by J. J. Franck
“I’ve got glioblastoma!” she said finally as she stepped around him and walked over to the kitchen counter.
Even though Kirt might have been a figment of her imagination, Avery had a problem with walking through him. She remembered the chill she felt the one time it had happened. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one she didn’t want to repeat.
Kirt looked puzzled for a moment. “How about English.”
Avery stopped at the counter. She slowly picked up a couple of the bottles and then laughed mockingly.
“It’s a brain tumor,” she said holding up a few of the bottles for Kirt to see and then continued. “These are my lifelines.”
A tear rolled down her cheek as she quickly opened one of the bottles and popped the pill. She tried reaching for the glass near the sink, but her hand was shaking too much. All she could do was hang on to the cupboard and wait for it to stop.
“Can’t they operate?
“Oh sure, but I’d be a vegetable. So what would be the use?”
Kirt moved slowly closer to Avery, he wanted to take hold of her and comfort her but in his present state, he couldn’t. All he could do was watch her in pain.
“There has to be something,” is all he could muster up to say.
“Morphine is my next step,” she said. “That’s for the pain until the end comes.”
Avery glanced at the bottle she was holding and stared at it for the longest time. She had already outlived the doctor’s prognosis by two months. Finally, once Avery’s hand stopped shaking, she quickly reached for the glass and poured the water. Avery gulped the water trying to get rid of the bitter taste in her mouth. She turned to Kirt who had the look of someone in need of comforting.
“Up until now the pain has been somewhat tolerable, but it is getting worse.”
“That explains the dizzy spells you were having,” he said staring at Avery. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, this life sucks anyway.”
Avery was angry at the cards that were dealt her. She worked hard to get where she was in life, never taking the time to actually enjoy the day. Avery had always stayed focused on getting good grades in high school and college. After graduation, she entered their master's program. Avery was in seventh heaven when she got her dream job, now that her life was in place, Avery wanted to do a little traveling, but it was too late for that. It was going in for her routine checkup and the casual mention of the headaches she had been experiencing. As a precaution her doctor had prescribed a couple of regular tests, Avery thought it was to pad the bill but reluctantly went anyway. That was when the diagnosis came down. The tumor was in a part of the brain that made it inoperable. The best she could hope for was four or five months. That was seven months ago. She knew now the end was near, she just hoped when the time came it would be quick. But there were no assurances. All she knew now was the dizzy spells were becoming more frequent, and it was increasingly harder to do minor tasks at work.
Avery quickly popped another pill and quickly gulped more water, and then turned to Kirt. She struggled not to cry because she didn’t want his sympathy.
“It wasn’t so ideal for me either,” Kirt said trying to make Avery feel better about her assessment of her life.
Avery turned around, and with her hands on the counter she took a deep breath and forced a smile and then quickly walked into the living room.
“Well, let’s have a look at all that money,” she said trying to sound more chipper.
Avery walked over to the door and picked up the briefcase and carried it over to the couch. She plopped it down on the coffee table with a loud band. Slowly she sat down, but before she could get settled Kirt suddenly sat down next to her. Avery quickly opened the case and just stared at the wads of one hundred dollar bills. She picked up one of the wads and thought for a moment what she could do with the money. But then tossed it back into the briefcase not liking the fact that that thought even crossed her mind. Avery then laughed mockingly and just stared at the money. Finally, she turned to Kirt.
“You didn’t know that all this money was in the locker, did you?” she asked as she stared at Kirt waiting for his answer.
Kirt shrugged his shoulders. “No, I found the key in Jake’s room the other day.”
“Your brother?” she asked with a puzzled look. Now what the men at the cemetery had said made sense to her.
Kirt leaned forward and put his head in his hands. It was becoming too hard to think about the ramifications of what all this money meant. There was no way Jake could have saved all that money on a cop’s salary. Kirt thought about the internal investigation that Jake was involved in. He had never been privy to the charges. Jake kept denying any involvement in wrongdoing, but Kirt had been down that road with Jake before. Kirt wanted to believe in his brother but lately had been finding it difficult.
That was why Kirt searched Jake’s room hoping to turn up evidence that would prove his innocence, but in reality what he found only incriminated him further. Kirt had confronted Jake a few days earlier about the key he found. It was the threat of going to their father when Jake finally admitted there were things about the investigation that might come out if Kirt sought out the locker that the key opened. Looking at the money now, Kirt realized that Jake wasn’t just on the take, there was more involved in what was going on than just looking the other way on some petty crimes. Especially with the amount of money he was looking at.
What’s the matter?” Avery asked.
Kirk shook his head. “This death crap sucks.”
Avery shrugged her shoulders, she tried to reach over and touch Kirt, but her hand went right through the vision of him.
“I could tell your Captain.”
Kirt laughed. “Oh sure, you’re going to tell him I gave you the key before I died,” he said and then paused as he thought for a moment before continuing. “And oh yeah, Kirt came to me in a vision, and we went to that locker storage place where we found this, but Kirt had no knowledge of how it got there. Do you really think he will believe you?” Kirt snapped.
Kirt’s biggest fear now was getting Avery involved in the mess Jake got tangled up in. She didn’t need her last days sitting in a holding cell waiting for trial.
Avery stared at Kirt for the longest time. “It does sound lame when you put it that way.”
Kirt got up and then paced the floor for the longest time before turning to Avery finally.
“Lame, are you kidding,” he said pointing at the case. “It sounds downright stupid.”
“Hey, I’m just trying to help you.”
Avery picked up a stack of money. She thought for a moment about her mounting medical bills and wondering how her parents would pay them off after her death. But keeping these funds wasn’t an option. She knew that from the start. Avery turned back to Kirt.
“So, what do I do with this stuff?” she finally asked.
“I’ll have to come up with a game plan,” is all Kirt could muster up to say.
Avery got up slowly. Kirt stood in her way as they just stared at each other for the longest time.
Kirt wanted to take Avery in his arms but knew he couldn’t. He leaned forward, longed for the touch of her lips on his.
Avery could sense Kirt’s desires, but all she did was walk around him. She didn’t want to admit she was starting to have feelings for the vision in front of her. Making Kirt feel worse about him no longer being of this world. She wondered if he was forever tied to this world or if he would indeed pass to the other side eventually.
“Where are you going?” Kirt asked.
“To bed. Some of us still have to get our beauty rest.” Avery snapped as she turned back to Kirt. “You know you’re going to have to face facts. It may have been your brother who shot you!”
Kirt stared at Avery for a moment and just stared up at the ceiling.
Avery walked up to him, she tried touching him on the cheek but her hand just went right through him, and as before she felt a chill go through h
er. All she wanted to do was take away the pain he was feeling at the moment. She knew the realization of what she just said had weighed heavy on Kirt because he also feared it was his own brother who had done this to him.
“I’m sorry,” she stated in a soft, caring voice.
Kirt turned to her and motioned for her to leave. He wanted to be alone right then.
Avery respected his need for privacy and turned around, but before leaving the room, she shut off the lights. The vision of Kirt was still standing alone in the living room as she walked down the hall to her bedroom.
Avery quickly got dressed for bed, she was tired and fell right to sleep once her head hit the pillow.
Kirt glided into the room and stood over her bed and watched Avery for the longest time. He didn’t know why he was so drawn to her or why he was still there, but for some reason, his existence was tied to the woman lying in that bed.
* * *
The next morning Avery woke with an unusually upset stomach, it couldn’t have been what she ate because unfortunately, she hadn’t eaten much the day before. Quickly she got out of bed barely making it to the bathroom before the dry heaves took over her body. Avery hung onto the toilet bowl for support and then heard Kirt clear his throat behind the closed door. It puzzled her that after all, they had been through, that he chose that time to give her the privacy she needed.
“Are you okay in there?”
Avery laughed to herself thinking how prudish Kirt could be at times. He invaded her life so forcefully without too much thought as to how disruptive he was. Yet now, he held back like he was still alive. Kirt was a gentleman even in death. Avery had never really gotten to know many men, always staying focused on her career figuring there would always be time for that later. But now that she was at the end of her life, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she missed. She couldn’t think of that for long as the cramps in her stomach just wouldn’t let up.
Finally, Avery wiped her mouth and then winced in pain as she turned to the closed door and started to cry.
“Leave me alone,” she sobbed uncontrollably. It angered her at the moment being stalked by a ghost.
“Can I come in?”
“I don’t want your sympathy.”
Kirt walked through the door anyway and just stared down at Avery with a helpless look. He would have liked to take the pain away but knew that was impossible.
“Why did you bother asking?” Avery snapped. She was thankful she was somewhat dressed, but then laughed to herself wondering just how much Kirt had seen of her in the last few days.
“It’s getting worse, isn’t it?”
Avery just shook her head while trying to take a deep breath to gain some control. But it wasn’t easy anymore. The headaches were getting worse, the dizzy spells were coming more frequently, and nothing was helping. The pills could only do so much. Avery looked at Kirt and with a look of dejection quickly added.
“What’s the use? I’m dying, and there’s no stopping it.”
“If it helps, it’s not all that bad.”
Avery laughed. “You know how funny that sounds coming from you.”
“It’s nothing to make fun of,” Kirt said with a somber look on his face. He only hoped in time he could guide Avery if she would let him.
Avery became serious for a moment as she continued to stare at Kirt. “I’m scared.”
All the books at Bobst Library and there were no books to tell a person how to die. Avery, in reality, didn’t want to die alone but knew now that was definitely a possibility. Granted she had her parents, but there was no one who actually loved her and would mourn her loss.
“Don’t be scared. I’ll be with you.”
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it.”
“When the time comes just relax and let it happen.”
Avery took a deep breath again and then put her hand to her head. “The pain is so bad at times.”
“Take one of those morphine pills.”
“I’ve got to go to work in two hours.”
“Maybe you should call in sick.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want anyone’s pity.”
Avery struggled to sit up, and once up she bent over the sink and washed her face. When she finally turned around, she was face-to-face with Kirt. It startled her being so close to him but feeling nothing from his body. Avery wanted so much to put her arms around him and for him to hold her close. Quickly she put that thought out of her head.
“Pardon me,” is all she mustered up to say as she opened the bathroom door and quickly slid out of the room.
Kirt was left there standing in front of the mirror. But as he slowly glanced up, there was no reflection staring back at him. It was then it reminded him that no matter what or why he was still here, that the fact remained, he no longer existed.
CHAPTER 14
Once Avery got home from work that day she got an ice pack out of the freezer and then rested on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table and the ice pack across her forehead. She didn’t know how long she was there, all she knew was that it was the one thing that felt good at the end of a troubling day and this certainly filled that bill. Given the past few days, Avery hoped the situation wouldn’t get any worse because Avery didn’t know if she could handle any more surprises. Her only hope was that possibly what she was going through was just a figment of her imagination, part of the effects of the growth in her brain. How else could Avery explain the vision of Kirt? Avery must have been more traumatized by his death than she first realized. But the fact she physically had a key that unlocked more unanswered questions still could not be explained. How did Avery know where to go, if not for the fact that the vision of Kirt was real, and this was not her mind playing tricks on her. His vision was, in fact, real and she wasn’t losing her mind.
Avery had never been one to believe in the afterlife, but now faced with her pending demise she wondered if there was something after death. It had never occurred to her that there was a spirit living in her that would continue on even after her body gave out. She remembered some of the lectures on campus years earlier, but laughed them off as hocus pocus and never was a believer because she felt they were part of a dark occult that her mother always warned her about. Now she wasn’t so sure. Kirt didn’t seem all that sinister. In fact, Avery got the distinct impression that once he completed his mission, he would move on to the other side, wherever that was. It actually made accepting her fate a little less terrifying. But Avery couldn’t stop wondering that once she left her body, would she would be able to move around the people she loved making sure they were okay with her passing, or would there be unfinished business as there was with Kirt.
Slowly, she repositioned the ice pack in the hopes that when she opened her eyes again, things would be back to normal. But at that point, what was normal for her. All she knew was that she hoped Kirt would be a memory and the briefcase full of money would not be sitting there in front of her. The ice pack was the last resort to make the pain subside, but even that was not helping. She didn’t know if the pain was from the tumor, or the anxiety she had been under after being with Kirt in his final moments or the trip to Penn Station looking for the locker the key unlocked.
It seemed to be working as she finally opened her eyes and glanced at the clock. Avery hadn’t seen Kirt since returning home and wondered where he spent his time during the day when she wasn’t around.
But as quickly as she blinked, Kirt suddenly appeared startling her for a moment. It was as if he read her thoughts and reappeared just as she was questioning her sanity or beliefs in the afterlife.
“So you went to work in pain? And now you suffer. What are you trying to prove anyway?” Kirk chastised Avery.
Avery glanced at the clock again and wondered how even in death Kirt seemed to know her routine. That troubled her now and was curious as to how long Kirt had been watching her before his untimely death. It
had to be at least a few days for him to get her routine down pat.
“I’m not trying to prove anything?”
“Then why don’t you let your parents take care of you?”
Avery just stared at Kirt for the longest time, her eyes narrowed as she just shook her head. It angered her that she had to defend her actions to this non-existent person. Or the fact he knew facts about her that made her wonder just how long he had been watching her before he made his presence known to her.
“You don’t get it, do you?” Avery snapped.
“I know if I had to do it all over again, I’d opt for more time with…” and then Kirt suddenly stopped before finishing who he would spend more time with.
“Then why aren’t you there instead of bothering me.” Avery snapped.
Kirt stared at Avery with a puzzled expression on his face because she had no clue who he wanted to spend more time with in life. He guessed Avery had no inclination that the time he spent with her had nothing to do with the case he was on. That he was more interested in her for who she was. And in those final moments of life when it was she who found him in the park, that a bond between them was far greater than most people acquire in a lifetime together.
“I can’t. This whole coming back thing is tied to you. I think you’re supposed to help me set things right.”
“Then what is it? Tell me so that I can get you on your way to where ever you are meant to go” Avery snapped with an annoyance in her voice.
“I don’t know what it is. All I know is that the key is an important part of it.”
Avery frowned for a moment as she contemplated what Kirt had just said. Nothing made sense. But then she figured passing over to the other side was new territory for him. Avery took the ice pack and then tossed it on the coffee table. Any relief she had gotten was gone now. Avery got up and walked over to the kitchen counter where the prescription bottles were lined up. Quickly she opened the one she needed and popped the pill. Before running a glass of water she turned to Kirt and stared at him, but he just stood there staring at her. Avery quickly gulped the water and shut her eyes. It would be a few minutes before the effects could be felt. All she could do was take a few deep breaths hoping to speed up the time. Finally, she opened her eyes and glanced around the room until she could focus on his vision.