by Emily Woods
“What will I do now?” Irina wondered aloud, leaning back from her position on her elbows to rest on the bed.
“Shhhh,” Betha cooed. “The Lord has plans for you still, child, and we will not let you be alone in the world with a little baby girl. Just rest now. We will watch the little baby while you sleep. Just rest.”
The next morning, Irina woke to the sounds of Queralt crying.
“Queralt!” Irina exclaimed, feeling anxiety well in her chest as she remembered where she was and why she was there. She rose from the bed and walked toward the sound of her daughter’s crying. She realized she was in a loft. Looking down, she saw her daughter in Betha’s arms.
“Good morning, Irina!” Betha said happily as she snuggled Queralt. “We was just playing, and Queralt is getting hungry!”
Irina scurried down the narrow wooden ladder and approached Betha. As soon as Queralt saw her mother, her upset face grew pleasant. Queralt extended her little arms toward Irina, and Irina’s heart burst with gratitude for her child.
“Come to Mama, nena,” Irina said as she gently took her daughter from Betha’s arms.
“We had a real nice morning together! It’s so good to have a little one around the house. Charles is off at the ranch, and John is out with him too. I get lonely by myself sometimes, and I am real happy to have company today!”
Irina mustered her nicest smile, imagining how much Betha must miss Billy. Irina could not imagine losing her child, and she felt deep sympathy toward the woman who would have been her mother-in-law had Billy not passed away.
“Are you feeling better? You look real well today!” Betha said kindly. Irina looked down at herself and grimaced. She was still dressed in her traveling coat, a shabby, knee-length outfit that had been passed down to Irina from her mother. Irina was covered in dirt, and Queralt was filthy as well.
“We don’t look very well, but I feel much better,” Irina said, trying her hardest to be kind despite the fear in her heart. “We would be very much obliged if we could perhaps clean ourselves?”
Betha nodded.
“Of course!” Betha said. “I know it ain’t like preparing for your wedding day, but we can get you both scrubbed down real good.”
Irina noticed Betha’s sad eyes. It was a difficult day for both women, and Irina’s heart hurt for the husband she never had, as well as for his mother.
“You’ll feel real nice once you are cleaned up!” Betha said, forcing a smile upon her lips. “Come with me!”
That evening, Charles and John returned to the cabin and greeted Irina.
“Welcome, Miss Irina!” Charles said warmly. Irina felt welcomed by his smile, but the despair in his eyes did not go unnoticed. “We are real pleased to have you, ain’t we, John and Betha?”
Betha nodded, and John said nothing.
“Miss Irina, we know you may be real scared now, but let us sit down for dinner. We have some good ideas for how you could stay here in Pinecone and be taken care of!” Charles said, pulling out a wooden chair for Irina and gesturing toward the table. “We can pray together, eat a good meal, and hopefully you will feel better about the things to come.”
With Betha’s hand supportively resting on his, Charles laid out his plan for Irina.
“Irina,” Charles began, his sad eyes looking kind. “We have a proposal for you.”
Betha nodded at her husband encouragingly, and then, she gestured at John. John sat across the table, his arms folded across his broad chest. He was clearly sulking, and Irina could not understand why the grown man was acting like a child in the midst of the family’s tragedy.
“What is that?” Irina asked.
Charles leaned in, and Irina watched as Betha jerked her chin at John.
“John,” Betha hissed under her breath. “It’s your turn!”
John rolled his eyes. Irina was shocked. This grown man was being rude to his mother in front of her, and she was unimpressed.
“John,” Charles said sternly. “What do you have to say to Irina?”
John unfolded his arms and exhaled loudly through his mouth. He ran his fingers through his blond beard, and Irina saw him close his eyes.
“Irina,” John said with his eyes still closed. “I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”
Irina’s hand flew to her chest. She was shocked by John’s words. He seemed completely disinterested in her, and she was unsure how to respond to his proposal.
“Irina?” Betha asked. “What do you think about this?”
Irina said nothing. She thought of her tiny daughter sleeping upstairs in the loft. She did not want Queralt to grow up with a father who did not love her, and John’s rude behavior and dismissive attitude was not encouraging.
“We are real worried that you have no one, Irina,” Charles interjected. “We was thinking real hard about what to do, and then we felt like the Lord spoke to us! John is just a little older than you, and he is a Christian man. He has a good job with me on the ranch, and he even has his own little house. He will marry you and take care of you and your daughter, and you will have a roof over your head and food to eat. It’s the perfect solution!”
Irina’s heart sank as Charles spoke. She felt like a problem. Only problems needed solutions, and Irina did not want to burden this family who had just lost their oldest son. Still, she thought of her prospects back in New York. She was beautiful and smart, but without a father to help arrange a proper match, she would never be able to find a suitable husband to take care of her. Irina weighed Charles’s idea as she sat with Billy’s family, and despite her concerns, she knew in her heart that it would be the best option to pursue.
“If I said yes, what would we do?” Irina asked shyly, trying to meet John’s eyes. He stared down at the table. Charles elbowed his son.
“You would marry John quickly! We know that it is mighty important to be married, and we would make the arrangements. You would marry at the church in Pinecone, and you would move into John’s little house! We could have it all done real quick!” Betha said excitedly.
Irina nodded slowly.
“This seems like the best plan,” Irina agreed.
Charles and Betha beamed.
“Praise the Lord! We were real worried about what you would do, and this is a wonderful plan! John will take Billy’s place as your husband and make sure you are cared for real well. John, ain’t this a good plan?” Charles asked.
John said nothing and continued to stare at the table.
“John?” Betha asked. “Answer your father.”
Still not meeting Irina’s eyes, John nodded. He ran a hand through his dark blond hair, letting out a deep groan.
“I will do as the Lord says. I will honor my mother and father,” John muttered to himself, rising from the table and walking out of the room. Betha shrugged her thin shoulders and gently touched Irina’s cheek.
“It’s been a long, difficult week for all of us, but he will come around!” Betha declared. “You are a real pretty girl, Irina, and that daughter of yours is precious! John will come around. He has always been real sour about Billy, but I know that he will step up and be a good man for you.”
2
The first days of Irina’s second marriage were unlike anything she imagined. As she journeyed from New York to California, she imagined long, late, passionate nights with her new husband, and she was hopeful that their connection would be pleasing to them both. Irina’s deceased first husband had never seemed eager to perform his physical, marital duties to his wife, and Irina hoped her new husband would lavish her with tenderness and passion. As a little girl, she had seen the way her father looked at her mother, and she could only dream of what it would be like to come together with a husband who responded to her touch with passion and intensity, unlike her first husband.
Instead of memorable, intimate nights, Irina’s first evenings under John’s roof were spent alone. They were hastily married at the tiny church in the center of town, and John did not even besto
w a kiss upon her lips when the preacher declared them to be husband and wife. John had walked Irina and Queralt back to his tiny house after the wedding and promptly left them, muttering as he walked out that he would be spending the night at his parents’.
“This is not what I thought, Queralt, but at least we are safe and warm,” Irina whispered to her daughter on their first night in John’s home. “I am married again, and you have someone to look after you, and you have two new grandparents to help keep you safe as well!”
Betha and Charles were delighted by the match. The morning of the wedding, Betha had helped Irina prepare for the ceremony, and Irina could see that while Betha missed her oldest son, she was happy to see her younger son marrying a woman of God.
“This is not what we planned,” Betha admitted as she brushed out Irina’s long hair. “From the way Billy talked about you, we knew he was real excited that you were coming here. We thought you two would be very happy together. But John is a good man! I know he seems shy and distant now, but, Irina, I promise, he will take care of you and that sweet baby!”
Betha hummed an old Irish tune as she helped Irina dress. Irina had not purchased a proper wedding gown in New York. As a second-time bride, she felt it would be inappropriate to wear white again. She had a child, and her virtue had been given to her husband on their wedding night. Betha insisted, however, that Irina borrow a white nightgown from her. Betha hurriedly altered the gown so it resembled a wedding dress, and Irina was pleased to see that it no longer looked like a sleeping costume.
“You look like a princess!” Betha cried as Irina stood before her.
Irina smiled kindly. She did look beautiful. Betha had helped wash her dark hair and had pinned it up around Irina’s head like a majestic crown. The converted nightgown, now a pretty wedding dress, fit Irina perfectly. It hugged her womanly hips and accentuated her small waist. The scooped neckline was modest, but highlighted Irina’s impressive bosom. The milky-white fabric set off Irina’s complexion and dark eyes, and despite the hardships of the last few months, she had never looked more radiant in all of her life.
“Just be patient and gentle with John. He is a good boy, and I know in my mother’s heart that he will make a good husband and father,” Betha said earnestly.
Irina had nodded at her soon-to-be mother-in-law. Betha and Charles had been so kind and loving, and while John did not seem to care about her in the slightest, she felt relieved that his parents were hospitable.
“You look lovely! Now, it’s time to go to the church, Irina!” Betha said excitedly. “It’s time for your wedding! Today is the first day of the rest of your life!”
John was wracked with guilt as he thought of his new wife waiting for him, alone in his house. In the two weeks that had passed since his wedding day, he had been avoiding his new wife, but he was ashamed of his terrible behavior.
“She is lonely and scared, John!” Betha had chided him on his wedding night, a night that should have been spent next to Irina but that John spent alone in his childhood loft room. “She is your wife! You took vows in front of the Lord, and it ain’t fair for you to neglect her. Go home, John! Go home to your new wife and baby girl!”
John was conflicted, and his heart was heavy as he thought of Irina, sitting alone at his kitchen table. Everything had happened so quickly. Billy had taken ill so fast, and before John knew it, his older brother was dead. He had never expected anything to happen to Billy. Billy was the favored son, the better son, the invincible son, and now, as Billy’s body lay six feet below the Earth in a grave John himself had helped dig, John did not know how he would proceed in life.
He had a wife now. He had a daughter now. He could hardly remember agreeing to his parents’ plan. Irina arrived in Pinecone only days after Billy had passed, and John was consumed with his own despair and confusion as his dead brother’s wife-to-be sat at his parents’ table and agreed to be his wife.
John did not intend to make Irina feel unwanted, but as they all sat at Betha and Charles’s table discussing the future, he wrestled with feelings of shame and guilt that had haunted him since the moment he learned of Billy’s passing. For years, John had thought ill of his older brother. He had been jealous of Billy, and he even had wished Billy dead several times as a young boy. Now, as a young man, John thought that perhaps God was punishing him for all of the terrible words he had ever thought about his older brother.
“This seems like the best plan,” Irina had agreed after John half-heartedly asked for her hand in marriage. John could barely speak the words, but as he looked at his parents’ faces, he knew what he had to do. Charles and Betha had beamed, and it was the first time John had seen their faces filled with happiness in the wake of Billy’s death.
“Praise the Lord! We were real worried about what you would do, and this is a wonderful plan! John will take Billy’s place as your husband and make sure you are cared for real well. John, ain’t this a good plan?” Charles asked.
John said nothing and continued to stare at the table. His heart began to pound in his chest. He had always imagined that he would marry someday, but now, as his parents looked at him and the dark-haired girl stared, John could feel the pressure as his parents’ only son.
“John?” Betha asked. “Answer your father.”
Still not meeting Irina’s dark eyes, John nodded. He ran a hand through his dark blond hair, letting out a deep groan. He tried to stifle the awkward, nervous sound, but everyone heard him.
“I will do as the Lord says. I will honor my mother and father,” John muttered to himself, rising from the table and walking out of the room. He heard his parents chattering as he stepped outside, and he fought the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
“Lord, help me. What am I going to do? I’m not ready to care for a wife, or a baby. I have always taken care of things for this family, and now, Billy is dead, and I ain’t ready to take care of another thing for him!” John muttered, walking away from the cabin. The moon was full and bright, and as John stared at it, he imagined Billy looking down on him from his place in Heaven.
“Billy,” John yelled, far enough away from the cabin that no one could hear him. “How could you do this? How could you leave something else for me to care for? I always took real good care of things, and now, I have to step up and change my life for you? Why? Why, God? Why, Billy?”
John was married two days later. As he stood nervously at the altar of the Pinecone Church, his bitter heart did not notice his bride-to-be’s beauty as she floated down the aisle toward him. John did not see the gentleness in Irina’s eyes, nor did he pay attention to the way her wedding dress complimented her enviable figure, or how adorable his new daughter looked at she sat on Betha’s lap during the service. As the preacher declared John and Irina to be husband and wife, John did not take his new wife into his arms, nor did he pull her face to his to give her a loving kiss. He simply nodded in response to the preacher, offered Irina his elbow to take, and unceremoniously escorted her out of the church. His heart was hard, and his soul was unhappy, and despite the presence of a woman now bearing his last name and a simple gold ring on her left hand, John did not bother to spend his own wedding night in her arms.
“I have to come around to this on my own time,” John grunted to his parents as they chastised him on his wedding night. “This ain’t my idea. She was here for Billy, and I ain’t real thrilled. Ma, Pa, just leave me be.”
3
Nearly a month after the wedding, John returned to his own house.
“We are happy you are here,” Irina had said shyly to John on his first night at home, looking up at John with a wistful expression. “I have been hoping to spend more time with you and to get to know you.”
John nodded dismissively. He still had not come to terms with his new role as a husband and father, but he could not stand his mother’s complaints any longer. He returned to his house, and when he opened the door, he saw the look of surprise on Irina’s face. She timidly appr
oached him, and he felt his cheeks grow red as he blushed under his beard. She was beautiful. John knew from helping Billy write the letters to Irina that her family had come from across the sea, and she had an exotic look to her that sent shivers down John’s spine. He shifted nervously from one foot to another, still in disbelief that he was married to this woman. Irina smiled warmly at John as she walked to him.
“You are home! I am going to put the baby down soon. Perhaps we could get to know each other better in the privacy of the bedroom?” Irina asked, her voice filled with longing. She reached out a hand and gently stroked John’s shoulder. She ran her fingertips gently across his left shoulder, and then moved to his back. John shivered. Her tender touch gave him goosebumps, and he saw the blond hairs on his muscled arms stand straight up.
“I have been praying for you, and I have been praying for us,” Irina whispered, closing her eyes as her hands traced circles on John’s back. “I hope you and I can get to know each other well. I am so happy you are here. I have been lonely.”
John felt his body grow warm with desire as Irina’s fingers moved up and down. She smelled like fresh roses, and he inhaled her floral scent, savoring each stroke of her fingers and wishing he had chosen to return home sooner.
“I know that things are not like you planned, John,” Irina murmured as her hands moved to John’s face. She stroked his hot face, and he felt a deep sense of longing as his wife touched him. “I never imagined I would be here, but I have been praying for us, and I believe the Lord will help us make the best of things. I am your wife now, and I want to know you. I want to know you in all ways, especially in the ways a wife knows her husband.”
John’s mouth dropped open. Irina was being so forward with him, but he was enjoying the moment. He watched as her eyelashes batted sultrily, and before he could stop himself, he wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled Irina to him, and before she could speak, he pressed his mouth against hers. She sighed as he kissed her, but she leaned into his embrace. The kiss was soft at first, but then, both parties could feel John’s urgency. He kissed Irina harder and deeper, and she began to groan with pleasure as he tightened his grip around her waist.