by Emily Woods
“And thanks to Doctor Taylor as well,” she added.
“I'll tell him, dear,” Louise, the doctor’s wife, informed her. “I'm sure he'll be by to check on her as soon as he can.”
The captain said that they would continue to stay at the campsite for the day, but Lily protested.
“I can't have you holding back the train any more for my family's sake,” she said, trying to be firm, but her throat clogged with emotion. “We're already more than a week behind because...”
“It's not that,” he replied slowly, not looking at her directly but gazing around. “There's good vegetation here, and the livestock need to eat and rest.”
The other half of the train had taken the majority of the stock because they were better equipped to deal with them. They would return the property to the rightful owners in Willamette Valley, where they planned to meet up. However, they still had many oxen to pull their wagons, a number of horses, and a few dairy cows, all of which were looking poorly. There hadn't been much to eat in the valley. Whatever vegetation had been there was quickly eaten up in the first few days.
While it might be true that the grass here was good, Lily still felt that the reason they were not moving forward was because of her mother. The thought made her feel grateful and guilty in equal measure, and by the end of the day, she decided to do whatever she could to make it up to the captain and the rest of the wagon train.
She just needed to figure out how.
Tom didn't feel bad about keeping the wagon train at the same spot for an additional day. Everything he'd said to Lily was true. It was a good place for the livestock to eat and be refreshed. But there was another factor that he wouldn't admit.
He felt responsible for her mother’s condition.
If he'd waited another day or two in their previous location, perhaps Constance Howard wouldn't be so ill now. There was no way of confirming this according to the doctor, but it made sense to him. The woman was on her way to recovering the day before they left, and then suddenly, she was sick. The doctor said it had more to do with the wound than anything else, but Tom didn’t feel so sure. Was it a coincidence? Maybe, but he didn't want to make anything worse.
Another thought occurred to him, and even though he tried to dismiss it, he couldn't. A part of him wanted to please Lily. Although he hadn't paid much attention to the young woman until recently, he felt something inside him soften when he looked at her. She was sweet and still pretty despite her scar, but more than that, he was drawn to how good she seemed. His limited experience with women had shown him that they weren't all that way. In fact, he'd never met anyone remotely like her, and he wanted to make her happy. It was clear to see that she hadn’t experienced much joy in her life.
“Uh, Captain?”
Tom turned around to see Lily's brother Matthew standing a few feet away.
“Hi there,” he replied casually. Although he knew that the boy was only seventeen, he had a build like his father's…large. Tom wasn't particularly short, but he felt that way standing next to Matthew. “What can I help you with?”
The younger man's face was troubled. “Well, that's just it. I want to help you with something. Since our wagon train's been cut in half, the men have to take on more night shifts. You may not think I'm old enough, but I'll be eighteen in a few months, and I know my way around a rifle.”
It was clear what he was asking.
“You want me to give you a shift,” he declared. “Hmmm. Well, what does your mother think about that?”
Matthew shrugged. “She's not really in much of a position to say anything...sir. But I know I can handle myself.”
Tom didn't feel entirely comfortable with this idea. What if the boy got hurt or fell asleep? The other people in the wagon train didn't hold the rest of the family accountable for what Eugene had done, but would they trust Matthew to watch over them while they slept?
“How about this? Let me talk to your sister about it and then, if she agrees, I'll give you a chance.” What he didn't tell him was that he would accompany him on the first several shifts to ensure that he was capable for the position. “If it doesn't work out, or if she has any concerns, then I can always find other ways for you to help out. What do you think?”
Matthew frowned a little and looked like he wanted to protest, but he finally lifted one shoulder and nodded. “She's only a couple years older than me, you know. She considers herself head of the family, but I think that’s my job.”
“Well, anyway. I still think it's a good idea to talk to her. I'll do that in a little while.”
That seemed to mollify the young man, but just barely. Tom remembered being that age and thinking how he knew everything about the world and what he was capable of. True, he'd been on his own for over a year by the time he was Matthew's age, so maybe it did hold true for him in many ways, but he almost laughed now when he thought of how naïve he'd been.
Over the course of the day, the women spent time cooking, talking, and resting. Tom felt like his decision to rest was a good one. The cattle ate almost nonstop, another factor which pleased him. He waited until after lunch to approach Lily about her brother, partly because he was trying to work up the nerve and partly because it was the first time he saw her by herself.
“How's your mother doing today?” he asked as he walked up to their site.
Seated on a rickety chair, Lily was mending one of her brother's shirts. “Hello, Captain Rutger,” she greeted him, her gaze flickering up briefly before returning to the shirt. “She's doing much better. Thank you for asking.”
She was very formal with him, he thought. Perhaps she was trying to gain back some ground after having broken down in front of him the day before.
“Of course. I talked to Doctor Taylor, and he says we can head out tomorrow, provided we take it slow. He doesn't think traveling will bother her too much.”
She nodded, but continued to keep her eyes on the clothing in her hands.
“Uh, did you know that your brother came to talk to me this morning?” If she knew about the issue, it would be easier to talk about.
“He mentioned something,” she replied, not taking her eyes off the shirt. “But not the specifics. He said he wanted to offer some assistance.”
“Yeah, that's right. But I'm not sure what's right. He wants to take on a night shift, but I wasn't sure if you'd agree to that.”
A moment of silence passed. She pressed her lips together and then gave a little nod. “If you're in agreement, then I will give him permission on my mother's behalf. I think it's time our family repaid some of the kindness that the train has extended to us.”
“There's no need,” he returned gently. “You all aren’t responsible for your father's actions, Miss Lily. No one thinks that.”
“No one says that,” she murmured. “But we don't know what people are thinking.” Before he could reply, she continued. “And I was thinking how I'd like to do something as well, so would you, um, let me cook for you? I noticed that you've been fending for yourself, but I'm not sure how well you've been eating.”
Tom thought this conversation was turning out even better than he could have hoped. Not only was he getting another volunteer for the guard shift, but now he was going to be able to take his meals with Lily and her brothers. That would make a welcome change from eating alone. He decided against telling her that he was a fair cook and had been preparing meals for himself for more than ten years.
“I would be much obliged,” he replied. “As long as it's no trouble.”
She shook her head. “It's no different to cook for eight than it is for seven. Besides, up until ten days ago, we were doing that anyway.”
There was no need for either of them to say anything more on the subject. He could see that she was starting to look gloomy again as her thoughts must have turned to her father.
“And I'll be adding my supplies to yours,” he said a little loudly, hoping to take her mind off less pleasant things. “I won't take no for
an answer on that point.”
Glancing up at him, she gave him a ghost of a smile and nodded. “Thank you. That would be welcome.”
The boys returned from the river at that moment, Matthew with a hopeful expression. Tom was happy to give him good news.
“Your sister said she's agreeable to the idea, so how would you like to start tonight at eight? I'll keep you company the first time or two, but after that, you're on your own.”
Matthew's eyes widened. Although it would be an overstatement to say that he was delighted, Tom could clearly see that he was pleased.
“It'll be an honor,” he replied. “I look forward to it.”
“And the captain will be taking his meals with us as well,” Lily added. “As a way for us to say thank you for all he's done.”
The boys looked at him curiously, but none questioned Lily's decision.
“Alright then,” he said, giving them all a look of approval. “I guess I'll see you a little later. I'll let my nose tell me when it's time for dinner.”
His comment got a bit of a laugh, and he grinned back at them. Warmth entered his heart at the thought of spending more time with them, and he knew one thing for certain: he wasn’t going to be lonely for the rest of the journey.
4
Lily took special pains over dinner that evening. She wanted it to be good for their guest, but of course, there wasn't much to work with. Still, she was careful to cook the fish that her brothers had caught just right. She had some herbs left as well and butter that she'd made from the cream which she'd separated the day before. It was a laborious job, but well worth the effort. There will still seven cows left in their train, which the previous captain had left with them to ensure they could have some milk, cream, and butter. Some people didn't bring any cows with them and bartered for the milk with the ones who did. Their family had brought four, but two went with Captain Holt and one had died.
“Smells great,” Captain Rutger commented as he walked over. “I knew I could trust my nose.”
When he waggled his eyebrows a little, her youngest two brothers, John and Andrew, collapsed in a fit of giggles. At the tender ages of six and eight, they were prone to silliness, unlike their older brothers Mark and Luke, who were fifteen and twelve respectively. However, even the two of them grinned a little. Only Matthew remained slightly stoic, but Lily suspected that was because he wanted the captain to view him as an adult.
“Did you tell the other men I’m going to start on guard duty tonight?” he asked the captain, his expression slightly apprehensive. Lily knew that he was worried how the others would react.
“Hmm? Oh, nah. It's up to me now, isn't it? They need to respect my decision.”
Although he sounded confident, Lily thought she could detect a trace of worry on his face.
“Oh, of course,” she replied. “But I think they would appreciate being informed. And what about the man whose turn it was to do the first watch tonight? Won't he need to be informed?”
She said the words casually, but a small frown appeared on his face.
“I suppose so.” He grunted a little and sat down across from her, accepting a plate from her hand. “Thanks.” He was just about to dig in when Matthew’s next words stopped his fork mid-air.
“Let's say grace,” Matthew declared loudly. He led them all in a simple prayer, after which they all echoed, “Amen,” Lily a little more quietly than the others. She would never say so out loud, but her faith had wavered so severely that she no longer prayed aside from the pretense of doing so before meals. She might not even have done that except that Matthew was adamant.
Their father had always made a big show of his religion, praying loudly, reading the Bible aloud, and so forth. There was never any need for them to attend the preacher's nightly meetings because their father had read them long portions of Scripture and then had them memorize at least five verses, which he expected them to recite the next night. However, instead of increasing her faith, her father's rigid beliefs had pushed her further from God than anything else.
As soon as the prayer ended, her brothers and Tom began eating. There were numerous compliments regarding her cooking, all of which she received with a smile. When they were done, the three younger boys took the dishes to the river and the older two went to check on the livestock. Each person did their assigned task without complaining. Lily tended to their mother
“Who is with you?” she whispered hoarsely when Lily tried to get her to eat a few bites of food.
“It's Captain Rutger, Mother. He's taken over for Captain Holt, remember?”
Constance nodded a little. “Why was he here?”
Not sure if her mother would be upset with her for inviting the captain to eat with them, Lily hesitated a little before telling her.
“Well, I just thought it would be a nice thing for him. Now that Captain Holt isn't with us anymore, he must be lonely. I, uh, wanted to show him how grateful we are for his help and...”
There weren't really any other words, at least, not ones that she wanted to admit. How could she tell her mother that the captain’s presence brought her a measure of peace without sounding lovestruck? She pressed her lips together and offered her mother a bite of rice and fish.
“I'm glad you did that,” her mother whispered, opening her mouth obediently. “He seems like a good man.”
Lily nodded, but didn't speak again. After her mother had eaten nearly half of the food she'd brought in, she fell back against the pillow and shook her head.
“No more, dear,” she murmured. “But it was very good.”
Her eyes shone with love and pride, so much so that Lily had to turn her head away.
“God is so good to give me such a wonderful daughter,” she continued. “I don't know what I would have done without you.”
Not sure how to respond without sounding hostile, Lily tried to smile. “I love you, Mama. I'm glad you're getting better. Hopefully you'll be fully recovered before we reach Oregon.”
“Mmm. I hope so. How long did the captain say that would be?”
“About another three weeks or so, depending on...” She didn't want to say, but her mother knew.
“Depending on how fast we can go?”
Lily nodded. “But if we are there a week later, I don't think anyone will mind. We're still ahead of schedule according to Tom, and we’ll reach Fort Boise soon.”
She didn't realize that she'd used the captain's first name until her mother gave her a scrutinizing look.
“Uh, Captain Rutger, I mean. I don't know why I said that.”
Blushing, she reached for the dishes, but her mother caught her hand. “Don't let your heart get hard, my dear. I know we've had our share of trials, but God will use these hard times to bring us joy.”
Lily had heard this so many times that the words had lost their meaning. However, she wanted to bring some levity to the moment and replied a little cheekily, “Do you promise?”
Her mother shook her head, not catching the joke. “I don't have to. He does. Look in the first chapter of James, my dear. And you will see.”
The conversation must have exhausted her mother, because she closed her eyes now.
“I'll leave you to rest,” Lily murmured. “But I'll be back in an hour to see if you need anything.”
Upon exiting the wagon, she saw that the campsite was clean, and the tents were already up. It wasn't even seven o'clock.
“Figured we better have them up early since I'm going to be on first watch,” Matthew informed her, a light of excitement in his eyes. It had been a long time since she'd seen him interested in anything, and she was glad for him. In many ways, he'd suffered the most under the heavy hand of their father. Eugene Howard had expected a lot of his eldest son. Now that he was gone, Matthew surely felt the burden of responsibility, but it was a role that he seemed to ready to fill. Even though guard duty was another job, it was one that he clearly relished.
Tom was gone, she noticed. Captain Rutger, she
corrected. And why wouldn't he be? There was no reason for him to hang around.
But then she saw him chatting with Beth Lewis a short distance away. The woman said something that made him throw his head back and laugh. Lily’s breath caught in her throat and her old feelings returned, or rather, resurfaced. They had never completely disappeared.
However, now the attraction was overshadowed by something else, a feeling that she’d never experienced in this regard but could easily identify: jealousy…or was it envy?
Tom didn’t belong to her, so she had no right to be jealous. It must be that she was envious of Beth’s easy nature and rapport with the captain, one that she wanted to have with him, one that she might have had if her father’s actions had scarred her for life. But then, if he were here, she wouldn’t have the chance to interact with Tom at all.
Releasing a long-suffering sigh, Lily recognized the impossible nature of the situation. If her father were here, she wouldn’t be able to talk to Tom. Because her father had acted prematurely and with emotion, she was in no position to offer herself to Tom or any other man.
Not that he wanted any woman, she reminded herself. That was a somewhat comforting thought. At least he wasn’t rejecting her because of who she was, not that she had ever stood a chance.
Frustrated by the back and forth nature of her thoughts, Lily shook her head in frustration and shoved the dishes her brothers had brought back into the crate with such force that they clattered loudly. The noise was enough to have numerous people looking in her directions.
“What was that?” her mother called out. “Is everything okay, Lily?”
She couldn’t deal with her mother right now, couldn’t face the positive nature that she maintained despite their circumstances.
“Fine,” she replied, then scurried away in the hopes of getting a moment of privacy.
Tom looked up at the sound of clanging to see Lily bending over a wooden crate. His first instinct was to run over and see what the matter was, but he checked himself. Lily and her brothers weren’t in any danger, and if he were to run over at every little thing, he might give others reason to suspect favoritism. And that could lead to all kinds of chaos.