come home to a nursery decorated for the baby. We’re talking a whole different level of hell, and that’s all Bethany is asking you to avoid. I hope to hell you guys never experience a miscarriage, but respect Bethany’s fear. Don’t just indulge her as a hormonal woman pregnant with your baby.”
I try imagining the hours spent shopping and buying things for a baby, only to have them sitting there unused. A shudder rips through me. “I’m sorry. I’ll apologize to Bethany and I’ll mean it, and talk to Alicia and let her know please. Bethany wants to wait, then we’ll wait.”
“Good, there’s nothing wrong with waiting. Are you guys really going to stay in the condo?”
“We hadn’t discussed it actually. We’ve been in a happy stupor. Haven’t even talked names, just me wanting a girl, her wanting a boy. If she doesn’t want to leave the condo I’m good. We do only have the one free room right now though. I’m thinking of maybe getting rid of my workout room and using yours, if that’s all right?”
“You know, I’ve been thinking. My place is sitting empty, when we stay in the city it’s easy for us to stay in the apartment above the office. Why don’t you knock down some walls and join the two places together? We’ll call it a wedding gift.”
“Are you serious?” It would be perfect, to turn my workout room and office into bedrooms and use Che’
s already set up would make everything easier. We’ll need to redecorate the other side to make everything more cohesive, but it wouldn’t take much to do it.
“Yeah, it makes perfect sense. You guys are going to need more room. It’s crazy how much stuff comes with one small baby.”
“No gift though, I’ll pay market value.”
Che shakes his head. “No, it’s a gift. If you argue with me I’ll sic Alicia on you.”
***
Bethany
When I see the car waiting I straighten, ready to lay into Dante, only Charlie gets out to open the door for me. Dante isn’t in the car. Wind taken out of my sails, I sag into the seat as I fasten my seat belt. What is up with him? Is he mad at me? And how dare he be mad at me when I’m mad at him. I finally read the text at the end of the day. All it said was sorry. It wasn’t much of an apology as far as I’m concerned.
Opening the door to the condo, I’m surprised at how quiet it is. He isn’t in the library or his gym. I go in to find the couch is moved and our red silky comforter laid out on the floor with large pillows scattered on top. There’s a basket I’m guessing is filled with food, but Dante is having a hard time keeping Mittens and Maude off the comforter and away from the basket, ruining the romantic feeling he’s going for.
“What are you doing?”
He’s kneeling with Mittens in his arms. He sighs as he sits back on his heels. “I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’m sorry for not respecting your fear and concern. Whatever way you want to do the next nine months, the next fifty years of our life, that’s how we’ll do it.”
Dante Sabatini, billionaire, former manwhore extraordinaire, know-it-all who is always right, is down on his knees with a kitten in his arms and another cat climbing up his shoulders, saying he’s sorry. How the mighty have fallen. At least I’m not the only one.
“Does this mean we can get another kitten?”
He shrugs. “What’s one more? Mittens needs a partner in crime.”
I’m down on my knees now. Dante sets Mittens down to pull me into his arms. “You forgive me?”