Gray grips the ledge of my mattress and dips his head. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I choked out there. I messed it all up. I don’t know how to be with a fae, especially not out in the open. If you’re with me, your life is going to be harder.”
I snort. “I spent my sweet sixteen in a bunker, wearing Kevlar and thinking my daddy might die in a shootout. I can’t imagine what a hard life would be like. Thanks for saving me. My privileged existence is clearly where I belong.”
Gray hangs his head, bumping it to the wooden frame. “I don’t know what the right path is.”
I slide under the thin sheet and blanket, wishing it was warmer. Then I point to the open door. “That way. That’s the path. Call the girls back in.”
I turn on my side away from him, effectively ending the conversation.
When the girls filter in, Charlotte runs her fingers along my spine. “You’re not lost, fae princess. I can always find you now.”
Of course Charlotte found a way to turn my dreaded nickname into something sweet. That’s just her way.
I soften against the thin pillow. It’s not bolstered by Gray’s thick arm, but it’ll have to do.
I hear what sounds like Charlotte hugging a sigh out of Gray. “It’ll be okay, Gray. It’s all part of the plan. You’ll hear what you’re supposed to do soon enough. I’m not worried.”
The note of a promise in her words sends a shiver through me. It’s like she’s implying fate has a bigger hand in my future than my choices do.
Cass reaches over and tugs one of my damp tangles. “No more solitary, Arly. From now on, I got you. If Gray needs a punch in the face, I’ll handle it. Or I’ll take it out on Ursa’s face for you. Either way is fine by me, but not the option that gets us separated.”
I can’t help the chuckle that finds me. We’re all so very different, but they just get me. “Cheers. I’ll get myself together. Solitary helped. Night, everyone.”
When the lights go out, I swallow the scream that chokes my throat. I smell the bleach and only bleach. There’s no hint of cinnamon anywhere. My stomach churns as I curl myself into a ball. I’ve never slept on a top bunk before. There’s no guard rail, so I cling to the wall, worried I’ll roll over and splat my body onto the concrete below. I keep my shivering quiet, my teeth gritted against the cold and terror that always seem to find me.
Cass sings her song, and I know it’s for me, though it does nothing to rescue me from the trunk.
“Over the moon and past the stars
The day and night aren’t theirs, they’re ours.
When the world feels cold and wrong
I’ll fix it all with love and a song.”
This is how I was meant to die—buried in the trunk of the family’s enemy while unfettered irony plays on the radio. The cruel way they tell me they’re going to take my finger off and send it to my father if he doesn’t give them what they require bleeds through my brain.
Gray tosses below. It’s like he’s wrestling or something, turning from left to right. I hear everything as if it’s right next to me. He’s punching his pillow, then breathing too hard. He kicks off his blanket.
Then the creak of the mattress tells me he’s standing. He doesn’t say a word, but drapes his thin blanket over me.
It’s kindness that unlocks a single tear. It streaks across my nose and drips onto my pillow, marking my heart that still beats unevenly in this strange setting.
The dark presses on and sleep is nowhere near. I’m drowning in the bleach stink, bumping around in the trunk with nothing to anchor me to the spot.
I don’t mean to call out for him. At least it’s only my heart and not my mouth. “Rafe! Rafe, don’t let them take me.”
Gray lets out a noise of distress. “He needs to go to you when you call for him. What do you want me to do?” Gray doesn’t sound exasperated, more completely confused. “Please, Arly! I screwed up. Don’t do this to yourself. It’s tearing up Rafe. It’s tearing me up! I know you’re scared up there.”
“So what?” I shout. “People are scared all the time, and they get through it.”
“You’re terrified!”
I don’t respond. My body’s locked in a ball and I can’t loosen my limbs. It’s more than fear, he’s right. It’s sheer terror that might never go away, no matter how hard I try to muscle through the trauma. I’ve never properly dealt with any of it, and now it’s come to haunt me.
We don’t talk about our feelings in the family. We shove everything down and bury it with the bodies who’ve crossed us. The therapist I was sent to for my post-traumatic stress disorder more coached me how to keep myself together for the public.
It’s how I know Daddy got to her before she ever sat down with me.
It’s Charlotte who speaks, but I startle because her voice chimes in my ear. Like, in my brain. “Go to him. Life is hard in the pen. Take the breaks when they come to you.”
I shriek and shove my pillow over my head. “No! Charlotte, did you do that? Are you talking in my head?”
Cass sits up. “She’s gone mad. Solitary broke her. She needs to go to Nurse Jen in the morning.”
Charlotte stands in the center of the room next to Gray when I whimper. “It works better than I thought. I was only supposed to be able to track you three wherever you were, but it’s better than that. Our connection is stronger. I can talk inside your head.” She pauses, and I can picture her scratching her head. “Must be what the plan requires. Bonus.” She reaches across my mattress and touches my back to soothe me. “Sorry if I spooked you. That took a lot of effort from me. I’m thinking proximity is a factor, so I won’t be doing that a ton. Don’t worry.”
Gray is irate. “You’re talking inside of her head? Two hours after she got out of solitary?” There’s a clear scolding in his voice, which Charlotte takes with grace.
“I’ll wait to test the bonds until morning, when we have daylight and the air’s not so tense.”
Gray’s voice is soft and compelling. “Arly, please. It’s been a rotten day, and I miss you. I was out of my mind to turn you down. I didn’t mean to say no to being your boyfriend. I meant to tell you I have no idea what that looks like. I meant to ask for some time to piece out a plan for keeping you safe if you’re attached to my name. Please, just for tonight, forgive me for being stupid.”
“I… I can’t feel my fingers,” I admit in a shaky whisper.
It’s all the green light Gray needs to leap up onto my bed like a gymnast. I barely work out the mechanics of it all as he cradles me in his arms and jumps off the top bunk, landing like a jungle cat on the concrete. He rolls me onto his mattress and grabs the blankets, but we both know they don’t hold a candle to his body’s warmth.
I’m stuck in the fetal position, but Gray doesn’t mind that I’ve deviated from our usual preferred snuggle. His body curves around mine, and finally, we both exhale. I’ve never been spooned before, but now I see the appeal.
He pulls back a few inches only to unbutton his jumpsuit and tear off his undershirt, putting fewer barriers between us. “Let me warm you up, honey. You’re an ice cube.”
The heat I’ve longed for, but told myself I couldn’t have, radiates in perfect temperature to my spine. Finally, my limbs begin to unlock, melting my frozen hold into a languid puddle that’s finally malleable.
“You’re more injured than these cuts on your face.” He cuffs his arm around my middle. “Rafe can smell it. I don’t want us to have a night like last night ever again.” He buries his face in my hair, as if bracing himself through his confession. “Don’t you know how badly I want you? Don’t you know that Rafe needs you?”
I sniff back my emotions. “That’s all well and good, but I’ll still be fae in the morning.”
“Maybe I don’t care. I just needed a day to figure that out. Haven’t you ever needed a day to puzzle something out?”
I snort through a nod. “That’s why I wanted to go to solitary.”
A low growl rumble
s his chest. “Next time, you come to me. And I won’t shut down when I don’t know what to do. So this is me talking about it. I want to be with you, but I don’t know what that looks like because I’ve never seen anything like us before. Sloan told me to keep you safe, and this wouldn’t help with that. They’ll hate you for being this close to me.”
“They hate me anyway. I’ve never cared about stuff like that.”
Gray nuzzles my hair. “Can you be patient while we figure it out?”
I turn in his arms and bury my nose in the crook of his neck. “I can do that.”
And just like that, the cinnamon chases away the bleach.
It chases away all the bad things, and finally, I fall asleep in the arms of one of my protectors.
19
The Fae and the Shifter
The cool of the morning brings new light and fresh perspective to all of us. We’re each oddly calm as we go through the breakfast line after our morning calisthenics. The four of us move in sort of a dance, ladling and shifting our trays around to take extra of what we know the others prefer. I load up my tray with my share of linked sausages, because the others could do with the extra protein, and they each take all the fruits we’re allotted to peruse. By the time we get to our rejects table off to the side of the cafeteria, we have a veritable feast. All four trays are pushed to the center, and we eat as we please, taking without asking because the treasures on the trays belong to all of us with no strings attached.
And the funny part is, we complete this ballet without communicating the plan to each other. We all just happen to be on the same page.
My plan was to give Gray his space, but his plan is apparently the opposite. He eats with one hand because his other is wrapped around me. Though we haven’t discussed it, the statement he makes to the whole of the cafeteria is clear: we are very much together, and anyone who wants to get at me today is going to have to go through him.
The heat that radiates from his side puts me in such a deep level of peace that when Malrick and his cronies stop near our table, my hackles don’t bother raising.
Malrick’s blond hair is greasier today, but his cocky grin isn’t hampered by it. “Well, if it isn’t the happy couple. You know, you didn’t have to slum it with old fleabag over here, Princess Arlanna Scarlett Valentine. I would’ve taken one for the team if you were really that horny. Doesn’t matter to me how dirty it must be up in there. I can only guess at the number of blokes you’ve been with. Still, I’ll do my part to keep the fae race from going to the dogs.” He tsks us while I crunch into my apple. “From dating the prince to dating a dog. My, how the stilettos have fallen.”
I’m all for ignoring Malrick, along with the spineless sniggers that spatter in pockets around our small table, but Gray’s not having it, and neither is Cass. They both stand with matching sneers, looking every bit as threatening as any well-trained bodyguards.
Gray doesn’t like to get involved in drama like this. I don’t want him sacrificing his steadiness for me.
“It’s alright,” I tell them, still munching. “Let Malrick run his mouth. Makes no difference to me.”
But Charlotte’s already out of her seat, trotting over to the nearest guard. I don’t care if it looks like we’re tattling; she’s going about things the proper route. The guards are there to keep the peace.
Malrick and his cronies scatter as Officer Johnson approaches. “Everything okay here?”
I open my mouth to wave off his concern, but Charlotte’s voice doesn’t hold back. “No. See, I know how hard you officers work to make sure we serve our time without incident. I think Arlanna should be able to have breakfast without being sexually harassed, don’t you?”
The guard takes one look at my scratched-up face and grimaces. “I’ll take care of it.” Then he trots over to Malrick, who thankfully, is out of earshot.
Charlotte plops back down with a cheery grin. “See? Now there’s no fighting. No one’s going to get split apart from our group and get put on restriction for throwing punches.”
Gray sits down with a grumble, making it clear he couldn’t care less about getting into trouble.
“It’s important we stick together this week,” Charlotte says, leaning in. She has this way of suggesting body language we instinctually follow. When she leans in, so do we. “More parts of the plan are coming together outside of Prigham’s.”
“I can stay close, no problem.” Gray’s arm bands around my hips. He even goes so far as to press a kiss to my temple in plain view of the entire cafeteria. Whatever he needed time to work out in his head is apparently already in gear. “But it’s not okay for Malrick to talk to Arly like that.”
“You don’t like to make waves,” I remind him. “You want a peaceful existence. Maybe attaching yourself publicly to me like this isn’t the best move.”
Gray straightens. “Do you like my arm around you? Forget the rest of the world. If it was just the four of us here, would you want me to hold you like that?”
I can’t help the pink that heats my cheeks. “You know I like it. Being this close to you is incredible. But I don’t want you to have to change your ideals. This is going to cause waves, and you like things calm. I was wrong to push you to be with me out on the yard the other day.”
Gray thumbs my hip. “I think it’s time I started taking up space in my own life. You want my arm around you, and I can’t imagine anything better. The rest of the world can throw all the tantrums they like.”
Cass shoves her fork into her rubbery eggs with a scowl. “I hate backing down when we clearly could’ve taken him.”
Charlotte grins and smooches Cass’ lips just to soften her. “I know. But Malrick is a fly. Magic like ours doesn’t come together to defeat an insect. We have a grander purpose.” She doesn’t say it aloud, but her credo of wanting to free us all from incarceration echoes through my mind.
Eye on the prize.
“She’s right,” I add, checking in on the rage barometer coming from Cass and Gray. “The comments are going to come, no matter where we are.” We haven’t discussed anything substantial about whatever it is we’re doing, but that doesn’t mean Gray doesn’t need to heed my warning. “Inside Prigham’s or out in society, Malrick’s little snide comments are just the tip of the iceberg. Because of the family, because of my job, I’m a public figure. If I date someone, people will take notice. Loads of people. You could be the king’s son himself, and people would still have all sorts of things to say about it.”
“Does that scare you?” Gray asks, not inching away or tightening. “Because it doesn’t bother me one bit anymore. Just needed that day to process, and I’m good. Let them talk.”
“You don’t care that Malrick made those racial slurs? Because he won’t be the only one.”
Gray snorts and then nuzzles my cheek, turning affectionate in public, like how we are in private.
This is what I want. Not two separate lives—one where I’m with Gray and one where I have to hide what he is to me (which I’m still figuring out).
Gray’s lips tickle my ear. “I don’t care what he says about me. Like Charlotte said, he’s a fly. I care that he made a pass at you that you clearly didn’t want.”
I blanch. “If that was his version of flirting, then I feel sorry for any woman he fancies.”
“He shouldn’t talk about your body like that.” Gray frowns. “Is this what it’s like to be fae? Because I’m feeling all territorial. I don’t like it.”
Charlotte smirks. “You’d feel the same sort of thing if it was me Malrick spoke to like that. It’s not territorial. It’s called being a decent person—stopping unwelcome harassment.”
It’s my turn to snort. “That’s nothing. Did you see the article they did on me in Fair Fae?”
“Yeah, I never miss an issue of a fae magazine,” Gray replies with a wry grin. “Is that how you picture me outside of here? Sitting in a hammock, flipping through fae fashion publications?”
I snigger at
the mental image, and then realize I’ve thought next to zero about his life before Prigham’s. Must remedy.
“They did a spread on me and brought in a plastic surgeon to circle all the parts of my body in photographs that ‘needed work.’”
Cass looks like she might vomit up the bite of eggs she’s stopped chewing. “Are you serious? That’s disgusting.”
I flip my hair over my shoulder and hold my nose in the air, like the princess I’ve been marketed to be. “It’s funny because I say it’s funny. That’s how this works. I can either get upset about it and never wear a bathing suit again (which it almost came to), or I can go about my life, smirking serenely while they get in their laughs. If I get angry and hide away, it only heightens things on both ends. I am who I am, and they don’t get to decide any part of my life.” I tilt my chin toward Gray but don’t meet his eyes. “It’s why I understood when you didn’t want to be with me. It’s a lot, learning to look the other way and still be who you are without apology.”
As if sensing a challenge, Gray scoots me closer, so my side is pressed tight to his. “I’m in this. Did I not mention that?”
I close my eyes and press my cheek to his, reaching over to caress the other side of his prickly face. He kisses the inside of my palm, giving me something beautiful to hold onto, should the world get too ugly to bear alone.
Charlotte beams at me. “I love everything about that. I love you.”
It’s such a startling thing to say that I gape at her, stunned. Sure, Malrick can make references to my dirty vagina, but no one except for Sloan and my parents have ever told me they loved me.
I don’t know how to respond. Am I supposed to say it back? How do I know if I love her? I love being around her. I like her very much. I trust her, which, in my neck of the woods, is a higher proclamation than something fleeting, like declarations of love.
Sins of the Father: A Paranormal Prison Romance (Sinfully Sacrified Book 1) Page 14