Mike

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Mike Page 26

by P. G. Wodehouse


  CHAPTER XXV

  MARCHING ORDERS

  A silence followed. To Mike, lying in bed, holding his breath, itseemed a long silence. As a matter of fact it lasted for perhaps tenseconds. Then Mr. Wain spoke.

  "You have been out, James?"

  It is curious how in the more dramatic moments of life the inaneremark is the first that comes to us.

  "Yes, sir," said Wyatt.

  "I am astonished. Exceedingly astonished."

  "I got a bit of a start myself," said Wyatt.

  "I shall talk to you in my study. Follow me there."

  "Yes, sir."

  He left the room, and Wyatt suddenly began to chuckle.

  "I say, Wyatt!" said Mike, completely thrown off his balance by theevents of the night.

  Wyatt continued to giggle helplessly. He flung himself down on hisbed, rolling with laughter. Mike began to get alarmed.

  "It's all right," said Wyatt at last, speaking with difficulty. "But,I say, how long had he been sitting there?"

  "It seemed hours. About an hour, I suppose, really."

  "It's the funniest thing I've ever struck. Me sweating to get inquietly, and all the time him camping out on my bed!"

  "But look here, what'll happen?"

  Wyatt sat up.

  "That reminds me. Suppose I'd better go down."

  "What'll he do, do you think?"

  "Ah, now, what!"

  "But, I say, it's awful. What'll happen?"

  "That's for him to decide. Speaking at a venture, I should say----"

  "You don't think----?"

  "The boot. The swift and sudden boot. I shall be sorry to part withyou, but I'm afraid it's a case of 'Au revoir, my little Hyacinth.' Weshall meet at Philippi. This is my Moscow. To-morrow I shall go outinto the night with one long, choking sob. Years hence a white-hairedbank-clerk will tap at your door when you're a prosperous professionalcricketer with your photograph in _Wisden_. That'll be me. Well,I suppose I'd better go down. We'd better all get to bed _some_time to-night. Don't go to sleep."

  "Not likely."

  "I'll tell you all the latest news when I come back. Where are meslippers? Ha, 'tis well! Lead on, then, minions. I follow."

  * * * * *

  In the study Mr. Wain was fumbling restlessly with his papers whenWyatt appeared.

  "Sit down, James," he said.

  Wyatt sat down. One of his slippers fell off with a clatter. Mr. Wainjumped nervously.

  "Only my slipper," explained Wyatt. "It slipped."

  Mr. Wain took up a pen, and began to tap the table.

  "Well, James?"

  Wyatt said nothing.

  "I should be glad to hear your explanation of this disgracefulmatter."

  "The fact is----" said Wyatt.

  "Well?"

  "I haven't one, sir."

  "What were you doing out of your dormitory, out of the house, at thathour?"

  "I went for a walk, sir."

  "And, may I inquire, are you in the habit of violating the strictestschool rules by absenting yourself from the house during the night?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "What?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "This is an exceedingly serious matter."

  Wyatt nodded agreement with this view.

  "Exceedingly."

  The pen rose and fell with the rapidity of the cylinder of amotor-car. Wyatt, watching it, became suddenly aware that thething was hypnotising him. In a minute or two he would be asleep.

  "I wish you wouldn't do that, father. Tap like that, I mean. It'ssending me to sleep."

  "James!"

  "It's like a woodpecker."

  "Studied impertinence----"

  "I'm very sorry. Only it _was_ sending me off."

  Mr. Wain suspended tapping operations, and resumed the thread of hisdiscourse.

  "I am sorry, exceedingly, to see this attitude in you, James. It isnot fitting. It is in keeping with your behaviour throughout. Yourconduct has been lax and reckless in the extreme. It is possible thatyou imagine that the peculiar circumstances of our relationship secureyou from the penalties to which the ordinary boy----"

  "No, sir."

  "I need hardly say," continued Mr. Wain, ignoring the interruption,"that I shall treat you exactly as I should treat any other member ofmy house whom I had detected in the same misdemeanour."

  "Of course," said Wyatt, approvingly.

  "I must ask you not to interrupt me when I am speaking to you, James.I say that your punishment will be no whit less severe than would bethat of any other boy. You have repeatedly proved yourself lacking inballast and a respect for discipline in smaller ways, but this is afar more serious matter. Exceedingly so. It is impossible for me tooverlook it, even were I disposed to do so. You are aware of thepenalty for such an action as yours?"

  "The sack," said Wyatt laconically.

  "It is expulsion. You must leave the school. At once."

  Wyatt nodded.

  "As you know, I have already secured a nomination for you in theLondon and Oriental Bank. I shall write to-morrow to the managerasking him to receive you at once----"

  "After all, they only gain an extra fortnight of me."

  "You will leave directly I receive his letter. I shall arrange withthe headmaster that you are withdrawn privately----"

  "_Not_ the sack?"

  "Withdrawn privately. You will not go to school to-morrow. Do youunderstand? That is all. Have you anything to say?"

  Wyatt reflected.

  "No, I don't think----"

  His eye fell on a tray bearing a decanter and a syphon.

  "Oh, yes," he said. "Can't I mix you a whisky and soda, father, beforeI go off to bed?"

  * * * * *

  "Well?" said Mike.

  Wyatt kicked off his slippers, and began to undress.

  "What happened?"

  "We chatted."

  "Has he let you off?"

  "Like a gun. I shoot off almost immediately. To-morrow I take awell-earned rest away from school, and the day after I become thegay young bank-clerk, all amongst the ink and ledgers."

  Mike was miserably silent.

  "Buck up," said Wyatt cheerfully. "It would have happened anyhow inanother fortnight. So why worry?"

  Mike was still silent. The reflection was doubtless philosophic, butit failed to comfort him.

 

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